KidVelo
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This would happen at least twice a week.
This was the most cringeworthy moment of my life, especially since a couple of guys on a nearby table had to calm him down.
Seriously, If you don't want to spend any money at all why did you bother coming out in the first place?
This is the worst thing, if it's not on the menu we don't serve it. People act like we have secret dishes we don't want to tell anyone about.
I didn't even know what to say. Was the kid aware it was his birthday?
She got pissy and demanded it was free because "other places do it". She left and said she wouldn't ever come back. Good news if you ask me.
Seriously the kid looked like he was about to have a stroke.
crudscar
I will see this on FJ in about 24 hours. I will downvote it.
rickeyspanish
I don't know if I would say anything to the restaurant, but yeah I would be disappointed if another table got sung to first.
tomierober
I once had a lady order a slice of banana cream pie, only to then complain that she couldn't eat it because she was allergic to cream.
eighfoldpath
10 Pound Bottles?!! Those are pretty heavy! mmmmmmmmMmmmmmMmmmerica!
raphidae
Every good restaurant I know will serve whatever the hell I like. They'd go out and get McDonalds if the customer wants it....
ThePowerOf42
I dont know about others, but i enjoy work stories. (Either i can personally relate, or they just remind me how fucked up some people can be
f1zzy
Yea idk some restaurants serve non menu items to those who ask (old recipes that were recently brought off the menu). Not many, but meh.
DrFitzy
Pictures or we know you're actually Toby.
ddspill
Worked at McDonalds in high school (mid 70's), had a customer come in every day and order a grilled cheese sandwich. He always got one
Zeto23
More Storys pls +1
brown1911
I agree with anything apart from the "I know it's not on the menu" thing.... no harm in asking you penis
LtCmdrJo
Quite so. My penis often gives me the best advice.
KidVelo
Am...am I famous now?
Dayrest
Seems like it. Congrats on the front page
killer10347
Why'd you use a bar background instead of a restaurant background?
Bacxaber
You already were, Andrew Garfield!
TnsDesign
Bella zio!
ActualCannibalShia
If nothing else you're insanely beautiful
cluelesscookie
I always tend to get a dish compiled of a few different available dishes. Would such a thing bother you? Because I've always wondered that
FloodingWaters
this. I don't ask for things that aren't on the menu. but I will ask for extras from other menu items be added to my item.
FloodingWaters
like asking for bacon on a veggie burger. (delicious, btw)
bliink182
Maybe i'll geht downvoted but #4 is a legit question, i work in a bar too and if somebody wants a drink and we have all ingrediens (1/2)
bliink182
I make this drink for him (when im not too busy) if we would write all drinks in the menuit would become a book which nobody wanted to read
DeadyBearr
Most restaurants don't list all their drinks. If I wanna know what the well is please answer me and not be pissy because its not on the menu
BitchButcher
You're old when kids didn't see Toby Maguire as Spiderman.
FirstWorldAnarchist
I know a couple restaurants that have secret tiramisu, just sayin.
Pimpsmurf
Such as?
FirstWorldAnarchist
If i told you it wouldn't be a secret...
ChristopherReevesLegs
Nice little humblebrag at the end there OP! ;D
IstoppedlikingmyusernameSoIchangedIt
Listen to Adam Carolla?
VitaminJay
+1 for Humblebrag
jayar1st
Secret dishes exist at many restaurants. That's not so weird.
MakingNoNoiseAndPretendingIDontExist
British, speaks Italian, and looks like Andrew Garfield? I'm sold.
IScratchUntilIHaveNoSkinLeft
#4 A lot of restaurants DO serve stuff that's not on the menu, though. They only so much room on the menu to list different ways they 1/2
suddenlyrelevant
In the UK they don't. They serve whats on the menu or on the specials board.
Rumpsonumpso
Yes, Germany too. Probably whole Europe. The thought to ask for something whats not on the menu is totally weird.
Runikal
Yeah a lot of restaurants I've been too will happily make whatever you want so long as they can. Helm one time a chef went and purchased 1/2
Runikal
Chicken nuggets from a nearby store for my younger brother! Tips were given. From the UK FYI
IScratchUntilIHaveNoSkinLeft
can combine the ingredients they stock. 2/2
SnuggleTits
In Fargo, ND, free food on your birthdays is the norm. When I first moved there, I wondered so many people asked me to lunch on my BD.
swinglinered
Fargo! Littlebigtown http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fargo,_North_Dakota
ImNotTurtleyEnough
I have some pretty fucked up tales as a valet at a five star hotel. Anyone want to hear em?
Donkeyhead
No
InquisitorGoldeneye
I think the consensus is that you don't have to ask: just post your stories.
