catpeelover
103565
1768
54
Looks like my dick is about to have a good time
Oct 4, 2017 9:55 PM
catpeelover
103565
1768
54
Looks like my dick is about to have a good time
BloodDonor
Do I have to finish? Cos if not I could masterbate over 100x a day
Mindtrip05
Would really help if it's retroactive as well.
rtbergman
I had a towel under my bed in high school that was probably worth $10,000.
RogerG
Do you know why women cry every time they have a period? Because they could be getting $1,000 for selling that egg.
HolyFuckBatman
So my questions is, how do they know to pay everytime you jerk it? Camera? Physical evidence? A guy that just watches you? I NEED TO KNOW!
FishingNerd
Where is @cyno01 when you need him, for some proper dick math
cyno01
I dont know enough about investing, can a 1 million dollar lump sum be made to generate the same income as 1 million dollars every ~9 years?
SethReborn
Me versus my GF; I started calc. $ per day based on rl. She started with amount of times needed to wank and went backwards
Oogieboogs
*Finally buys an 80,000 dollar car* Me: "you have no idea how hard I jerked for this..." Dealer: "You mean worked...?" Me: "No..."
The701
"Do you want to upgrade to the twin-turbocharged engine and premium sound system?" ][ "Uh...sure. Where's your bathroom? Be back in a bit."
FamousOnce
I can do an easy 5 before I get out of bed in the morning, 5 days a week - that's a good salary. One way a woman can earn more than a man!
W1ckedw1lly01
Apologies for the late reply! Just randomly browsing... As a guy, this would be heavenly!
6Hexa6gram6
cousteau
If I had 1 million dollars cash I would probably masturbate a lot anyway.
oledirtybronco
I'd die trying to make that million that's for sure
waddyaknowjoe
hold my beer
phunksoulbrother
Wash yo fucking hands first
commentsivehadafew
Actually, you only need one hand, so...
mingotheflamingo
Good grief you guys need better hobbies or better girlfriends
NJCabinetGuy
I'm 65 .... I'll take the million.
tzxAzrael
really seems to be a question secretly asking how old you are/feel, doesn't it.
S0n0fAnarchy23
I mean that's at least 700 a week that's cool with me
tzxAzrael
yea, but if you limit yourself to spending only 700/week, even without interest the $1m lasts 27 years.
GodEmperor0fMankind
You underestimate me OP. I'm already half way to a million just from today.
PickleRiiiiiiiiiiiiick
I'll take the 100 bucks each time. Jerking off 4x a day means it'd take less than 7 years to make a cool million.
tzxAzrael
yea, but at that rate, how long till it just falls off?
PickleRiiiiiiiiiiiiick
Well, I've been fapping 2-4 times a day now on avg for 25 years and it's still here....
catblklady
I will take the million. Masturbation would get old. Lol
W1ckedw1lly01
Somethings never get old lol
catblklady
Lol I guess I am weird
W1ckedw1lly01
No you're not lol. Not everyone has to enjoy it over and over
catblklady
True
W1ckedw1lly01
I do understand what you're saying but it's frustrating when it's been so long and you are bursting!
jordanschlansky
Is the count retroactive?
tzxAzrael
that... could make a serious impact to the answer, couldn't it.
CaptianToast
So..does a 100$ bill just rise out at the end? Is it a blast of 1-20s? Or just a stream of nickels? Or does a gentleman give me a 100?
tempestas
Let's do the math here; 3 times a day, 365 days a year, 30 years x $100. Honey we're rich!
Ceilingfan444
Only 2 million. You'd have more taking the money upfront and just investing or even letting it collect interest in a savings account
yourbassist
Investing the million at year 1 would be more prudent.
tzxAzrael
let's consider.. 30, 20, even 10y from now, you probably won't be spanking it as often.
P0kEy
After just 27 1/2 years of daily masterbation you would have more than 1 million dollars with at 100 a day.
