PromiseImThrowed

2634 pts ยท March 24, 2011


Whoa

2 years ago | Likes 2 Dislikes 0

I'd prefer to run everywhere, but people often give me weird looks, like they think someone is chasing me or something. I still run sometimes, though. It's so much faster!

2 years ago | Likes 1 Dislikes 0

Everybody loves a good kidney function joke!

2 years ago | Likes 2 Dislikes 0

So he endangered a child, but it was his child, so it's ok.

2 years ago | Likes 2 Dislikes 0

I haven't seen Kid Rock shoot up a bottle of Chardonnay yet, but maybe we could goad him into it.

2 years ago | Likes 2 Dislikes 0

Maybe you're colorblind? A red-green colorblind person probably wouldn't be able to see it.

2 years ago | Likes 1 Dislikes 0

Ewshi

2 years ago | Likes 1 Dislikes 0

Sugar be like "Nay"

2 years ago | Likes 2 Dislikes 0

Well, I suppose there's a first time for everything.

3 years ago | Likes 18 Dislikes 0

But did they smash, though?

3 years ago | Likes 1 Dislikes 0

Why? It's a perfectly cromulent word.

3 years ago | Likes 9 Dislikes 2

The theme is horny possum.

3 years ago | Likes 2 Dislikes 0

No, thank you!

3 years ago | Likes 1 Dislikes 0

How can the anti-blowjob party keep winning elections?! (I know the answer, it's by cheating, but it still baffles me.)

3 years ago | Likes 9 Dislikes 0

But who cares? No big deal...

3 years ago | Likes 3 Dislikes 0

Yeah, and maybe we should give them robotic exoskeletons and jetpacks, too!

3 years ago | Likes 1 Dislikes 0

Dad, is that you?

3 years ago | Likes 1 Dislikes 0

I'll take the coffee and blunt. Give the donuts to someone who needs them.

3 years ago | Likes 16 Dislikes 0

Dogs make great commitment devices for people trying to get regular exercise. Because otherwise they'll shit in your house.

3 years ago | Likes 2 Dislikes 1

My tip is that you work on it. Thank you for preemptively following my advice. I'm honored.

3 years ago | Likes 5 Dislikes 0

Did you try bringing weed? My friend says sometimes that helps.

3 years ago | Likes 2 Dislikes 0

If I meet Thomas for lunch and I see he's wearing new shoes, I'll say "sweet kicks!" That small gesture proves I'm paying attention to him.

4 years ago | Likes 1 Dislikes 0

This makes me sad. I compliment and hug all my friends, and they do the same. If I catch someone doing something good, I call it out.

4 years ago | Likes 3 Dislikes 0

4 years ago | Likes 3 Dislikes 0

They're usually laminated

6 years ago | Likes 1 Dislikes 0

windshields aren't tempered

6 years ago | Likes 1 Dislikes 0

He made a ramp!

10 years ago | Likes 1 Dislikes 0

President Brimley! I had totally forgotten about that guy!

11 years ago | Likes 1 Dislikes 0

That Jesus guy is a bit of a friend-whore.

15 years ago | Likes 15 Dislikes 12