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Feb 28, 2014 4:10 PM
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Pickles9878
Also being adopted from Korea, these comments remind me of my childhood. I'm 31 now but I remember all of it.
MoonbyulBias
Who the fuck asks this shit? Do people have no sense of tact? Even if you think this shit, don't say it!
BellatrixImStrange
I have to say...some of these are legitimate questions/statements likely form genuine curiosity. Others, yea, horrific.
MissFitz77
They're really not, though. It's completely rude to ask personal questions of strangers and especially children.
thetruthisoutthere
Its about context. Asking if they have the same biological birth mother is not rude. Asking if they are REAL sisters, is rude.
MissFitz77
It's not really about context. Asking someone to supply you with personal details about their life to satisfy your curiosity is rude.
ILInfiltrator
Omg. This is SO true. I had about half of these comments addressed towards me at some point. (Yes- Chinese and adopted)
teaandbutterbeer
I'm Chinese (not adopted) and I've still gotten the "your country would've killed you" line. I don't understand people sometimes.
ILInfiltrator
I feel your feels :( Insensitive peoples
bluegargoyle
As the proud father of two insanely beautiful and ridiculously smart girls from China, I wish I could say none of these sounded familiar.
YouDontKnowMeSir
They are beautiful. Don't listen to their shit OP. Best wishes
ourprisonplanet
Tonight, top story... People are shitty... Now here's Thom with the weather...
WhiskeyWarrior
"PEOPLE SUCK!" "Thanks Thom! Now off to Jed in sports..."
AwwFudgeIt
"...so that they can become spies when they get older" Jesus...
ThePagemaster
WOW. Oh my god, I hate people like this. Especially the comment about her special needs. People like that make me so fucking angry.
didyouhearaboutpluto
I should build a pond in my yard.
FirstWorldAnarchist
coy pond?
delightfulpetrichor
As an adopted Korean in a fairly rural southern town, I can totally relate. My favorite said to me was, "Oh good, you don't have an accent!"
blow14me
My husbands boss told him, you're wife is Filipino? I thought you said she was American. I was like, WTF?!
Redwolfordie
People say the same thing to me when i go up north and tell them I'm from Arkansas
delightfulpetrichor
To be honest, I'm not even sure what an Arkansas accent would sound like... I don't get out much.
justahumanonline
adopted Korean here, you should respond, "Oh good, I know your I.Q. level"
delightfulpetrichor
Haha, I'll remember that for next time!
CephalopodsLie
My uncle is an adopted Korean! I'm always surprised when people comment on his accent. I mean his name is Logan and he's worn lederhosen.
delightfulpetrichor
Haha, I'd love to see that :) Is he German or just enjoys wearing lederhosen?
CephalopodsLie
Well, my family is pretty Bavarian lol This is for a German dance festival. http://imgur.com/zGSSw4j
Picklemodafoka
This is beyond perfect.
VLCisacone
This is adorable on levels i can't even explain !
azazyel
Spies...really? Wow.
molly1969
Yeah, that one made my jaw drop further than all the others.
Treebearded
also, http://www.nytimes.com/2011/12/11/opinion/sunday/chinas-spies-are-catching-up.html
CrimsonMinx
As someone who was adopted from Russia, I heard that one a lot..
LadyJedi
Yeah that was weird and awful at the same time.
Treebearded
http://rockcenter.nbcnews.com/_news/2012/10/11/14369266-officials-say-chinese-spies-have-targeted-every-sector-of-the-us-economy
azazyel
Let me know if any of those spies were little girls given up for adoption in America.
Treebearded
I doubt it. But racism such as that comment can sometimes be the result of being cheated by a group.
doctorTaro
you'd be surprised. when we first moved in, neighbors called cops to report boxes of 'anthrax' saying we're NK terrorists..just moving boxes
MrFastZombie
He has boxes? EVERYONE CALL THE POLICE
azazyel
They must be trapped in the 80s when that was the plot for most movies.
kendottack
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2323316/FBI-surrounds-house-Saudi-student-following-sightings-pressure-cooker-pot-cooking-rice.html
rdrdtheta
People used to greet their new neighbors with casseroles and breads. WTF man.
ravenfreak
I think I'll do this when I move into a house.
plainoldfool
I first read "casseroles and beads" and wondering what hippy commune you grew up it.
SweetBabyJesus
Words have weight, don't make people carry your words around.
TheBlondeLeia007
I wish I could like this more than once.
jaimenycricket
100% agree. Well said!
asstasticproclivities
1/2 WTF? I don't "make" people do anything, If you choose to get upset that's on you.
kendottack
He/she didn't mean 'make' in the definition you interpreted. They meant caused. Without you saying it, it wouldn't have happened. 1/2
kendottack
Caused in this sense doesn't mean that they 'had' to react that way, it just means that they did because of something you said. 2/2
Polizei
Inversely, don't carry around weight you don't want or need to carry. There's a peace in letting things go.
asstasticproclivities
EXACTLY! I can't say I have always done that, but I don't blame others for my emotions.
SmellingThePsychosphere
Right? Is anything being accomplished by memorizing a bunch of shitty things people have said?
asstasticproclivities
2/3 Likewise, if I choose to curl up in the fetal position and cry on the floor of the shower simply because you said something unkind,
Ryuuuuu
The individual determines that weight. No one is sympathetic and understanding enough to not make any comments that may be hurtful.
SweetBabyJesus
I understand that. But what was I suppose to say? These girls should suck it up? No, I'm going to suggest us adults think before we speak...
Ryuuuuu
Not everyone understands that. That's why I felt the need to add something to your comment.
asstasticproclivities
3/3 that's on me. --Using your logic, if I hit you for saying something unkind to me, I can say: "why did you make me hit you?!!!"
