YourParents

3472 pts ยท October 24, 2014


The details of my life are quite inconsequential... very well, where do I begin? My father was a relentlessly self-improving boulangerie owner from Belgium with low grade narcolepsy and a penchant for buggery. My mother was a fifteen year old French prostitute named Chloe with webbed feet. My father would womanize, he would drink. He would make outrageous claims like he invented the question mark. Sometimes he would accuse chestnuts of being lazy. The sort of general malaise that only the genius possess and the insane lament. My childhood was typical. Summers in Rangoon, luge lessons. In the spring we'd make meat helmets. When I was insolent I was placed in a burlap bag and beaten with reeds- pretty standard really. At the age of twelve I received my first scribe. At the age of fourteen a Zoroastrian named Vilma ritualistically shaved my testicles. There really is nothing like a shorn scrotum... it's breathtaking- I highly suggest you try it. Selfie for the stalkers: http://i.imgur.com/ZodIUyK.jpg [6]

I wish he'd turn around for a split second just so we can see the cryptids chasing him

3 years ago | Likes 16 Dislikes 0

Who are these people

4 years ago | Likes 1 Dislikes 0

All of it

4 years ago | Likes 1 Dislikes 1

Those blue bloods fucking stick together

4 years ago | Likes 5 Dislikes 0

NO! THE MEMORIES ARE COMING BACK! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

4 years ago | Likes 1 Dislikes 0

horsesonthebeach TURUTTUTU

4 years ago | Likes 2 Dislikes 0

Have you tried hungarian?

4 years ago | Likes 7 Dislikes 0

Not sure, let me measure again.

4 years ago | Likes 2 Dislikes 0

Aaw man, you look happy, must've been a good day!

4 years ago | Likes 2 Dislikes 0

Man, I just want enough money to go to therapy, I haven't been happy for 15 years and most of my problems are in my head.

4 years ago | Likes 13 Dislikes 0

the one with lara croft?

5 years ago | Likes 2 Dislikes 0

why?

5 years ago | Likes 14 Dislikes 0

7

5 years ago | Likes 6 Dislikes 0

Yeah, don't feel bad, everyone gets fucked over a few times. Learn from it :)

5 years ago | Likes 2 Dislikes 0

One of my favorite gags from that movie.

5 years ago | Likes 3 Dislikes 1

Shitters clogged

5 years ago | Likes 1 Dislikes 0

someone needs to add that screaming orgasm soundeffect. you know the one.

5 years ago | Likes 2 Dislikes 0

cheeto

5 years ago | Likes 1 Dislikes 0

No the most important part is when it's going in MAH BELLY OM NOM NOM NOM

5 years ago | Likes 7 Dislikes 0

How about just stop eating.

5 years ago | Likes 7 Dislikes 1

I think the biggest problem is that the rapper was a friend of her sons

5 years ago | Likes 54 Dislikes 1

Easier to go for the multikill

5 years ago | Likes 1 Dislikes 0

It's called oral fixation. Suck on a lolly

5 years ago | Likes 1 Dislikes 0

And then theres my grandma who'd beat the shit out of me because I was born a boy.

5 years ago | Likes 2 Dislikes 0

5 years ago | Likes 1 Dislikes 0

fuck that scared the shit out of me

6 years ago | Likes 1 Dislikes 0

It makes them transcendent

6 years ago | Likes 21 Dislikes 0

Maxmimum Overdad

6 years ago | Likes 180 Dislikes 0

6 years ago | Likes 7 Dislikes 0