ColdPizzaTieDyeShirtsBrokenHearts
247600
7382
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Jan 18, 2014 5:38 PM
ColdPizzaTieDyeShirtsBrokenHearts
247600
7382
190
JBlack5040
I upvote anything with Olivia in it
HelenKellerVersusTraffic
we'll bang, okay?
Hankertanker
Olivia wilde is soft on the optic nerve.
IWieldNoPowerHere
I'm upset at the slight on England, but Olivia is a babe so I'll let her off.
ReallyCrazyIvan
That's it!! I lover her, now!! Thank you, internet!!
HeyFreckleFace
http://imgur.com/qWB4WtE
bagpipesonrye
Wow, Olivia's social media intern is pretty funny.
Troublerone
Fuck her, english food is good! >:/
bunnypunisher
I feel like a drop of urine and one pubic hair on the toilet seat is kinda like my signature.
JemimasWitnessss
At first I couldn't realize why this post has 5k+ points and then I realized who was posting these.
grimol
I don;t know who this chick is but I like her.
duckie523
You should watch Drinking Buddies on Netflix--awesome film. The dialogue was ad-libbed. Totally have a crush on her (straight female here)
JacqueShit
Meh..I've had funnier
dreamfall
Olivia Wilde is my waifu:
ShroomsofDoom
Not that funny. But I'm sure someone will be offended by this.
tooomanysteves
What would you give it out of 10?
BoardCertifiedAnalrapist
I love when celebrities don't only use twitter as a self promotion tool
Abominor
But saying witty things is how they promote themselves...
myusernamerevealsallthereistoknowaboutme
You don't think it's all about self promotion? It's all about brand recognition and the twitter feed is designed for that.
HankyDaddy
Thirteen is my lucky number :)
RobErtE87
who is this?
Shannerwren
Since apparently your Google is broken: http://imgur.com/r/gifs/5r3p8
nothinbutlovebro
If you want to watch her make these kinds of jokes and drink lots of beer, Drinking Buddies is now streaming on Netflix. Great movie.
AComebackForEverything
I just watched that yesterday and it was amazing.
semitransparent
Stopped browsing Imgur to go watch the movie and now I'm back - thanks for the tip.
duckie523
(somewhat of a spoiler?) Did you guys feel unsatisfied with the end of the movie? (spoiler warning your replies)
AsYouWishMaBiche
Yes and no at once. Thank you
duckie523
Yeah I guess I felt the same way. It felt more true to life but part of me was disappointed. Thanks!
WhatAboutScarecrow
Chairman Meow, Kittler and Saddam Pussein- why are there so many dictators with names that work well as cats names?
pepperidgejones
Pussolini. Catstro. is Clawlin too much if a stretch?
[deleted]
[deleted]
baneofthewalrus
that just spawned a theory in my head that all dictators in modern times from Napoleon on are cats in human suits
brap
These aren't funny. Sorry!
FancyFrance
Sorry I'm not sorry, these are all lame.
Konoton
Wait. Women pee on public toilet seats?
IMadeAnAccountJustToWriteThis
I always thought that some men were surprisingly bad at aiming. I can't even imagine how bad you have to be to miss the bowl as a woman.
hannavas
It happens if they sit too close to the edge, or hover. Hoverers need to learn to check behind themselves . . . it's so rude.
iamcatsnake
Ironic how the ones who hover always leave the mess they don't want to sit on in the first place.
getthismanabeer
Yup. Sad.
TheRicM
Could be those who squat on top of the seat also
hannavas
Never seen sneaker prints in the ladies' loo. (I DID see a guy standing on the seat tho. Sadly, was too shocked to say WTF are you DOING?)
TheRicM
Squatters are known to take off their shoes out of respect. Source: no source
hannavas
Hahaha! Except for the guy I caught squatting. He was wearing sneakers because: drunk in a porta-potty.
MC182
I alway wonder about these celebrity pages how much is them being funny and how much is their interns being funny.
iwishiwasawhale
Olivia Wilde doesn't know shit. English fish and chips are to die for/
iKnowMostlyRandomFacts
One dish. One.
peregrineza
Top class beef, the worlds best sausages, Christmas pudding, shortbread, Lancashire hot-pot, world class beer and cider etc.