SweetBabyJesus
my only logic is to think before you speak. That's all, to be aware that your words have the ability to effect others.
asstasticproclivities
I get it, I'm not pleased when someone says something unkind to my kids, I teach them to blow it off and not to say those things to others.
asstasticproclivities
Own YOUR emotions. If you call me a jerk, that's your opinion not fact, and I won't hold you responsible for my happiness or misery.
eronth
this is why i hate everyone. i dont understand the concept of only loving a child that came from you, how fucking retarded.
IAimtoMisbehaveNotLikeThatOtherSpacePirate
I've wanted to adopt since I was ten. When I'm old enough, I will. Loving a human being is not defined by race, class, age or gender.
ZeGermansAreComingJaaa
therealcoolhand
Indeed
crapattack85
Most of these are cruel, but I feel like some of them are simply sweet but misguided, like "What a China doll." Even if she's not from China
HogwartsToiletSeat
Yeah, but both of them were CHOSEN which makes them special and super-awesome and--WHY ARE PEOPLE SO EFFING MEAN OMG.
ukalliq
FYI, not all adopted children are "chosen." I was the next baby available.
shumka
They could have taken a pass and waited for the next one. They still chose to keep you.
HogwartsToiletSeat
Your parents still had a choice to take you, yes? That, in my mind, makes you chosen.
jacqylfrost
Humans are terrible.
MeinKamfyChair
People are the reason I typically dislike people.
jacqylfrost
People are evil. A person can be okay.
littlebonez
Unfortunately we notice the loud and obnoxious ones first; it takes care to see the many amazing people silent in the background.
jacqylfrost
People are awful. A person can be wonderful.
theonethatdoesntknow
You can't just dislike all humans because of the actions of a fraction of them.
SeeHowItGoes
Some are good!
Guest02384
*Americans
Navith
You suck.
Guest02384
Well said.
MacroManJr
No, selfish human nature's pretty damn general in the world.
jacqylfrost
Remember when Hitler, Kim Jong-Il and Stalin were Americans?
Guest02384
Of course there is a chance I was inferring that the people responsible for such ignorant and closed-minded statements and questions (1/2)
Guest02384
were Americans
nym23
How can someone not love any child?! Gosh...people are terrible :(
NinjasStoleMyMama
This is aweful. To anyone who says those things, I left this for you..
NinjasStoleMyMama
I'm an awful speller.
MrChurch
The china doll one sounds like something my grandma would say. Not to be racist, but because she's old.
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MrChurch
I pray that English isn't your first language.
[deleted]
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DavosSeaworthTheOnionKnight
Ok let's put it this way. The Vocabulary you are using today WILL be considered racist in 50 years. 50 years ago the word Negro was normal 1
DavosSeaworthTheOnionKnight
as in Martin Luther King Jr. said it. That was the "PR term" back then..followed by "Colored" then racist slurs.
GirlOnInternet
How is that racist? I would take it as a compliment, "China dolls" are lovely.
QuintusTulliusCicero
Yeah, but it's kinda like calling a black person a 'Gollywog'. Actually it's exactly like that, what am I saying...
GirlOnInternet
I disagree.
FellatioHornblower
My Grandmother was Asian and would call me (a predominantly white girl) a China doll. So hopefully not all those who said it were racist. :/
TheDownvoteFaerie
When i lived in Japan my Obachan (japanese grandmother) constantly called me a baby doll and would show me little china dolls to compare
88mixy
I live in China and people frequently call me "Barbie" and pet my hair. Strangers even...
Konoton
That's what I was thinking. I would have taken "china doll" as a compliment.
SkincareandSkittles
People used to call me a china doll... I'm not Asian.... I never really thought/knew it had any other meaning as a child.
meowneko
I'm pretty sure that term's meant to be used colloquially just to refer to someone or something delicate.
inkandcaffeine
Still racist.
blow14me
I was called a cracked China doll by my own cousin. He meant it as an insult but he's dead to me, so I couldn't give two rats asses.
DrArtemis117
It's not NECESSARILY racist. It's possible they could be referring to china as in the material, not the country.
Atharaenea
Yeah, that one sounds like an old lady compliment. They don't know better.
MrChurch
I'm not replying to everyone. My grandma isn't racist. She would think it's a clever pun.
BoardGameofThrones
That doesn't make it any less racist, as others have said. Not that she's a bad person. She/ you just don't make the connection.
LadyJedi
I don't really find it racist. I've had lots of people say that to me, I've never seen it as offensive.
Ryuuuuu
Well that's shouldn't be surprising. Hastily making accusations for offensiveness just to defend someone is not the way to do it.
Ryuuuuu
I've encountered many situations where people accuse something to be offensive when it's really not meant to be offensive at all.
Ryuuuuu
Society sets these norms that determine whether something is offensive or not in a very generalized way. I don't blindly follow these norms.
Dalylah
I think the same. When I picture a china doll I picture a beautiful, sweet looking face with amazing skin and hair.
Lyrabelle
Ditto. But I guess it depends on how someone says it.
FangzV
It's probably offensive in this context because it refers to adopted children. Like a "oh you chose a chinese doll".
LadyJedi
Yes, but a "doll" in any context (referring to children) is meant in a positive connotation. It means precious and beautiful and treasured.
LadyJedi
So, I still really don't think of it as being wrong. They may have taken offense, but you can get offended at lots of things.
ihavethepower
My grandma is actually extremely accepting but she says racist stuff all the time just because she never realized it was racist.
88mixy
My grandma has several brown/yellow grandson-in-laws, but with the thing's she says, sometime's it's a bit dodgy taking her out in public
barelyretro
Yep, that's very very common. My grandmother when trying to compliment our First Lady. "You know, she's very beautiful for a black woman."
LEGENwaitforitTERRY
and that's why I'm convinced that racism often isn't within the speaker, but within the listener.
MyFavouriteColourIsBlue
Intent isn't magical. Just because you don't mean for something to be racist doesn't mean it isn't.
LEGENwaitforitTERRY
it does! of course there are obviously racist phrases, but many things can be understood either way. some people just want to hear racism.
