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Feb 22, 2015 6:44 PM
Taresz
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blackguard89
GUYS! I have an idea for a new hit game. The title is "Angry SPERM!"
retsaoter
#14 Protip: the jagged edge of the wrapper is for easy tearing. DONT use scissors.
xylalove
As a girl with a large penised S.O, the XXL ones made me giggle.
Karnagon
Damn Jesus, why in the hardest part of my life is there only 1 set of footprints in the sand? Because I carried you with my 3 legs my son.
Deske
Shots fucking fired.
Mostlikelynotapineapple
I thought the first one meant "Don't father the kid that's super bad at sports."
vauhtihirmu
Fun Fact: The resting size of a penis doesn't really reflect its size when erect, as some of them "deflate" more than others.
WarJesus420
Hence the phrase:Grower not a shower
romans8
cause this doesnt totally encourage stupid guys to buy condoms that are too big and don't work effectively
Narushima
Just FYI, these brands' supposedly XXL variants are about 5 mm wider than the standard ones, which is nothing.
ItWasNotMeItWasTheOneArmedMan
Fun fact: many of the XL condoms are for extra girth, not length. You can fit your whole leg in a condom if you try hard enough
ChalknCheese
Bullshit..not a whole leg :P
wherearemypajamas
The first 4 were my favorites.
ThinkFurther
Durex "XL" and many other "big" condoms are actually for the same girth as regular condoms (52mm wide). They are only longer, but not wider.
WhyIsEveryNameTakenHolyCrapThatWasTakenToo
I'm not the only one that tried to solve that maze, right?
ChrisPrattsTinyNipples
I knew there was no way out (thanks Durex™) but I tried it anyway.
TheWellington
That's like trying for a baby with a condom on.
thk5013
Mobile Imgur's bar tells me this is a good post.
ThisIsTheEighthUsernameIveTried
It's all well and good making extra long ones, but I need you to sell wider options.
BTWNOPE
http://www.mysize-condoms.com/
ThisIsTheEighthUsernameIveTried
Dw bro, I already got http://www.theyfit.co.uk/ all measured up.
Branch68
the kid pageant one is great
HowMuchWoodCouldAWoodDuckDuckIfAWoodDuckCouldDuckWood
"XL" condoms are less than 1/3 of an inch (~8.5mm) longer than regular condoms
EverythingITouchHasAProbabilityToExplode
And for Durex at least, less than 4% wider than a standard one...
ohnosky
Why anyone would want a dick that touches the ground?
WarJesus420
It's a joke.
hoofbeatsandsnowflakes
and why would any girl want that dick inside of them? It's probably going to be bigger than me. my brain don't need fucking.
5NoteHalf
So, the sand one.... ow, ow, Ow, Ow, OW, OW, OWW!
KrisKringlez
Those first few are a bit discouraging.......The last one is just plain frightening
wordbanksaresexy
A knock at teen mothers, and a child? Sorry, don't mean to get my panties in a bunch but not very funny.
superippednobody
Honestly that one with Honey Boo boo is just mean, who bullys a child like that?
sowetoninja
You fucking people do, all the damn time here on imgur. Just look at the comments about Bieber,it's 10x worse but 'justified'. Ridiculous.
eisley
Seriously, who the fuck calls a child a natural disaster??
superippednobody
anonymous strangers on the internet
WhyShouldILoveYou
Parents. Source: A lot of parents in another post.
thedevil
because undoubtedly the child is looking at condom commercials. Fuck that, she put herself in the limelight as a joke, she can take a joke
superippednobody
again, shes a little kid. Her parents put her in the limelight, and the people at TLC who take advantage of them
thedevil
Agreed, but don't act like she doesn't revel in it. Her parents are by far to blame but now they all must reap the consequences.
HappyEngineer
#14 DON'T OPEN IT WITH BLOODY SCISSORS
Beepity
Noted. Get the blood on the scissors *after* the ol' in-and-out.
mostdefinatelynotgoingtorememberthis
I read that in Michael Caine's accent-
HappyEngineer
You're only supposed to blow your bloody load in it!
MySecondAccount
How about clean scissors?
JSmith90
I looked for the blood
WarJesus420
So don't use your murder weapon?
screamingwinemaker
In the middle of a pregnancy scare. Thanks durex. You had one job. You failed >:(
spiritussancto
trojan have broken for me. never any other, but trojan warming lube eats rubber and nail polish
ToupeeForSale
The only one I've ever had break on me is Durex.
c4iou
You had one job...you failed my friend.
spiritussancto
my heart goes out to you. i've been there. for future reference, lifestyles skyn have been good to me. poly is stronger than latex
ihavetriedinmywaytobefree
Skyn all the way! As a woman they feel the best to me.
sheeko
And this is what I created for Durex as part of my graphic design assignment http://imgur.com/xWjVzVA
WarJesus420
That's pretty clever
sheeko
Thanks mate!