AnotherImgurianEnglishman
You have no fucking clue.
iKnowMostlyRandomFacts
AnotherImgurianEnglishman
Mhhm. Yep. Because stereotypes are always 100% accurate.
rocketpeace
Shots fired.
bigflashyrobot
Roast beef and yorkshire pudding is great too.
iKnowMostlyRandomFacts
You can't just go and claim roast beef. Lol.
bigflashyrobot
Ha! Sorry, not claiming the beef. But it's the whole sunday roast. The yorkshire pudding makes it IMO.
AnotherImgurianEnglishman
Classic English food can be pretty damn good you know...
deranged1977
My wife is american and whenever we go there the food is just terrible. They just fry everything. You cannot eat healthy in the US
CrabWallet
Correction, you cannot easily eat healthy at fast food restaurants. Next time, go to nicer places, like "Table" in DC.
whatajoke
My exact thought. My Granny can cook a mean roast dinner...
peregrineza
Thank you. Despite the poor rap it got from post-war rationing & the hangover of that. Native UK cuisine stands with the best in the world
weeman5872
Some pretty tasty stuff came out post-war rationing, e.g. carrot cake!
peregrineza
TIL. Thanks, I assumed it was older.
NiceHopping
God, I miss fish and chips. Italy, why do you do this to me?
Vantia
Yeah, not sure where this view comes from, full English breakfasts are world famous.
marianaeatscake
I think it's because it doesn't look very appetizing. You should see the looks on people's faces (in the US) when I show them full Englishes
Purpleskittless
Cadburys. Need I say more?
AnotherImgurianEnglishman
Actually not a fan of Cadbury chocolate at all; too much sugar. The Swiss and the Belgian do chocolate better.
AnotherImgurianEnglishman
Someone genuinely downvoted me because of my taste in chocolate.. What are you? Fuckin' 12?
Arkvoodle
She's the kind of person that, while insanely beautiful, I would rather just chill and shoot shit with then sleep with, because personality.
MaltyVinegar
Because... Personality.
Arkvoodle
THAN* my bad, but then again, then is good too. However I meant than.
YarmulkeYarmulkeSexySexy
but then also definitely sleep with at the end of the day
HeisenbergWD
+1 for then.
stashfrog
jcbm
That's a false dichotomy if ever there was one.
ChainedRosary
THEN sleep with. I see what you did there!
WowYouCanChangeUsernames
Remember kids, grammar IS important!
zaqwsx82211
whynotboth.gif
HughLaurie
The difference between then and than is important, especially in sentences like yours.
Arkvoodle
Very true
suszygreenberg
Why can't you do both?
skittleyphallus
both, don't lie.
Arkvoodle
Oh if I had the option to do both for sure, but if I had to choose just the one...
skittleyphallus
hang out while you bang.
IMadeAnAccountJustToWriteThis
I don't understand. You like their personality, so you don't want to sleep with them? You only sleep with people who don't interest you?
Deadpo0l
I think I understand what he meant. He wouldn't value her solely for her looks and just want to have sex, but rather get to know her.
PlatoThePotato
Yeah that's pretty bogus if you ask me, I'd kill for someone who I'm attracted to and get along with really well.
Chronomechanist
No. They send "then sleep with." They still want to sleep with her, just do cool stuff first.
Mistruths
THEN, not THAN.
BrokeMyFunnyBone
Context points to than rather than then.
rippingpepperoni
Why not both?!
SasquatchChief
Is that an error or a clever comment? It's hard to tell in this case. +1 for being clever, intentionally or accidentally.
Arkvoodle
Accidentally :)
SasquatchChief
This is one of the times I probably would have lied. +1 for doing the right thing...
MissDerz
HA! Didn't catch it at first, clever you. I don't care if it's unintentional or not, either.
OnlyGray
oh god, I don't get it. Help?
HeyCasButt
"then sleep with" instead of "than sleep with" so it actually reads that he'd do those things and then proceed to sleep with her.