MyFavouriteColourIsBlue
Why would people *want* to hear racism? That makes no sense. Someone being ignorant doesn't make what they've said less hurtful.
inarizushisama
My friend, who is 86, uses the term Negro as a matter of course. But look at Eminem, and the terms he uses. It's just commonplace for them.
BeezelPony
My grandma is also old. She says racist stuff. Not because she's mean, but because she carries old stigmas that are racist.
inthemorning
It's because she doesn't care about the stupid modern political correctness that can turn anything into racism
BeezelPony
Yes, thank you for your assumption Professor X.
BeezelPony
It's amazing how pointing out racism in old people is met like this, but pointing out racism in youth is met with vitriol. I don't get y'all
KellyWerner
Same, my grandma, bless her heart, went to the grave thinking "colored" was the appropriate term for black people.
atalantachan
Mine went still calling anyone from Asia "Oriental".
mymomcallsmeAdolf
My great great grandma told me not to shake black peoples hands cuz they carry disease. She said 'you be nice to them, it isn't their fault"
cantwealljustgetalongplease
being adopted from china myself, all of these are true. ppl say these things. not to be hurtful but of ignorance. love is love (1/2)
cantwealljustgetalongplease
& having any parent acknowledge equality and love for any child--biological or not--is what really makes families special. (2/2)
teaandbutterbeer
But I feel like "spies" or "hate girls in the country you come from" is ignorance + a whole metric crap ton of nasty.
cantwealljustgetalongplease
i dont know if i really understand what yo sayin but comment appreciated. anywho like your username!
cantwealljustgetalongplease
comment appreciated even though i don't necessarily understand the comment lol. but i like your user name!
cantwealljustgetalongplease
sorry if youre getting more or less the same reply. i can't see if its saving my comment....
teaandbutterbeer
Haha that's okay! I was just saying that "China doll" or maybe "real mother" is ignorant, but the other things are really just mean >.<
shumka
For women who say they could never love a child they didn't give birth to... does that mean they think fathers don't love their children?
VeronicaDee
It's about ego. Like the comment, "didn't you want one that looked like you?" Is that really all you care about when having a child? That
VeronicaDee
it looks like you? Some people have kids simply to have a genetic legacy and they're so stuck on their genes, that's all they care about.
shumka
Worst part is they usually have shitty genes to go with it all, heart issues and what have you.
Larannosaurusrex
I also think about husband/wife love. I'm not related to my spouse - does that limit how much I can love him?
shumka
I think you can argue that love is different. Your kids can't cheat on you, for one.
Larannosaurusrex
Kids can and do do pretty shitty things to their parents...still...DNA and biology don't make love. I adopted my kids - the spouse...
Larannosaurusrex
...argument is generally the only thing that makes people stop and think about what they are saying.
shumka
But you can divorce a spouse. And then they aren't a spouse. A kid is always your kid, even if you don't want them to be.
Larannosaurusrex
But that's not the point. The point is people make families from love all the time. Whether it's a spouse or a BFF, DNA doesn't trump love.
rutslut
What kind of garbage people does she bring around her kids?
imholdinglemonade
Seriously. I hope they're not relations or friends. I'd have to tell them all to go fuck themselves with a rusty farm implement.
Samael13
Word. Anyone who would say that to someone wouldn't be my friend after that.
Kaislikethewind
You assume she never takes her kids anywhere there might be strangers, like oh maybe the grocery store.
rutslut
I would seriously consider a different grocery store if I were you.
littleasianninja
Maybe like school....?
kallan0100
1/2You'd be surprised at what some people are like when there's no 'authority figure' around. I'm half Japanese and my dad's white, and when
kallan0100
2/? I was a kid people would always say things like, 'Go back to your own country' - This could be in a playground or shopping centre
kallan0100
3/? Then when they'd see me with my dad they'd be all lovely again. For years my dad never believed that anyone was acting racist
kallan0100
4/4 towards my mum and siblings. To be honest I think he still doesn't realize.
SerialKitten666
The average person? When I say I want to adopt, MOST people object and ask why wouldn't I want my OWN children...
Otterlyfierce
Same.All the time.'Are you infertile?' Not that I know of,we just want to adopt.'It won't be the same' & you would know that how?Grr such BS
SerialKitten666
"You'll change your mind when you get older" <---THE WORST
Otterlyfierce
Yes that is really, really annoying!
observationalist
Suburban upper middle class people, I would be betting.
mikerosswannabe
seriously this sounds like deep south murica
youandmearetautology
I worked on Aboriginal adoption for a little bit and a lot of people come out of the woodwork as garbage people on these issues.
loshea
Murca
babydingo
I've been approached my people at grocery stores and fast food places because they heard my accent. People suck
babydingo
by*
IRejectYourRealityAndSubstituteMyOwn
One time a cashier told me and my boyfriend our baby doesn't look like us. People can say stupid, nasty shit when they're not thinking.
kissmygrits
some of these are probably from children they go to school with
pinkargyle
If you look it up, it's strangers who stop her in restaurants, or grocery store cashiers, etc. etc.
MobileUserGundam
Honestly, that's what I'm wondering. I mean, I can imagine people thinking those (esp "I couldn't do that"), but saying it?!?
masterscompanion
that's how ALL people are You suggest she moves to a house in the woods?
codylishush
I suppose it depends on where you live, you might get more garbage per square mile. I didn't grow up in a town with shitty people like this.
thoughthungry
Yeah, blame the mom and not the people who say these things. They all sound like comments from strangers or at least near-strangers.
Peppermintpatty
Everyone.
landandcloud
I've learned that you don't necessarily have to be 'bad' to think or say ignorant things. Experience teaches best.
