dixxienormus
156970
2496
39
A post by the Greek philosopher Aristotle Kokagobbolous
Sep 17, 2021 9:30 AM
dixxienormus
156970
2496
39
A post by the Greek philosopher Aristotle Kokagobbolous
jostnick
I think you have to shout "incognito!" before starting.
unclesporky
Presumably you wouldn't care anymore once you're in heaven. "Oh that guy is masturbating. It's natural, whatever, we all did it."
imsam77
Or masturbating...or maybe they can hear your thoughts too...utoh
brickius
You come from a long line of ball gobblers, just accept it
unsolicitedadvice
If you are in eternity & have all of time & space to 'look down upon,' how often would you choose to watch relatives having sex?
Nunyajonesinc
G'ma always called her turkey
ingloriousimgurist
zanaria
They say that "god and dead relatives are always watching" shows that god and dead relatives are perverts. Get a lead lined bathroom...
QueTeValga
"That's my granddaughter!"
PerthAussieMike
I would be interested to read a post by the other Greek philosopher, Aristotle Lickaclitoris :)
Imalwaysready
Also, do they ever stop? Like is there just a line of bored angelic ancestors watching us back on earth for no reason?
NoGunsNoCats
Heaven doesn't exist so don't worry about it.
noodleteeth
Evangelicals would say grandma sees this and does not approve. There is one(1) acceptable sex act and that is married missionary. And only
noodleteeth
To get pregnant. No fun allowed.
arikelrecords2000
Nan knew how to gobble blls and nods in approval
TheYoungBear
Profozpin
She's thinking she thought she taught you better at it
pmather021
Heaven is non stop porn apparently. Let's go to hell where we tempt people to have relations, but don't watch it. Or do if that's what...
pmather021
They're into. Let's be team players here.
Iamatalkingape
Remember, there is nothing in heaven, no flowers, no birds, no mountains, no fruit. Only souls and a god whom you must worship for eternity.
merelyadequategooglymoogly
Grandma is with you, tasting every salty morsel.
Putitinyomama
mthrndr01
Well, I gagged a bit. Fuuuck you for that mental image
AnneMakesMistakes
xyxyxyxy31
darkwingduckInaMiniSkirt
Jokes on you, that's my fetish!
localcowboy4backup
Is there a gif for being disgusted with ones self for giving an upvote?
xdeadfishx
Gayforbae
naughtynimitz
This. This is the gif
ArchMagos
And loving it
MetalHeadMyke
Probably judging your technique.
SomeoneTookMyUsernameToo
Oh my sweet child, that's not how you do it.
IAmGORT
She seems fun! ?Ma salty balls??
ruferto
she's talking shit about you for not doing it right. she should know, she's got plenty of experience
TinyLiehon
Couple months back my gran visited in a dream. I knew it was night yet light was streaming in from the window and she was just calmly (1/2)
TinyLiehon
(2/2) informing me that Heaven's quite populated. She wanted to visit her grandmother but the process to find out where she stayed (2/3)
TinyLiehon
(3/3) takes a while so she came to check up on me meanwhile. So I think the privacy setting is at their discretion. They can just visit(3/4)
TinyLiehon
(4/5) someone else for a while if needed.
stlouiscardinalsfan7
I told my parents god wasn’t real at 5 (on video, they have the vhs) and still think it to this day. Even as a kid, with very religious…
stlouiscardinalsfan7
Grand parents, I couldn’t figure out how it was possible there was an afterlife/god/etc.
stlouiscardinalsfan7
Side note, I bet grandma gobbled balls her in day too.
Elvirana
I wouldn't want it either. It's like in "the good place". Endless bliss gets boring. Besides: How old are you in heaven? Am I going to
Elvirana
meet my grandfather as a young man? Is he going to meet me as a grown woman (I was six when he died)? What about people I don't want to meet
Elvirana
What if they want to meet me? What about widows who married again. Which spouse will they be together with in heaven? It doesn't make sense.
