CurseoftheMurph
238227
6048
154
May 1, 2017 7:13 PM
CurseoftheMurph
238227
6048
154
CoryBernardi
'lasers'
HellHathNoFuryLikeTheKrakenScorned
A team of 12 scientists will receive a text message? Really? The fate of the earth is reliant on these scientists receiving these messages?
TheyCallMeMrPigeonCuzImJustSoCoo
"An Asteroid is heading toward Earth!" 12 Scientists: "lol, New Phone, Who dis?"
BiliboyJenkins
12 scientists buy plane ticket to Fiji, don't explain why.
KZDM
In several hundred years time, I don't think sending a text message to those 12 scientists is going to work...
RobustRobot
One of these tags is not like the others...
Hipcatjack
honey badger dont give a fuck..
LeastInterestingManInTheWorld
Fuck it - let it hit.
veritasgear
After a video I saw the other day... It may be for the best.
TheHeathLedger
*message is sent to the scientists* *scientists leave it at read*
jwax33
Seriously. If an asteroid is heading towards Earth you'd think it rate more priority than just a text message.......
HellHawXOmega
Stonehenge Turret Network?
cuddlydingo
What happened to the whole, "we can only monitor about 2% of the sky" thing?
Chimichanga007
Well that's closer to the truth and this is propaganda
LlamaThrusts
Step 1. Assemble all s class heroes.
Hybris51129
Done:
BizzyF
ONE PUUUUUUUUUUUUUNCH
Whitetiger7654
Lol. There's no threat because we can't find it.
CherubCow
I fixed it for altered accuracy:
v
rendombeastly
Are we all just ignoring the lady that rode an adult sized tricycle into one of the clips?
PresidentProTempore
That was fucking hilarious
Hendlton
Yeah,you see though,there was that asteroid however long ago that missed Earth by a few hours and they didn't know about it until it passed.
ATLandNerdy
Got a source on that?
Ezzybells
One went past maybe a week ago but it was super far away still.
Hendlton
http://www.nytimes.com/1989/04/20/us/big-asteroid-passes-near-earth-unseen-in-a-rare-close-call.html This is probably what I was thinking >
Hendlton
of, but I remember there being one more recently, like a couple years ago.
JustAnotherLinkInTheChain
There's no risk at the moment. DON'T BE ALARMED. THERE IS DEFINITELY NOT AN ASTEROID HEADED FOR EARTH RIGHT NOW
TuggSpeedmann
Yeah because a public statement is always a good idea.
bunnyrut
if it was unavoidable and all life would end they really should not tell anyone.
MelodiousDissonance
They never said the statement would be an astroid was heading tword us, could just say everything is fine ignore all other info, you're safe
SirDistic
There IS an asteroid headed to Earth. It WILL hit us and it WILL wipe out all life on Earth. Deal with it.
igoslow
i'm calling in sick
BigBlue6
If anyone thinks they would tell the public they are sorely mistaken
Veggisaurus
Did Trump fire those scientists though?
Capsulex21
Easy, modify the shields of the enterprise and use them to push the object at 1/4 impulse. Duh.
Mavgurian
Alter the gravitational constant of the universe ... no, wait, that was for moons falling out of orbit.
randomusernamenumber2
you forgot to reverse to polarity of the deflector dish first
PartyPete
Like a balloon, and something bad happens!
BattloidKouji
So their plan is that they'll make a plan when it actually happens?
MelcToxic
Contemporary politics in a nutshell
Madhouse5213
depending how far and how big it is, crashing a small rocket into it should fix it or even better a small bomb
thecommenterimgurdeserves
Step 1:
v
RebelWithoutApplause
Deathgasm!
soulmercenary
Damn. I've shit my pants before, but never to the extent that it looked like I was stabbed in the ass.
acme64
DrTacticalKeyboard
http://imgur.com/jggLknb
Derwegdeswarheit
Dude what the hell
QueenofCraptarctica
Morg729
Ever eaten beets?