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babydingo
yeah sorry, you'd be surprised at how ppl aren't afraid to come up to you and just be insulting
minimouse
I have two children who aren't adopted, and I get rude and invasive comments like this all the time. So I find this incredibly believable.
minimouse
People sometimes just don't give a shit and will just say whatever first pops into their minds. One lady asked me once if my son was...
minimouse
Circumcized. And for some reason, I told her the answer, which is no. And then she went on to tell me about how apparently men are too ...
minimouse
stupid to clean their penises so my son is going to have all kinds of infections. And he'll be bad in bed because he won't last long. All...
Moremegill
I have an adopted brother who is mexican, and a foster brother who is black. Stuff like this is unfortunately common.
OhCaptionMyCaption
I have a feeling these are your run-of-the-mill grocery store strangers.
delightfulpetrichor
Those were usually the culprits when someone said something insensitive to me/my parents. Either that or schoolmates/their parents.
InfinitusEquitas
Some of the most vile, idiotic comments I have ever heard, came from folks who appear perfectly normal.
NeverMindtheManBehindtheCurtain
As someone who works in customer service, THIS. It's amazing what some people will say. And they act like it's totally okay.
ADirtySmellyHippy
My thoughts exactly! Most of the "WTF did I just hear" moments I've had have been while buying groceries. Or working as a cashier.
imholdinglemonade
I hope so. Once had a friend's mother ask if my brother and I had the same father cause we have different colored hair and eyes. WTF
SometimesIChangeMyAccountNameJustBecauseICan
My sister and I were born 5yrs apart. Another mother in primary school asked if we had the same father, since there was such a gap.
OnceUponaLittleWhovian
What, that doesn't make any sense. My siblings are 7 and 9 years older than me. People are idiots sometimes.
SometimesIChangeMyAccountNameJustBecauseICan
I know! It was within 5mins of meeting this woman and my sister and I look quite alike. Just a bit of nosiness, I guess.
AShadeOfFuchsia
I'm 20 y.o./biracial. A lady at Wal-Mart in Oklahoma thougt my mom and I were lesbians. Never saw her before, never saw her again
delightfulpetrichor
A related but opposite thing happened to my then fiance' and I. She thought I was his mother. While we were buying condoms.
IbukiOnTheScene
hey some people are into that, no judging here
UpvotesForCalicos
Not garbage, just horribly ignorant. Friend of mine adopted a disabled child from Russia. Hands down she got the worst questions from other-
UpvotesForCalicos
-women. She said co-workers & women from church were the worst & her mother in law hated the kid.
minimouse
Sounds like garbage to me.
kissmygrits
sounds like garbage people to me...
AtalanBeardy
Then most of the people out there are garbage.
alsowhatsaderp
I'm so intimidated. I feel like I would ask some of those not knowing that it was offensive. Is it rude to ask if they have the same mother?
fizban24
The "why don't you look like your mom" question was probably asked by a kid too. Not really offensive in that case
BirdAndBearAndHareAndFish
I think it's rude if you aren't close to the family. If you're the waitress? Don't ask.
Flyndaran
True. But many of us have poor social skills, are nosy, or simply lack mental filters for our thoughts.
captainafterbirth
The problem is that they used the term "real mother". It'd be different if they asked about their "biological mother"
Schnerd
Legitimate question. My feelings on it are: would you ask a pair of siblings if they had the same father? No.
blow14me
Well, if the mother introduces them to you as her children, than yes it is.
Jnoof
Think about something you would ask to someone who is not visibly different. If it would not offend them it wont offend us.
cr235709
In most cases, avoid it. But if you can't help yourself, biological mother is the way to not offend me (adopted sister)
acidjuicemotel
I didn't think there was anything wrong with that one. I guess it depends on the context of the convo tho. The others were really fucked up.
inthemorning
What is rude is if you tell them they're 2 ugly chinks. Asking a question about their mother is totally fine. 1/2
inthemorning
It's just that people got extra sensitive nowadays and get offended over trivial things. Soon we won't be able to voice any opinion. 2/2
pixiekist
They DO have the same mother; their adoptive mother. Asking them that is intimating that their adoptive mother isn't real.
szepasszony
I thought that the China doll one was kinda cute.
hippychik
Think about it this way -- WHO CARES? Does your curiosity outweigh their feelings? I have adopted kids, this is so annoying and hurtful.
geminirose
I'm adopted, my sister is adopted. Yes it's rude.
claireconcept
Why?
NobodyHasToReadThisCrap
I think the better question would be, "Do you have the same birth/biological mother?" Because their adoptive mom is their same, real mom.
geminirose
Thank you
IMakeAKillerMacAndCheese
My thoughts exactly. I also think TeeEyeEnAy is correct in saying you don't just barge into people's lives if you aren't close friends.
PotatoOfTheSea
I think it has a lot to do with phrasing.
difficultdifficultlemondifficult
If you don't know them, and if it isn't something you'd be comfortable asking a stranger on the street, then don't ask it. I am always (1/2)
difficultdifficultlemondifficult
surprised at the things people say to me, because I know they would consider it rude to be asked the same thing by a stranger.
shesaidgoodbyetotheground
I was thinking the same thing... I might say some of these things because I'd be genuinely curious! Now I feel bad and confused :(
SteepedGardenMrsChen
Don't feel bad, it's good to learn now. Just try the rule of thumb that someone's personal history is their own. If you find out someone 1/2
SteepedGardenMrsChen
is adopted (or sick, or pregnant, etc), you don't have the right to ask personal questions. Ask if you can talk to them about it first.
treereenee
the adoptive mother IS their mother. So yes they have the same mother.
runningshoes
They do now!
Kaysmira
I would ask instead if they were biological sisters. Biological siblings often want to be kept together, but can be split up because the 1
Kaysmira
adoptive parents want the younger one, or just the boy, or whatever. So personally I would like to know if they are biological sibs. 2
Kaysmira
The "you're not real sisters you know" remark sort of implies they aren't biological, but who the hell feels a need to tell them their 3
Kaysmira
happy family isn't real, that somehow calling the other girl her sister is telling lies and being dishonest?
Rindercellaslostshoe
I think it's all about phrasing. Also you probably shouldn't do it in front of the girls. People are rude without realizing it all the time.
