15101 pts · June 10, 2019
New onion headline idea: New American Pope Thrilled that he has a Reason to Move to Another Country
Of course. May the Schwartz be with you.
PETER NO
#60 I looked at this and my brain melted. I was like, Cats can jump, they can jump right over that railing. Then I clicked on the pic to leave this comment and there is no railing. Just the line between the pic above it.
This has the same energy as peeling the film off of new electronics. Was also expecting dickbutt. #dissapointed
"Hey, can you put the dog in the other room? I'm gonna try to vacuum." "Yeah sure! I don't know why dogs are so terrified of vaccums." "Oh, she's not scared at all." "Oh, she attacks it then." "No, that's not it either." "Then why???" *sighs* "Let her stay for a minute. You'll see." *vacuum turns on* "WTF, why, how?" "She likes it, dunno why. Damnedest thing I ever saw."
#40 Harrison Ford is the absolute King of resting bitch face.
If she hadn't called me when she did, her house likely would've caught fire. She didn't recover but didn't die. She lives in a facility near me now so I can take care of her as much as I can.
My mom acted like this when she had her stroke. She FaceTimed me and told me I needed to fix her phone cause it wasn't acting right (she knew something was wrong but couldn't figure out what). I lived 6 hrs away so I was asking questions to try and figure out what was going on so I asked her what she had for dinner. She goes, oh yeah, went off camera, and came back with a freshly made plate of the burntest food I've ever seen. She ate it and was surprised it tasted bad. I cried & called 911
Or a scene out of the 10 commandments. "Take a left at the Red Sea. If you see the burning bush, you've gone too far."
If Danny Devito was a monkey.
I kept waiting for him to stay under the tree as he finished cutting into it and when he moved to stand on the roots, I was thinking he was going to get launched when the root ball dropped back down.
Hmm. I'm getting old. I don't remember if Johhny Bravo was kind enough to be a himbo or if he was just a hunk. Discuss.
They're there. And on my desk at work. Worried they were chiggers, I googled them and found out they are Clover Mites. They do not bite and are not dangerous.
I thought bats were carriers? They could transmit it but not be affected by it? Like Typhoid Mary
How? Is rabies in bats just a North American thing?
Ladies and Gentlemen, may I present video evidence of "and then everybody clapped." I'll see myself out. 🤣
#14 whomever created this meme is too young to remember the ASPCA commercials from the 90s that traumatized us all.
Not much but fast food workers make more than teachers these days. It's sad af.
That was 20 years ago. I got into nursing and medical administration instead, and they don't have any problems with my background. It's not a barrier crime, and that is all that they care about. To tell the truth, I miss teaching but I make a lot more money.
Virginia
I was not blameless, I knew he had accepted the money and didn't report him. But charging me with Felony Receiving Stolen Property was over the top. My court appointed lawyer talked me into saying I was guilty if they would drop it down to a misdemeanor. He assured me that it wouldn't prevent me from becoming a teacher. He was wrong.
I petitioned both the president and my state governor for a pardon. President said that's a state issue, and the governor said nope. Bear in mind this was a one time offense, and the charge was ridiculous. My boyfriend accepted stolen money. I wanted no part of it and accepted nothing. He told the cops he used it to pay our rent (I didn't know or want to know what he did with it), and because my name was on the lease, they charged me because I "benefited."
I have a similar story. Misdemeanor Receiving Stolen Proprty charge that I got shafted on & was too young and poor to fight correctly. 10 yrs later, I'm fully credentialed as a secondary English teacher. I interview at every district within a 50 mi radius, go to every teacher job fair, but we never get past the background check stage. So I go the substitute teacher route, which has *slightly* less strict rules. Only one district would even let me sub. 5 years but was never offered a contract.
I love how "good" has quotes around it. So much more is implied there that immediately made me think of the gray lines of good vs evil morality in Good Omens.
New onion headline idea: New American Pope Thrilled that he has a Reason to Move to Another Country
Of course. May the Schwartz be with you.
PETER NO
#60 I looked at this and my brain melted. I was like, Cats can jump, they can jump right over that railing. Then I clicked on the pic to leave this comment and there is no railing. Just the line between the pic above it.
This has the same energy as peeling the film off of new electronics. Was also expecting dickbutt. #dissapointed
"Hey, can you put the dog in the other room? I'm gonna try to vacuum." "Yeah sure! I don't know why dogs are so terrified of vaccums." "Oh, she's not scared at all." "Oh, she attacks it then." "No, that's not it either." "Then why???" *sighs* "Let her stay for a minute. You'll see." *vacuum turns on* "WTF, why, how?" "She likes it, dunno why. Damnedest thing I ever saw."
#40 Harrison Ford is the absolute King of resting bitch face.
If she hadn't called me when she did, her house likely would've caught fire. She didn't recover but didn't die. She lives in a facility near me now so I can take care of her as much as I can.
My mom acted like this when she had her stroke. She FaceTimed me and told me I needed to fix her phone cause it wasn't acting right (she knew something was wrong but couldn't figure out what). I lived 6 hrs away so I was asking questions to try and figure out what was going on so I asked her what she had for dinner. She goes, oh yeah, went off camera, and came back with a freshly made plate of the burntest food I've ever seen. She ate it and was surprised it tasted bad. I cried & called 911
Or a scene out of the 10 commandments. "Take a left at the Red Sea. If you see the burning bush, you've gone too far."
If Danny Devito was a monkey.
I kept waiting for him to stay under the tree as he finished cutting into it and when he moved to stand on the roots, I was thinking he was going to get launched when the root ball dropped back down.
Hmm. I'm getting old. I don't remember if Johhny Bravo was kind enough to be a himbo or if he was just a hunk. Discuss.
They're there. And on my desk at work. Worried they were chiggers, I googled them and found out they are Clover Mites. They do not bite and are not dangerous.
I thought bats were carriers? They could transmit it but not be affected by it? Like Typhoid Mary
How? Is rabies in bats just a North American thing?
Ladies and Gentlemen, may I present video evidence of "and then everybody clapped." I'll see myself out. 🤣
#14 whomever created this meme is too young to remember the ASPCA commercials from the 90s that traumatized us all.
Not much but fast food workers make more than teachers these days. It's sad af.
That was 20 years ago. I got into nursing and medical administration instead, and they don't have any problems with my background. It's not a barrier crime, and that is all that they care about. To tell the truth, I miss teaching but I make a lot more money.
Virginia
I was not blameless, I knew he had accepted the money and didn't report him. But charging me with Felony Receiving Stolen Property was over the top. My court appointed lawyer talked me into saying I was guilty if they would drop it down to a misdemeanor. He assured me that it wouldn't prevent me from becoming a teacher. He was wrong.
I petitioned both the president and my state governor for a pardon. President said that's a state issue, and the governor said nope. Bear in mind this was a one time offense, and the charge was ridiculous. My boyfriend accepted stolen money. I wanted no part of it and accepted nothing. He told the cops he used it to pay our rent (I didn't know or want to know what he did with it), and because my name was on the lease, they charged me because I "benefited."
I have a similar story. Misdemeanor Receiving Stolen Proprty charge that I got shafted on & was too young and poor to fight correctly. 10 yrs later, I'm fully credentialed as a secondary English teacher. I interview at every district within a 50 mi radius, go to every teacher job fair, but we never get past the background check stage. So I go the substitute teacher route, which has *slightly* less strict rules. Only one district would even let me sub. 5 years but was never offered a contract.
I love how "good" has quotes around it. So much more is implied there that immediately made me think of the gray lines of good vs evil morality in Good Omens.