PoeDameron
235008
7195
191
Oct 13, 2015 7:34 PM
PoeDameron
235008
7195
191
FlufflesTheGreat
And this is why I believe in ghosts.
SofaKingMetal
My daughter started saying "I've got you where I want you and now I'm going to eat you." She said she learned it from Teen Titans Go.
PantsOptional
I'm home alone with the kids a lot because my wife works midnights and I can't read these stories after 9pm.
valpestilence
When I was 4 I asked my dad if I can have his soul when he dies because it smells good ( in Russian duh=soul, duhí= perfume) lol
vickivalencourt
That last one is actually kind of sweet...
TosokTheRodentHunter
I'll take reasons to get a hysterectomy for 800 please alex
halcyon240
The last one is oddly sweet though
1941NaihonGaiganYamatoClassBattleShip
Apparently when I was four years old, my grandmother heard me playing in the backroom. She peaked in and asked what was goin on. I said 1/2
1941NaihonGaiganYamatoClassBattleShip
"Playing with great grandpa". He died about a year before. She simply said "Oh ok!" and left me be o-o
HeadlessNorseman
The Titanic one would freak me out.
LongGreasyDick
Yeah, that seems super unreal
randomoverusedcomment
I had an imaginary friend called 'paki' (I'm British) my parents found it hilarious for the longest time before they said 'never say paki'
IFuckingLoveGoldenRetrievers
Hahaha okay we are just going to change his name just a touch to Peter. So what is Peter saying.
TedTheMan
After seeing mosters inc, my children had nightmares. We dont have closet doors any more.
warick
That's how I felt after seeing Little Monsters as a kid. I still hate under the bed.
LuckyCarey2
My nephew used to say he wasn't going into my bathroom because a man was in there. My uncle had died in that room
IFuckingLoveGoldenRetrievers
Well thats creepy
LuckyCarey2
Yes it was. He was 3 and had no clue about my uncle
leomodz
Read this in bed in the dark and just saw one of my kids run pass my door twice... this is how I ded...
myr14d
Tiny Satans, Tiny Satans everywhere.
saltandburn
When my daughter is sick, she likes to tell me about the time she died from coughing up blood. She's 5.
ikissalldabirds
When I was about 4 I told my mom that I died when I was 7. I believed in reincarnation without being taught what it was.
BigDaddysMeatWagon
Either that's actually spooky or she's full of it. It's... So hard to tell with kids
Whozdatgrl
When my son was 3 he told me that something was living inside him. Then he farted and said "It's gone now".
khele
shit weasel
iamyourgrandmaandtotallynotawolf
Self exorcism
icamehereforwittycommentsandprettywomen
your kid is awesome
8scout8
It was just a little food ghost
MankHoody
Spoopy
Tech3828
Ded! +1
Totema
That's... freaking hilarious, actually.
BirthdayMassacre
Did he...spoop himself?
Centuryfall
Turbz
It's the infinity stones!
Totema
Cosmos without haaatreeeed
CziltangBrone
"Stinky! Come home!!"
Berrypickerasfuck
Oh man, that's a good one! Fuck, I need to go watch that show again! Can't believe I remembered that one!
NCPBullet
Spppoooiooky
MidnyteStar
Spoopy*
Aibell125
My 7 yr old stepdaughter told me in detail about the zombie apocalypse that happened when she was 5
Aibell125
Well apparently the zombie apocalypse started so she got set home from school, and they were walking down her street so she hid above 1/2
Aibell125
the garage until they went away and everyone died so that's why she had to move to VA. (she moved because her parents got divorced) 2/2
theworldisforeveryours
I think we're gonna need some details.
Banikins
One of the kids in my mom's daycare was talking to seemingly no one, when asked who he was talking to 1/2
Banikins
2/3 he described my mom's dead sister. After saying "She sings like an angel" he said that she loved our bird flowers
Banikins
3/3 (Birds of paradise) Which would only bloom around the anniversary of her death
nikolateslawastheelectricjesus
I'll take reasons why I'll never have kids for 1000, Alex.
HPWombat
I have a niece who's currently obsessed with death. When I left her house she said "bye forever in case one of us dies!"
Homophone
More like reasons to have extra kids!
liliputian7
I've got some. This shit... it doesn't happen all that much. But that one time it does...
NotACanadian
When I was a kid I saw some kind of weird afterimage that only seemed to show up in the living room. It looked exactly like a 2-dimensional
NotACanadian
shape of a bald head, and I was convinced that's what it was. My brothers told me they couldn't see the head. What morons.
Tiiimmmaayy
Kebert Xela
idriveajunkerplymouth
Saying his name backwards is the only way to send him back to the 5th detention where he belongs...
edwardelricsnipples
Not the years of committment and diaper changes?
DeltaDin
Few other reasons, "I'm not ready", "I don't like them", "I don't want them", or "I can't have them".
DrInsane
What are kids, Alex.
barneybacsi
Suck it trebek. Haha that all i could think of.
AIDSBurgerInParadise
Turd Ferguson, it's a funny name.