Comet260
Why should it matter if they have the same mother?
Magster2004
If you don't know the person well, it's best not to ask
gingerminge
It's the wrong teminology mostly, I think. It implies their adoptive mother isn't their mother. They have the same mome, she's sitting there
theinternetisascaryplace
Half of these aren't rude things to be curious of, but if not said in the right context can be worded very inconsiderately.
babyleaps
Yes. They do have the same mother, and God bless her, she adopted them and loves them and feeds them.
[deleted]
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Flyndaran
Asshole. ;) Offense is about the one taking it not the one invoking. Calling me Christian is offensive to me but a compliment to others.
BlooPigeon
Which is why people taking offense about most things is retarded and unfair.
tredaet
Expressing a dissenting opinion from a position of privilege to people on the receiving end of oppression is rarely productive.
helpidontknowmyname
Whoa. Erudite and articulate. And true. How old/what expert are you? (We are all comfortable with ppersonal questions online, aren't we?)
AtalanBeardy
Yes, they do have the same mother: The woman who is raising them.
FlatPlutoSociety
There's a huuuge difference in phrasing between "Do you have the same mother?" and "Are you REAL sisters?"
Treebearded
what is it?
JacksCompleteLackOfAUsername
They grew up together and are probably as close as "real sisters", so you can see how "are you REAL sisters?" could be hurtful.
geminirose
I hate that one. I hate it so much.
AmiewithanIE
I think it would be worded better with "Doyou have the same birth mother?"
FlatPlutoSociety
I agree. Although it's still kind of an invasive question for a stranger regardless.
thetruthisoutthere
yes, but they put both in...so we just aren't supposed to ask any questions?
rjestudioarts
well honestly...yes. It's really none of anybody's business. Why do you want to know in the first place? (universal you, I mean)
jhoijhoi
Yes. They do have the same mother. You're just showing ignorance by asking when their mother is standing right in front of you.
psirynn
It's something that's just not really any of your business, and it carries that implicit, "no, not this woman you love, your REAL mom".
LadyMiena
EXACTLY. This is what Dear Prudence would say. It's none of your business, so no matter how you ask it's rude.
Valiumismyfavouritecolour
I think genuine curiosity can be mistaken for intolerance. I could easily see myself asking a few of these meaning no harm.
thoughthungry
So now that you KNOW people find it offensive, maybe you can use this as an opportunity not to do it the next time.
Valiumismyfavouritecolour
My point is that there should be a situation where you can ask questions. True ignorance shouldn't be a bad thing.
thoughthungry
Maybe if you're really closely related and this information actually matters to you. Otherwise I can't see how this is appropriate.
SteepedGardenMrsChen
I understand that it's genuine curiosity, but just because something is different doesn't mean you can ask. You wouldn't ask someone in 1/2
SteepedGardenMrsChen
a nice suit how much money they make. So you don't get to ask someone that looks different or tells you something personal all about it. 2/2
Valiumismyfavouritecolour
I really hope there's a 2/2 cause you have me very interested.
pumperknickle
I wouldn't say that one, nor would I say this to them, but I am glad that they were adopted.
TheLadyNym
I think that's one of the few legitimate questions/comments on here. It's fair to be asked of any adopted siblings, of of curiosity.
theinternetisascaryplace
(2) like and how I view my adoptive parents (I was adopted at birth so they're just my parents to me) and things like that. I'm always very
theinternetisascaryplace
(3) happy to answer questions about it to help people understand who have never been exposed to it before because it helps understanding.
TheLadyNym
Thank you for your input, and for being open-minded/patient with people who aren't familiar with that situation. I won't say that people (1)
TheLadyNym
Shouldn't feel a certain way when being asked certain questions, but instead of a knee-jerk emotional reaction, it can be helpful to (2)
TheLadyNym
Stop, acknowledge that people are merely curious and trying to educate themselves, and then be helpful, informative, & respectful.
AtalanBeardy
No, it's not. Their mother is the woman who is raising them.
TheLadyNym
Of course she is, and perhaps it could be worded better. But it's understood that the person means their biological mother.
SaskatchewanSon
I totally agree. From my hometown there was a pair of adopted sisters who actually were biological sisters. I don't find it that intrusive
MissFitz77
I think it's actually pretty rude. Of course they have the same mother. It's the woman who adopted them.
TheLadyNym
I think we all know that they mean biological mother, which is just a question one asked out of curiosity.
firstdayofyourlife
i'm not sure anyone's brought this up in this thread. i think it's rude to ask that question in front of children. if you're curious +
theinternetisascaryplace
(1) I'm adopted and I honestly don't find honestly curious questions about being adopted as rude. A lot of people just want to know what its
DidSomebodyCallForAnAdult
If asking it, you might want to specify "biological" mother. The offensive part is that this makes it sound like the adoptive mother (1)
Flyndaran
I would say "birth mother". But real is synonymous in common English. Keep the anger for intent rather than language's error.
AtalanBeardy
I'm adopted. My real mother mother is the woman who raised me. It is *not* synonymous.
DidSomebodyCallForAnAdult
a true mother. (2)
TheLadyNym
I get that, and I can see how it would/could be taken as offensive, but I think, as the commenter below says, intent should be acknowledged.
firstdayofyourlife
intentions aren't clear if you're a stranger asking intrusive questions to sate your own curiosity. i think what made it rude is that the +
firstdayofyourlife
question was asked in front of two adopted children, to their mother, about their "real" mother. these people replying to you need to +
thumperchick
I would think it was. They are adopted sisters, their mother is the one raising them, of course they have the same mother.
AerysIITargaryen
It is extremely obvious that this question is about their biological mother, you're just being difficult.
tallroses
No, you're being insensitive
thumperchick
What I am saying is that the kid's biological heritage is none of anyone's business.
AerysIITargaryen
So what you're saying is that you can't ask any personal questions to anyone without being an asshole.