Metalhead47
These things continue to entertain me, yes
ffilm
You bet.
strongindependentguineapig
yeppp!
imnotthatblonde
go for it
ImNotTurtleyEnough
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lLW3CFZBdXI
IamthebigD
Asking about something not on the menu really isn't that far-fetched. Lots of places actually do have things that may not be on the menu.
Cheomesh
Same; local taco shop doesn't list chorizo, but they definitely have it.
jeep44
Many "Chinese" restaurants are owned by Koreans, and they have a "secret" Korean menu,too.
IamthebigD
Not saying you go to a Chinese joint and ask for pizza... but there are sometimes seasonal items currently out of season, and sometimes they
MyPalmsSpaghettiKneesWeakArmsSpaghettiTheresVomitOnMySpaghetti
Fun fact: the idea of our modern "pizza" actually came from the Chinese
IamthebigD
will still make it for you if requested.
757365726e616d65
I went to indian place that didn't have palak paneer on menu, but had other spinache and paneer dishes. The waiter was appalead that >>
757365726e616d65
I even thought that they wouldn't do it.
RoseFaery
Why wasn't it on the menu? It's the best.
757365726e616d65
I know. Waiter said that if they had everything they could do, menu would look like a book. TBH I prefer short menus even if I have to >>
757365726e616d65
>ask the waiter about something, than browisng 10+ pages one because when I get to the end I already forgot what was at the begining.
RoseFaery
Yeah, like Cheesecake Factory, that menu is ridiculous.
DefinitelyNotDoctorWho
Out of curiosity which restaurant are you working in. In the UK too many people assume they can have "off the menu" meals which isn't 1/2
DefinitelyNotDoctorWho
considered appropriate in most of our restaurants. It's an Americanism that hasn't really taken off over here. 2/2
T1cklish
It's rude in the states too. There's a couple of fast food places that have secret menus. That's about it.
DefinitelyNotDoctorWho
That would make more sense. Thanks for the info.
KidVelo
I work in a private Italian restaurant, not a chain or anything. It is a bit rude in UK etiquette to request something that's not there.
awardwinningbananaforscale
I dunno, I often ask whether something can be done without something else in it - veggie food is normally shit and boring so I ask 1/2
awardwinningbananaforscale
e.g. "can I have the spicy pasta without chicken in it?" because good restaurants make up to order anyway. If they say no, it's nbd. 2/2
ju222nk
I would do the same sometimes, for the exact same reason!
perlcat
It's rude in the US, too.
Duffman8813
It's not rude if it makes sense...asking for a cheeseburger at an Italian joint would be rude. You can always ask politely
AdmJota
Just requesting it isn't rude, if you're polite. "Would it be possible to ...?" "No, I'm sorry." "Alright, then I'll have ... instead."
DutchyMcDutch
Are talking just dishes or cocktails, too? Because if you have the ingredients, which i can see on the cocktail menu, it would seem to 1/2
DutchyMcDutch
me you could just make what i want. 2/2
MothafuckinPancakes
Imo cocktails are simpler, there's this ^, plus you can tell how busy/relaxed the staff are and help them do your weird thing right. So >
DutchyMcDutch
If i remember it was a daiquiri, the classic, not frozen, and any bartender worth half his salt should be able to make that, I wouldn't 1/2
MothafuckinPancakes
> basically you can tell whether you'd be being an ass before you order, in context. Meals? No way to know. Unless it's a 'Hold the X', rude
SquirrelyDan210
In America there are some restaurants that have a "secret menu." Not all that many but enough that it's kinda common.
ExperimentKraj
Most Chinese restaurants have one, according to my Chinese-American best friend.
awardwinningbananaforscale
My old housemate was British Chinese and said that the menus written in Chinese had entirely different dishes on to the English one.
ExperimentKraj
Yup! My friend ordered one once while we were with my parents, and now my mom asks for that dish (ma po tofu) at restaurants.
Drinkyourkoolaid
Italian, sings happy birthday to people all the time, British. Frankie and Bennies??
MisunderstoodSnail
I was thinking Bella Italia. They actually sing in Italian so double bonus!
ZebraStripedRose
I miss that place. I went there quite a bit in London.
KidVelo
http://imgur.com/f5qm7Hp
SilentButSexy
Bottelinos?
IAmRelevantToThis
Don't insult him with suggestions of Frankie and Bennies! Choose a classy place. Like Pizza Hut ;)
revcleo
Frankie and Bennies is so shit. Why not guess Pizza Express or something better?
Drinkyourkoolaid
Because most the Frankies and bennies I've seen have Italian staff and pizza express is mostly white folk. + why so salty over food, bruv?
revcleo
I'm not salty, you've just got shit taste in food. Also the pizza express people I know tend to be italian etc.
