thepenisbIue
333771
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Aug 4, 2015 3:41 PM
thepenisbIue
333771
10101
168
popisms
Anyone with money can hire a clown to stalk their children. You don't have to go all the way to Switzerland.
Zzzinthevalley
What the hell Switzerland?
tigmcdoolz
#15 Baby Paula is actually named after Liverpool's 1965 FA Cup winning side, plus manager & 2 assistants. Several of them were Scottish.
jessjoking
Wait, am I the only one who's just now realizing that 'donkey' is not the correct name for that animal?
AIComments
So many of these are completely, utterly false http://www.snopes.com/business/misxlate/donkeykong.asp Please don't upvote without sources
Thisbefluff
Stopped reading at chocolate pudding fruit. Where. How. Give it me
TheGhostofElizabethShue
Looked up some videos, it looks.. gross. Nommers reported 'it doesn't taste like chocolate' and 'a kind of sapote flavour' which is helpful.
baozigirl
On Black Day many Koreans don't really "mourn" being single, in my family we just like to celebrate it with large amounts of alcohol :)
coolawine
*Tana toraja is an area on the island of Sulawesi in Indonesia. Easy mistake but still.
mejusthappyrobot
Yes!!!
kaakku
The chocolate pudding fruit
witsd
#20 Treecreepy4me
TheDarkLordOfTrees
( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
WisdomPlaytime
Why only babies who haven't begun teething? So they can't chew their way out of the tree?
MersopolisII
TreecreepyFIDDYme
rjolly97
I made an account just to say #15 , didn't name her after the England team but that is the Liverpool team. Sauce: I am a Liverpool fan
SuperSaucySauce
Everyday is black day. :(
Bruhbeans
Hugs*
homers3rddaughter
On my actual bday. Screw you South Korea.
tacoanthony
Mine too :c
thegreatblacksby
And feb 14th is Singles Awareness Day. Happy S.A.D.!
Krzyjoe
TIL redheads are weak against fire damage but have increased resistance to lightning damage
TresusIbor
So..use a Chaos Blade? It worked on Ornstein.
Mheracai
Probably weak to ice type attacks as well.
DisturbedRanga
I'm ginger and I can bear temperatures of both extremes a lot better than anyone else in my family. Can't comment on electrocution though.
Chixiepixie
I think the tree think is kind of sweet. It makes as much sense as burning or burying the dead and maybe the tree provides for the people
hardytardigrade
I thought you meant the chocolate pudding fruit at first.
TheGhostofElizabethShue
#27 was made into the movie 'I love you Phillip Morris'. Kind of feel bad for the guy, fraud doesn't deserve 7 life sentences.
TheGhostofElizabethShue
He's also on 23 hour a day lockup. That's barbaric.
Zobaken
I guess the government doesn't like to feel like a bunch of idiots...three times in a row. :D
TheGhostofElizabethShue
"We'll teach you to make a heartwarming biopic starring Jim Carrey, you son of a bitch."
hazydolores
I would not want to be the one finding an eleven week old body. Ugh.
Zaelesh
#8 loved the archer episode based on that story
NintendoBii
Scrolled until I found someone else who knew. +1 :)
boomslander
Gonna need a side of sauce for most of these.
AIComments
A side? This post needs the KFC family feast.
Merseyswimmer
England soccer team is incorrect. Those are the players' and coaches' names of the Liverpool FC team of the mid-sixties.
CommanderTau
theres a movie about the guy that repeatedly broke out of prison
thepenisbIue
There's this really cool new thing called Google. You just type in what you want to know and the answers pop up on your screen, it's great..
AIComments
Yes, and Google tells me that many of these are BS. I don't have time for the rest. http://www.snopes.com/business/misxlate/donkeykong.asp
boomslander
Which, imo, the OP should do before posting "facts". Unless by "keep you busy" you mean "Google BS facts".