TetraNordeh
I think asking about their biological parents is a question to save until they're older. Many aren't told the details until they're 16-18
thumperchick
Not to a total stranger, and certainly not to a child. Satisfying your curiosity isn't a good reason to invade someone else's privacy.
JackKaiser
"I could never love someone else's child." That...pretty much sums up so many problems in our world.
evilkittie
if they are over 18 and the opposite gender...
0bjectsmayappear
No truer words my friend
MaliciousCuntWithoutAReason
My dad couldn't even love me. That's cool, I created my own heaven, with hookers, and blackjack.
sumowoman
I can honestly say I don't love my boyfriend's kids, but it doesn't stop me from treating them with respect.
IrishGirl8
My parents foster kids & I have to say that I end up loving all of them. I still miss a few of them that lived with us for a good while.
theinternetisascaryplace
(1) I got into a very heated argument on Imgur previously where someone pretty much said that to me and I told them they weren't fit to be a
Azzreal69
This x100. I have a step-daughter I have love more than anything, she thinks of my family as her own and vice-versa, people that say that-1
Azzreal69
can suck a dick, they dont deserve to be on this planet. Unfortunately I look like an angry hillbilly so no one comes up to us to say-2
Azzreal69
shit so that I may release some much needed Words upon them...heh. I upvoted as many of you as I could that have the strength, patience -3
Azzreal69
and courage to love someone else's child as if they were your own. -Fin
turokcito
That was exactly what I thought.
cryinghome2mama
That never made sense to me. I fall in love with every kid I come across. How can you not?
JackKaiser
I'm the opposite, not fond of children at all. But how can people NOT see the amount of love adoption involves? It boggles my mind.
mayormeowsalot
I'm a nanny and work with several families. I love their children as if they were my own. They are ALL very precious and dear to me.
cleopatches
I wish I could upvote this more than once! I love my nieces and nephews like they're my own, and would love to adopt, when the time comes.
blow14me
They are also the ones who own pets and say things like, the dog slept outside in the cold last night. Oh well, he's just a dog.
beautyinthorns
I can love a child that isn't mine- I love my bf's 2 kids very much. But, when it comes down to it... because of all my medical issues 1/2
beautyinthorns
I might have to adopt. My medical issues aren't hereditary, so i want to attempt to have my own. I'll just love my bf's kids for now. 2/2
Kigerone
1) Please, let's look at this objectively. I would totally adopt. I understand the power a biological bond could and most certainly would ..
Kigerone
..have. It is different, sure, but it would never stop me from adopting another's child that I could and would love as my own.
pb1kenobi
Especially when "EVERYONE" is someone else's child. Their problem is obvious. Rectal-cranial inversion.
Inmate45
As a step-father who loves my daughter like she's my own flesh and blood, that statement made me the angriest....
fluffysquirrel
I work in an Early Learning Centre. It's VERY easy to love someone else's child. I love the kids that I look after.
rebeccaisafish
I generally hate other peoples children... but if you adopted a child then its not someone elses... So I would love them.
whodathunkit
My partner and I are going to have our own child, and then we will adopt another, they will be raised as siblings, and receive the same love
JackKaiser
Good on you! We need more people like you!
PaperOkami
Fucked up. My older brother (non-blood) and I are both adopted and our parents are super loving.
babybrobeans
Poor John Snow.
Rindercellaslostshoe
I've always said that if I couldn't have kids that I'd adopt. Now I have 2 girls! 1 that I gave birth to and 1 that's my husband's oldest...
Rindercellaslostshoe
I love her like she's my own. Her mom didn't want her. That makes me so sad! I'm so happy she's in my life!
RoRo8a
It also sums up the vibe my son's step-mom gave off from day 1!
JackKaiser
That seriously sucks. I can't even begin to understand that kind of mentality...
Rindercellaslostshoe
As a stepmother, that's just not okay. I love my stepdaughter like she's my own. I'm sorry. :-/
Tonight0nSickSadWorld
exactly
theinternetisascaryplace
(2) parent then, because if you want a child for their DNA - then you don't want a child for the right reasons.
SalsaOreos
THIS THIS THIS THIS +1 to you! I fucking HATE it so much when people are like "adoption isn't the same"...if adoptions isn't the same then
SalsaOreos
it's about you, not actually wanting a child.
Comet260
Are you saying that a child that is not biological is not worth having? Am I reading you correctly?
SalsaOreos
No, you're reading the exact opposite of what I'm saying.
batmanbumantics
This is the greatest comment ever :) thank you
JosefTheFritzl
(1)I could never take pride in an adopted child the way I could take pride in a biological one. I think I could still love one, though...
ButYouAintGotNoLegs
I lost my other comments, but I was going on to say very often people mention our daughter doesn't look like either of, despite being ours
ButYouAintGotNoLegs
biologically.
DezTurkish
(1) Well, for a different view point, you could take pride in the fact that you were what helped this growing, struggling child become the
DezTurkish
(3) born with. So yes, you can take pride because it's not just your genes that made them who they are, but also the home and love you gave.
DezTurkish
(2) adult that they would ultimately be. Remember that a child can be just as much the environment they were raised in as the DNA they were
SirusKing
Yes, but passing on genetic material is the literal purpose of life.
DezTurkish
According to some.
VeteranKamikaze
I'd prefer my child to be genetically mine and I I'm allowed to prefer that. I wouldn't say I could never love someone else's child though.
theinternetisascaryplace
(1) I'll say to you what I said to Jose. I'm not talking about preference here, I'm talking about people who FOCUS on DNA as their reasons
theinternetisascaryplace
(2) to procreate, who make DNA their pride and joy. It can certainly be a factor, I can't deny people that preference. But if DNA is the
theinternetisascaryplace
(3) reason you're having a child, you're not having a child and stepping into parenthood for the right reasons.
VeteranKamikaze
It's a reason. I want to spread my genes and have children who are genetically mine. It's not the only reason but it is a reason.
theinternetisascaryplace
"A" reason and "the" reason are far from the same thing.