Drinkyourkoolaid
nah Bruv, you salty as Hell. You like a Asda ready meal. You need to talk to it out I'm here for you, fam. It's okay to cry.
revcleo
Yeah man, totally salty like soak me in water and serve me with Ackee. Get some rice and peas there, make a meal. You can be the jerk.
suddenlyrelevant
Frankie and Bennies employ mostly white British people and eastern European chefs. Have never seen an Italian working in one in my life.
tiramigiu
most back room staff in most italian restaurants are eastern european, plus most places just blag it with spanish serving staff.
Drinkyourkoolaid
Really? The one next to my house back home and the one near me and Uni are both have Italian owners and mostly Italian staff. Weird
NrNone
Bit off topic, but are Italians not considered white anymore?
Drinkyourkoolaid
In Britain is very different from US. Have so many white yet non-British ethnic groups that are distinct you have to differentiate
NrNone
So are Italians considered non-white, or white non-British?
ThisIsFrigglish
re: off-menu orders, they've just mistaken you for a better restaurant. Plenty of fancier places will go off-menu. Just not Applebee's.
ian9outof10
If you want to order off-menu then you want a personal chef, not a resturant.
Arrkhal
That's kind of the opposite of true. A personal chef needs to stick to a rigid menu schedule to avoid wasting ludicrous amounts of food.
Arrkhal
Come on, downvote fairies. There's a difference between millionaire and billionaire. A millionaire's chef needs to schedule meals in advance
Arrkhal
Change your mind at the last minute? Better be ready to spend $2000 and wait 3 hours.
MisterJellyBean
Came to comment this. It's because nice restaurants have the ingredients for most of their dishes and cooks/chefs who don't just microwave.
psychoelectrickitty
In culinary school, when someone makes something shitty, our chef tells us it belongs at Applebee's.
Pangs
Entirely depends on the situation.
aeronaut005
Places where servers sing happy birthday don't go off menu
bobwehadababyeetsaboy
Exactly. Every fine italian restaurant in Providence, RI (and theres a lot of Italians there) will be happy to go off-menu
Guspowers
"Happy"
bobwehadababyeetsaboy
I said happy b/c the waiter encouraged it when I was like I don't want to order off menu
SomeDetroitGuy
As an American, it was weird to see they were an expensive restaurant (£10 for a glass of wine :0 ) that doesn't go off-menu.
morrvard
10€ for a glass of wine is pretty standard in sweden (stockholm) for a restaurant in the city and I've not encountered off menu dishes
kittymack
that's about AU$17 for a glass - that is excessive to me. I'd go AU $10 as a maximum.
saxon2060
Guys. Guys. Guys. He's probably talking about a bottle. Cheapest in most normal places ~£13-14. <£10 is very cheap but not impossible.
SomeDetroitGuy
If you can get a bottle of wine in a restaurant for that cheap, it's kind of a surprise to me, too.
DonnaNobleHasLeftTheLibrary
Where do you live, though? In NY/NJ a glass of wine is usually $10-$15. But when I visited my friend in VA it was way more affordable.
flapperfemmefatale
even in STL, a glass of wine that isn't Sutter is at least $8.
DonnaNobleHasLeftTheLibrary
Yeah, but that's also a city...I'm wondering if he/she is from a less urban or suburban area where costs are generally lower.
SomeDetroitGuy
Michigan. The regular places will have something in the $6-7 range an even expensive restaurants will have stuff around $10.
IronsideSam
£10 is more than 10 dollars
SomeDetroitGuy
Quite a bit more. $10 is a bit pricey for a glass of wine but not ridiculous. £10 is getting to ridiculous.
KidVelo
I get you, I should have mentioned I live in the UK where off-menu orders aren't really the done thing.
BubbleGutandtheHotSnakes
I think saying you were bilingual was enough to know you don't work at Applebees
Crowlands
It's less common, but I know a few smaller places that'll do coffee with a chocolate bar in it, coke mixed with orange tango, etc.
Crowlands
And yes, those things are very nice, if you have a sweet tooth.
ThisIsFrigglish
Huh, not at all over that way? I mean I knew it was LESS common, just not that it was almost unknown.
Cimpleton
I used to be a chef in the UK. We do it, we just don't like it. Will probably mean a long wait on a busy night.
rasmis
Being from the continent, I haven't even heard of someone asking for it in a restaurant. In high-end places you rarely even get a la carte.
siler7
Ever heard of tourists?
Canofminus
How far 'off menu' do they ask? i.e. as asking for a common sandwich that's not on the menu or ordering sushi in a steak house?
Toasterpops
It used to be done all the time. It's why eggs Benedict exist.
HappyEngineer
We just don't like to make a fuss, pretty sure most chefs don't mind being asked. On the other hand if it's not prepped it's not happening
kittymack
Meh i'll still ask, if i'm denied that's totally okay. But best to ask anyway :) and thank the chef if he/she does do it!
