I have been sporting a beard since conception and it’s luxurious enough to nest a rare bird such as the dodo or even possibly an Asian mallard. I can smack my shin straight into a solid oak table and not so much as whisper “Ouchie”. I once fought a blind homeless man for rights to urinate in the corner of an alley, and lost. I can sleep unaided by drugs for 27 hours straight. I swim like a fish and fuck like a mongoose. A cross between redneck and hillbilly, I can keep a house heated with nothing more than a lighter and a bottle of truck grease. I’ve lived on three different continents and crapped my pants at least twice since adulthood. My favorite spice, chili paste, my favorite color...darkness. Most of all, I love my girlfriend. Get me to the front page and I’ll finally close Imgur, get off the toilette and propose to that amazing woman.
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