QueenofCraptarctica
SpecialContainmentProcedures
myanusisbleeding.gif
Markedantlion
What is this from
SexDrugsBirdsandRocknRoll
Dethgasm. Fantastic movie, check it out if you like metal and stupid gore
zapsmass
Telescopes are not watching 100% of the sky, it's more like 0.3%
apwillenme
Was anyone else a little disappointed about the low chance of asteroid impact? Like just a little bit, probably there's a name for it.
AnnWiddecombe
Yes! or the low probability of Yellowstone blowing its lid in my lifetime, or another ice age.....God i'm so bored!
ATLandNerdy
Humans are bad at assessing risk, a "low" risk, a one in a trillion risk, could happen any moment. Asteroid or aneurysm, were all fertilizer
apwillenme
A name for wanting the worst thing to happen, just a little.
apwillenme
Similar to Imp of the Perverse....
ATLandNerdy
schadenfreude kinda? Usually means happening to someone else, but might be what you are thinking of.
jmulderr
Is that little girl in charge of finding civilization ending asteroids?
coronus42
Better than some stuffy old man.
SnowMeowPlush
Most likely, their trying to crowd source a lot of finding asteroids nowadays. NASA released some software back in 2015.
widgieqoio
I can't stop laughing at this, I guess it's time for bed
DianNaoChong
Why do you think she has to confirm with authorities after finding it per the gif?
darkhavana0512
TheGreatBlueHeron
The young have better eyes.
bitemark
She's actually 96,and had an accident with a de-aging experiment. SNAP!
moxymox
She is. They're even making a movie about her: In a world where tween girls can't even, Mallory Lapine *can* even.
0ppai
*gasp*
jmulderr
5/7, would watch.
OneEyedTrouserCatsnake
This summer, Rob Schneider stars in... Mallory Lapine: The Asteroid's mine. Rated PG-13.
DennyOverlordd
You cant not read this in movie trailer guy voice
tekcor
YA novels have taught us kids are better at this kind of stuff... for some reason.
espressoandpostrock
Who do you think sends the text?
Retromorphic
The man on the asteroid... obviously. otherwise how would they know?
YouThinkThatsBad
"omg u guise fml"
CalifDave
Wow, that was a meaning-changing hyphen-omission.
james25000
It's Dorothy....Toto is at her feet!
Chagum
For good reason http://imgur.com/yKxIOI1
StarmanUltra
Holy shit I haven't seen this for like... a decade
Patharoth
I like this.
ThoughtfulSatan
I love this
CristhianIR
That's some Anime plot right there..
BavarianGuy
After the Trump funding cuts, yes, she is in charge now.
AtlantaFalcons
No danger? There is a 100% chance of a major impact we can't stop with today's technology. The only question is when the next one will hit.
mmurrbles
You could stop an asteroid with nukes.
AtlantaFalcons
Not a large one.
TheBalto
And only if you have enough time to react.
mmurrbles
So like 6 minutes
TheBalto
6 years *might* work.
mmurrbles
Use more than 1 nuke
AtlantaFalcons
Maybe Kim Jong Un will help.
ThoughtfulTortuga
Well if it's in a few hundred years the technology will probably be quite a lot better.
AtlantaFalcons
Could be two years. A big first time comet could be inbound right now. 85 miles in diameter. Not a damned thing we could do.
Rifneno
1-This is alarmist bullshit and you should be fucking ashamed of yourself. It's been 66 MILLION years since one that was only 6 miles in
AtlantaFalcons
https://www.sciencenews.org/article/heres-how-asteroid-impact-would-kill-you
AtlantaFalcons
A pretty nice one hit Jupiter a couple of decades ago.
Rifneno
2-diameter? "OMGZ AN 85 MILE ONE COULD BE 2 YEARS AWAY" The chances have about 500 zeroes between the . and the 1%. Take a pill. Jesus.
