A Whole Raw Potato.

May 19, 2013 5:42 PM

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A Whole Raw Potato.

Ok, I don't like calling things dumb because everyone has their own little way, but this...this is dumb.

13 years ago | Likes 19 Dislikes 0

WTH? I bet one of them is getting it somewhere and if they aren't when they finally do they may be missing for days catching up! How stupid!

13 years ago | Likes 6 Dislikes 0

I can ACTUALLY SEE them both masturbating in separate bedrooms while screaming, "I'm a sinner, I'm a sinner".

13 years ago | Likes 20 Dislikes 2

*fucks a hole in a raw potatao

13 years ago | Likes 9 Dislikes 0

Do I get double-holy points for sleeping all day on Sundays, too?

13 years ago | Likes 82 Dislikes 1

He have too many potato, too few sex. Latvia have too few potato. Should fuck wife, send potato Latvia.

13 years ago | Likes 14 Dislikes 1

I'll cleave you

11 years ago | Likes 86 Dislikes 1

He didn't choose the spud life...

13 years ago | Likes 70 Dislikes 0

You think the spud life chose him?

13 years ago | Likes 7 Dislikes 0

Someone give these guys some alcohol

13 years ago | Likes 7 Dislikes 0

Unless they've taken some sort of strange religious vows..... Why?....WHY!?

13 years ago | Likes 10 Dislikes 0

Not a true article. From a satirical website.

13 years ago | Likes 21 Dislikes 2

Not a true comment. From a satirical website. ;)

13 years ago | Likes 4 Dislikes 0

Whole raw potatoes fightin' boners for GOD.

13 years ago | Likes 252 Dislikes 1

I thought this was an ONION article

13 years ago | Likes 7 Dislikes 0

Actually, when I was in high school, a girl brought raw potatoes all the time to trackmeets as a snack. She must have been horny.

13 years ago | Likes 44 Dislikes 1

That awkward moment when...

13 years ago | Likes 3 Dislikes 0

Seems like she wanted the P.

13 years ago | Likes 4 Dislikes 0

I just want you to know last night I had a dream I was eating raw potato sticks, and I'm pretty sure it was because of this comment >.<

13 years ago | Likes 8 Dislikes 0

Does she really need to spray water on her face or could she just watch her husband eat a whole raw potato and be like "okay no."

13 years ago | Likes 41 Dislikes 0

hahahahha =)

13 years ago | Likes 5 Dislikes 0

If you had been just a little earlier, this would have been top comment.

13 years ago | Likes 5 Dislikes 0

His balls must look like 2/3 of the Blue Man Group.

13 years ago | Likes 88 Dislikes 1

[deleted]

[deleted]

12 years ago (deleted Nov 18, 2014 7:40 PM) | Likes 0 Dislikes 0

Just act like you coughin'. That's what I do.

11 years ago | Likes 2 Dislikes 0

I dont always think about having sex, but when I do, I eat a raw potato.

13 years ago | Likes 12 Dislikes 0

I thought the point of marriage was to have sex ALL THE TIME.

13 years ago | Likes 48 Dislikes 4

Only the first 2 years.

13 years ago | Likes 12 Dislikes 1

You just went raw potato, man. Never go raw potato.

13 years ago | Likes 1021 Dislikes 12

Raw potatoes are quite good actually.

13 years ago | Likes 7 Dislikes 0

Not instead of sex. ever.

13 years ago | Likes 7 Dislikes 0

13 years ago | Likes 4 Dislikes 0

Rejoice of Raw Potato

13 years ago | Likes 10 Dislikes 0

...and go about your normal lives.

13 years ago | Likes 4 Dislikes 1

thank god they will never breed

13 years ago | Likes 11 Dislikes 0

Technically, marriage is to procreate, thus what they are doing is unchristian.

13 years ago | Likes 240 Dislikes 12

If they don't have a son his brothers have to rape her until she does. That's the Bible for ya!

13 years ago | Likes 8 Dislikes 5

Not rape. wed her and try for some boys.

13 years ago | Likes 3 Dislikes 1

"wed" her. You know, "know" her.

11 years ago | Likes 1 Dislikes 0

Doesn't the marriage not count (meaning, religiously not legally) if they don't at least consummate the marriage?

13 years ago | Likes 56 Dislikes 2

I think you're right!