P0kEy
(M * 365) 100=1000000 M stands for months
tzxAzrael
right and how much did you lose out on in accumulated interest over the 27y ?
EcreusRaithwall
Either way it'd be an awkward conversation when someone asks me for money.
YangKoete
You'll go to the sperm bank/egg bank?
shahbrahdaman
It wouldn't really be a conversation at all
TheEvenPrez
"Hey Phil how come you go into the other room every time I ask you for some cash?"
chastidy
Why?
Mumalot
"Can I borrow $5?" "for $5, I'm gonna need you to fap until you get a lil hard, then ignore it"
chastidy
But you wouldn't have to do that if you got the million. What did you mean "either way"? Also presumably you'd just masturbate before...
iAppdata
"It'll be 39,54$, sir" "Oh, do you have any restrooms?" "Sorry, we can't allow you to leave w/o paying" "Ok, but this isn't gonna be pretty"
antoonz
This is better than than the comment you commented on. I've never seen that before. +1
TehButternaut
TitaniumMonkeyBalls
Imagine the poor money fairy that has to pop in and hand you your money every time you finish one off.
Velosiraptor
That's why I have direct deposit
QuzareeVircosemo
Nonsense, the money just... comes... from you
fewe
Papercuts in your urethra
StraightRight4
That's my fetish.
mihaiborcan
you call her in advance, for, ehm, stimulation
AlmostCertainlyNotPickles
I'd have to whack it twice a day to make what I make already. Are we talking direct deposit, tax free?
InternationalPhoneticAlphabet
but consider this: you have to do nothing but jacking off to get that money. you could even keep your current job and earn double.
AlmostCertainlyNotPickles
But I'd have to pay more in taxes. I'd have to log my income from jerking it.
InternationalPhoneticAlphabet
you'd rather earn less than paying a higher tax %?
Ceilingfan444
Assuming the $100 is magic couldn't it be counted as a gift? therefore tax free?
Maanee
Gifts are taxable over a certain amount unless you consider each magical instance a separate individual.
GrayKS
Twice a day. Every day. 14 years. I think I'll take the lump sum, please
emkev
Thanks for doing the Math for me, buddy.
Agwan
Those are rookie numbers. You gotta up those numbers.
SupraLove
Yea, maybe 15-16 year old me could've cranked out the numbers, not so much anymore lol.
jimothywilson
That money would be mine in 3.5 years
hawkesnightmare
Are you telling us that you aren't going to jack off every day for the next 14 years? Even once a day is a 27 year payoff.
WeaponizedJerk
No, but with interests you're gonna earn way more in 14 years than that.
malikcarr
I dunno about that. If you invest and your investments do well then yes definitely, but just interest-bearing bonds and such? Ehhhh...
ZackLabadie
5% a year is pretty ubtainable and would net you 50,000 per year assuming you dont re invest that money you would need to jack it 5000 times
malikcarr
If you know where I can buy some bonds that yield 5% fucking tell me, that's a gold mine.
commentsivehadafew
So you're saying I can get a job, where all I have to do all day, is.....
Dispari
$100 a day is a lot more than I made at my last job, and for something I already do anyway? Sign me up!
jedreeves
It's for science.
MegatronPewPew
There’s a Japanese guy who does that already
SethReborn
Wank
[deleted]
[deleted]
MostLikelyNotWearingPants
50 in two weeks, i'll let you know.
stewpedasole
He said "easy to beat"
SpanisInquisition
Cumming wasn't a condition. They only said masturbate so 1 or 2 rubs and you're done.
FiveShiftOne
Nah, nah. You can get a job where all you have to do is whack off like four times a day to live incredibly comfortably.
BrenKat
Dude, even 1/day is better than most jobs, hourly wage for 40/wk @ $10/hr, averages out about $57/day. And I spank 2/day without the cash!
FiveShiftOne
Doing the math 4x100x365 is an annual tax-free salary of $146,000 a year. Way better than a lump million.
thezale19
Isn't there some kind of health issue that comes frim that much masturbation?