JosefTheFritzl
(2)...like, if I couldn't conceive with my wife or something. But seeing yourself in your kid, and watching them grow and achieve? #1 man.
theinternetisascaryplace
(3) on the DNA part. Feeling pride of biology is much different than someone FOCUSING on the DNA and making a "thing" out of it.
theinternetisascaryplace
(6)children in an adopted sense because the DNA isn't there - you aren't focusing on the right part of parenthood.(sorry, tried to be clear)
theinternetisascaryplace
(4) This person before was talking about legacy and how if its not their kid it "doesn't count" and all of this other stuff that was just
theinternetisascaryplace
(2) up and be a little mini version of you (though… I am a mini version of my Dad despite being adopted). I'm talking about people who focus
theinternetisascaryplace
(5) very anti-adoption because of DNA. My point is just that if you want a child, preferring your own is not bad, but if you refuse to have
ButYouAintGotNoLegs
My dad and I have no shared DNA, yet occasionally strangers commented I looked like him. I got my stubbornness from him, my hatred of
ButYouAintGotNoLegs
Feeling vulnerable, my sense of humor, love of old cars, fishing, camping, and classic rock. You can see yourself in a child without sharing
ButYouAintGotNoLegs
DNA. Also, my husband and I are constantly being told how much our son looks like him, though they have no biological relation. Even more
theinternetisascaryplace
(1) We're talking about two very different things here. I'm not talking about how awesome it would be to see your own biological child grow
TheStickyWicket
I do sorta see your point. I would LOVE to adopt someday & I would love that child as much as my own... but there IS something about the 1/?
TheStickyWicket
bond you feel when you carry the baby for 9 mos and then labor it out. Doesn't mean you love that kid MORE, but the dynamic will 2/?
TheStickyWicket
be a little different. 3/3
icookfoodandfightfire
a lot of those are really fucked up, but a few of them i think are reasonable questions
BloodAngel85
The thing about how they hate girls in China is true sadly. There's cases of forced abortions when it's found out the baby is a girl.
SerialKitten666
Asking if they're sisters is reasonable, not that they look alike but it's something you'd ask without thinking
StarmanUltra
"You must take after the /other/ side of the family" trololo That's a decent joke and I doubt there was any cruel intent
icookfoodandfightfire
and by a few i mean like 2-3 of them
myfieldoffucksisbarren
I agree. It definitely all boils down to how the question is asked, and the reasoning behind asking it.
SerialKitten666
While insensitive, it's true that they may be dead had they stayed in China, that's just harsh realism, the mom DID save their lives 100%
[deleted]
[deleted]
SerialKitten666
Differently phrased like "You're lucky to be here and your mom is amazing" but like the board, fuck no, that's awful :(
tipples
No. Unless a close personal friend or they are freely discussing it already, you do NOT pry into someone's ethnic, medical, or family life
LadyJedi
What if it was a close friend? I think if my sister adopted a forign child I would ask her some of these...
SerialKitten666
Asking the cost is reasonable though depends on the context of why they asked. It's good to know if you want to adopt as well!
Canyouteachmehowtodougie
I agree, though I still probably wouldn't say any of these in front of the kids...
delightfulpetrichor
I think a couple of these wouldn't seem as offensive if they were worded differently. Maybe "biological" instead of "real ." 1/2
delightfulpetrichor
It's still insensitive either way. It always made me feel uncomfortable. 2/2
HuktonnFonix
In some cases I want the context. I can see them saying "I don't know if I could raise a kid that wasn't my own" in a complimentary way.
AmeliePoulain
But does it really need to be said IN FRONT of the kid?
HuktonnFonix
If the context is complimentary? Why not? Kids already look up to their parents, and a stranger building them up would reinforce that.
AmeliePoulain
The point of the pictures is that the kids themselves don't like hearing. So why protest that it's polite if it makes them uncomfortable?
HuktonnFonix
Who protested?
HuktonnFonix
Basically if you're trying to tell the adoptive parents what awesome people they are for doing that.
HuktonnFonix
Also, if you substitute "real" with "biological" then a lot of those seem less offensive as well.
LadyJedi
Agreed, some are basic legit questions. And the china doll one clearly is meant to be a compliment.
SometimesIChangeMyAccountNameJustBecauseICan
To say it in front of the kids can make them feel unwanted/a burden. Despite the intention, it's easily misinterpreted
HuktonnFonix
I can see it from that perspective. It doesn't make it inherently "rude" though. Would like to know parent's response when these occurred.
MycurlyhairsaysIcantgoouttoday
I know a lot of old ladies who use "china doll" as a compliment. I'm really pale and I've had old woman refer to me as a porcelain doll.
LadyJedi
I've been refered to as a china doll and porcelain doll, I think both are compliments.
FingolfinHighKingoftheNoldor
Yeah the "how much did she cost" seems like it could just be misconstrued... cuz adoptions can be EXPENSIVE
tangybreath
They should have said "how much was the adoption process?" The other way makes her sound like milk at a grocery store.
FingolfinHighKingoftheNoldor
Of course... but sometimes people just don't use the correct terminology... no use in making a mountain out of a mole hill.
dainnie
Asking "how much did she cost" makes it sound like she was an object to be bought/sold
Saxit
Jesus, people are assholes
blow14me
Made after God's own likeness. That's why God is an asshole.
tarataqa
http://pbs.twimg.com/media/BFsUZ0ECIAAGZUc.jpg
illtrytocomeupwithsomethingwittylater
"I know man, I'm totally pissed off right now. And think that I died for those pieces of shit." -Jesus
pukingalot
Said those same words out loud !
theonewiththeredhead
Those people need some Jesus!