AtlantaFalcons
We're overdue.
Thorbane
Never-mind that 85mi. diameter objects tend to be rather visible. Those ain't going to sneak up on us.
jigglypuff66
None of this is being actively funded/built, so put your head between your legs and kiss your ass goodbye.
ATLandNerdy
It's interesting how much funding "were all going to die" can get you. Hell, I-85 is just a big PITA and the money is just pouring into it!
Ryoswindwalker
Yeah, but time would be a real limiting facter by the time "we're all going to die" is the consensus among the funders.
jigglypuff66
It takes years and years to get a space project from the idea stage to flight hardware. Read up on the ARM mission - which just got canned.
sitmeherenexttobritneyspears
We'll need Bruce Willis and Ben Afleck
DiscoPhysicist
No, we've already voted on this. We're sending Harrison Ford and Arosmith. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vI86p6YogIg
WoolyBullyDoesNotRhymeWithSully
And all they have to do is drill? no space walks or any of that funny shit?
5700
Why does this comment have 1 downvote
Maaaaaaate
But not Matt Damon. Otherwise we'll just waste billions on rescuing him again.
MarkWhoGivesaFukFrom93Tv
If anyone can save the planet it would be John McClain and Daredevil
cobaltplasma
My old astronomy prof was so pissed at that movie, kept talking about how that's exactly not what they would do. So it's bombs away isntead
codylishush
Put them in cold storage for the next several hundred years then. And release them when we need them most.
CorgiCircus
And Steve Buscemi as the comic relief
noodlesthedemonhunter
Don't forget Steve Buscemi.
thefuzziestnipplesever
Just trying to feel the power between my legs
biffboy6000
He's in hiding currently for owing a loanshark $100,000, which he gave to a stripper named Molly Mouse.
chillin223
That's bad.
photog
♪ I can staaaay awake, just to heeeear yooouuu breeeeathEHN. ♪
LordStarkillerHimself
Watch you smiiiile while you are sleepin
xcopperx
Wtf
LordStarkillerHimself
Bruh.
xcopperx
On tha rizzle
CreatureFromtheBlackLegume
Wond'rin' if it's me you're see--an
samsonguy920
I'd rather have Robert Duvall and David Fichtner
newsguycraigevans
Pfft, we just need One-Punch Man.
BenO7
This made me lol. Pretty sure we'll kill ourselves before an asteroid does.
TheMcStache
This is exactly what I was expecting from the post initially.
Owlssaywhoooo
Me too. I'm watching the gif thinking- Billy Bob Thornton said none of that would work! They have to drill to 800ft to put the nuke in!
ShotgunFiend
What about Aerosmith? (And bacon?)
AggressiveEncouragement
What about bacon?
ShotgunFiend
So if I blow up this meteor I get bacon?
tjk3k
https://youtu.be/-ahtp0sjA5U
Cadaverific
Why not just train astronauts how to drill, tho
chillin223
Because that would be harder. The Oil Drillers don't fly the space shuttle or anything.
blainetog
"Shut the fuck up." --Michael Bay --Michael Scott
antleroid
we could do it with just Bruce, Ben didn't really do much in that movie except for not dying and singing "Leaving on a Jet Plane."
MrDeadsr
He brought the armadillo with the extra gear
agg79
Don't forget he drilled Grace.
margaretolson
As long as it's filmed so we can all watch. Dunno about the rest of you but I don't wanna miss a thing
RecoveringIntrovert
DON'T WANNA CLOSE MY EYES!!!
margaretolson
I DON'T WANNA FALL ASLEEP
RecoveringIntrovert
CAUSE I'D MISS YA BABY!
margaretolson
AND I DON'T WANNA MISS A THING
QSlade
Ben's DVD commentary on that movie is fucking golden
DeathsProxy1
"I asked Michael why it was easier to train oil drillers to become astronauts than it was to train astronauts to become..." (1/2)
DeathsProxy1
oil drillers and he told em to shut the f**k up, so that was the end of that talk" (2/2)
drickanderson
ahhh yes. An old priest and a young priest. Wait, wrong movie.
rocketman89
An old roughneck and a young roughneck. No time to train astronauts to drill!
drasparagus
But does't NASA have a room full of people just sitting around thinking shit up?