DingleDoof
Regardless of whether or not it is common, I understand why it gets annoying to be asked all the time.
StitchesAreMyJam
Depends what you would like. I've worked plenty places who will within reason, different sides, sauces etc or if it's easy-ish.
revcleo
I've had a couple of off menu things, but just simple things like "a bowl of custard". And only when I know the people. London tho.
bigjoemonger
Fine dining restaurants modify their menu all the time meaning they always have leftover stock and can make just about anything.
badjedidude
#4: to be fair, a lot of places do have secret items or dishes and they're just asking or curious. No great harm done.
razorsharpdoubleedgedlegaldualmindblades
You're giving the type of person who asks for this too much credit. Almost always want something insane and then send it back later, upset.
wizardboy24
There was a place in Chicago I went to that was supposed to have the best tiramisu. It wasn't on the menu, but we asked and they brought it.
nineT2
Tiramisu, Y U NO ON THE MENU?
isildur
Because it's misu-ing.
HoneyCakes
Its rough going out to eat while pregnant. I went to a restaurant that couldn't handle a BLT. Half their menu was gross, the other half 1/2
HoneyCakes
I couldn't eat because of the baby. They charged me for a $17 artisan panini. No BLT is worth that!! 2/2
MoonFaceinc
Especially if it's the sort of place that doesn't have a bottle of wine for under £10... I don't see any harm
MedecinsSansDerrieres
Made all the more confusing by the image choice, since cocktail bars almost always serve stuff that's not on the menu.
lotrmith
I don't make rum and coke, sorry. It's not on the menu.
MoonBaseClavius
Most high-end restaurants cook off-menu upon request. But few if any franchise restaurants are even allowed to try, for branding purposes.
HackerJacker
more likely for competence purposes, their chefs are trained in that meu only nd have limitd expereince
HackerJacker
Almost no places have "Secret" menus, a lot will try their best to accomodate based on stuff from other dishes because they know that 1/2
HackerJacker
those who insist on "off menu" tend to fall into two categories, those with allergies or twats who will cause a scene. 2/2
tardisbels
Yeah same. We have a few dishes that we still make and are still on the computer, but aren't literally on the menu.
funkmoth
A lot of times discontinued dishes can still be created by request.
LeftyMasterRace
I just hate when you tell them you don't have something and they say "oh, well other restaurant does." Then go there cuntbag.
thesefeelingswouldbegoodwithpie
This. Had a lady scream at me for charging extra for a decaf coffee the other day because 'such and such doesn't'.
mstrhotman
Honestly, it's a hassle when someone asks for something off menu during high volume hours, it usually doesn't come out how they want either
FusterCluckCaps
Pretty much every restaurant has either cheddar/american cheese, but not all menus have a grilled cheese. Simple "off menu" request.
The5lacker
I know where I work, due to limited board space we have a half dozen toppings that we don't list (1/2)
The5lacker
Of course, that doesn't mean I deal with the most literate people anyways. I don't understand how people drive and then can't read a sign.
jyetie
Or it's a really simple combination of other items. If they have a Caesar salad and southwest chicken wrap, a Caesar wrap isn't a big deal.
Faith14567
Or like they put onion rings on their burgers, so can I just have a bowl of those?
Samael13
Exactly. It depends what you're asking for. Fancy chop house and you're asking for a chili dog? Okay, maybe you're an asshole.
Samael13
Same place and you're asking if they can give you sautéed mushrooms and onions from one dish with the steak you're ordering? Reasonable.
babbzilla
I always thought the secret menu deal was for drink places like Starbucks and Dutch Bros.
LunaChic
To be fair, if you order "secret menu" items at Starbucks, the employees will probably hate you and you need to know how to make it.
babbzilla
Yea, I stopped after one try. I have better luck with Dutch Bros cause they tell me. "It's on the secret menu but you totally have to try-"
itsamazing
also, they may be asking because allergies.
Hyakurin9
Guests with serious food allergies should state so at the beginning and ask for the allergens list, if available.
WalkingNature
Problem is when you have several, and the only thing the allergens list says you can eat is a salad. Easier to ask for a dish with (1/2)
WalkingNature
one thing missing (cheese, for example if possible) than make it a bigger hassle. Depends on the situation I guess. (2/2)
LtCmdrJo
Not only that but large numbers of restaurant menus state "If it isn't on the menu, please ask". If the chef isn't busy he might be happy.
ILoveTomHiddleston
As a chef, we're always busy. And no, we won't be happy, eat what's on the menu, or cook at home
ArdentSlacker
I'm usually quite happy when I'm not busy. Doesn't apply to just chefs.
LtCmdrJo
True Enough. That was a bit overly specific, wasn't it.