13 years ago | Likes 12 Dislikes 1

I think you're right. For Catholics, that's how it is anyway.

13 years ago | Likes 19 Dislikes 0

*AHEM*, uncatholic, thank you very much

13 years ago | Likes 19 Dislikes 3

It says in the post that they're a christian couple.

13 years ago | Likes 1 Dislikes 0

Catholicism is a denomination of Christianity

13 years ago | Likes 3 Dislikes 0

ya, but it's not an unchristian thing to do. it would be atypical if they were catholic. but being christian, they're just fuckin weird

13 years ago | Likes 4 Dislikes 0

I used to eat a whole raw potato before running cross country races. This must be why I'm still single.

13 years ago | Likes 12 Dislikes 0

Comment above says: "when I was in high school, a girl brought raw potatoes all the time to trackmeets as a snack. She must have been horny.

13 years ago | Likes 3 Dislikes 0

oops. Caught!

13 years ago | Likes 4 Dislikes 0

So you wanted the D but got the P... no? I'll see myself out.

13 years ago | Likes 3 Dislikes 0

Two years later. Darla: "FUCK ME NOW! JON: "FINALLY!" *TEARS OFF HIS PANTS* darla: *pterodactyl noise*

13 years ago | Likes 24 Dislikes 1

HORK HORK HORK!

13 years ago | Likes 2 Dislikes 0

...if any of you remember this, I'm so sorry.

13 years ago | Likes 2 Dislikes 0

haha not having sex just leads to frustrations for some people

13 years ago | Likes 2 Dislikes 0

Even in a Christian marriage, doesn't it not count (I'm talking religiously not legally) if they don't consummate the marriage?

13 years ago | Likes 25 Dislikes 1

According to the Bible if they don't have a son before he dies his brothers have to rape her until she does.

13 years ago | Likes 8 Dislikes 6

I thought I knew where you were going with that but then WHOOPS! we took a sharp left at Bluntest Way Of Putting Things Way.

13 years ago | Likes 5 Dislikes 3

Well... That escalated quickly...

13 years ago | Likes 9 Dislikes 1

if only Christians read the bible, huh?

13 years ago | Likes 5 Dislikes 2

Weird ... eating a whole raw potato usually has the opposite effect on me

13 years ago | Likes 409 Dislikes 5

Boner effect.

13 years ago | Likes 6 Dislikes 0

Taking hot potato to a whole new level.

13 years ago | Likes 10 Dislikes 0

as an Irishman, I hear you brother!

13 years ago | Likes 18 Dislikes 0

I think I would be your sister if anything

13 years ago | Likes 9 Dislikes 0

also, your upvote just moved me from "liked" to "Trusted", so cheers for that.

13 years ago | Likes 7 Dislikes 0

also, I've upvoted every single one of your comments. Hope it helps for the future too :) hehe

13 years ago | Likes 4 Dislikes 0

ceart go leor mo dheirfiúr... that's gaelic for "That's cool my sister", you're now officially Irish and also officially a Celtic sister.

13 years ago | Likes 4 Dislikes 0

As a Scot, I find it amazing how similar that is to our Gaelic: "Ceart gu leòr, mo phiuthar." Yeah, I know it's a bump.

13 years ago | Likes 2 Dislikes 0

Yeah they're fairly similar,I was able to converse with a scot in Glasgow and we both ahad a decent grasp of what the other was saying. Deas

13 years ago | Likes 3 Dislikes 0

I've seen Million Dollar Baby at least 3 times. So that pretty much makes me fluent in Gaelic

13 years ago | Likes 4 Dislikes 0

Never seen it. should I have?

13 years ago | Likes 3 Dislikes 0

Million dollar baby has stuff to do with ireland?

13 years ago | Likes 4 Dislikes 0

As a happily married Christian...They're morons.

13 years ago | Likes 438 Dislikes 16

Oh the irony.

13 years ago | Likes 2 Dislikes 0

Yep

13 years ago | Likes 6 Dislikes 2

I agree wholeheartedly.

13 years ago | Likes 4 Dislikes 1

18yr old Christian virgin and proud but Daaaaaaamn I wan't sex bad. This is why we get married.

13 years ago | Likes 5 Dislikes 1

....at a super young age. haha I'm just messin' with ya. good job staying a virgin through high school!.