BBrooker
The failed assassin of FF died of TB not long after . There is a useless fact for you all. Enjoy.
onceuponatimeihadalife
Thanks. I really like useless facts, they're so interesting. (No sarcasm)
heyguysimtom
If you escape prison that many times and that creatively, you deserve to be free.
jepplax
yeah, that guy is wasted in prison. didnt hurt anybody, just stole loads of money.. i know that can have a knock on effect, but 144 years!?
HungryPumpkn
*Insert citations here*
Tobbelulle
Axl & friends* Not Guns'n Roses
pancreas
I'm still hoping for a reunion. I know it's silly, but maybe someday, somehow. I was too young to see them actually together.
Tobbelulle
I know Izzy andDuff have done a few shows with Axl, but I doubt they'll get Adler to even remember how to play the classics.
pancreas
I was just reading something about Adler being sober and wanting to get back together for a show or something.
Tobbelulle
Huh. Wonder what the rest of the band will say to working with him again. I mean he was a wreck last time they work with him
TheHorseJumpedOverTheFuckingFence
He's range was officially beat by Mike Patton of Faith No More anyway!
notsocrazy24
He's not even close to the world record widest range either
itsnotacompetitionpam
He can't hit those notes anymore
TheScientistFormerlyKnownAsRick
Even when he could they didn't sound particularly pleasant. He had a voice that fit the music, but it was by no means a good voice.
ICollectReactionGifs
wait, that ending of the butterfly affect was an alternate one? i thought that was the only ending? my while life is a lie!
KillerTofu615
I saw the other ending when I saw it in the theater. DVD copies had both endings.
GR3453m0nk3y
There are four endings.
KillerTofu615
... Ok then I've only seen 2... FACK
quithinting
Wait how are there 2 baby's if there's only one of him?
quithinting
I mean there's still 2 miscarriages, one being him that killed himself, another him born, who's the 3rd?
GR3453m0nk3y
I thought they were all him. Every baby/miscarriage is him.
Synophmn
I took it that he would have had siblings, but they all inherited the father's power/curse, and they all chose the same end after a time.
GR3453m0nk3y
There are four different endings.
loveallthepeople
I know the miscarriage and the ending where kayleigh moves away as a child. What are the other two?
DarthReznor
Me too wtf is the other ending
pretendimgoodatthis
I have a vhs copy and there is no suicide ending. Omg.
Murcielago
theres 3 including this one actually lol.
GR3453m0nk3y
Actually four lol.
Murcielago
aw yeah i forget because its almost like one of the other ones lol
thepenisbIue
Me too, you're not the only one
CruisinDownTheStreet64
I've never seen the suicide ending! what is this!
MileHighLivin
Woah woah woah. I appreciate this whole comment tree and how much effort you put in it, +1 all the way down, but: LeosOscar, are they 1/2
ICollectReactionGifs
it was perfect! what the hell ending did you see?
CruisinDownTheStreet64
Evan travels back to the birthday party where he first meets Kayleigh (Sarah Widdows) and whispers to her 1/2
CruisinDownTheStreet64
"I hate you and if you ever come near me again I'll kill you and your whole damn family." Kayleigh runs away crying. 2/?
CruisinDownTheStreet64
After a montage of his memories disintegrating, Evan returns to present day in the dorm room with Lenny and the two of them burn 3/?
MileHighLivin
2/2 holding you against your will?How is your health?Have you maintained minimal hydration? Send us your coordinates so we can get you home!
jenkinl1302
#4 Does it REALLY taste like chocolate? Or does it taste like chocolate in the same way that turkey bacon "tastes JUST like bacon?"
34DD
They taste nothing like chocolate pudding. Pretty disappointing IMHO. They also do not look appealing at all when ripe.
hardytardigrade
I bet when you close your eyes and think of chocolate it tastes JUST LIKE what you think a "chocolate-tasting fruit" would taste like.
carbonjen
I've had chico sapote which is similar and it seriously tastes like pudding/custard.
meskarune
Neat
Ortlas
Black Sapote fruit demand increased by 10 000%
iforgottowearpants
I prefer turkey bacon. It's much less greasy and doesn't leave me with that awful feeling greasy food does.
tanadarko
I'm with you! I also prefer turkey burgers and turkey dogs!
lotdw
Fuck turkey bacon.
existencialcrisiszone
I actually really love turkey bacon.