TheAmericanMacho
I'll take Jap Anus Relations for 300.
barneybacsi
Haha i was thinking of that one to but was to lazy to look up what he actually said haha.
Rainbowdieahrrea
Noted
ConfessorOfTruth
I'm feeding and rocking my 2m old in the dark right now. This post is a whole fuckton of NOPE
stargazer58
Ikr
IFuckingLoveGoldenRetrievers
They're watching!
ConfessorOfTruth
Sshhhhh I don't know who you're talking about
IFuckingLoveGoldenRetrievers
The protectors of the little!
azazyel
Only solution http://imgur.com/rpuYQMk
Kuinarin
Yes sauce what is this from?
pandora9283
Sauce?
azazyel
City of Bones
ERM92
found it its from mortal instruments
Sarah6race
Yes sauce plz!
azazyel
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GHlwRsl2uFk
jojoba1
My reaction to all of these:
?noredirect
ashipthatshipsshippingships
We have a two month old daughter. Sometimes she just stares into the empty corner of her room, then smiles. I'm fine not knowing what it is.
Hulagirl01
You should pray over her room. Demons are real.
vulturedoors
She's probably seeing whatever it is that makes cats sit and stare into corners.
IFuckingLoveGoldenRetrievers
Two month olds don't have the greatest vision its probably nothing
warick
I've had two kids do the same thing. Same spot.
ConfessorOfTruth
Mine does the same thing. Plus her bouncy chair will bounce on its own when she is dead asleep. Creeps me out
goosica
My nephew does that! He's 6 months old.
SuperSunshineRainbow
Probably just gas.
slurplethepurple
Wind
SuperSunshineRainbow
Probably just gas.
ChronologicalMyopia
So damn true. "Honey, what are you staring at?" Pause... "oh, I just had to fart, daddy."
flipoutofwater
I have four month old twins that do this. Creeps me the fuck out.
CountDesMoines
The first one is from the joke about the kid picking his nose and people thinking the place was haunted. Classic kids joke.
GeekyGuyTitus
I agree, and because that one was at the top, it made me feel all of these are made up.
yourbassist
Misdirection is key.
KrazyKatLadyStarterKit
Right. She had a booger on her finger if I remember right. Great campfire stuff.
CountDesMoines
Good times
Amythyst
I remember hearing that one at Scout camp over ten years ago.
Ificknlovethisshit
I read that and thought she was probably eating her boogers in bed beside mommy.
ghostestwiththemostest
Wasn't it on Teen Titans Go, the camping episode? Beast Boy told the story, I think
CountDesMoines
Maybe but I told that story around the campfire long before that
pumpkinspicedrum
My 3 y/o perfectly describes a farm near the water in Scotland, where she lived before her car went into the water and she never got out.
iEatTheCat
You should Google that and see if it's in the news archives
pumpkinspicedrum
She never named a town or anything like that. Just a farm near the water.
8scout8
There's a book someone told me about that discussed kids being reincarnated, basically. The kids could describe how and where they'd died...
lilmisskalik
I love these stories. By any chance, do you remember the name of the book?
8scout8
No idea. I'm not sure if I knew it in the first place...
8scout8
Ok, Googled it and found it is called children who have lived before
lilmisskalik
Thanks!
Rips4w
Fuck off, Popaw Mike!
Boys4now
Right? Popaw ghost is a dick for keeping her up all night
DarkTowerRose
My stepdad used to tilt us back really far when we sat in his recliner then karate chop our necks. It was hilarious when it wasn't you.
Kristensparkles
I laughed.
hoboispope
that one is actually quiet easy to explain: very likely she told the kid and kiss have
glowblueglobalglobule
Murdered everyone (2/2)
NotACanadian
RIP :(
yoggsaron1
WHAT?!?
pencilv3ster
Hahahaha
MrBigBeard
Yes, and what?
GODfreyJones
He ded. Popaw got his toe soul
worldsokayestspeler
I call my granfather popaw too but I always thought it was spelled pawpaw untill today
Jyrroe
We always spelt it "poppa".
methadonegirls
I thought it was "papa"
isthisnecessary
Yeah what kind of white trash nonsense is popaw
thatwilldopig
I hear Papa and Pawpaw differently. the 2nd is definitely southern and the 1st can have emphasis on either syllable.
FuxYoCouch
My niece has an imaginary friend "Lena" she plays with and says it looks like her mommy... Her mom had a twin named Lena that died at birth.
LadyWidebottom
When I was a kid I had nightmares about a dead baby in our toilet. When I was older I found out mum miscarried in there.
FuxYoCouch
We never talk about her and I didn't even know her name until my mom heard about it and told me why everyone was freaking out...
asmallcat
Someone talked about her and the kid overheard and liked the name, or the kid heard the name somewhere else (like lena dunham?). That's it.
AlefgardHero
But nobody likes Lena Dunham.
FuxYoCouch
We seriously never talk about her. I didn't even know about her until I was 17... But she could have heard the name somewhere else.
emfiliane
Obviously if you found out at some point, they do discuss her from time to time. Probably more now that the sorrow has worn off.