MrDoove
Well thanks for making me feel insecure
Faylom
I think pushing insecurity is a marketing technique but I don't see how it would want to make you buy durex here
RapCatTheRappingestCat
Most Xl condoms are the same size as regular condoms. There are bigger ones, but you have to read the sizing to make sure. Source: uhhhh....
efhawthorne
Your penis is massive.
nkaplan89
Its true.
AnalBeard
Most of these are about big dicks.
TyrionLannisterTheImp
Well I mean we've all been there. Right?
carewyllie
I didn't realise how funny your comment was until I got to the last pic.
Tuckletuts
and most guys who buy those products don't need them.
AnalBeard
#knowyourdong
OzintheSand
Only 5 of the 16 refer to big dicks.... might want to check that definition of most
skittleyphallus
Just the way I like it
TuLasVuKiMonKu
There's nothing wrong with big penises, stop harassing me!
Anononononon
You are largest microphallic man in the world.
TuLasVuKiMonKu
Thank you! Some compassion at least!
ArthurTan
I think it's to showcase new product range.
666scav
most of these are about durex
LMNOParis
Shit, I thought they were about people with tails. I don't know what's wrong with me.
roonmian
Because they're ads for XXL condoms.
ThinkFurther
You mean long dicks, because the condoms are longer but not wider...
vegivamp
There's about 1mm more diameter, too, iirc.
ThinkFurther
as if 1mm would matter ^^
vegivamp
Well, the stuff stretches, and if it's really tight I suppose 1mm might yield some relief. Not personal experience, I just like big dicks :)
ThinkFurther
And I can tell you that its not a relief. There are only two brands that actually focus on making wider condoms in Europe (>10mm difference)
liekifucrievytim
Mine's not long but it's thin
spiritussancto
PSA: if you actually need a larger one, lifestyles skyn large or durex love are the widest and thinnest. no excuses. wrap it up.
sowetoninja
"guys with big dicks buy our product" It only works b/c guys are still socialized to think that their size is an important characteristic.
CopperWench
Most will buy it because they want people to think they need it, but it's not safe if it slips off because it's too big :(
01111001
These wouldn't work in China.
confuzzledtuna
You'd be surprised ! I know I was pleasantly so =======)
01111001
I'm sure there are outliers but on average, they're below average ;-)
SweetToof1890
woahwoahwoah...you're right
menapoeka
If you cant sell a big dick sell something that says the buyer already has one.
Funcow
+1
Emjayen
Which is basically just playing into the target market's pre-existing delusion.
irrationallime
Unless he has a big dick...?
mechanimated
Well under 10% of men actually need a larger than standard condom. Magnums are usually bought as a form of dick braggery or self-delusion.
tarataqa
big dicks + analbeards maybe?
boogersweretasty
was that a typo on anal beads, or are anal beards a thing? (and no I will not google it!)
AnalBeard
My username
vegivamp
Hullo master Holbaerd :-p
boogersweretasty
How the hell did I miss that
raggingmuppet
Feeling left out?
DonaldTrumpsPubicCombover
Maybe...
AnalBeard
Yes
ithinkmycatisbatman
.......
killer10347
its alright, since only 15% of men are above 7 inches
mattvam
7" is the top 8.67% according to huffpo from this article http://www.free-condom-stuff.com/education/research.htm
mattvam
15%? that sounds like a lot lol
seasonsgreetings
Speaking of condoms; isn't Trojan like the worst possible name for a product that is supposed to keep out "unwelcome guests"?
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WarJesus420
You really never thought that when buying Trojans? It was one of the very first things I thought of. At most the second time I bought them.
BTWNOPE
Maybe it's about sneaking in safely ?
WouldYouLikeSomeBaileysImOldGregg
I've had Tojans rip and fail so many times, I only use Durex now.
zero420
I've always thought that too.
ZeroCookie
I'd never thought of it before. You and I are more different than it would seem at first.
batlrar
True. More like a submarine, really. A mode of transportation for seamen that you pray never breaches because then everyone is doomed.
tiddlywink33
But what came out of the trojan horse was so strong it changed lives.. I think that's what they were going for.
Gingefro
but in this case you don't want ANYTHING coming out- life changing or not. so... no?
epidia
To "work like a Trojan" means to work very hard, so I assume they were aiming for that... kind of unfortunate with the other connotation :)
megafootjohnyy
Yeah, that's why the logo is a horse too
epidia
...no it isn't? At least not in the UK.
GrabbinSince05
The woman thinks its an innocent gift, then the Trojan sperms bust out of the condom and she gets pregnant
blink92
This needs way more upvotes.
GrabbinSince05
Thanks homie
BTWNOPE
Maybe it's about sneaking in safely... like they did in that horse.