Whirrun
There are dozens of us. DOZENS!
PrincessUnikitty
I actually dislike regular bacon, but LOOOVE turkey bacon! Yes, based solely on taste.
TheWoodpeckerSighed
if the universe is 14B years old. How do we know it's 18B LY across?
ziccu
If the guy crashed thebplane how do we know he said those things?
WillTheFifth
(2/2) The result being that two points in space that are further apart will expand away from each other faster.
lyeNarsenic
No idea on how they measure these things. But if the big bang exploded equally in all directions, the universe should be about 28BLY across.
hardytardigrade
It stretches 9BLY away from us in both directions? I dunno
WillTheFifth
It's 96 Gly (giga-light years), the expansion occurs across all points in space time, and is therefore not linear (1/2)
TheWoodpeckerSighed
for something to be 18B LY across they'd have to be traveling at the speed of light for that long to get that far apart
DisturbedRanga
Or travelling 9B LY in either direction?
setsul
In this case the explanation is very simple: It's not. It's only 6-10B LY. It's also not a wall, it's shaped like a super cluster. But (1/2)
setsul
we don't know what it is, only that there's something. The biggest problem is that structures this large shouldn't even exist at all. (2/2)
BhataktiAtma
Curious, how come?
setsul
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cosmological_principle
BhataktiAtma
thanks
slurpuffeveryday
#5 ...if he killed all the pilots and crashed the plane, how do we know what he said?
hardytardigrade
That shirt was never from 1987.
dangerousDoc
black box
LaBotte
You racist !
Treblaine
America's single worst perpetrator of mass murder till 9-11.
Thepussyeater
Because his plan was crashing this plane.... WITH NO SURVIVORS!
CapnJackSparrow
Where do the stories come from I wonder?
WhateverWhateverIDoWhatIWant
http://www.smithsonianchannel.com/shows/air-disasters/im-the-problem/802/141887
slurpuffeveryday
Answered my own question, it was recorded on a recorder in the cockpit: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pacific_Southwest_Airlines_Flight_1771
galspanic
Yeah, that crash was HUGE in developing modern day safety standards. Not as big as 911 but it was a landmark case.
slurpuffeveryday
I didn't remember ever hearing about it, but then I remembered I was born the year it happened so I probably missed the news reports :p
IWasBannedBecauseImgurSucks
Let me guess: "Passengers are no longer allowed to take firearms aboard the plane"
SidneyHarbor
It still took the Bin Ladin attacks to get rules that planes have a strong, lockable cockpit door remaining locked while in flight though.
galspanic
Didn't really need it until then. We thought we had it covered with metal detectors. Obviously we did though.
zackofspades
Stone cold...damn.
Vitrum
Okay, the child stalking clown is hilarious. How many traumatized children are there in Switzerland, anyway.
SwissFuckingMoney
Well.. I am one.
Vitrum
is..is it because of a clown?
sianmink
At least their flag is a big plus.
AIComments
I suspect fakery. So many sources required for this post.
IceCreamMaam
Well, i am from lucerne and i've never heard about that.
onceuponatimeihadalife
3
mrtrentoncomedy
snowy129
I hope they don't shove the cake in the kid's face with all those candles on. Lots of blind kids in Switzerland?
Timezonelollypop
I understood that reference.
Timezonelollypop
I understood that reference.
PraiseRhllor
Guys, I am a child stalking birthday clown from Switzerland. Should I make a post about my job?
YouTasteLikeABurgerIDontLikeYouAnymore
absolutely. i need it to happen.
VesselOfHate
bullshit you are
parentingandvice
Let your red god tell you in a fire :D
LucianaYeahh
AbsoFUCKINGlutely yes and link it here so we can upvote :-)
SuperManlyManMan
Is that an official title? Is it like a specialized field of clowns? Are there rule or limitations on the extent of the joke itself?
