needlestosay
96885
1449
57
This is very niche, but I laughed hard enough that I wouldn’t keep it from you, dear user.
Or my personal phone motto, “Have a goodbye!”
SteelKnight
#46 should've asked Billy Joel instead
nikolateslaismyhomeboy
#38
v Classic move by The Todd, and Dr. Wen kicked him out of the operating theater for that one
DefNotTheMessiah
#5
eleonorae
#13 JSYK, most people who use wheelchairs do not have completely paralyzed legs - it's not all-or-nothing. So a lot of people would find this meme to be pretty rude.
WoTLert
#13 I hate this one so much. It's not just being 0% able to stand or 100% able to walk.
ItHappenedInThe20thCentury
#10 & #11 always crack me up. +1 for those alone, and the rest is good too. Commented on a terça-feira too, fancy that.
SilimSaver
#13 Needing a wheelchair is not the same as being entirely unable to walk. This isn't even remotely funny.
GiantSpirograph
#8 Look, it’s really easy. God, second, third, fourth, fifth, sixth, seventh. None of this sun/moon/War God/God/Other God/Yet Another God/Guess What Yup It’s Another God stuff
geruhn
#13 Can we please stop circulating images like this. Some people who use wheelchairs in their day to day life can use their legs. The problem is with prolonged walking or standing which is why they use a wheelchair
Derfboy
#46 Mine goes: Bum bUH Buuuuuuuum bum ba Buuuuuuuum bummmmmm
jamesdeanshat
#38 This is a bit from Scrubs. You can't just add "true story." and expect us to believe you.
doesntmatter
A lot of scrubs' bits were based on real (real as in not made for the show, not necessarily that they happened ;) ) hospital stories. I'd hazard a guess that that one could have been going around for a while before both of them
DaNylz
#8 Dienstag!
n0gal
That makes even less sense. 火曜日 (kayoubi) is even more closely related than German... "Tuesday" comes from "Day of Tiw" ... and "Tiw" is /
n0gal
the Germanic version of Mars/Ares. Nearly all the languages follow the same logic for days of the week on the Roman calendar. /
n0gal
Sun/Moon/Fire/Water/Plants/Metal/Earth -- English is a bit screwy because it sources its words from all sorts of languages, but you'll see /
n0gal
the same relation in english/spanish/french/japanese/mandarin/etc/etc/etc they all fall back to the nordic/greek/roman gods or /
n0gal
what they represent.
HiddenSanity
#13 Your reminder that lots of people in wheelchairs can manage some standing and movement, but for various reasons can't walk for more than very short distances without damaging themselves.
Teas
Came to post this. I have EDS and can stand and walk 10ft and people act like I'm faking needing my wheelchair. They don't think about what happens after the next step I can't take.
yakusokuN8
I knew a young woman who had Ehlers Danlos Syndrome (a disorder that affects connective tissue) and she could walk briefly, but a wheelchair really helped her avoid fatigue or injury.
ItHappenedInThe20thCentury
ok, but none of this *disproves* that tacos can work miracles
Spuduck
I have hypermobility and theres good days and bad days..bad days im indoors using a stick to stay upright
TakuanSoho
#15 my friend is so stupid, he doesn't get it
[deleted]
[deleted]
Hendlton
Nope. The Julian calendar is 13 days out of date so it would be May 17th.
RydWolf
I googled 'orthodox star wars' and found out that it's the date that Star Wars A New Hope was first released in theaters.
TakuanSoho
ooOOooh he gets it now ! Thanks he was always a bit slow. <3
[deleted]
[deleted]
Moriarte
You must be fun at parties. Why you gotta shit on something that brings people so much joy?
caedescorvidus
Yes we know, the question was the significance of the 25th, which was answered above as release date for the original movie
chiefrunswithscissors
#28 since clothesline is already used as a verb it's a pretty shit example
Totallynotarealbear
OH MAH GAWD! HE BROKE HIM IN HALF!!
chiefrunswithscissors
It's pandemonium!
an0therthr0waway
#2 you mess with the honk, you get the bonk!
EndorForestSummerCamp83
#15 as a practicing Orthodox Star Wars Nerd, this is a case I have been making for over a decade.
Nobody213
Explain for the apostates pls
TwistedSenseOfHumor
.