WarJesus420
Yea, the sperms would pretend to be in the condom and sneak safely into the unguarded vegina.
BTWNOPE
Or maybe it's about the guy not getting attacked by all those shitty STDs and future alimony payments because hes hidden in a trojan [horse]
WarJesus420
Doesn't really compare accurately to the Trojan horse incident then. They didn't hide in the horse for safety. They used it to sneak in
BTWNOPE
So they didn't sneak in safely ? Like hidden without beeing detected and instantly killed...
spiritussancto
i've had at least 5 trojans break. never any other brand. just sayin'
ladywhiskers
I would totally play Angry Sperms.
LumpPump
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ve_a57oHFs0 i could only find a reveiw
imnotthedoctor
Dafuq?
CyrenVelsoul
To be honest, who wouldn't?
Counterfit
They look like the Waze logo.
LilMissLeopard
I thought the same thing!
menapoeka
99% chance to lose
asbas
That shit's harder than flappy bird, and that's saying something.
HappyEngineer
Lots of lives though
koopaya
Individually murdering millions of sperm.
ThatJerkYouKnow
God but that 1% win would feel so sweet.
TheRuxinLooksLikeAMiddleAgedLesbians
*shudders*
Marrell
I assume most of these aren't actual endorsed condom ads. It's not professional to attack/insult a child no matter how annoying her family.
goawaybird
Yeah, these don't seem official
szepasszony
Did they sue South Park as well? I think you can insult people once they are public figures, rather than private citizens.
IHaveAPhrasalUserNameLikeThisOneCauseTheyAlwaysGetTheTopComment
It's okay, the child won't understand. Also, is insulting an adult any more alright?
Nobody7713
Yes, it is. Children have more sensitive emotions and are less likely to actually be at fault. Adults make their own decisions.
evillesbianfromthesnakehouse
for christ's sake, stop lumping him with us! we don't want him!
LiveLikeLarry
"Her"
ZeroCookie
Most of the durex ones are exactly the sort of print ads they run in magazines and stuff.
PuppyDontCare
I looks like an exercise at some publicity university
notmicrowavesafe
A good number of these are false ads, some of them are even reposts :P
GoGoPowerRangersssZEEOOO
"Her family"
vegivamp
Would you really be surprised if that family accepted payment for this ad ?
zero420
The last one should be! Fuck the lawsuit.
slashjunky
Imagine the PR disaster. She is a child.
Luvvie
The father's day one is real
rebeccaisafish
I just cane to say this.
labrat
But still funny!
Snooj
I believed they were real (although not for the US, we're too prudish here) until that one. Then the whole charade came crashing down.
ImJustHereSoIDontGetFined
You believed the Honey Boo Boo one was real?
Snooj
No, I believed the ads were real *until* I got to the HBB one.
ImJustHereSoIDontGetFined
Ah, gotcha. For some reason I thought you said "until that LAST one" in your previous comment.
ByThePowerOfSCIENCE
Besides enough lawsuit potential to give any litigation attorney an 8-hour erection?
Amythyst
He better see a doctor about that.
01111001
Doubt it - late night tv anchors make jokes like that all the time. It's perfectly legal to poke fun at people.
ByThePowerOfSCIENCE
Well, some _very_ superficial research says you're right. Hustler vs. Falwell only turned out emotional damage and SCOTUS knocked that down.
01111001
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hustler_Magazine_v._Falwell intresting
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IconicNebula
Oh god im laughing way to hard at this.
IFoundOutICanChangeMyUsernameSoNowYoullNeverKnowWhoIWas
LEAVE BRITNEY ALOOOONE!
rebeccaisafish
The fathers day one was real. Its Australian.
SweetToof1890
you win
buttholepirates
I actually just snot rocketed because of you... +1
Psyman2
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH
BabyMamaMina
I don't get why calling a guy a girl is supposed to be funny.
BoredCreep
It's because it pisses him off.
ImJustHereSoIDontGetFined
A little bit sexism and a little bit because people generally don't like being identified as a gender/race/etc. that they're not.
khaleesimotherofkittycats
It's funny because women are lesser than men!!
HannibalLecturer
Women ARE lesser than men, silly. But you definitely are cuter when you're protesting with your cute picket signs and your bra-burnings!
khaleesimotherofkittycats
Hahahaha I'm flattered by the attention Mr. Hannibal <3
HannibalLecturer
I was thinking about you in real life, too, princess, but probably not PG-rated like you are of me.
thelml
I feel like this may have been a critique on calling Bieber a "she" as if being a woman was an insult (being lesser than being called a he)
khaleesimotherofkittycats
Ya, it was. Not sure how else one would take it. Fucking ridiculous.
ImJustHereSoIDontGetFined
I thought that was pretty obvious, myself. Judging by the downvotes, I guess not.
BabyMamaMina
That's what I got from it.