DarkWingDerpy
Yes, Fuck yes, Hell yes, and any other kind of yes there is out there.
onceuponatimeihadalife
How do you scare them? John Wayne gacey style or jumping out of the closet? Does it pay well? Ah! So many questions!!
mikaspence
Ask shia
MadScientistInTraining
DO IT
iDrinkDrano
Switzerland is a weird way to pronounce Denver.
PraiseRhllor
iDrinkDrano
They did. I was kidding. My humor is crap.
PraiseRhllor
I enjoyed your comment so I would say that your humor is not crap.
IlluminaBlade
You're a child stalking birthday clown? Does the clown know?
Cisforstupidthatsgoodenoughforme
Do it! Do it right meow!
maryjaneblabla
Öpis,öpis...du bisch nid us de schwiiz ;)
SwissFuckingMoney
schoo ja
maryjaneblabla
Translation: something,something...you're not from switzerland
equestriad
If this is true, please please do!
PraiseRhllor
Sorry guys
anloni
http://replygif.net/i/1168.gif
YouCantKeepJetpackingAwayFromYourProblemsBrian
jinky74
You would think diet companies would make millions off of chocolate tasting fruit
putski
Just don't eat these until they are well and truly ripe, otherwise it's like eating an apple made of pepper.
putski
Just don't eat these until they are well and truly ripe, otherwise it's like eating an apple made of pepper.
DancingWhiteDad
I made an account finally just to answer this. I've had the fruit and it tastes nothing like chocolate. Imagine something very bitter.
jinky74
MVP of the day for that
pokenar
So.... chocolate before adding the sugar.
DancingWhiteDad
Meant to say something bitter that tastes nothing like chocolate.
stopthief
You have to wait for them ripen. I've never had a bitter one. If it's ripe, it does taste quite similar to chocolate pudding.
DancingWhiteDad
The ones I had were ripe. I was so excited to try it cause of all the hype about it tasting like chocolate. I was very disappointed. :(
blueberrycupcakes
chocolate is bitter, but they ad a ton of sugar to it
pokenar
To save people time digging through other replies: its real, just goes bad too fast to actually sell at a reasonable price.
CakeTare
But they do taste like Heaven! Sweet memories of Senegal. YaY!!..
jinky74
MVP
justiina
Yes, if that is true, why no-one is selling it?
jinky74
Hmmmmmm, maybe this is a lie?
justiina
The fruit is a lie? :(
jinky74
Tasting like chocolate pudding XD
aquatech
It goes off really really fast. Not good for transport. And the growing conditions are very limited. Source: my parents have a tree.
LadyWidebottom
I used to work in a supermarket and we sold it at one point, but I haven't seen it since (over 5 years ago)
TheLastNalbinder
Is it tasty?
aquatech
It's amazing, you mix it with cream and a bit of sugar. Put it on pancakes. And you can say it's healthy because it's a fruit.
MrSomeguy
Not healthy if you mix it with cream and sugar..
Autocorrekt
You know what else gets off really really fast?
kellogleo
op?
KazadAiMenu
probably not good for mass production or some other shit
justiina
I guess it could fixed someway, like genetic mutation... I'll be back when I'm rich.
specific78
but why?! #7
Chixiepixie
Would be awesome on a 21st
sianmink
At least the flag is a big plus.
qaaaaa
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=7V2lxFWBqfI
yOuShOuLdPiCkAuNiQuEuSeRNaMe
Lucerne is a neat but weird place. -I was there last year
Lumbermitsu
angryflashlight
http://imgur.com/r/wtf/OpFcp
Tambre14
TeamCosima
*scrolls back up
PainItForward
But why male models?
deathengineering
I know, right! I could have been *charging money*...!?!
TipsyLongStocking
Just because you CAN do it doesn't mean it's common or appreciated in any way.
mauryfeldman
To teach them to become men.
GetOutOfMyWhey
yeah no shit
babbzilla
The Swiss don't breed sissies?
babbzilla
They breed Swissies
babbzilla
I'm sorry... I'm not sorry.
