Albs

147954 pts ยท March 16, 2012


My father was a relentlessly self-improving boulangerie owner from Belgium with low grade narcolepsy and a penchant for buggery. My mother was a fifteen year old French prostitute named Chloe with webbed feet. My father would womanize, he would drink, he would make outrageous claims like he invented the question mark. Sometimes he would accuse chestnuts of being lazy; the sort of general malaise that only the genius possess and the insane lament. My childhood was typical; summers in Rangoon, luge lessons. In the spring, we'd make meat helmets. When I was insolent, I was placed in a burlap bag and beaten with reeds; pretty standard really. At the age of twelve, I received my first scribe; at the age of fourteen, a Zoroastrian named Vilma ritualistically shaved my testicles; at the age of eighteen, I went off to evil medical school; at the age of twenty-five, I took up tap dancing; I wanted to be a quadruple threat. Get to know me? I'm down to talk to fellow Imgurians :)... Of course we cute, we black.

Yeah but it's hard to get a fire Pokemon until much later. There are plenty of water and grass ones to be found before fire

10 years ago | Likes 4 Dislikes 0

Always pick Charmander. Always.

10 years ago | Likes 5 Dislikes 0

Lol yeah that just happened.

10 years ago | Likes 1 Dislikes 0

Is that Kimiko-tan's cousin?

10 years ago | Likes 4 Dislikes 0

FRONT BUTT

10 years ago | Likes 7 Dislikes 0

Now.... Don't.... Fuck.... With.... Me....

10 years ago | Likes 3 Dislikes 0

I'LL SMASH IT WITH A HAMMAH

10 years ago | Likes 4 Dislikes 0

Is it time for Late Night Imgur already?

10 years ago | Likes 2 Dislikes 0

Mark me down as scared and horny

10 years ago | Likes 7 Dislikes 0

Mom: I found out today Grandma has dementia LOL. ... That means lots of love, right?

10 years ago | Likes 1 Dislikes 0

10 years ago | Likes 1 Dislikes 0

PUT IT IN YOUR BODY OR YOU'RE A COMMUNIST*

10 years ago | Likes 1 Dislikes 0

CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.

10 years ago | Likes 1 Dislikes 0

Fun Fact: Otters gang rape

10 years ago | Likes 2 Dislikes 1

Wow; Amour, The Pianist, The Piano Teacher.... you really like pianos

11 years ago | Likes 5 Dislikes 0

Drunk you:

11 years ago | Likes 5 Dislikes 0

I used to think that when I went to a public pool I could pee any time because no one could distinguish the stream of pee from my wet shorts

11 years ago | Likes 8 Dislikes 0

... Wut is it?

11 years ago | Likes 1 Dislikes 0

I will get down to business to defeat the Huns.

11 years ago | Likes 5 Dislikes 0

UN-WIFE HER. UN-WIFE HER RIGHT NOW.

11 years ago | Likes 37 Dislikes 1

You.... You are going to go far, my friend.

11 years ago | Likes 1 Dislikes 0

#noitdoesntwork

11 years ago | Likes 4 Dislikes 2

You win this battle.

11 years ago | Likes 1 Dislikes 0

I read both in his voice.

11 years ago | Likes 5 Dislikes 1

11 years ago | Likes 4 Dislikes 0

Oohhh humannnnn, you better let me in this house right meow.

11 years ago | Likes 4 Dislikes 1

There's an article that I read about humans being naturally sexual omnivorous. True? Not true? Just throwing it out there.

11 years ago | Likes 22 Dislikes 1

My friend Abbey died from injecting four whole marijuanas into her arm. Shrieeek

11 years ago | Likes 1 Dislikes 0

Mhmmmmmm... Honeydoo of burning flesh <3

11 years ago | Likes 2 Dislikes 0