orchitis

34542 pts ยท March 1, 2015


---I am a dynamic figure, often seen scaling walls and crushing ice. I have been known to remodel train stations on my lunch breaks, making them more efficient in the area of heat retention. I translate ethnic slurs for Cuban refugees, I write award-winning operas, I manage time efficiently. Occasionally, I tread water for three days in a row. I woo women with my sensuous and godlike trombone playing, I can pilot bicycles up severe inclines with unflagging speed, and I cook Thirty-Minute Brownies in twenty minutes. I am an expert in stucco, a veteran in love, and an outlaw in Peru. Using only a hoe and a large glass of water, I once single-handedly defended a small village in the Amazon Basin from a horde of ferocious army ants. I play bluegrass cello, I was scouted by the Mets, I am the subject of numerous documentaries. When I'm bored, I build large suspension bridges in my yard. I enjoy urban hang gliding. On Wednesdays, after school, I repair electrical appliances free of charge. I am an abstract artist, a concrete analyst, and a ruthless bookie. Critics worldwide swoon over my original line of corduroy evening wear. I don't perspire. I am a private citizen, yet I receive fan mail. I have been caller number nine and have won the weekend passes. Last summer I toured New Jersey with a traveling centrifugal-force demonstration. I bat .400. My deft floral arrangements have earned me fame in international botany circles. Children trust me. I can hurl tennis rackets at small moving objects with deadly accuracy. I once read Paradise Lost, Moby Dick, and David Copperfield in one day and still had time to refurbish an entire dining room that evening. I know the exact location of every food item in the supermarket. I have performed several covert operations for the CIA. I sleep once a week; when I do sleep, I sleep in a chair. While on vacation in Canada, I successfully negotiated with a group of terrorists who had seized a small bakery. The laws of physics do not apply to me. I balance, I weave, I dodge, I frolic, and my bills are all paid. On weekends, to let off steam, I participate in full-contact origami. Years ago I discovered the meaning of life but forgot to write it down. I have made extraordinary four course meals using only a mouli and a toaster oven. I breed prizewinning clams. I have won bullfights in San Juan, cliff-diving competitions in Sri Lanka, and spelling bees at the Kremlin. I have played Hamlet, I have performed open-heart surgery, and I have spoken with Elvis. And if you've read this far send nudes.

Had some Indian food tonight, it wasn't good cuisine but it was

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different views of SF

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witty title

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Doggy dump

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Is Firearm Friday a thing?? It should be!

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I can't have an ignorant dog!

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Don't mind me, just getting my monkey wet and cleaning it..

Points 87
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My dog is happy with the new addition to the family.

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tell your significant other they are wrong

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It's all about perception

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A little advice never hurt no one.

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Nothing to see here, just petting my monkey, move a long now

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Seek and destroy mode: Engaged

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well, mobile users should like this...

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Random post

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Happy Volcano

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This is a prank I can get behind

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Damn't Karen, I am gonna get that dot!

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Bernin all day

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Just a thought

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I see a lot of people use Sweden as a comparison to how Bernie will change the USA. Well, call a random stranger and find out about socialism.

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People bitch about what they created

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Just one last time!

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Tutorial on how to diet and exercise to get that summer body you want.

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Stockton don't play with clowns

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These were simpler times

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My cat can be a real cocksucker

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I can do it all night long

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Happy 29th!!

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always know that it could be worse, you could be one of these people

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When you get in freedoms air space, 'Murica!

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This is not wrong

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true story

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Talk nerdy to me

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...

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I should be studying for my RN final but instead I am on Imgur like..

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Window licking buddies

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Finally, someone is asking the real questions!

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I can't for Thursday to enjoy an authentic Irish dinner!

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Joe Rogan dropping knowledge

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I saw this on FB and it brakes my heart ... Anybody want to help this little guy

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This one is for you

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Sci Fi

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Who doesn't like milk and cookies?

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Repost but makes me LOL everytime

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Everyone was quiet on the double date last night, I knew how to make everyone quiet comfortable

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Truth

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Yosemite on fire

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Wisdom for Valentines Day

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...

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My hands after down voting all the Oscars stuff about Leo

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My cat is doing his part to end segregation!

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She just turned 15!

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I refuse to be single this Valentines day!

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Coming home from work and my fur babies be like

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They have evolved...

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