2447 pts ยท June 5, 2016
#45 - You guys have people telling you they love you?
#31 Me too kiwi, me too...
I do appreciate a good racc
Appreciate it, stranger
More like milk mountains...
One more tiiiime
#45 We were lied to...
#38 - how does one acquire this skill?
Yes please
As someone who has been down this road, while I am happy you have found a purpose and will to live, this sounds an awful lot like a codependency situation. Please take steps to root your will to live in yourself. I speak from experience when I say that it can be extraordinarily difficult to stay afloat after one of these relationships ends. I wish you both the best, and say this with care. I hope you are both doing better and better every day!
Ooh another Nova! That's a cute lil baby you've got there - here's my Nova
I didn't know about Chimera cats till now, that's cool!
The actions that my ex took in those situations made heavy blows on my self esteem and confidence. I make excuses for them and justify their actions when really what they did was extremely shitty and needlessly cruel. Somehow I turn that over in my head and add it to the grossly exaggerated list of reasons I am not worth knowing, not a good person, etc.
I never thought about the term "catch" like that, but you make a good point. I need to rework my thought patterns to stop telling myself all the reasons why x or y person won't like me, and instead just enjoy myself and go with the flow, letting things happen organically without this whole mental gymnastic session before every interaction.
If this attraction continues, I'll make it a point to talk to her about it, but right now doesn't feel appropriate. I think it'd be wise to work on myself and my self-doubts/self-esteem some more before giving something like that a shot.
We both more or less endured the awkward and scooted along through the situation until something else was brought up. I've hung out with her for a few hours today and neither one of us has brought it up, and that's probably how it will stay.
I'd like to work on my self-esteem. Sure I was in a bit of a pit last night but my opinion of myself and my worth has been on a decline lately. Surely I am worthy of love, but there are many times that it does not feel that way.
They're so neat, I love them! I got 2 of them for climbing but unfortunately haven't had the opportunity to use them for that yet - but at least they're pretty lol
"It's not your place to say who your friend wants unless you ask her and she tells you." - Thank you for reminding me of this. A lot of times I fall into pits due to the fallacy that I know what others are thinking, that I know how they see me, and it's never a pretty picture.
2/2 do have going for me - my friends include me, they invite me to things, we get together to climb every week. They laugh at my jokes, they give advice when I reach out. I have a decent job, a car, my own place. All of this sits in the shadow of my poor social skills and shyness at approaching others. In past traumas and relationships. That one area where I struggle brings forth a nasty image of myself that I carry around at all times. It's a ball and chain that prevents me from thriving.
I think that voice is me. It's something that started as an internal quip any time I'd screw something up, slowly getting more and more condescending. Anything bad that happens to me socially, I give 10x the weight of anything good that ever happens. I wind up telling myself I have nothing to offer - if they wanted to get to know me they'd approach me. That since nobody ever cares to message first or ask questions about me, I must not be worth knowing. All the while ignoring the things I 1/2
If I could work on those parts of my life, I'm certain the confidence that I exude will make me more approachable, and make situations like this easier. I'm not so much worried about rejection, more so I'm putting myself down to the level of dirt and I don't end up seeing what I have to offer. I don't mind if she's not up for it, that's her decision and if she's not, someone else may be. But I need to believe that I am worthy and that I am capable first.
My issue is the lack of confidence/poor self esteem combination that makes it difficult for me to engage with others. It makes it difficult for me to so much as chat with a stranger at the gym, befriend others that have similar interests, chat with the friends I already have, etc.
Working on overcoming that thought pattern - I get one foot in the mud and I get so caught up in the doubts & negatives that aren't even real.
At times I find myself struggling to go with the flow and just enjoy things as they are. I feel like there is a rung on the ladder that is just out of reach and I need to take action to get somewhere, when in reality I'm not standing on a ladder. There is no destination that I HAVE to reach. If I could loosen up and stop viewing things so objectively, I might have a better time with things, and things might come to me more easily. At any rate - at least I'd be less anxious
She's a beaut isn't she :)
I've had a relationship in the past that went on for 6 or so years. I'm willing to put in the miles for a person and be a faithful, committed partner. Why I'm not a catch? I have poor self confidence, I regularly shy away from opportunities to get to know people, I feel like I am not exciting, not charming, not fluent in my social skills. I have a variety of hobbies and interests and I know I am a good person, but I'm so trigger-shy that I feel it holds me back.
