Cage match without the cage.
19
3
835
A day at the beach.
20
16
1697
My retarded wolf.
11
6
587
Take my money dammit
35
9
1481
HR just sent an email.
27
3
1236
Red headed monkey on RHM
407
33
19145
I finally had a talk with dog about loading the dishwasher
40
16
976
Hosers.
23
8
1201
Yeah, I said it.
26
15
820
I ate too much tonight
35
7
870
Participation isn’t required.
-5
3
209
Because I don’t think he knows.
13
14
828
Using it for some home improvement
28
10
1381
No we know how kittens wear pants
349
39
15899
First day of the year I’m using the AC. I’ll cool it down then open the windows back up, low will be 59.
49
36
1424
And everything you drink taste like cold hotdog water.
7
15
877
If you’re married before collecting, your spouse is entitled to half. If you wait to marry after you collect, then the winnings are a premarital asset that they’re not entitled to.
5
28
1215
The answer was yes.
4
3
781
Letting him know he’s adopted.
39
0
744
Line, ballroom, two step, doesn’t matter, take her dancing.
40
37
1502
That look he gives you.
27
14
1003
Demons
21
1
932
It’s 11:16 pm and I’ve got ice cream in the freezer.
2
1
785
Mr Bean, chaotic neutral.
32
15
1094
Can’t be everyone’s type.
13
10
906
When your roommate didn’t realize those were magic brownies.
17
1
655
Stinky Penny
19
2
735
I swim five mile a week but it just isn’t as satisfying as running.
45
18
1237
Too much of a good thing.
20
6
823
Cold outside
20
12
746
Four out of six numbers. Second time in three months.
31
12
807
Still waiting for my W2s to arrive
2
7
644
Not sure I’d want to know.
-7
14
772
Had a dream my job put in a nap room. I’ve never woken up more refreshed.
7
2
599
Now I know how kittens where pants
-6
0
155
I have doubts.
17
23
1145
Almonds are a super food and if logic follows, so is my Hershey bar.
-2
5
606
Staying put.
21
3
840
Her name is Penny. She likes long walks, treats and naps on my bed when I’m not home. Pet peeves include the Amazon delivery guy, skate boards and the garbage truck. Hobbies include tug of war with anyone who will play and barking at the neighbors cat.
29
7
861
Her reaction when I tell her that someday she’ll make a great pair of slippers.
305
20
14709
Approximately 40,000 people in the US die on the toilet each year.
17
17
1267
“I could never get out of my own way”
-2
30
727
Bacon cheeseburger
-4
8
918
.
6
17
784
Feels better than any other exercise and I sleep better as a result.
28
14
876
Just under the wire
30
7
875
It’s happened before.
18
14
1072
I don’t have the attention to detail to be a cereal killer.
-4
9
529
Garlic hates me
7
4
759
Maybe I’m just old fashioned
37
25
1479
Might warm up the neighborhood at some point
-4
18
741
Double stuffed
215
122
17312