HeyFreckleFace
As someone horrifically afraid of clowns,
ThisNameDoesntMatter
Because you touch yourself at night.
FlesHBoX
Don't you mean "Why not?"
LoudAngryJerk
because psychiatric therapy is fun and exciting?
loxus
Because fuck you, that's why
Rotmaster
For the glory of Satan of course
qussow
LooseCannonSpock
we better do what he says.
eronth
The birthday party is being held at your ex-wife's place without you.
noodleshoe
"And THAT'S why you leave a NOTE!"
TardisMistress
Haha, nice
flassk
remember that time your kid wrecked your computer... and your life?
specific78
LOL +1 for that
MyLifeisaComplicatedDrinkingGame
worker666
looks familiar. whats dat from?
FuckedSoHardNowImParaplegic
Harold & Kumar Go to White Castle
adrenalineeee
You're warned that the clown is after you, you can stop it at any point, and if you survive 7 days you actually get the cake. It costs 666.-
REOSpeedWeed
Because you touch yourself at night
cantcatchmeimthegingerbeardman
So many ways to make it a teachable moment. 'Maybe the clown would leave you alone if you studied harder/were nicer to your sister etc...'
MMAgCh
But in the end it turns out that the clown won't leave you alone. He'll always be there, watching. Waiting. Lurking. Until your dying day.
ThyWhoDevourstheSoulsofMen
Even after he was brutally murdered by the child, some say he is still watching from below.
lavenderys
I'll be the fun party person: He only did it for 5 days and only to adults, not children. Only about half the people got a pie in the face.
LordofGoats
Personally, I was thinking I might want to make a business venture based on that one.
Mithi
For shits an giggles!
ThyWhoDevourstheSoulsofMen
Are those the clowns' names?
Iampumpkinlord
It's all shits and giggles until someone giggles and shits.
inspiringandfunnyusernamecoolheh
Laxatives in hash brownies are for shits and giggles.
blonx
Need that jif of the dude getting hit in the face w a pie in slow motion.
Cisforstupidthatsgoodenoughforme
FlatPlutoSociety
Because I told you should should've cleaned your room, Timmy.
kvakkerakk
For the glory of Satan, of course.
RadionicPsychotronic
DetectivePikachu2
That's why
zackofspades
Can't argue with that.
notacoldwarkid
AddictedToAMemory
Kumamon no!
sykoticflaw
I was looking for this.
funtimenachos
#8 where the hell was this guy stranded? Was this like Tom Hanks in castaway stranded or I just don't want to go home stranded?
Akeera
He has a bio, "My 30 year Year". I audio booked it and it was pretty interesting.
esanahka
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Japanese_holdout
Imixmywhiskeywithmilk
Shoichi Yokoi stayed on Guam dug into a hole in the ground. He had a comrade with him who died. Look up the story-its pretty incredible.
TheBearThatCoudntBear
Oooh so the episode of Archer with the japanese outcast soldier is true then
LeviathAileron
I'm going to say Lian Yu, where he was exposed to Mirakuru and went insane killing hundreds.
Supernerdtastic
Dammit.
IGetWetDreamsAboutTonyStark
He stranded close to the USA where after some time of being alone he met a beautiful black woman. They had a son and named him Pharrell
KoalaOto
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hir%C5%8D_Onoda pretty interesting read actually
DrTobogganMantisToboggan
This sounds like an interesting movie idea. I think i've got some research and writing to do
Satsuiki
I forget which episode, but there's a definite reference to this in the show Archer. Archer convinces him the war is over and allows(1/2)
Satsuiki
him to contact his family. A bro moment was had.
MisforMancy
I'm pretty sure there was an Archer episode about this guy
KainPLan
I think it was even part of the plot of a Bud Spencer and Terence Hill movie if I remember correctly.
bachterman
anulu?
[deleted]
[deleted]
bachterman
that's the one. also puffin marmalade gives me the strength and endurance I need.
KainPLan
Man now I need to watch it, great movie :)
DaddysHome
its like that Archer episode. you should know which one I mean.
dabone69
Duhhhh and/or hellooo...
cole0
I'm pretty sure that episode is based on that guy. Amazing season, might I add.
mighteee
I love that he shoots at the CIA.