WinglessJo
If my racist and homophobic grampa wants to watch me end the family line and take it up the butt then so be it.
WeirdStealth
I'm pretty sure he's in hell taking it up the butt by a black dude.
RedAppleSoda
TacoPoweredHelicopter
Strange fetish, but if it gets you off who am I to judge.
Gayforbae
SerenePrincess013
The hysterical thing is, my son is ending mine. & I've been laughing about that ever since his grandmother started screaming about him>
SerenePrincess013
Having kids w/ his partner. She's desperate to continue the family tree, for some BS reason, & he flat told her "no".
Mycologics
I don't understand why you would block out her twitter handle. She seems like someone I'd follow
streetcatz
People are concerned about people spying on them through their webcam, but are ok with any dead person who wants to take a peek
macdogjake24
Nan gobbled balls before your mum was born.
wisher1977
Hell, Nan invented the 69
Ilikecreativepeople
And after
BESTtaylorINAUSTRALIA
SHE'S A BALL HOG!!
yourmomjokes69
Nan’s gobbling balls in heaven ?
blaghart
You just know your gram was getting passed around like a joint at parties back in the 50s
PoopSammich
Maybe even a bit after too
JoeT85
Nan got trained, the only difference is was steam driven.
PieAndPunch
Yeah but nan never fucked a Fleshlight in the shower between shit breaks
ZRAAA78
ILikePugandFrenchiePictures
If she were better at it her mom never would have been born
Pancakekick
Nans gobbling is part 9f why you exist, show respect
WoggyWogs
Gam-Gam was a whore...
JoeT85
It's the mark of the whore
YesmynameisGreg
*vigorously warms sausage *
md22mdrx
InsertBeerfestRelaxTheThroatClipHere.gif
Thefunkybrutus
... And long after I'm sure..
scaredwhiteboy
She would probably be impressed. Techniques have greatly improved in the last 3 generations
LamarTrillington
Just how old ARE you?
jsexton
Pssh, people have been sucking dick for literal millennia. You think we invented anything new? Hell with that.
gtollie
About 9 months and 10 minutes before your mom was born
roadhunter
And she likes to watch. So let her. She’s earned this.
ElDrmm
*before she was a nan.
PapiChuloNumeroUno
While she was a nan for that matter too.
Gestalt7
STD's spread like wildfire among the wrinklies in retirement communities.
OutlawGerman
Grangran just loved gargling balls. Best on the block according to the old oak tree
imgurianitarian
MangoLassi
FermentedCrabSmuggler
The old oak tree is what they called your grandpa
AdmiralOutrageous
Your grandpa is Arnold Schwarzenegger?
VesuvianPrime
Disease and a loving god are incompatible. We're either all going to hell, or it's all lies.
TacoPoweredHelicopter
Where did you get loving God? It demands people worship it and pledge loyalty to it... How is that loving?
ZenToaster
For all we know, this universe could just be a science experiment on some aliens life shelf. Alien could just be off doing other things
AxelBeingCivil
Nah. It's incompatible with an omnipotent, omniscient, *and* omnibenevolent deity, but get rid of any one of those and it works.
Tminus1622d
Or just add 'uncaring/distracted/...'. Just because he's all powerful doesnt mean he/she/it isnt currently micromanaging the fck out of two>
Tminus1622d
bacteria on the third planet on the left of Alpha Centauri's older brother.
Cranbananarama
If all knowing, then bored off his nut and letting things happen just to see.
AxelBeingCivil
Those fall under the omnibenevolent or omniscient/omnipotent categories.
Tminus1622d
There is a difference between could and would.
AxelBeingCivil
There is, but knowing evil exists and refusing to do anything about it is not something an omnibenevolent being would do.
JamJarre
Pretty sure in the actual bible nobody goes to heaven until the second coming. There's nobody there right now but saints
HonestCommentFarmer
And Joe from Idaho who found the back-way in.
RedClaws23
This is contradicted by Luke 16:19-31 in which Jesus poses people in heaven and hell while others are still on earth pre-Judgement.