Owlssaywhoooo
And someone backing them up??
NotTheSharpestSpoonInTheDrawer
Yes, thinking shit up is a large part of how science is done
SovietRusalka
What's the contingency plan?
drasparagus
https://youtu.be/_B7MzBmjaJ8?t=16s
NPCommentator
That last slide is bullshit. Our ability to detect incoming objects is incredibly small in scope. As recently as a few years ago we had
kodiak931155
Look up book called count down city. Good read on the same subject
Varenvel
yeah , few years ago we only scanned , actively about 1-2% of sky ,if object would be big and NASA said it "at most we would have few days"
Varenvel
if the object was really big , it could be noticed sooner , maybe even with luck months , but then it would be too big to stop it.
Hybris51129
"We can monitor about 3% of the sky and pardon my language sir but its a big ass sky."
IAlwaysPost140Characters
Iirc, we've got pretty good detection chances for anything in the elliptic +/- 5 degrees. Outside of that? Yeah, it could hit tomorrow... So
CongratsYouAreHereNow
yeah, most asteroids are black and don't reflect light
UrinalPube
Black light matters
HumansArePrettyNeat
Here's a list so far. If you want to see important ones change it to around 1 year to today and sort by estimated size.
HumansArePrettyNeat
https://cneos.jpl.nasa.gov/ca/
HumansArePrettyNeat
https://ssd.jpl.nasa.gov/sbdb.cgi?sstr=162162 This is a good example of a bad one. That said, error is exaggerated the further away the pass
HumansArePrettyNeat
That was ambiguous. I mean error in close approach distance is increased the longer away the potential intercept is.
NoLicense
it said they ''can't detect'' anything. oh wait couple months ago they suddely find 3 inhabitable planets. maybe they should look better :P
kubit
Finding planets is quite different from spotting asteroids, you know...
NoLicense
or maybe you meant because they're so much smaller... SAME POINT! they should look better... how is this so difficult to understand?
kubit
Not sure what you are on about. I'm only saying finding an asteroid is entirely different to how they find exoplanets.
NoLicense
people missed the point like nasa is likely to miss asteroids or what fucking ever, because space is so fucking huuuuuuuuuuuuuuge.
valen00
most of it is BS, it'll pop up on the minor planet centre NEO page, there will be a global freakout shortly thereafter
monuke
Most of the plans are excitingly bullshit. You can alter its course by literally flying an object by it to change trajectory (via gravity).
valen00
If you detect it a hundred years in the future, which at this stage seems unlikely. I reckon a nearby nuke or 5 are probably going to be
valen00
the most likely.
monuke
Also, almost all NEO's are well documented asteroids, with the highest risk being 0.2% to impact in 2185. So... Yeah.
monuke
But I was wrong. You were on point with the nukes (1st bullet in second set) https://cneos.jpl.nasa.gov/doc/neo_report2007.html
monuke
Sentry Risk Table: https://cneos.jpl.nasa.gov/sentry/
monuke
I don't think you understand how small the Earth is, and how easy it is to miss.
NPCommentator
a large object come screaming through our little sector of space and we didn't see it until it was only five days away.
ChilledOutEntertainer
Also it doesn't matter cos even if we could fire a nuke at one which we can't we'd just get fucked by a radioactive meteor instead
iclickcirclesforaliving
The purpose of detonating a nuke next to it is to change the path of the asteroid. Depending on how far away it is
ChilledOutEntertainer
The reason being they are moving shitting fast.
iclickcirclesforaliving
Changing it just a few degrees would be more than enough
ChilledOutEntertainer
Last time i read about this, the author said we wouldn't even be able to hit the blighter, let alone be confident about angles of deflection
Vybors
Well, we have landed a probe on a comet so the know how to get close exists. And we'd be dedicating a global effort.