OnlyGray
Oh, can't believe I missed that! thanks!
chemistrydoc
Caption should read, "Olivia Wilde's pubic relations team. Ladies and Gentlemen". Quit being so damn gullible people.
brap
I think a PR team would actually hire a good joke writer.
hannavas
These are not so clever so as to be improbable. They're simply funny. If she was at Oscar Wilde level, I might be willing to doubt them.
IAmJacksRagingBileDuct
Are we all going to ignore the golden opportunity that the phrase "PUBIC relations team" presents us with?
wtfiswrongwiththatsewingmachine
Who wouldn't want to have pubic relations with her?
FreckleCharms
Why are people so quick to assume it's not the star tweeting? If a person at the pr firm could make up the joke then why couldn't Olvia.
chemistrydoc
I'm not saying it is impossible. I'm just saying it is not likely.
FreckleCharms
I think it is likely. A lot of time on her hands. A quick wit which she displays in interviews. I wish we could know for sure :)
iamcatsnake
Well truly, it isn't impossible for a celebrity to take some of her time to post a random thought on twitter.
Rumplepump
You think her PR team would be writing about cameltoes and women peeing on toilet seats?
chemistrydoc
If they are really good they would be.
PlannedPizzahood
I spent a solid 2 minutes trying to figure out what "pubic relations" were and how that would be relevant.
jericho93
She talks about these tweets in interviews, seems pretty legit to me.. Maybe you shouldn't be so cynical.
chemistrydoc
Who do you think is coaching her for the interviews? It is all about an image. IMAGE IS EVERYTHING when you are a celebrity.
jericho93
Who hurt you?
chemistrydoc
Just going with probabilities my friend. What is more probable? She does this all or professionals do it? Simple really.
jericho93
Well. On one hand, if she's faking this and goes along with it in interviews then she's a great actress. Or she's just funny. Win win.
IMadeAnAccountJustToWriteThis
What is more likely? A PR team invents an elaborate history for her, which she then memorizes and plays along with, or it's just her?
suszygreenberg
I'm straight, but the things I would do to her... oh my...
ptolemy18
I'm queer as a $3.00 bill and Olivia Wilde is at the top of my list of Women I'd Switch Teams For.
GuantanamoBae
Same, but I am also a man. We could totally do each other while thinking of her though...just a suggestion no pressure.
jrau18
This is the weirdest proposition for sex I have ever seen on this site.
ScottNapalm
And yet, it works
GuantanamoBae
You must not browse usersub.
jrau18
I used to, but I don't mean weird as in creepy. Just... bizarre. I've seen some weird, creepy ones. But that one... And apparently it worked
GuantanamoBae
Hey you gotta seize the opportunity.
suszygreenberg
Don't tempt me with a good time!
astropapi1
This is how it all began.
GuantanamoBae
Hey, I'm just offering a suggestion that would solve a shared problem between the two of us. I'm only here to help.
suszygreenberg
And help you will.
GuantanamoBae
Great! I'll bring the vodka.
DkAlrich
would bang on Sunday
iAML8
10/10
dathomiripunk
7/7 days would knock, hit, or thrust vigorously, often with a sharp noise
UvaroviteKing
10/10*
cable7193
I said a bang, bang, bangity bang. I said a bang bang bangity bang
skookysnax
I would send her my vibe, but theres no post on sundays.
p3nis
No post on Sunday
demut
We’ll bang, okay?
Uzing47
Shepard
demut
You’re lying, Morgan!
Uzing47
Lets get down to butts, as well as deez nuts!
demut
( Í Â° ل͜°)
jra805
10/10
TheRicM
Here's her and her sister, Chloe Cockburn.
Also, TIL, Olivia Wilde's real name is Olivia Cockburn. WTF
Studmuffin188
A Wilde Cockburn appears!
NotACanadian
Ow.
valentinevar
I would have kept that last name.
TheRicM
#Ooohburn #listofburncenters
DorcasAurelia
As a male, I don't understand how a woman can miss the toilet while peeing.
IDiedLawlFase
Because when we're at public toilets...women don't like to sit down...even if they're the first one there. And they pee all over it.
InboxMeYourBeards
Or when they don't wipe and stand and it dribbles. (things you learn in a nursing home)
mysterybruised
As a girl, not yet a woman, I love Britney Spears.
Imthedroidyouwerelookingfor
Men haven't exactly mastered that talent either.
laneymaire
As a woman, I agree.