FisheswithDynamite
St. Gram-gram the ball gobbler.
BlueAntoid
Don't forget the eyeball monsters
3Davideo
Everyone else is still stuck in Heaven's lint trap.
ControversialLeftistLesbian
Idc if it's my gran, the Saints or JC and God himself. If I have an audience while licking pussy, they better be paying me for that shit jfc
SelfconsciouslyConfident
You just got jammed
Wubbalubbadubdubb101
No buddy, your thinking of priests.
NirvanaNik
TacoYeti
Star wars has less plot holes
HasteTheFool
Possibly Nan was a ball-gargling saint.
ArchMagos
I want my body dismembered and buried in different cemeteries so when Rapture happens my limbs all fly back to my torso like Iron Man.
Elgirav87
Flesh Man, that you?
zalurker
I want my remains spread over Disneyland. No need to cremate me. That would be be boring.
iamthisguy247
Saints watching you gobble balls.
poppadum
But only until the second coming
Noismute
Heavens full of voyeurs
Wolffmanjack
Actually it was the Packers that did the ball gobbling
SelfconsciouslyConfident
That implies it’s a loss to gobble balls. Some people like it. And im@glad she does…I mean..what?
MajorasTerribleFate
? Oh when the saints / go gobbliiin'
Noismute
Oh when the SAINTS GO GAAAW-BULLLL-IN' ?
Booklover4life
?oh how id love to be in that gangbang…?
blainetog
"Saint," is just a term for a human who is in heaven. By definition, if you're in heaven, you're a saint.
halshing
That makes sense. Before the dead can check-in, humanity has to suck bad enough for Jesus to come back so he can die for our sins again.
xdeadfishx
He only gave up a weekend..
GaetanBamphous
Wow that dude supposed to die for us shitlords twice? No wonder it isn't gonna happen.
HunterDoberman
He is not coming back to die again. That was a one time deal.
therighteouspath
Idk, if you believe Jesus is a separate entity from god though both part of a whole, Jesus was the human aspect of god to experience that
therighteouspath
Which perfection can’t like sadness, loss, or other negative shit. If u believe he died once, I dont see why he’d give up and not try to
therighteouspath
Save us again if it was possible. If he’s a regular bloke, seems he’d feel some kinship with fellow blokes. Tho I’m no scholar. Just a bloke
smegheadenergy
So I’m wasting my life right now NOT sinning?
ArchMagos
Since Jesus died for your sins, if you don't sin, then Jesus died for nothing.
thereoncewasamanfromnantucket
After all these years reading this comment I have gained real insight into Christianity.. it explains so much wrongdoing thru the centuries
alticaarden
Where are the dead 'uns now then?
tychog99
I'd argue they're in Limbo awaiting the Final Judgement, but ai'm not christian so whatever
jakers86
Ecclesiastes 12:7 says god re absorbs your spirit and your body becomes dust 1
Yupurineutah
In cold soul storage apparently. Must be a hell of a refrigerator because about 50 billion people have lived and died in the last 2k years.
my1rstlaptopwas34inchscreenup
50 billions people seems high, you sure about those numbers?
Yupurineutah
No. but it's more likely than that billions will be judged thousands of yrs after death for every thought and deed. The trial of the ages!
tychog99
2k years is a lot of years
AnathemaNoreh
Consider the low life expectancy and high infant mortality in the past, and that the population was 330mil consistently for 1400 years
my1rstlaptopwas34inchscreenup
thanks
iputthefiresout
While there is done debate on that, there are clear references to people being in heaven. Enoch and Elijah are both assumed into heaven. 1/
mrsdowneyjr
Yeah, the assumed. Not every one gets assumed. Especially Gramma here, perv
iputthefiresout
In 1 Samuel, Saul has a witch call Samuel's spirit from the dead. Jesus speaks to Moses and Elijah on the mount of transfiguration. In 2/
Marsupialmessiah
Sound like a generic brand lord of the rings tale when you put it in cliffs notes for twitter.