Miyamotofan
Some people celebrate Star Wars day on May 25th when the first movie released (May 25th 1977). Some people celebrate Star Wars Day on May 4th, because "May the Forth" sounds similar to their central prayer "May the Force (be with you.)" As with all theological disagreements there are no objectively correct or incorrect answers, however the pun doesn't translate into other languages so May 25th is the more internationally accepted date.
TheMoonrose
From what I can find, May 25, 1977 is the original release date of Star wars, so people say to celebrate that instead of just the puns of May 4th, 5th or 6th (May the fourth be with you, Revenge of the Fifth/Sixth).
Hoiloidl
This is the May!
TheMoonrose
Sigh....... take the ipvote and never respond to me again......
(Joking, but I still hate puns)
JustAnOldLurker
https://edition.cnn.com/2018/02/01/us/pizza-shop-attempted-robbery/index.html
copperdomebodhi
#13 TBF, people who can only walk a very short distance will use wheelchairs for trips out in public.
EverNotRelevant
#27 "Ah-show-loach". Don't like it? Me neither. Blame the assholes who transliterated it into Roman graphemes.
setaymit
I detect a new Scroll of Truth meme
sandymount
That final sound is more like blowing air either side of the back of your tongue while holding the tongue-tip to the ridge behind your teeth.
MelfsAcidArrow
Do you know what a baby axolotl is called? An axolittle
onlyhalfghost
pronounced ah-show-lich
Nengex
Must have been the same guy who transliterated the Aztecs' name for themselves: 'Mexica' (pronounced 'meh-SHEE-cah') don't know who thought replacing 'sh' with 'x' was a good idea.
ItHappenedInThe20thCentury
The letter X often reads as English "sh" in Portuguese and always does in Basque, and Pinyin (Chinese transliteration) uses X for a sound that's pretty close to "sh" too. So it's not completely unreasonable, especially if the original tongue had several different "sh" sounds.
5cX469Nit9JuI1MAZG5c3AdA
Wow. You're right: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Axolotl This is unbelievable. This changes everything. This is absolutely a revelation. Thanxalotl
WaxDragon
The axolotl (/ˈæksəlɒtəl/; from Classical Nahuatl: āxōlōtl [aːˈʃoːloːtɬ]. Wiki seems to claim it's originally that, but is now pronounced like we think it is. But it's made by people so can we trust them
skywards
Thanshowloach.
ArkoneAxon
#7 There's a running gag in Christian circles about an atheist daring G-d to strike him for his blasphemy, only for a Christian dude to walk over and punch him. "He was busy, so He sent me." Somehow that logic never seems to translate to other things. "G-d was busy, so He sent me to cure the sick and infirm. He was busy, so He sent me to feed the hungry."
doesntmatter
Something something guy on rooftop during flood
tonedeafsidekick
https://youtu.be/06dQaOZIcH0?si=jRd5aM4AvtCCUa88
tonedeafsidekick
"The Catholic Church is the largest non-government provider of health care services in the world." https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Catholic_Church_and_health_care
Plenty of examples of Christian run food resources available as well.
ArkoneAxon
Agreed. Then again, the Catholic church also isn't nearly as, shall we say, argumentative with nonbelievers, as it used to be. But the Joel Osteens and the Moms for Liberties of the world are always claiming to be sent by G-d to do violence, never to do good works.
LoitninStroik
Bitch, please. The Catholic Church is worth BILLIONS. Just because they trot out a few dollars here and there to support some things they agree with doesn't make them good. Fuck them and their literal golden idols while people are out here starving, dying from dirty water, suffering their entire lives from diseases we have cures for. Fuck any church that spends more on its buildings than its NONJUDGMENTAL outreach. And fuck any in their congregations, too, for furthering their selfishness.
iwanderedlonelyasacloud
Please don’t post the guy in the wheelchair standing up. I use a wheelie for distance/walking, but can stand no problem. Keeps people rude.
JohnEburt
Would you rather blow your nose with a 3 year old Wendy’s napkin or one of brown paper towels from public school that come in the industrial size rolls?
BigRedTX
#2
randomguywholovespizza
cutting the fuel line to prevent any escape...
themobileappisbroken
#36
Fengor
"Onion pi onion"? I'm kinda stupid, can someone explain it for me?
themobileappisbroken
O pi nion.
mcneelyj
That is dumb. But also the interwebs
ItHappenedInThe20thCentury
You are right: that IS the interwebs.
mezzz
#32 a remake? Inconceivable!