NPCommentator
Hell, the meteor that exploded over Russia was completely undetected. And NASAs detection system is finding as many as 5 near earth objects
RCain
Was that not a satellite?
swinglinered
I think they are most worried about civilization-killers, not mere city-killers.
NPCommentator
per day that could potentially be on a collision course with Earth. The fact of the matter is that we are woefully unprepared to deal with
NPCommentator
catastrophic events originating from space, let alone an extinction level asteroid collision.
ImLukeSkywalkerImHereToRescueYou
Psh, we have tons of trained drilling teams. We'll just train them to be astronauts, bada bing, bada boom.
Skyink
But, but... The slides said "No risk"..?
ChiLLeCheeze
Don't worry, I saw One Punch Man and Saitama was able to punch an asteroid.
robots914
The meteor that exploded over Russia was undetected because it was small. Anything big enough to do real damage would be seen long before it
Chereazi
Actual plan: Scream and die because there are no actually workable options yet since no one is really funding this shit xD
IBetThatHurts
I was really hoping the video would take that route. Anyone want to do some editing for fake internet points?
IJustLikeToArgue
If they have positively determined that nothing will happen for SEVERAL HUNDRED YEARS, then who gives a rip if it's not being funded?
loser9999
They haven't. The ones they are currently tracking dont have an eminent threat but they haven't found all of them. And the real issue comes
loser9999
From the fact they still haven't even tracked down all the "world killer asteroids" yet, only 95% ish. Let alone ones that could wipe an
loser9999
Entire city off the map.
MarvelAmiright
StarSauce
Actually yes there is. One example is the gravity tug. It works slowly but is workable over time
DiddleDucc
https://i.giphy.com/xTk9Zw6BH2XghduLx6.gif
OctaviousBlack
Who values their life less than money? You dummy.
samsonguy920
Just visit Washington, D.C.
samsonguy920
https://www.nasa.gov/content/what-is-nasa-s-asteroid-redirect-mission Funded under Obama. Likely to get axed by Trump, though.
Itkov
Detection of an event like this would happen many years in advance so there would be time to prep for it
bobziIIa
Sure there are. There has been missions to asteroids.
samsonguy920
To explore them. Not anything else.
justanotherimgurianbidenhistime
Ronald Reagan's star wars plan. Except, you fire it at asteroids, instead of the soviets. Also, add an explosive warhead.
MrDeadsr
That probably won't destroy it. Maybe change it's course.
justanotherimgurianbidenhistime
I never said it would destroy it.
browniesftw
destroying it is kind of a bad idea anyway unless you obliterate it. turns from one big thing, to basically a shotgun
justanotherimgurianbidenhistime
If the explosion turns it into small enough pieces, they will burn up in the atmosphere.
hsindi91
I thought Trump is funding it?
TongueTiedLabourerfromtheLandoftheLittlePeople
My experience with smug pronouncements of doom is that their sources are invariably rather ethereal
Bystandr
Given 4-6 months lead, existing tech could easily deflect anything up to ~100 miles across. Even painting one side and shining a laser could
Bystandr
do the job. If larger and/or closer , though , all we could do is nuke it and turn it into a shotgun blast.
shinagami091
Eh if everyone else gets wiped out with me I'd be okay with it
TonyStarkWantsOne
Curiousone545
Alright, I actually fucking hate that I love this. but read the link below.. I'm stoked. 1
pleaseconsiderthatImightbejoking
You know, you don't have to hate stuff just because trump is doing it.
Curiousone545
mm? No, I hate him for about a million other reasons. Mostly because I care about other people.. but I'm curious about his "support" w/this.
TakWriterOfWorlds
It fits his grandiose style. I'm not at all surprised by it.