WorthEveryPenny
Because it often is
iputthefiresout
Jesus' parable of Lazarus and the rich man it mentions Lazarus went directly to heaven and was with Abraham. 3/3
HaberdasherInGold
[For anyone confused, it is a different Lazarus than the one Jesus resurrected.]
MadRocker
That guy was the first zombie..
AnathemaNoreh
Elijah was taken away by a chariot of fire, Samuel came from 'down', and rose from the ground. Lazarus was with Abraham, but Abraham was /
AnathemaNoreh
gathered to his people (Israelite land of the dead), and afaik Moses just died and was burried in Moab. I'm not saying you're wrong, I /
DiningKruger
Pretty sure that you're talking about the crucification of Jesus. Jesus dying for the original sin unlocked heaven. (Unlocked DLC)
WhoDoesntLikeTacos
This reminds me of that show 'Upload' on Amazon prime.
DiningKruger
Good show, I got one of the sex suits.
LongtimeLurkerFirsTimePoster
Wait. So everybody who died before Jesus isn't in Heaven? That's some shitty irony for you, Moses.
NefariousGoop
Nah he did the Hell Arc after getting done in and took couple dudes from there when he got out, that's all.
BigFatFailureTurtle
"today you will be with me in paradise" - Jesus to the repentant criminal on the cross.
DiningKruger
I mean, I'm no expert, but yeah, that.
JesaraB
Are you saying it contradicts itself? Amazing... almost like it isn't reliable.
BigFatFailureTurtle
Not even vaguely. I'm saying that it's pretty clear cut and that's why the majority of Christians believe it rather than the twist presented
Itsonporpoise
I blame EA
OohReilly
That's evangelicalism
DiningKruger
Waiting in purgatory gives you such a sense of pride and accomplishment.
secondtalon
No, read your bible. When Heaven and Earth are united as one after the second coming is when the faithful get resurrected.
RedClaws23
This is contradicted by Luke 16:19-31 in which Jesus poses people in heaven and hell while others are still on earth pre-Judgement.
jet7785
blindedTrickster
Resurrection is being bright back to life physically. Heaven is a place for souls. You're thinking of the second world being created.
secondtalon
Anything else is like Dante - medieval fanfiction that got out of hand and is now somehow accepted doctrine despite not being in the book.
DiningKruger
"today you will be with me in paradise" - Jesus to the repentant criminal on the cross.
secondtalon
I addressed that in the rest of my comment chain.
TacoPoweredHelicopter
In there defence the whole bible is fan fiction.
secondtalon
Sure, but starting with the presumption that the books chosen by the 400s were correct, the idea of Heaven being gen.admission now is not.
secondtalon
In the meantime, it's not really specific on where the dead are. But they aren't in Heaven.
Gayforbae
Limbo? Purgatorio?
Larktonguesinadicecup
Aren't they literally still in the grave? Like spirits as well?
secondtalon
(This doesn't include specific holy individuals - some got a free pass in ahead of time, but gen.admission is when Heaven/Earth fuse)
BlandNotBoring
I think it's basically like deep sleep, no notice of the passage of time until the Resurrection
YoudSwearImAVirgin
May I ask what is the proper Bible to read? I am not religious, but would have no problem reading it just to read. Genuinely curious.
FedExForExplosives
Most newer translations are good, NIV is popular. Choose whichever syntax you prefer. Don't worry too much, preference is for Bible weebs
IDontSpeakInternet
I hear the king james bible is pretty popular. Pretty old though.
Rivenhelper
Sadly all modern versions has been through a lot of revisions and alterations thanks to the Vatican and some biased translations.
SergeantTerryJeffords
That's not really true. When new translations are published (from a respectable source) they translate from the original manuscripts
DiningKruger
Sadly all versions fall under the same criticism.
morelikeconsham
That every revision is a translation of the most recent is a myth. Most editions use translations of texts like the dead sea scrolls.