QueenOfTheFey
Okay, but the covid youtube remake is a bop. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lR8pA_WV9QI
Iseeyourpointandraiseyou
Thanks for sharing this! I'm even against the idea of a Muppet remake, but this shows a lot of respect for the original. Love it!
randomcharacters6357
#10 In CPR class with me and three very attractive women. Supposed to check the dummy’s airway and yell, “Help, help! Call EMS.” Mr. Smooth here leans over the dummy and cries out, “Help, help! Call PMS!” They got a good laugh out of it and my beet red face.
Zootsoot
Bless you, for giving those three women one of the best laughs/stories of their lives. Not all heroes wear capes.
NotJackieDaytona
It's better to point directly at a specific person and say Call "911" or your country's emergency number because brains stop working in these scenarios.
randomcharacters6357
Yes. Like mine did.
bkcantthinkofanythingclever
That’s how they teach it in the military, the reason being it gives someone a direct action as opposed to saying “someone call 911”, everybody will assume someone else is calling
arawhotdogsuspendedinatupperwareofvaseline
One of my students yelled at someone to get the IED instead of AED. We laughed about it for a bit and he started over. When he yelled "get me the IUD" I lost it
Zootsoot
Omg- even BETTER!
EchoOfSnac
As an American, Americans use way too many acronyms and I have no idea what most of those mean. <.<
Retrikaethan
can confirm. me and acronyms do not get along, either. i'm never sure if it's an adhd/autism thing or a people-are-stupid-with-acronyms thing.
Markuspsyches
Improvised Explosive Device: ends lives
Automated External Defibrillator: saves lives
IntraUterine Device: prevents lives
baltimoreon
Na bruv, iud saves lives of the women who have them.
QueLinda1205
This is beautiful.
GravyEducation
#1 oh you laugh at the napkins (THAT SEE REGULAR USE BY THE WAY) but when I pull a phone charger out my ass, I'm a hero instead of a slob? Pick a lane, people who don't have a backup plan for stuff
pandemicpolemic
TK421isAFK
I've never owned an iPhone, but I have chargers for micro USB, USB-C, old 30-pin iPhone, and Lightning in my glove box. I've given away 1/2
TK421isAFK
more than I can count, and just try to remember to replenish the glove box after I give one out, because WE REPLENISH IN THIS HOUSE. 2/2
TheDisscoPotato
I am the same way. I am a lead contractor for my company, I always provide everything for everyone. Forgot your chargers? I have two of each, need a cube too? Snacks? First aid/meds? AAA? I am a shrimpy liberal in the eyes of the manly men I am around, but I love proclaiming myself the alpha to piss them off. The alpha provides for the pack. Now here is a bandaid, snack, and water. Go take 5 in the truck and charge your phone, bosses orders.
GravyEducation
I have tons of cables. I have a go bag. I can provide you with things. Snacks, hygiene products, on a good day drugs, on a not good day OTC painkillers, all sorts of things. My car is even more stocked. I'm not saying I would be an asset in a zombie scenario but my motto is literally "always have a backup, and a plan C if you need more than that it's too many plans just wing it"
TK421isAFK
Same here - I'm not carrying meds around other than OTC (ibuprofen, acetaminophen, Tums, contact solution, first aid), but I'm always stocked. Nitrile gloves, a bunch of basic tools, flashlights, jumper cables, an extra fan belt, 2 gallons of water plus 5 or 6 small bottles, rags, baby wipes, antimicrobial towelettes, ratchet tie-downs (bonus story about those), binoculars, canvas shopping bags, and a couple Stock Sticks. Those are the long hooked rods store employees use to pull items to 1/2
TK421isAFK
the front of store display hooks. They may have been acquired from a friend that works for Walmart, and are great for reaching things like keys dropped down a drain cover or in a dirty trash can, or reaching in a tiny gap in a car door or window when keys are locked in it. Oh, there's a locksmith airbag in there, too. Ratchet tie-down story: I found a bunch of 4-packs of cheap, light-duty ratchet straps at Home Depot several years ago. They were on clearance for $0.54/box of 4, and I bought 2/3
tonedeafsidekick
TK421isAFK
For those that might not: https://www.reddit.com/r/funny/comments/ksjiyv/in_this_house_we_replinish/
TK421isAFK
I was hoping somebody would...DAVID!
TK421isAFK
Sorry, it was Danny, not David.