Strudle
I don't even know myself and I'm a girl.
babbzilla
As A Woman, I Don't Know How Some Ladies Do That Either. I Think They Hover Or Use The Pee Funnel.
TheTylertoyourDoctor
As a woman, marvelous question. I have no idea. It's never happened to me.
ChaseGray
As a male, they squat and hover, and have no visual targeting like we do.
ToastyMozart
And apparently have the same asshole habit of not lifting the seat.
koolDood
You sound like a pilot of a helicopter gunship.
eedathinks
As a woman, I can't comprehend it either.
superlame123
They are not on level: easy, they like to mix it up between levels: difficult and expert.
palig
As a male, I don't understand women.
CheddarDreams
As a girl, I don't know either!
MycurlyhairsaysIcantgoouttoday
As a fellow girl, I have a theory - the angle of your body while you sit and your leg placement. I've had it happen at home but not irl.
darkhaloangel
Yes we hover. But sometimes we also drip.
rufio42
As a woman I don't understand it either
johnnyhandbags
They hover.
1muricaplz
From where, the ceiling!?
CoconutCyclone
Well.. fold your dick up so that it's in the approximate location of a woman's urethra and squat over a toilet seat to pee.
Autodidact86
That would backup the whole system for me, no urine would be produced.
CoconutCyclone
But you can see how that would create seat splash, right?
Autodidact86
Not really since nothing would be emitted.
OrcSkinSuit
I still don't understand how so many men seem to miss completely and piss on the floor around the toilet.
ChaseGray
Split stream, or we're texting. Or is that just me....?
doctruli
Also bringing little boys in bathroom & not cleaning up after them. But mostly, the hover peopke.
HughLaurie
They hover, which is dumb because I'm sure they have no qualms about sitting when it's poop time.
VermilionSkies
I've seen Walmart bathrooms. I think there are some women who think bending at the waist and letting it fly- all over the wall- is ok.
Trickscore
LALALALA GIRLS DON'T POOP LALALA
hiyesthisissatan
It's easier to pee standing. Empties the bladder. Cleaner too, no pee all over my but.
CoconutCyclone
You might be surprised.
rstarky1515
you're assuming we poop in public.
NoDirectionHome
as a woman, i don't either
MycurlyhairsaysIcantgoouttoday
I seriously believe it depends on your leg placement and whether you are sitting up straight or leaning any direction.
MycurlyhairsaysIcantgoouttoday
You know how there was that post about men having double streams and other issues? We haven't perfected peeing either.
YouLookLikeAFebrezeBottle
There's literally no way to miss unless your pee actually goes straight up sooo
MycurlyhairsaysIcantgoouttoday
Here comes another multi-part response. 1/ It can come out like a faucet, one stream, or like if you put your thumb over the faucet.
MycurlyhairsaysIcantgoouttoday
2/ It can come out fast or slow, faster tends to go farther and in more areas. Also, we have two folds of skin that cover up our urethra
MycurlyhairsaysIcantgoouttoday
3/ that is like trying to squirt water out of a bottle in between two chunks of ham. Every woman's lips are different shapes, sizes....
tangybreath
While hovering is the usual cause of wide and plentiful splatter, a few drops on the front of the seat is because they wipe after standing.
AgentCatherine
Ew.
jedistardust
The first time I saw that was Nicole Kidman in Eyes Wide Shut. THAT'S SUCH A WEIRD THING TO DO.
gloridiaz
Wiping back-to-front (between your legs while sitting) contributes to yeast infections. Ass-to-vagina is not healthy.
jedistardust
Oh I know that. It's just weird for someone to stand before wiping I think.
MadPoopah
They hover while peeing, usually because they think public toilets are dirty...I say it's counterproductive.
PaulTomblin
Not to mention self-fulfilling.
rawrrrrrrrrr
This!!! Thank you!!! The whole hovering concept is irritating. Though I like the floor toilets in China
squeake
Pee-mate, ladies!
ToastyMozart
Seems like this is WHY they're so dirty to begin with.
LonLonRanchDressing
it's not counterproductive, it's more hygienic. people sweat, people drip on the seat, people stand on the seat. anything can happen.