13 years ago | Likes 3 Dislikes 0

mormons*

13 years ago | Likes 24 Dislikes 9

As a Mormon, no. He means morons.

13 years ago | Likes 10 Dislikes 2

As the rest of the world... mormon = moron

13 years ago | Likes 2 Dislikes 10

I'm sure you speak for the rest of the world.

13 years ago | Likes 7 Dislikes 0

The vast majority of the world sees Christianity as a hypocritical tax shelter, and a self-protecting pedophiles club.

13 years ago | Likes 3 Dislikes 8

As a- you know what, fuck it. That was clearly a joke.

13 years ago | Likes 3 Dislikes 0

Not saying I didn't laugh, just that Mormons would think this is stupid too, had it actually happened and not been satirical.

13 years ago | Likes 3 Dislikes 0

No, God wants married Christians to bone. "Be fruitful and multiply" and all that.

13 years ago | Likes 285 Dislikes 6

Mm-mm, that's old testament. Paul tells us marriage is just for those of us who would burn because of lust.

13 years ago | Likes 8 Dislikes 6

John 10:10b: "My purpose is to give them a rich and satisfying life." God wants you to enjoy sex with your spouse when you're married.

13 years ago | Likes 11 Dislikes 0

As a Christian, I laughed way too hard at this hilarity: "God wants married Christians to bone."

13 years ago | Likes 59 Dislikes 0

As a Christian, you're welcome, friend.

13 years ago | Likes 27 Dislikes 0

As a Christian: get a room...with your respective wives!!

13 years ago | Likes 27 Dislikes 0

As a Christian, that probably made me laugh harder than it should have.

13 years ago | Likes 18 Dislikes 0

As a jew....Well I've got nothing but I wanted to make a change!

13 years ago | Likes 13 Dislikes 1

As a Christian, why do I feel entitled by saying "As a Christian"?

13 years ago | Likes 13 Dislikes 0

It's from Lark News, a satirical website

13 years ago | Likes 1906 Dislikes 16

Buzzkill. Sorry for the lateness of my insult..

10 years ago | Likes 1 Dislikes 0

Woah, pretty late

10 years ago | Likes 1 Dislikes 0

Thank you. I was scared for a bit.

13 years ago | Likes 3 Dislikes 0

Thanks. I figured it had to be bullshit. Even the most hardcore Christians have no problem with married couples having sex.

13 years ago | Likes 13 Dislikes 2

Ok good, I was seriously concerned

13 years ago | Likes 2 Dislikes 0

Twigglesnix?!

13 years ago | Likes 2 Dislikes 0

Fuuuuuck ,I thought it was real...:(

13 years ago | Likes 5 Dislikes 0

DAMN imagine the stories that could come of this

13 years ago | Likes 2 Dislikes 0

Aw damn it...

13 years ago | Likes 2 Dislikes 0

I wish I'd have remained ignorant

13 years ago | Likes 2 Dislikes 0

That may be true, but there ARE people who practise abstinence for life and become a little fucking weird trying to do so.

13 years ago | Likes 3 Dislikes 0

Thank God, man. Thank God. People are dumb enough, I thought it was possible.

13 years ago | Likes 3 Dislikes 0

fuck sake, wanted to believe that D:

13 years ago | Likes 2 Dislikes 0

Thank God!

13 years ago | Likes 2 Dislikes 0

Oh thank god, I almost cried.

13 years ago | Likes 4 Dislikes 0

just as I thought

13 years ago | Likes 2 Dislikes 0

doesn't matter; the Christian right will start demanding raw potatoes instead of condoms in schools.

13 years ago | Likes 13 Dislikes 13

found the Christians! lolz

13 years ago | Likes 2 Dislikes 3

still.. the WTF level is strong in this idea

13 years ago | Likes 11 Dislikes 1

yeah...as someone who had pretty committed Christians as friends all my life: they are DYING to get married and start stickin' it.

13 years ago | Likes 4 Dislikes 2

.. in the bum hole.

13 years ago | Likes 3 Dislikes 2

Oh....you don't even know, my friend.

13 years ago | Likes 3 Dislikes 0

I mean, actually I do.

13 years ago | Likes 2 Dislikes 0

I knew a guy that was going to wait till 7 years after marriage to have sex in order to make sure they were right together.