ArdentSlacker
I just love playing with language for shits and giggles. Mostly giggles.
emidashogun
How did you add an image tag to your comment, please?
badjedidude
Just type in the number of the image.
emidashogun
Great, thank you! :)
jazzhead
#4: Just testing.
jazzhead
The FUCK??? It WORKS!!!
loxus
http://weknowgifs.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/03/its-magic-shia-labeouf-gif.gif
imabot777
Ya I like to go to this expensive Italian steak house sometimes and order the Chicken parm and its not even on the menu.
impulsenine
The attitude of the person asking is everything.
WhereDidILoseMyPants
SO TRUE! Demands don't go far with me but a smile, a please and thank you and I'll do my very best!
EffinAz
This is the difference between Olive Garden and a proper restaurant.
apageofthedarkhold
Most people can't afford to eat at places that have "secret menu items"... Yer average rest. has what they have.
xzhous
I've convinced employees to make the McGangBang for a secret $2.16.
KorruptJustice
I'm hesitant to ask, but what exactly is a "McGangBang"?
xzhous
McChicken inside a McDouble.
squirrelgirl86
Well considering most fucking fast food places have secret menu items... yeah, no.
gilsuhwan
Uh, no?
apageofthedarkhold
Interesting. Maybe it's an American thing? Worked in more than a dozen places in Canada, never had "off menu" except for staff.
rasmis
I think so. But as a points whore I'm scared of suggesting it's an americanism. High end european restaurants don't even do a la carte.
Samael13
Man, I worked in a diner for a few years when I was in college, we served all kinds of stuff off-menu. We have the ingredients? We made it.
Arrkhal
https://youtu.be/HrIeP798hiQ?t=12s
Samael13
Hey, someone wanted all our bacon, we'd be happy to serve them. I mean, we'd *charge* them for each order, of course.
z99nine
In & Out is pretty cheap.
FrostFox22
I hate that bullshit. Just put it on the fucking menu.
flapperfemmefatale
it depends on the cuisine, maybe. i work for a Lebanese restaurant. they can customize stuff, but they only serve what's on the menu.
Rumpsonumpso
98% of restaurants in Europe too :) Not exactly sure, but I guess so
gilsuhwan
Also a LOT of chefs serve off the menu. I feel the OP is a shitty waiter for his attitude towards that one. Waiting is customer service.
ILoveTomHiddleston
As a chef, we do extra stufd only if we have to. But we don't like it, we have a lot to do without the people making dishes up.
gilsuhwan
We're not talking about TGIFridays, bud.
ILoveTomHiddleston
what are we talking about then? where i work... we have stressy days every day. i am never done with the stuff i should do.
HackerJacker
Or operhaps his place doesnt, he's a waiter, not the fucking chef
Rumpsonumpso
He speaks italian, maybe european restaurant. Asking for something really special is a NO NO
gilsuhwan
No, that's not true at all.
MarvelousMuggle
Thank you! I was thinking the same thing. OP sounds like a douche.
BadgerBobcat
Agreed!! Thank you both!
InquisitorGoldeneye
#2 Well, in fairness, what good relationship *isn't* built on a nice, solid foundation of violent paranoia & borderline psychotic jealousy?
kmii
As someone who ran away from a BPD ex, this hit me right in the feels and then made me laugh so much.
usernamewhatusernamenousername
Uhm hi would you like to share some more about being with someone with a PD? I'm in a comparable situation but it's all kinda new to me :')
kmii
PM me!
psychoelectrickitty
Hey, it kind of worked for Harley Quinn and the Joker for a bit... Can't see why it wouldn't work for the rest of us common folk.
LeeroyTheBird
You can't have a good relationship without violent paranoia and borderline psychotic jealousy. It's impossible.
raindirve
Oh, I thought he was asking OP to either have a turn, or leave _with him_. Made for a better story if you ask me.
ZebraStripedRose
Sounds like you may have done that girl a real solid.
GBWI
Don't be so quick to judge. Other guy wanted to learn Italian in front of the door to impress the girl as well. All YOU see is violence. Tsk
Rybus
It worked well with Hitler so it must be true.
StandBackAndBeAmazed
Oooooooothelloooooo!
leftbanana
I've learned that superior self-esteem is sexier than attempts at male dominance. Any gorilla can beat its chest.
Rheios
Too much of it and I've also seen people think you don't care. Well not you. I'm speaking in wide generalities without guaranteed relation.
leftbanana
I mean having the confidence to trust my date/love/partner in any interaction that she has with others. She appreciates this.
Rheios
Its good she doesn't take confidence for disinterest. Sounds like you might have a good relationship.(or something positive) Congrats.
MrRandom314159
Honestly it's why all my relationships last so long.
rasmis
“A man spoke a tongue I do not master, and my female friend's impressed. Am I boring if that's enough? A bit of violence might win her back”
Dispari
Man, I have a (disowned for good reason) sister who loudly challenges anyone that makes eye contact with her. She's like a gorilla.