AgentFoxMulder
I know a lot of people are trying to explain it away... but I believe you.
FuxYoCouch
Thanks Mulder.
Iwantedthenamezerocoolbutsomeoneelsetookit
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CYk2nA-Suzs
milkwasnotabadchoice
I have a kid and all he ever does is watch cartoons and make fart jokes. He needs to get with it.
Croaks
day 1 in the ghost house
TasteOfNoise
never too late for a̶n̶ ̶a̶b̶o̶r̶t̶i̶o̶n̶ adoption.
Flymolo30
You say that now but wait until his head spins 360 and vomits pea soup everywhere
itsPixie
My 2-year-old farted and I told her to say excuse me. She laughed and blew a raspberry and said "I like that noise. The butt-butt noise".
IFuckingLoveGoldenRetrievers
Cant blame her when she's that cute!
mstalltree
Is he by any chance named Gene?
swagmoneyswag
You have raised him well
ericdidit
My son said that me and my wife are going to die in a car crash, then showed us the position of the bodies when help comes...
Verldemert
And you're absolutely sure that abortion is too late or..?
ostiniatoze
Really it's just a semantic issue.
kriositivity
When my daughter was a baby she would laugh and smile and say hi to something behind me. Only when I changed her in her room. I don't live
kriositivity
There anymore but my ex does and he says in the morning she wakes up and talks and plays by herself. Here she usually wants out right away.
deodorantinmybutt
Yikes!
NipplesInAJar
Fart jokes are... the bomb.
realscrumpysteve
Buy him oija board.
Verldemert
That is perhaps the most convincing argument I've ever heard to get kids.
TedTheMan
Maybe he sees farting ghosts.
UncleTouchysPuzzleBasementWhereYouTakeOffYourShirtandCry
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=9HSR8-AUV8I
AcadianBacon
Farts are ghosts of the food you ate. c: A shart is a poltergeist. D:
kingofshitafuckmountain
poltershite :D xD
AcadianBacon
c:
kingofshitafuckmountain
:D
Kyuun
My kid once woke up crying, I tried opening his room door but it felt like something smashed the door closed. Then I heard a howling noise.
Kyuun
Any kid can have scary stories if you're willing to lie! Hell, I don't even have children.
Pettranella
I will give you mine. He is scary as fuck.
IFuckingLoveGoldenRetrievers
Tell us!
Pettranella
Haha, Kay. So today we Skyped his dad since I am a state away visiting fam and I called him over to say hi. He climbs up on my lap, ...
Pettranella
2/? Looks hard at the screen and says "who's that with daddy?" "Daddy don't look at him it makes him mad. I told you not to let them in!"
IFuckingLoveGoldenRetrievers
Well thats creepy!
Pettranella
3/? He is always giving him warning before leaving for work. Don't let zombies in the car. Watch out for volcanos. Don't get dead!
witsd
The majority of these occur when people talk in front of children, thinking that they aren't paying attention. Kids. Absorb. Everything.
gynonurseifixyourladybits
LLLLLLL-OGIC!!
DownInTheBayou0525
Not the important things. Never the important things. But they always know that one thing you prayed they would forget
SatansFurryJamHats
This is why my 3 year old can fit the word Fuck into any sentence flawlessly, but doesn't know where we keep his shoes.
Lilshadow48
Using fuck well is an important life skill.
rankdank69
Especially for a 3 year old
catsandcoke
Like that Heaven is for real kid. W"we never told him about the miscarriage" he clearly heard you talk about it
LadyWidebottom
My daughter is just plain old creepy. I've commented many a time about her creepiness on imgur.
PolarHailStorm
And if it is reincarnation, I'm going to be a little bummed. Mainly because I'm so unlucky I'd get reincarnated back as myself.
[deleted]
[deleted]
PolarHailStorm
So I'm told, but knowing my luck!
ramarins
I knew that but those stories crept me out anyway. Thanks for reminding me.
LadyWidebottom
My daughter is just plain old creepy. I've commented many a time about her creepiness on imgur.
TheGreatResurrectorofThreads
your right
ThePudding
No they don't. Try teaching.
witsd
It's in there, it just usually comes back out in the wrong order.
Kaysmira
They remember random things and things you don't want them to remember. Like swear words and gossiping about your in-laws.
nerdyvet
They absorb if they aren't saturated. IMO, school tries to shove too much too fast without the appropriate breaks that children NEED.
RonPaulWasAnInsideJob
So if I lost my mop, just grab a kid and used them to clean the floor?
o11c
https://www.google.com/search?tbm=isch&q=kid%20mop&tbs=imgo:1
AzizAnsari
I'm really hoping you get more points than the comment you replied to.
triflersNeedNot
Of course not, what are you insane? Those things are fucking fithy.
RonPaulWasAnInsideJob
I wash mine in the machine with some bleach from time to time.
Bearjahud
The floors, or the kids?
triflersNeedNot
http://parentpalace.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/01/dirty-kid-576x439.jpg
RonPaulWasAnInsideJob
Yes.