sauvemonkey - rimgo

sauvemonkey

18195 pts · April 6, 2015

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I am a dynamic figure, often seen scaling walls and crushing ice. I have been known to remodel train stations on my lunch breaks, making them more efficient in the area of heat retention. I translate ethnic slurs for Cuban refugees, I write award-winning operas, I manage time efficiently. Occasionally, I tread water for three days in a row. I woo women with my sensuous and godlike trombone playing, I can pilot bicycles up severe inclines with unflagging speed, and I cook Thirty-Minute Brownies in twenty minutes. I am an expert in stucco, a veteran in love, and an outlaw in Peru. Using only a hoe and a large glass of water, I once single-handedly defended a small village in the Amazon Basin from a horde of ferocious army ants. I play bluegrass cello, I am the subject of numerous documentaries. When I'm bored, I build large suspension bridges in my yard. I enjoy urban hang gliding. On Wednesdays, after work repair electrical appliances free of charge. I am an abstract artist, a concrete analyst, and a ruthless bookie. Critics worldwide swoon over my original line of corduroy evening wear. I don't perspire. I am a private citizen, yet I receive fan mail. I have been caller number nine and have won the weekend passes. Last summer I toured Adelaide with a traveling centrifugal-force demonstration. My deft floral arrangements have earned me fame in international botany circles. Children trust me. I can hurl tennis rackets at small moving objects with deadly accuracy. I once read Paradise Lost, Moby Dick, and David Copperfield in one day and still had time to refurbish an entire dining room that evening. I know the exact location of every food item in the supermarket. I have performed several covert operations for the CIA. I sleep once a week; when I do sleep, I sleep in a chair. While on vacation in Canada, I successfully negotiated with a group of terrorists who had seized a small bakery. The laws of physics do not apply to me. I balance, I weave, I dodge, I frolic, and my bills are all paid. On weekends, to let off steam, I participate in full-contact origami. Years ago I discovered the meaning of life but forgot to write it down. I have made extraordinary four course meals using only a mouli and a toaster oven. I breed prizewinning clams. I have won bullfights in San Juan, cliff-diving competitions in Sri Lanka, and spelling bees at the Kremlin. I have played Hamlet, I have performed open-heart surgery, and I have spoken with Elvis. And I finally made the front page!

My secret Santa arrived

Getting in on the meme making

Because it's now Caturday in Australia.

Cat

Adopted a kitty

Hello Jelly.

Sunday night feed

Retro game action

Hoo boy! What a secret Santa collection!

Felt cute, might delete later

I'm giving the 29th a spoopy rating.

Any love for this goodboi?

Our Aussie PM

When your girl falls asleep half way through the movie.

Arrested Trumpvelopment.

This is my dog

Them Sunday vibes.

Probably die in usersub

Cats...

I think I'm being watched...

Um... cake day?

It's not really fine.

Dance dance dance

Daaaayman!

My first attempting a dump

How it feels on front page with user sub let loose today

Best part of holidays

Pew pew pee

As they say....

Masterful journalism

Looking for advice.

Well do you?

Fixed the new Dwayne Johnson movie

We've all got that one short friend.

Giant nope gets six seats

After the release of star wars episode 8 title...

Infected dog

Cause science, bitches.

Stumbled upon this galaxies best cantina in Wellington

Thought I was behind a certain imgurian for a minute

Finally found how I feel about my life in exact words.

Make America Rawr again.

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