LetsSkipToTheGoodPart
You are irrational. Your Keyboard (and hands) are dirtier than the average toilet seat... UNLESS YOU HOVER AND SHIT ON IT!
LonLonRanchDressing
all of what I listed are things you can get on your ass. I never said anything about my hands.and why would you mention a keyboard?
Canneverthinkofagoodname
but can't you get STDs from public toilets
EnoughWithTheGoddamAnimeYouSadWeebs
That's what skanks would like you to believe, yeah. Unfortunately for them, the real answer is no, no you can't.
Canneverthinkofagoodname
Oh , I didn't know , my school has "chastity only " sexual education .
Hatshepsut45
Depressing history fact: For years the medical community believed that STIs like gonorrhea and syphilis could be spread through (1/?)
Hatshepsut45
things like toilet seats, public pools and the like, despite all the experiments that showed that such infections couldn't survive (2/?)
Hatshepsut45
for long enough outside of a host. This was because of the prevalence of STIs in small children and within families. In a time where (3/?)
DingDongBitch
I usually hover when there's shit, blood, or piss from another girl who hovered before me. Otherwise I wouldn't.
demoncookie
Or you could wipe it off for you and everyone else that has to use the bathroom....always an option....
MadPoopah
Fair enough! Can't blame you for that!
LonLonRanchDressing
with your pants around your ankles your target while hovering is much smaller than you'd think. why they don't wipe the seat is the question
MycurlyhairsaysIcantgoouttoday
Some probably don't notice and there are just disgusting humans. Guys don't wipe the seat either.
ToastyMozart
Or just lift the seat like non-asshole guys do. The hinge might be a bit stiff from underuse, but they still work.
LonLonRanchDressing
are you talking about men or women? I was referring to women
ToastyMozart
I was talking about women (who do the hover-over-the-seat thing).
ToastyMozart
That way if they missed, they wouldn't make the seat a mess for the next person to use it.
LonLonRanchDressing
that is a good point and it depends on how clean the toilet is. in some cases the hovering becomes necessary.
TheVegiVamp
It's not fair that these celebs are all pretty and funny now
akain
Why isn't it fair? Also maybe if social media existed 30 years ago things would have been different.
JemimasWitnessss
Yeaa I'm probably the only one, but I didn't find these funny at all.
aLongAndStupidNameToCatchYourAttention
If it's any consolation it's not the celebrities themselves writing those stuff, it's some over-waged hipster PR-person.
snapperdoozle
Who has a cameltoe you can check out from behind? 0_o
itwasadarkandstormynight
Maybe if they silly-walk?
ChaseGray
That's... kinda what a butt is... woah...
snapperdoozle
#FrontButt. http://youtu.be/AO8_QaQdANU
SomeReallyBoredGuy
A lot of them hire writers to manage their twitter.
pmmedemboobies
Just because they have that at their disposal doesn't mean they use them.
chemistrydoc
Do people forget about this massive industry called "public relations". Seriously. The public believes what they want to believe.
mnemo70
http://tribalinsight.files.wordpress.com/2010/06/i-want-to-believe.jpg
LurkMasterP
But I don't want to believe that.
horseslaughter
It's endemic to humanity. Look where we're at.
chowmaster
My publicist wanted to remind to say that sometimes we forget about the Oz's of the world and only see the Emerald Castle.
brap
When celebs DO manage their own twitter, it can backfire hilariously like it did for Scott Baio.
flutberf
Or Jaden Smith...
noonerspisms
What happened? Was he law-bombed?
Bendoger
Nah, that was his law blog
[deleted]
[deleted]
noonerspisms
Interesting... I don't think he misspelled his name though. Just looks like he forgot the bottom line for the I
brap
He posted that Obama was a "shitfuck", clicked on a phishing link and locked himself out, took on his "haters", and went from there.
noonerspisms
I don't know why I hyphenated that.
AsAnAdult
Yea but Olivia Wilde is a funny person. Check out some interviews with her.
TDWPTWD
interviews are staged sometimes even rehearsed
TheRarispy
Even interviews have an element of scripting to them.
AsAnAdult
Man you guys are cynical. Who hurt you to make you this way???
TheRarispy
Reality?