SuzetteTheSmoreSchnappsGirl
GIVE US A SECOND
jimicos
And they didn't fucking rescue him? Just dismissed him? That's Gilligan's Island shit right there.
Whydopeoplekeepcallingmethat
They took him back to Japan, he just had refused to stop fighting and come home until he received a direct order from a known superior.
sparkledick
Funnily enough, there was a Gilligan's Island episode based on this. Except the soldier shows up on the island and holds them hostage.
Whydopeoplekeepcallingmethat
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hir%C5%8D_Onoda
bluemofia
His squad was there for a while, stole from the locals, had firefights with the police, and caused problems in general. Eventually, a (1/2)
bluemofia
Japanese student tracked him down, and he refused to believe that Japan surrendered until his CO personally tells him that. (2/2)
bluemofia
Oh, and as a bonus, after he left the island, years later, he donated a bunch of money to the locals to apologize. (3/2)
skelitor120
They pardoned him from his crimes because it was his superior's fault that he had not been relieved already and thought the war was still on
kurelx
Thing with the Japanese Army then, if they were told an order they stuck with it. He was ordered by his officer to stay until he--->
kurelx
came back for him. So that is why he continued to fight and why they need his original officer to come and tell him the war was over.
NeilDeSassTyson
This was in Guam. I was stationed there with the Navy and it was part of the lore of the island.
bluemofia
Actually, the guy described in the image above was found in the Philippians (Hirō Onoda). The dude in Guam was someone else (Shoichi Yokoi).
ChefG0ldblum
close, the guy OP is showing was in the Philippines https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hir%C5%8D_Onoda
welluhwhatdoyouwantmetosay
This is Hirō Onoda. A different soldier was in Guam. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Shoichi_Yokoi
funtimenachos
Did he just decide he liked Guam better?
NeilDeSassTyson
Well, Guam is pretty fucking cool. But as the story goes, he hid in a cave by the water and lived off fish and fruit from nearby trees.
thundrlipz
he was a tailor before the war and made clothes from natural materials.
welluhwhatdoyouwantmetosay
He was a murderous bastard. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hir%C5%8D_Onoda
Akeera
Well he did think he was fighting a war.
welluhwhatdoyouwantmetosay
Leaflets were dropped, no one resupplied him, and he had men under him who wanted to go home. He murdered and robbed from civilians.
Akeera
I'm not saying what he did was right. His bio explains his thought process, it's pretty interesting.
skelitor120
To be fair, if I was in a world war and just barely survived by hiding in the mountains, I wouldn't believe many leaflets either, personally
welluhwhatdoyouwantmetosay
How many years do you believe the war lasts? How many years do you conduct guerrilla warfare on the locals?
Iamsonewatthis
Pretty sure he wasn't exactly stranded but hiding out in the jungle and refused to believe that Japan surrendered
Whydopeoplekeepcallingmethat
Exactly correct. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hir%C5%8D_Onoda
Iamsonewatthis
Even better than being technically correct, thanks!
funtimenachos
For 30 years? I must say I applaud his commitment lol
Iamsonewatthis
Let's not forget it took TWO atomic bombs to get them to surrender. Dedicated doesn't even begin to describe them at that time
Wurstinator
Didn't Japan want to surrender after the first bomb already but they couldn't reach the USA in time?
UnrelatedHistoryLesson
No. They intentionally did not respond to the US. Large elements of the government and military didn't even want to surrender (1/?)
iFavoriteThings
There's this idea among Japanese that they thought they would become slaves if they lost, because they enslaved china and korea before. 1/
TownsendV228
Well, their foreign relations with China and Korea are still fucked to this day because of their actions in WWII. So there's that.
iFavoriteThings
When America helped them rebuild instead, needless to say, they were shocked. They idolize America to an extent in this regard.
funkmaster40
Seeing how they treated the Korean and Chinese I am surprised they surrendered at all if that is what they thought would happen to them.