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17376 pts · August 7, 2016


I'm officially "Get off my lawn" old. and hate you all. Not personally, just helps with the general crankiness vibe.

I like the heart shaped astigmatism, cool. Mines regular old circular astigmatism.

1 week ago | Likes 2 Dislikes 1

It was probably listed on Fox News as a Mexican country…

1 week ago | Likes 8 Dislikes 1

Where are these stickers??

2 weeks ago | Likes 15 Dislikes 0

I’d be more forgiving if this ass hat stays out of the Senat—- wait, no, that’s actually a tortoise, nevermind. Keep improving Johnathan!

2 weeks ago | Likes 4 Dislikes 0

But they also don’t mention how collections could stop you from getting some jobs….

2 weeks ago | Likes 1 Dislikes 0

Saturday! You’re going to quote Saturday? The story changes in real time and you’re doing Saturday? Who do you think you are, Michael Che? Colin Jost?

3 weeks ago | Likes 7 Dislikes 0

Idk, using days as a measurement term for how long a day is seems wrong. Wouldn’t all answers be 1? How many days does it take for a day to pass? 1.

1 month ago | Likes 2 Dislikes 2

But the 15th version of Skyrim is coming!

1 month ago | Likes 2 Dislikes 0

Now everyone get a squirt gun, then show the people in your house stereoscopic 3d….

1 month ago | Likes 3 Dislikes 0

Must be a perspective thing, it looks like six. Where do you start measuring from?

1 month ago | Likes 8 Dislikes 0

I’ve lost a few times, but I’m no sore loser, I’ll try again.

1 month ago | Likes 2 Dislikes 0

I sure do like the fences I put up to keep all the deer on my field, but for the life of me I can’t figure out why this herd gets that zombie deer disease….

1 month ago | Likes 1 Dislikes 0

And other countries are really good at protesting

1 month ago | Likes 1 Dislikes 0

And should have been disbarred and jailed for the trump bribe when investigating trump u.

1 month ago | Likes 1 Dislikes 0

The lengths you go through to hide giving her chlamydia…

1 month ago | Likes 1 Dislikes 1

It’s not paranoia if you’re right.

1 month ago | Likes 7 Dislikes 0

No, some are people.

1 month ago | Likes 32 Dislikes 0

Sure spring can do it, but when I come quick it’s all “premature” and “why did I even bother?” And “just clean that up and go away” and other mean things….

1 month ago | Likes 1 Dislikes 0

Someone is better at McDonalds themed sex puns than me, and I throw down the gauntlet with my “robble” joke. Think you got better? Let’s see ‘em.

1 month ago | Likes 2 Dislikes 0

The clowns all over the wall, the 2 foot hamburger guy, red hair. Maybe she was waiting for you to Grimace and get in there and robble robble robble….or something about McCheese or Frykids. I don’t know….

1 month ago | Likes 2 Dislikes 0

The orange is what changes the flavor, the vodka makes it more liquid like a shake. A protein screwdriver. Totally a normal thing to want.

1 month ago | Likes 2 Dislikes 1

Like a good idiot, I looked knowing they said do feet, and was like did they hide the dick part????

1 month ago | Likes 4 Dislikes 0

Sometimes, some things are worth the slapping….not that I’ve ever done anything like that.

1 month ago | Likes 3 Dislikes 0

No spoiler alert?!? Now we know the what the curse is: pedophilia.

1 month ago | Likes 10 Dislikes 1

And quite often that show is far more emotionally mature than most any form of entertainment. And fart jokes.

1 month ago | Likes 72 Dislikes 0

As an American I long for boring news, no more ***gestures***

1 month ago | Likes 4 Dislikes 0

2 months ago | Likes 5 Dislikes 0

What are the chances ICE goes anywhere near openly armed people?

2 months ago | Likes 2 Dislikes 0

They said rock….its crack

2 months ago | Likes 3 Dislikes 0

Last time I tried to cook breakfast I prepped everything, got it ready to cook and be done in 10 minutes. Waited for her to wake up, heard movement and quickly cooked and plated. She walked toward the kitchen saying, “What do I smell cooking?” Then she still screamed, asked me who I was, and what I thought I was doing in her house, then ran and called the cops. I put in effort man!

2 months ago | Likes 27 Dislikes 0