#45 - You guys have people telling you they love you?
#31 Me too kiwi, me too...
I do appreciate a good racc
Appreciate it, stranger
More like milk mountains...
One more tiiiime
#45 We were lied to...
#38 - how does one acquire this skill?
Yes please
As someone who has been down this road, while I am happy you have found a purpose and will to live, this sounds an awful lot like a codependency situation. Please take steps to root your will to live in yourself. I speak from experience when I say that it can be extraordinarily difficult to stay afloat after one of these relationships ends. I wish you both the best, and say this with care. I hope you are both doing better and better every day!
Ooh another Nova! That's a cute lil baby you've got there - here's my Nova
I didn't know about Chimera cats till now, that's cool!
The actions that my ex took in those situations made heavy blows on my self esteem and confidence. I make excuses for them and justify their actions when really what they did was extremely shitty and needlessly cruel. Somehow I turn that over in my head and add it to the grossly exaggerated list of reasons I am not worth knowing, not a good person, etc.
I never thought about the term "catch" like that, but you make a good point. I need to rework my thought patterns to stop telling myself all the reasons why x or y person won't like me, and instead just enjoy myself and go with the flow, letting things happen organically without this whole mental gymnastic session before every interaction.
If this attraction continues, I'll make it a point to talk to her about it, but right now doesn't feel appropriate. I think it'd be wise to work on myself and my self-doubts/self-esteem some more before giving something like that a shot.
We both more or less endured the awkward and scooted along through the situation until something else was brought up. I've hung out with her for a few hours today and neither one of us has brought it up, and that's probably how it will stay.
I'd like to work on my self-esteem. Sure I was in a bit of a pit last night but my opinion of myself and my worth has been on a decline lately. Surely I am worthy of love, but there are many times that it does not feel that way.
They're so neat, I love them! I got 2 of them for climbing but unfortunately haven't had the opportunity to use them for that yet - but at least they're pretty lol
"It's not your place to say who your friend wants unless you ask her and she tells you." - Thank you for reminding me of this. A lot of times I fall into pits due to the fallacy that I know what others are thinking, that I know how they see me, and it's never a pretty picture.
2/2 do have going for me - my friends include me, they invite me to things, we get together to climb every week. They laugh at my jokes, they give advice when I reach out. I have a decent job, a car, my own place. All of this sits in the shadow of my poor social skills and shyness at approaching others. In past traumas and relationships. That one area where I struggle brings forth a nasty image of myself that I carry around at all times. It's a ball and chain that prevents me from thriving.
I think that voice is me. It's something that started as an internal quip any time I'd screw something up, slowly getting more and more condescending. Anything bad that happens to me socially, I give 10x the weight of anything good that ever happens. I wind up telling myself I have nothing to offer - if they wanted to get to know me they'd approach me. That since nobody ever cares to message first or ask questions about me, I must not be worth knowing. All the while ignoring the things I 1/2
If I could work on those parts of my life, I'm certain the confidence that I exude will make me more approachable, and make situations like this easier. I'm not so much worried about rejection, more so I'm putting myself down to the level of dirt and I don't end up seeing what I have to offer. I don't mind if she's not up for it, that's her decision and if she's not, someone else may be. But I need to believe that I am worthy and that I am capable first.
My issue is the lack of confidence/poor self esteem combination that makes it difficult for me to engage with others. It makes it difficult for me to so much as chat with a stranger at the gym, befriend others that have similar interests, chat with the friends I already have, etc.
Working on overcoming that thought pattern - I get one foot in the mud and I get so caught up in the doubts & negatives that aren't even real.
At times I find myself struggling to go with the flow and just enjoy things as they are. I feel like there is a rung on the ladder that is just out of reach and I need to take action to get somewhere, when in reality I'm not standing on a ladder. There is no destination that I HAVE to reach. If I could loosen up and stop viewing things so objectively, I might have a better time with things, and things might come to me more easily. At any rate - at least I'd be less anxious
She's a beaut isn't she :)
I've had a relationship in the past that went on for 6 or so years. I'm willing to put in the miles for a person and be a faithful, committed partner. Why I'm not a catch? I have poor self confidence, I regularly shy away from opportunities to get to know people, I feel like I am not exciting, not charming, not fluent in my social skills. I have a variety of hobbies and interests and I know I am a good person, but I'm so trigger-shy that I feel it holds me back.