Curiousone545
https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/speaking-of-science/wp/2017/03/21/trump-signs-nasa-bill-aimed-at-landing-on-mars/?utm_term=.717e44376c02
FriendlyNeighbourhoodSatan
Best one i've heard is a constellation of satelites to focus sunlight on a single spot to cause it to gas and adjust the path by a degree>
FriendlyNeighbourhoodSatan
Or two. We would need a few years notice to do that though.
Greymalum
We have plans that deploy space objects to expand solar sails on the satellite to change its flight path.
MichaeIScott
But..space is a vacuum..so it's path wouldn't be changed by any sort of wing or sail structure. Right?
Greymalum
Solar winds are because of changes in space, i.e the sun or any star.
mbos14
they use the radiation from the sun to move.
MichaeIScott
Neat! Didn't know that.
FriendlyNeighbourhoodSatan
Oo that one would be promising. Probably more cost effective too.
Greymalum
it is, because solar winds are already there. Free energy to use and protect us.
Hendlton
I was expecting the gif to cut off 5 seconds in and have people screaming and running around in panic.
imalumberjack
They would detect it years in advance
elganif
what it its traveling at relativistic speeds, a dark colour and doesn't cross a lighted object? Hours out before it catches enough sun light
mmurrbles
There is you let it enter the upper atmosphere and nuke it. You don't have to stop it just lower the kinetic energy.
TheBalto
For global extinction level events, nukes from the entire human race would make no difference at that point.
mmurrbles
The asteroid that killed the dinosaurs was only 6 miles across. Easily doable.
TheBalto
Nah. You may break up the asteroid, but all that stuff is still entering earth's atmosphere and causing nuclear winter. We die 1 way or ano.
mmurrbles
The damage won't be so severe because you've drastically lowered the kinetic energy.
TheBalto
BTW, dinosaurs-were-killed-by-a-asteroid is still under debate. Some new high-res isotopic proxies show major changes BEFORE the impact.
abraxasfury
Last resort is to tell anyone who owns a baseball bat, tennis racket, or hockey stick, etc to stand outside with it and hope for the best
MrJitterfingers
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CK-BwQL3a-w 'So he swung the bat...'
rokoy
http://i3.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/newsfeed/000/472/295/70a.gif
Wolfendesign
Canadians are nice, but I'm not sure they'd be willing to fight geese to save the Earth...
MoogleJess
http://media.tumblr.com/0f6c3964709297e29dcef5b60af3c53e/tumblr_inline_ml4a96Xy5q1qz4rgp.gif
ImScruffyImTheJanitor
I got guns, I can try shooting at it. Didn't work on the nader that destroyed my trailer home but them's some Wiley ones them naders.
DiddleDucc
https://i.giphy.com/xTk9Zw6BH2XghduLx6.gif
BloodyCrowOfCainhurst
Kakis!!!!!
BerryTreat
Hey, it worked in FLCL.
HesGotTwoFirstNames
He swung the bat.
Frederf
HesGotTwoFirstNames
Those... Eyebrows...
halborski
IsweartoGodLinda
Fooly cooly
FearlessFerret
Swing the bat, Naota
PartyLikeIts1994
Damn it, now the song's playing in my head
mc6riff
https://youtu.be/h9COHyaFMU8
moxymox
Ya'll can grab your baseball bats. I'm grabbing a beer.
grifmoney
http://imgur.com/5t3PFgu
DontTreadOnMeItHurts
This one always resonated with me. "Do not go gentle into that good night" style.
SatansTesticles
"Its just like baseball, son" he says. He closed his eyes and waited for death, knowing his son had never hit a ball in his career.
YouMightGetIdeas
To be fair. A civilization threatening asteroid might be big enough for his dumb son to hit it.
kellogleo
Is that you, dad?
Admiralsimon1
Is this from something?
LemonG34R
.
Kilyrka
Yes
Admiralsimon1
What would it be from?