Chooseyouido
That's how I start all my prayers
imawhutson
Don't worry, Jesus knows.
ringox
People, what a bunch of BASTARDS
GuylnTheBack
I have two adopted female asian cousins. The amount of bullying they get is ridiculous. I'd go ape shit on the bullies if I could.
liliputian7
And Jesus is like 'yeah I know'
Hydrophilus
And most of them have their heads so far up their ass they don't even realize it.
IrohTheEarthbender
He knows.
TastesLikeLove
Came here to say that.
kummituinen
Pretty sure Jesus knows that.
stutteringbob
People forget just how much even a single word can devastate a child's heart. Especially when it's about stuff they can't control.
coolsax
I read it as Jesus People lol
Unindoctrinated
I wonder how many of the people that made those comments consider themselves good christians?
Banalinguist
Well, you are not wrong.
greenf1sh
Yeah, I was thinking "didn't really need that comma there."
grizzzzzly
I thought I was an asshole, but I COULD never say this.
Mexicatstail
i think all of us are assholes to some degree, its jut really nice of us to actually try to not be while we know we are
janeshep
If you think you're an asshole, you're not a real asshole. It takes a huge dose of self-indulgence to be among the competitive ones.
grizzzzzly
Im telling my mother that then, thank you, janeshep.
AsheLake
This sounds like an amazing story.
SweetBabyJesus
Tell me about it, Saxit.
odraencoded
Why didn't you die only for the non asshole people sins?
Saxit
Sit down baby, we need to talk.
SweetBabyJesus
...I'm sitting.
Saxit
There's a lot of people in the world where.. let's say kylecorn wants to play with them.
SweetBabyJesus
I'd say release the kylecorn.
somethingaboutTV
Aaaand people are awful.
FineEleven
Everyone says or thinks mean things... and yeah, it looks bad if you promote it like this.
MaximumSausage
Ignorance. Ignorance everywhere.
LordFluffinstein
TheMonocleRogue
Case and point: http://graphics8.nytimes.com/images/2009/01/06/us/06senate2-600.jpg
mortarpadowan
People. What a bunch of bastards.
[deleted]
[deleted]
mortarpadowan
Hahaha, only thing I found appropriate.
MrPredator
[deleted]
[deleted]
MrPredator
There are things I've seen and been told that make me constantly question humanity's sense of reality. Not to mention it's cruelty.
YourHeroPenguin
Not ALL people. We'd never say those things right?
grumpatsurrisrex
But I just gave you your thousandth point on this post soooo
MyMesobook
::scoffs:: People....What a bunch of bastards.
Junai
People who say/think things like this need to die in a fire.
WorstChoiceEver
Assholes*
Glumerlink
queue the music johon
Treebearded
http://freakoutnation.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/05/Orly1.jpg
inthemorning
That little girl is indeed a tad hideous though. You can't deny that.
iamthisguy247
Yeah, my kids are mixed, and someone once asked my wife if it was her kid, while she was breast-feeding!
cutecatpicturesarewhyimhere
How douchey do you have to be to ask that, seriously... "Nope, just ripped it away from another woman and stuck it to my boob!"
julgran
Whaaaa...-no, I stole it from the street.
JackofallJacks
People says crazy shit like this to black people everyday
MusculusSternocleidomastoideus
Some of them might have been unintended to be 'rude', but a lot of them are just full of crap!
Othayuni
Well, a lot are.
Beardybeardrage
http://www.reactiongifs.us/wp-content/uploads/2013/08/people_bastards_it_crowd.gif
stevetehpirate
People are jerks. Except on imgur, you all are a bunch of sweeties.
[deleted]
[deleted]
stevetehpirate
You shant be rustling any jimmies of mine.
youreasmellypiratehooker
You haven't been here long, have you? lol
GreenMetalPizza
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lu37VpwaVAA
stevetehpirate
I had that scene in mind when reading this post. Thank you.
GreenMetalPizza
i think this about covers it.
janeshep
I have the feeling that OP's mom doesn't quite agree.
stevetehpirate
OP's mom doesn't think people are jerks or doesn't think that imgurians are nice?
janeshep
doesn't think that imgurians are nice, according to what we usually say about her :D
stevetehpirate
we've said stuff about her?!?
Zalophus
Eh, as a Mexican who was adopted, I just scoff as I steal white peoples parents AND their jobs.
wellthisisaname
This comment is the best one here.
yellowdove
I love your attitude :)
Spacebread
So sneaky! (srsly, +1 for the laugh)
MyNameIsRyan
"He took er djerwbs!"
youscaremeonlywhenihallucinate
I bet you don't even know how to speak English.
Kickingbabykittens
I know its not like he typed the comment or anything.
globalhigh5
This was a joke right? Cause through the internet it came out a tad douche baggy
youscaremeonlywhenihallucinate
This was a joke. Thought it was obvious because the comment I replied to was a joke, but you know, whatever.
rooble
This is the issue with text, you have to fap in a wanky emote to convey emotion. I took this as a joke, you got a drunk chuckle from me :D
ohsillyus
Have a couple pity +1's. I found it atleast upturn of the mouth worthy.
IMakeLotsOfReferencesAndRemakes
This is why I don't go outside much, not only are they cruel they are stupid... so stupid they cannot see how stupid they are.
[deleted]
[deleted]
IMakeLotsOfReferencesAndRemakes
I am under no delusion internet people aren't cruel. I just don't like most people in general. I am very picky about the company I keep.
[deleted]
[deleted]
IMakeLotsOfReferencesAndRemakes
Yeah I have a grand total of 2 truly close friends. I enjoy their company and they enjoy mine thankfully... well most of the time.
IMakeLotsOfReferencesAndRemakes
I'm sorry for sounding snobby. I'm highly flawed & only certain kinds of people can enjoy my presence. I try not to bother others
[deleted]
[deleted]
IMakeLotsOfReferencesAndRemakes
And that they have a tendency to make most people uncomfortable around me.
IMakeLotsOfReferencesAndRemakes
I have things I like about myself. I make those the forefront of who I'm to hide the flaws I'm working on. I just acknowledge they're there.