DrKriegersClone
Hairy and 500 pounds?
EmCeeMiNacion
I think she might have OD'd in testosterone.
[deleted]
[deleted]
TownsendV228
I predict a very lonely life for her.
JuicyRhino
Hah, I'm picturing a woman thumping her chest at everyone who passes her. But really, it's unfortunate she's like that. :(
Dispari
She tends to stand up and yell, "What are YOU looking at, huh?!" It makes people very uncomfortable.
Popyseed11
I'd just make eye contact constantly and never ask anything if I knew someone like that
MundaneFacts
It sounds like she needs to get knocked the fuck out(just to learn humility)
Dispari
Actually she has a habit of doing everything people tell her not to do, and not learning any lessons when she fails.
JuicyRhino
Oof, yeah. Can't blame them. Hope it hasn't gotten her into any dangerous situations.
Dispari
She gets herself into those just fine already.
Rheios
I'd love a compilation of the best smart-ass responses.
SomePeopleSayThatCucumbersTasteBetterPickled
what is the psychological make-up of a man who needs to fight everyone?
Mentalguy15
it's not psychological, it's just a tiny penis.
rinnybell210
Alpha male tendencies gone way too fucking far.
viperfolk
Wannabe alpha male*
importvita
Stupidity and too much testosterone
laughcrypeealittle
10% rage, 50% tiny penis, 40% asshole
koganinja
Jagerbombs jagerbombs jagerbombs
OfficialSkynet
trevor
spookyghost13
Lipstick and eyeliner.
DumbShitIsMyTrigger
I just imagine a little cross section with a budgie where a brain should be
RetConMan
http://blog.chron.com/tubular/files/2014/08/homer-simpson-head-monkey-7113.gif
roguefox
Massive insecurity with overactive ego to compensate
MillerLitesaber
Usually stems from a combo of the need to be seen as masculine and constantly feeling inferior. 9 times out of ten you can blame his Dad.
Dociousaliexpilisticfragicalirepus
Or lack there of.
FloodingWaters
that causes different problems. The 'solve it with violence' guys typically learn that directly from someone else, usually a father figure
beardyfaceguy
HEY FUCK YOU! I AIN'T NO BITCH! MY DAD HIT ME TO MAKE ME A FUCKING MAN.
AvariceAeternna
Dark.
DistanceGirl
I'd like to have proof that you look like Andrew Garfield.
theamazinspiderman
Agreed. http://i921.photobucket.com/albums/ad60/moonlit-sonnet0/Regular%20Show/mordecaiagrees.gif
LeCacty
LETS STALK OP EH?
longlivecats
Yes, please.
tathrok
I wouldn't like proof. But since it's already here... *zip*
chineesefreaklovedogs
Thiiiiiis
ninjasstolemydog
Agreed
circlebreaker
Wow, good celebrity doppleganger!
MongoloidFARTexplosion
I'd like to have proof that you look like Garfield.
EEcummingsonherfacenowthatspoetryinmotionn
"But why is Spidey in England....... no no, none of this adds up!"
hugh705
Another pic of OP:
FightingAnteaters
He is quite attractive
elowolfe
From another comment of his:
Click his name and give him the proper upvote.
MyHorseAteMyPaycheck
Those eyes, hnnnnng
elowolfe
Dude doesn't look like Andrew Garfield... looks BETTER than Andrew Garfield.
FernAndLoathing
He looks like he'd his bones jumped mmmm damn
FernAndLoathing
You know I've only just noticed my grammatical error. Shame on me.
elowolfe
AHHH! BROTHER!!!! NOOOOO!!!! (And I agree.)
Sum11day
He actually looks like Liam from one direction
SomeDutchGuy
Pic of OP:
I don't really see it, tbh.
[deleted]
[deleted]
SomeDutchGuy
I guess you'll do fine around me then :p
pinkpantheronice
To a child who will believe in spiderman, it doesn't matter how close he looks.... you say you're spiderman, he will be happy!
Pinkmansbitch
Either way, you wouldn't kick him outta bed for farting, just saying
screamingwinemaker
Dim lighting at the restaurant might enhance it.
unicornprincess420
i came
iamreginaphalange
he does a little bit though, yeah?
ERSalty
Yum
whatevenarecats
Oh, hello
hartmonica
damn those are some dreamy ass eyes
InjusticeNerdsAmongUs
CaptJesLyn
As a happily married woman: sploosh.
shakespeareanwheelies
The lighting is too bright. He doesn't look like him. Maybe in another pic...
ElSenorFluffybutt
But eeeehm, helloooo OP (that's the best i can do tho...)
MesserAuditore
I think it's the hair
Halleuh
I do.