BluBoxx
Ejaculation...
thezale19
That one
thezale19
No but like there's some kind of blockage that could happen as a result
FiveShiftOne
That's a myth perpetuated by the "masturbation is a sin against god" crowd. There's no truth to it.
TheNeutrachrist
Once a day will net you $36,400.00 yearly. 2x $72,800.00, 3x $109,200.00, etc. For easiest results, once when you wake up, once before bed.
GlowGreen
So I'd be at a million in one year. Sold.
GreyKihano
I'm wondering how it will be taxed.
encyclopediabritannica
So you're saying I get one day off a year? What day?
TheNeutrachrist
December 25th, or Santa gets the wrong idea.. And then you get 2nd day off every leap year. Use it any day that leap year or lose it.
hawkesnightmare
So we'd equal the million in just over 13 years at twice daily.
TheNeutrachrist
Basically. Assuming that it's somehow tax free. Like $100 just appears in your wallet when you are done.
hawkesnightmare
In these situations we always assume the money is tax free. Mostly because there's no section on the tax forms for "magically granted money"
TheNeutrachrist
I would consider "Other Income" to be the spot where that money is supposed to go. Just be careful spending. Gov't will audit your genitals.
Diddykongkey
Well say it isn't tax free, then the $100/wank works out better since you're taxed on an annual income not one massive boner.
The22ndDoctor
Because of the poor phrasing, I will take 1 million dollars cash every time I masturbate for life.
FuzzyNutSak
Noice
RandomVoiceFromTheInternet
Commas, bitch! Do you use them?!
bodito
Also because of poor phrasing, you will only masturbate once more in your life, since you'll never stop.
GasBandit
Commas are important. Now if you'll excuse me I have to go help my uncle jack off a horse.
ShadowTeller
Think some religious stances on loving yourself. That's millions of lives. but 1 for women when they wouldn't want to.. sexist assholes:P
Supermanisbetter
Boom! You win and I will take what he is having.
Stebbenwolf
And crash the economy with the massive inflation caused by your persistent masturbating?
3RsReadingRitingRithmatic
Doesnt even say you have to finish each time. Hell touch it, bang 1m.
ShootYourGooMyDude
1 million dollars cash every time seems troublesome, having to deal with all that physical cash and store it...
Acidjib
Where is a good comma when you need one?
Secretsquid
I'll take that money
Maldraek
Nice.
TehButternaut
commentsivehadafew
"Masturbate for life" sounds like a charity we can all pull for
RemarkablyRegularRob
I kinda thought it was more like having a gun to my head or sth. Like: "Masturbate for your dear life,bitch!"
ThePurpleMacaw
or hand jobs for kids (sugar pine 7)
SpikeThruTheStreetRoof
*not affiliate with "March for life"
HanktheHeliotropeShank
Pull for? Is that a pun?
FuzzyNutSak
You have to ask? This user deserves all our upvotes - I'm gonna go take a shit
Krieghund
Eh, they're a bunch of jerks
eroso
Meanwhile ISIS, Kim Jong Un and Putin are masturbating for death.
Devious11
Do you want to cause hyperinflation? Because this is how you cause hyperinflation.
onceandfuterking
You talking bout rust on the pipes?
Linarok
If you know what I mean
TheBlackWindHowls
That's only if the government knows about it.
ErinFromTheOffice
Twist, the money arrives is cash from drug lords. It's dirty and you need to launder it before you can spend it. And you can't refuse (1/2)
The22ndDoctor
So, by the end of the year, every drug lord in the world is bankrupt. Wouldn't I get knighted for something like that?
ErinFromTheOffice
the money. Every masturbation, another million in physical cash. (2/2)
[deleted]
[deleted]
AwkwardKeming
I'd just get an in in the Ozarks. More coastline than California.