13 years ago | Likes 46 Dislikes 1

Did it work?

13 years ago | Likes 8 Dislikes 0

I can't find him on facebook.

13 years ago | Likes 8 Dislikes 0

Shouldn't you not get married if you're not sure you're right together?

13 years ago | Likes 30 Dislikes 0

In the closet you think?

13 years ago | Likes 17 Dislikes 0

Oh praise God! I was hoping it was from the Onion or some such thing because this is stupid. Even as a Christian this is dumb!!

13 years ago | Likes 318 Dislikes 5

Especially as a Christian@

13 years ago | Likes 2 Dislikes 1

PAUL himself, the misogynist, pro-celibacy PAUL! says that if you're married, go ahead and do it.

13 years ago | Likes 40 Dislikes 5

You would know, I mean you are Jesus and all.

13 years ago | Likes 8 Dislikes 0

>_> nooooo...

13 years ago | Likes 3 Dislikes 1

You misunderstand. His name just means he was a virgin when he was born. He isn't claiming to be Jesus, so it's alright.

13 years ago | Likes 2 Dislikes 0

The Bible actually says that married people should relish in sex and that a woman should satisfy her husband with her breasts. Fo' real.

13 years ago | Likes 131 Dislikes 2

[deleted]

[deleted]

13 years ago (deleted Dec 2, 2013 3:38 PM) | Likes 0 Dislikes 0

Proverbs 5:18-19

13 years ago | Likes 6 Dislikes 0

I'm sure if my husband read this he'd say, "AMEN!!" and he's not even religious.

13 years ago | Likes 9 Dislikes 1

WELL THANK THE LORD!

13 years ago | Likes 5 Dislikes 1

Cleave unto your husbands, bitches.

13 years ago | Likes 75 Dislikes 2

10 years ago | Likes 2 Dislikes 0

Could I please have the scripture for this? "Not tonight baby. I have a headache." "I don't care. God said so."

13 years ago | Likes 30 Dislikes 1

The endorphins released by your brain during sex actually help to get rid of a headache. :)

13 years ago | Likes 15 Dislikes 1

Proverbs 5:18-19

13 years ago | Likes 24 Dislikes 0

RELISH in sex? I guess they have some ketching up to do.

13 years ago | Likes 18 Dislikes 0

too late future....too late...we'll get em next time...

13 years ago | Likes 6 Dislikes 0

I'm laughing so hard at the though of this dude eating a whole raw potatoe. I just imagine him crying whilst eating it.

13 years ago | Likes 5508 Dislikes 19

Isn't eating whole raw potatoes dangerous?

13 years ago | Likes 3 Dislikes 1

Yes, but they're christian, so fuk da rulice

12 years ago | Likes 2 Dislikes 0

he is reason why latvia is famine

13 years ago | Likes 4 Dislikes 0

*Arfgnarfnarfmarf* *sob* *NARFMARFGNARFHARF* *weep*

13 years ago | Likes 6 Dislikes 0

Sometimes my computer logs me out and I'm too lazy to log back in, but I did it just to like this comment...+1 man, +1.

13 years ago | Likes 11 Dislikes 0

He sees this really hot girl in yoga pants and just stops, face completely blank, and pulls a raw potato from his bag to chow-down on.

13 years ago | Likes 2 Dislikes 0

Talk about a dicktattership.

13 years ago | Likes 3 Dislikes 0

And the lord saith "lol noob."

13 years ago | Likes 9 Dislikes 0

and then jerking off

13 years ago | Likes 2 Dislikes 0

When he could be eating something else heuheuhe

13 years ago | Likes 5 Dislikes 0

Bravo.

13 years ago | Likes 3 Dislikes 0

13 years ago | Likes 5 Dislikes 2

+1 for relevant (almost) perfectly looping gif.

13 years ago | Likes 2 Dislikes 0

*thought. Sorry.

13 years ago | Likes 5 Dislikes 3

No worries! I typed this up in a hurry and misspelled some things. I was not expecting to get this much response. +1 for you though!

13 years ago | Likes 2 Dislikes 0

If he eats 15-45 raw potatos a week that cannot be healty

13 years ago | Likes 3 Dislikes 0

In one bite! NOM

13 years ago | Likes 2 Dislikes 0

I'm imagining him eating more potatoes then the entire country of Ireland per day!