JonSnowForKing
i see it a bit
MrPeters
I can see it but I think it's mostly due to the hair.
francisbegbie
Hot damn
blackletum
I.. I don't see it at all. >.>
chelsea155
I don't even mind that he doesn't look like spiderman.
Porkapinee
OP is hot!
AfternoonConcession
kids reaction http://media2.giphy.com/media/nNrkgR4Z7RHDW/giphy.gif
Pokefan11235
Where did you get a pic?
SomeDutchGuy
I hacked his webcam. Nah, just kidding, he posted it elsewhere :P
Iamwhatthefoxsays
Something something dear OP: Hi
LadyNoHeart
He looks like he should be in One Direction.
SlagathorDeb
a little bit. But OP is cute and Andrew Garfield is weird looking. So...
lacole725
Nope
NotasfunnyasIthinkIam
Well helllooooooo. ;)
LEEEERROYYYYmmmJENKINSSS
Damn.
suddenlyrelevant
Deffo don't see it. Also no one in the UK says 'Do you want to go?!'
NikaNii
I've heard it a couple of times where I live (N.I).
fantapantsmcfatty
I'm in.
adhdcatlady
Sploosh
petraarkanian24422442
I do
okIgiveupIlljoinimgur
Oh I see it
ThePowerOf42
My spider senses are tingeling
IvanYackinOff
Oh behave
ThePowerOf42
http://ak-hdl.buzzfed.com/static/enhanced/webdr02/2013/7/10/16/anigif_enhanced-buzz-29439-1373488256-23.gif
tellyoukillyou
I SEE IT
walterpeck
He doesn't look like him. He looks better.
zatgal
I agree. Andrew Garfield (and those crazy emo caterpillars he calls eyebrows) vs OP, I'd take OP.
notsocks
And now I'm touching my penis.
TotallynotFiona
He's still attractive though.
healthinspector
I now have a lady boner, and I'm a man, a pretty gay man but still a man
tanebou
Oh! Oh my. But aren't you very yummy!
SomeDutchGuy
Well, I'm not OP. But yes, I am very, very yummy.
h20fuego
Damn son.
TAIfromdigimon
looks more like the guy from 'new girl'
mobius501
a stretch
Longusername5000
Naahhh
CarlTheLlamaBoy
I do. He could be my superhero any day.
Pinkmansbitch
Either way, you wouldn't kick him outta bed for farting, just sayings l
scratchandsniffballs
OP is hot.. spidey sense is tingling... well my D too
buttsnbuttsnbuttsnbutts
Oh my god sooooo hot
lidsyam
I kinda see it, but OP is cuter.
dEXm64
He's better looking than Andrew Garfield.
zifnabthewizard
I cab definitely see it. Close enough that "he looks a little different out of the movie" would make a five year old freak
persistantpastaman
he looks more like a muppet
zotten
Lol, looks nothing like him indeed.
Kushita
Where did my panties go?!
TastyBrainMeats
Man, why do some people gotta be so damn cute?
ChanningTastum
Oh shit, OP is Andrew Garfield
Cogflak
How'd you get this...
GhostlyGentleman
My body is tingling.
oceanskysforever
I see it, it's all in the face.
peskywabbit
Looks like the guy from 50 shades of grey
TittySprinklesNarratedByMorganFreeman
Damn, change the hair a little, and could easily fool me
vaxine19
Lovechild of Andrew Garfield and Tobey Maguire
rasmis
There's a porn I'd watch.
vaxine19
4 legged spider.
Itspenguintime
Soooo is OP single?..
Aamu
How come all of these men with this witty posts about their jobs are so god damn cute.
SomeDutchGuy
The ones that aren't cute don't show it :p
Aamu
:/ go figure... :P
itslanamax
God lord, I'll do you in a heartbeat.
SomeDutchGuy
I really want you to talk about me, but I guess you're talking about OP?
KidVelo
http://imgur.com/jm0rxOX
catalystparadox
... Damn.
murderhobbit
Eehhh, it could be the angle
StandardDeviant
More like awkward Justin Timberlake
SparklingCockWaffle
It's a little disconcerting how quick and easy it was for someone else to post his pic ha
SomeDutchGuy
Meh, he posted it as a reply on another comment. It's not too surprising I found it.
[deleted]
[deleted]
trustmeimalinguist
Lol the passive aggressive is strong. I love it.
onecattwocatbigcatsmallcat
I think it was more than the Italian that the girl was attracted to.
nineT2
How do you know what he looked like?
onecattwocatbigcatsmallcat
The link to his picture is under first comment. Yea?
greentights
I wanna upvote you...but 69
onecattwocatbigcatsmallcat
so, did you upvote?
joboo
girls and some guys are gonna be all like *sploosh*
TriggerSad
Some girls* Lesbians be a thing, yo! :p
joboo
Dude is so fine even the lesbians gonna sploosh their pantaloons.