Rajinrune
Cut a deal with the feds. Lose a portion of the money, but get government protection for life
dotcomaphobe
Do it once, then pay people to do it for me from then on?
Convergent
Athang
I assume you mean the laundering? Cause it sounds like you want them to masturbate you for you, and that's not how that works.
tcsv23
Have you tried?
ifounditunderthere
Considering the time value of money, and compounding interest, this is a stupid question.....
epodzors2
Thats assuming you invest smartly.
Cheesyfries
Thank god someone understand the importance of compound interest
SilverNicktail
If I masturbated once a day under this scheme, I'd be taking a pay cut.
DutchyMcDutch
Ok but are you not going to live on some of the money? Or are you going to save it up for retirement?
Damianoxo
Considering my teenage years... I would be on my way to my second million.
tzxAzrael
13 years to break even at twice a day. still 9 years at 3x a day. and that's not counting any interest that having $1m in bank earns.
ReifieR
Yeah, this isn't even remotely close. Not to mention that 1,000,000/100=10,000. At a rate of 3 wanks a day that's over 9 years to break even
UselessFacts
You beat me to the results
Tarmaccian
By 25 I'd be a millionaire with stable income while that million earns interest, or just drop down the rate as needed. It's an easy choice.
TwoTrees
Jimmyvtss
Mariel141
On the other hand, if you wank more than three times per day and plan to do so for the rest of your life, could be a good deal.
Swunt
$111,111 a year to beat my dick? when and where.
terithian
So easy money, then.
lizardsbehere
You don't have to get off to be considered masturbating. Just jerk it 20 times a day for 5 seconds each time.
ReifieR
I mean, the way it's worded you're not wrong but I went by the spirit of the proposal as opposed to broadly categorizing masturbation as
ReifieR
potentially any rubbing or grazing of your genitals at any time of the day. I mean if each literal stroke is a $100 bucks - then yes that
ReifieR
would add up quick. But then it gets ridiculous, does stroking up the penis and down a penis count as 2 strokes for 200?
scorpiophenox
Why is this not the top comment, I went hunting for the figures and you had them, thank you!
ReifieR
You're welcome!
Ambsdorf825
I just had the calculator open and came to the same answer.
cspinasdf
Yeah but at a rate of 30 wanks a day it's less than a year. So really it depends on your age.
Tanishh
At 30 even if you’re bloody 16 it will be rubbed raw. Christ man.
cspinasdf
That's what lube/lotion/oil is for.
KyIr
Tots doable for girls though...
Nerdygasm
I'm a chick and once I get going, I can get off 3 times in 5 minutes or less so... "Masturbating for $100, Alex"
ReifieR
Amazing! Somewhere else in the comments me and another commenter came up with some ground rules to cover a Dynamo like yourself
Nerdygasm
Now there are ground rules? I see how it is :P *goes back to check full comments*
ReifieR
:D We were struggling to figure out what the definition of masturbate was, if there was a min duration, cooldown period, etc. Yes, we are
Crowlands
I could get 3+ a day, and that's without the motivation of money. sure, it's 9 years, but it's a guaranteed continuous income.
Pawnderlust
I'm pretty sure for $100 I could masturbate 10 times a day. That's 336,000 per year
Crowlands
Many people fuck up, royally, when they get large sums of money. I don't doubt I'd make the same mistakes. But give me 300 a day? Safety.
ReifieR
The point is that 1 million now, can be 2 million in 10 years through investment. So now you would have to wank 6x a day for 10 years.
ReifieR
Obviously you could invest as you earn your daily $$$$ from wanks, but it's more efficient to start with a big bank roll.
milkmyrod
Challenge Accepted!
Crowlands
Yeah, but that's with smart investment, hoping there isn't some massive crash, and having the willpower to not waste it.
Crowlands
The fact that I jack it 3 times a day kin'a proves I DON'T have much willpower.
ReifieR
The willpower is the hardest part, crashes are survivable. Smart investment to earn something like 7% annual isn't that hard.