13 years ago | Likes 3 Dislikes 0

wheres that guy who animates everything when we need him???

13 years ago | Likes 15 Dislikes 0

while singing to himself,'aaaalllll by myyyyyseeeelf......don't wanna be....alllllll bbyyyyyy myyyssseeeelllff...'

13 years ago | Likes 3 Dislikes 0

Friend Zone Level: Religious

13 years ago | Likes 17 Dislikes 0

I appreciate your use of "whilst".

13 years ago | Likes 6 Dislikes 0

I'm glad you enjoyed it! Thanks dude, have a great day!

13 years ago | Likes 2 Dislikes 0

You too!

13 years ago | Likes 4 Dislikes 0

Wow...I am so relevant.

13 years ago | Likes 194 Dislikes 1

Fix anything with potatoes it seems!

10 years ago | Likes 3 Dislikes 0

One way or another - if baked potatoes or fries don't do the job, vodka will. And that's potato juice.

9 years ago | Likes 3 Dislikes 0

That you are.

13 years ago | Likes 18 Dislikes 0

You are too!

13 years ago | Likes 12 Dislikes 1

I'd like to say you are also however I don't think there is much cock of anything going on here.

13 years ago | Likes 16 Dislikes 0

And what about the woman. Spraying herself with misted water. What is she, a cat?

13 years ago | Likes 283 Dislikes 0

a pussy

13 years ago | Likes 4 Dislikes 0

If she is wearing a white shirt, thats not nice of here

13 years ago | Likes 16 Dislikes 2

Can't you just see her scampering through the house after she squirts herself in the face?

13 years ago | Likes 101 Dislikes 1

Hehe

13 years ago | Likes 10 Dislikes 1

Your comment made me think harder about this than I should have. Now I feel dirty.

13 years ago | Likes 6 Dislikes 0

DYING!!! Bahahahaha!

13 years ago | Likes 17 Dislikes 2

I'd like to squirt her in the face.

13 years ago | Likes 34 Dislikes 4

I think Jon would like to squirt her in the face too! Poor sod, eating raw potato!

10 years ago | Likes 4 Dislikes 0

Raw potatoes are poisonous (not deadly), which makes this even more sad/hilarious.

13 years ago | Likes 59 Dislikes 10

Fuck you guys, I don't know what to believe any more. My life is a lie.

13 years ago | Likes 10 Dislikes 1

Raw potatoes are slightly poisonous, but you need to eat quite a lot of them for it to make a noticeable effect, which would be pooping.

13 years ago | Likes 14 Dislikes 2

raw potatoes = fever in my case

13 years ago | Likes 3 Dislikes 1

Safe for humans, not for small animals like hamsters.

13 years ago | Likes 5 Dislikes 0

TIL about the dangers of raw potatoes. Thanks!

13 years ago | Likes 5 Dislikes 0

If people would start spelling it as potato, that would be great.

13 years ago | Likes 4 Dislikes 3

well, when speaking of A potato, you are correct, but when pluralized (as in the post you replied to), it IS spelled potatoes.

13 years ago | Likes 8 Dislikes 0

Green potatoes/leaves are poisonous. Raw potatoes will not hurt you. My family enjoys eating them that way.

13 years ago | Likes 31 Dislikes 0

Loooove raw potatoes.

10 years ago | Likes 1 Dislikes 0

There's a type of new/fingerling potato that tastes like it already has butter on it. Those are delicious raw!

13 years ago | Likes 5 Dislikes 0

I like mine with a bit of salt.

13 years ago | Likes 7 Dislikes 0

That's the best :)

13 years ago | Likes 5 Dislikes 0

They still contain poison, very little though.

13 years ago | Likes 6 Dislikes 0

So do appleseeds and tomatoes. And I wouldn't say "contains poison" so much as "what it's made of is poisonous to humans".

13 years ago | Likes 5 Dislikes 0

So do apples, almonds, cherries, tomatoes...Like I said. Raw potatoes will not hurt you.

13 years ago | Likes 7 Dislikes 0

Sure, it takes about 4kg of raw potato peel to even show first symptoms of poisoning, or 25kg or raw unpeeled potatoes.

13 years ago | Likes 5 Dislikes 0