HauteChocolate
*some girls and some guys
aswarmofbeans
srsbizness
ARealLifeViking
What beard?
srsbizness
The fuzzy stuff on his chin. It's not REALLY a beard if you want to get technical, but I don't know what else to call it.
startrekpotato
I... uh... do you want a girlfriend?
SomeDutchGuy
Sure. I'm not OP, but yea, I do :p
startrekpotato
Lol nice try.
SomeDutchGuy
Aww. Don't turn me down like that. I can be sexy as hell too! I promise!
YouHaveJustBegunReadingTheUsernameYouHaveJustFinishedReading
Nice hair, which boyband are you in op?
Thewarriorprincess
I like you
nonpondo
Is that the band?
Dmgctrl
Yes. They're not even trying with these tween bands. Every girl hears it and is instantly in love with them because they "like her"....
FievelMousekewitz
Why do u have a pic of op? Do u have pics of all of us?
SomeDutchGuy
No, I seem to be missing a pic of you. Please send me one :p
FievelMousekewitz
Smooth af. I knots don't want to say no :)
SomeDutchGuy
Then say yes :D
IThinkIPreferToStayInside
Comment OP figured out the best way to pick up people - post pics of other hot guys :P
SomeDutchGuy
It's not my preferred method, but hey, as long as it works :p
IThinkIPreferToStayInside
Never heard anyone complain about a bit of eye candy xD
efhawthorne
I'd still fuck him. As a straightish dude.
bloodust
You forgot to say 'no homo'
[deleted]
[deleted]
magichal
I enjoy that this makes sense, even with the misspelling. Strait, adj.: strict, as in requirements or principles.
magichal
So as a woman with high standards, you'd fuck him.
TheLordLucifersBannedAccount02
That's, that's not what Straight is.
GhostofCain
Heavy on the "ish".
Repiglican
God i love it when straight dudes say they'd fuck other dudes, like we can be attracted to dudes too, its just pussy is better
OmniscientZiltoid
So you're saying you're nearly having a stroke?
blackletum
"ish"
BadaBingBadaBooom
You're gay and it's okay. Embrace it bruh!
finallyinfinite
Well shit he's fucking hot
thisusernamehadbetternothavebeenchosenalready
Straight enough, with a side of butt stuff
SomeDutchGuy
Hell yea, he's sexy, but comparing him to Andrew Garfield is an insult to OP imo.
Ravieolie
I'd still fuck him. As a starfish dude
Vegardina
Settle down Patrick
rasmis
As a gayish dude I'd float away in his big, brown eyes.
TheDarkWhiz
As a bisexual person, what precisely do you mean by ish? (Yes it is a serious question, no I'm not trying to start shit)
existanceneverends
Not speaking for anyone else but as a pansexual female who mainly is attracted to girls and agendered people I use the term lesbianish 1/2
existanceneverends
or semi lesbian because it feels weird saying I'm pan when it's probably a 75-15-10 divide between women, other, and guys. 2/2
efhawthorne
I'm straight, but I want internet points.
magichal
Hahahaha this is priceless. +2
TheDarkWhiz
Ok. No offense but that's what I figured. Congrats on the fake Internet points!
OracleForCheap
As a dude: I'd let him fuck me.
TurboStonr
We are on the same page, get inside me.
NipplesTheEnchiIada
Can I get this comment to go to repost later?
OracleForCheap
I am sorry, I have no idea how I should interpret this message. Halp?
cominginhot
mmm not so straight I'd say...
ClassyGiraffe
That's what the -ish is for. Leaning more towards straight but not exactly there
cominginhot
If you fuck a guy every 50 women you are bisexual to me, not just straightish..a straightish would touch a guy's butt with a hand
ThisIsGod
SO many gay dudes in here...
aintgotnosugar
Everyone is catching the gay, it's an epidemy!
Dolohov16
One can never have to many gay dudes ;)
magichal
Or bisexual dudes. Hi! /waves
HolyMacaroniFork
This post is like grinder
gallopingllamas
or straight guys who enjoy a side a homoerotic literature...
AsAGayJewishDemocratWithGoogleFiber
I'd fuck him hard.
decarnatedame
This has to be imagined spoken in the voice of Chris Griffin.
Abendschein
I'd fuck him hard, as a gay Jewish Democrat, of course.
Shualdon
Yes please!
jimicos
Fucking him hard > fucking him limp
Decyphelodon
Lol'd at your username and comment combination.
TownsendV228
"I'd fuck him hard" - As a Gay Jewish Democrat.
JesusWalrus
Your username describes me in body and soul
AsAGayJewishDemocratWithGoogleFiber
We should probably bone then
FjodorDoctorJetski
-ish :)
astamurti
"I'm not gay, but my dick has bad eyesight."
tiduszecht