---I am a dynamic figure, often seen scaling walls and crushing ice. I have been known to remodel train stations on my lunch breaks, making them more efficient in the area of heat retention. I translate ethnic slurs for Cuban refugees, I write award-winning operas, I manage time efficiently. Occasionally, I tread water for three days in a row. I woo women with my sensuous and godlike trombone playing, I can pilot bicycles up severe inclines with unflagging speed, and I cook Thirty-Minute Brownies in twenty minutes. I am an expert in stucco, a veteran in love, and an outlaw in Peru. Using only a hoe and a large glass of water, I once single-handedly defended a small village in the Amazon Basin from a horde of ferocious army ants. I play bluegrass cello, I was scouted by the Mets, I am the subject of numerous documentaries. When I'm bored, I build large suspension bridges in my yard. I enjoy urban hang gliding. On Wednesdays, after school, I repair electrical appliances free of charge. I am an abstract artist, a concrete analyst, and a ruthless bookie. Critics worldwide swoon over my original line of corduroy evening wear. I don't perspire. I am a private citizen, yet I receive fan mail. I have been caller number nine and have won the weekend passes. Last summer I toured New Jersey with a traveling centrifugal-force demonstration. I bat .400. My deft floral arrangements have earned me fame in international botany circles. Children trust me. I can hurl tennis rackets at small moving objects with deadly accuracy. I once read Paradise Lost, Moby Dick, and David Copperfield in one day and still had time to refurbish an entire dining room that evening. I know the exact location of every food item in the supermarket. I have performed several covert operations for the CIA. I sleep once a week; when I do sleep, I sleep in a chair. While on vacation in Canada, I successfully negotiated with a group of terrorists who had seized a small bakery. The laws of physics do not apply to me. I balance, I weave, I dodge, I frolic, and my bills are all paid. On weekends, to let off steam, I participate in full-contact origami. Years ago I discovered the meaning of life but forgot to write it down. I have made extraordinary four course meals using only a mouli and a toaster oven. I breed prizewinning clams. I have won bullfights in San Juan, cliff-diving competitions in Sri Lanka, and spelling bees at the Kremlin. I have played Hamlet, I have performed open-heart surgery, and I have spoken with Elvis. And if you've read this far send nudes.
Oh shit! We have click bait here on Imgur. Just click his "source" li nknto find out what happened.
Me too! And I am a straight married male.
Well... Something stretched and it wasnt my neck
For some reason my wife is VERY interested in this.
I work in medicine and do the same thing with family.
I wouldn't take advise on how to live from someone who is dead... Just sayin'
My grandma can knit those shoes for less...
If this makes it to the FP you can eat a spoon full of my ass.
I was just being a smart ass. You're really attractive!
So you're single?
Karma for not being there for the animal you loved. Why would you send a friend? Dont own a pet.
That's awesome! He is really good at that hobby. Bowling is not a sport though.
What did you trade?
https://media.giphy.com/media/CnErThMyAIZZC/giphy-downsized.gif
If he wants a ring he'll leave
He gets paid to look at Men all day!
Assert dominance, grab her by the pussy, look into her eyes and say it slowly "I-M-G-U-R".
OP loves a big black cock
Isnt that how you got pregnant in the first place?
...With her strap-on.
Neat
OP works at a Sperm Bank.
This dog is so damn cool! I bet he gets all the bitches.
YouPorn? Top 4 user, impressive OP!
Sigh... Unzips
Yeah, just means I'll drive to Reno and no longer be "law abiding".
MRW When I woke up saw I will have to do background checks to buy ammo! Fuck prop 63
I hope they had there dicks out while filling in the ballot.
What else do you take happily?
Does the sink still drain?