MrFancyPanzer
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I'm 30, never really had a relationship before, I don't really have things together, I only really got the courage to like her back because of alcohol. I'm not sure what to do! I'm afraid of disappointing her, I don't want to pretend to be someone I'm not. I have autism, it's hard to form new relationships. Please help!
Also she has a really cool car
ChelVanin
Try to relax and don’t worry about “screwing it up”. If this is your first relationship, you probably will. We all do. And that’s OK
somethingstupidandclever
@op im 36. Audhd. My g/f of going on 3 years is 26. I didnt really notice age gap until after months of dating. There is a good chance that you have more in common than you think. Listen. Smile. Enjoy their company. Ez pz
Lontri
Ok so I'm 36 and for some reason I've attracted a lot of younger guys in the past few years, and here's my piece of advice: don't ghost her. Don't play with her feelings.
Twosteps7
Just be upfront with her about her your condition, and your dating experience. A 38 year old woman either a) has dating experience and can use that experience to help you, or b) has no dating experience and is in the same boat as you so you get to take that journey together. Either way it's a great time.
SilentSecretMan
Sex her
BrokenAnimal
Go see her. Be honest. Be yourself.
Be up front. And when you do go to see her, have NO expectations for the meet-up. I cannot stress this enough. Don't expect anything in particular from her. Don't expect anything in particular from yourself. You're just going there to see if you like her, and vise versa. Take the pressure off as much as possible.
If she has a little more life experience than you, that may turn out to be exactly what you need based on what you wrote above.
UserNamesArentEasy
Just date her like anyone else. My SO is 7 years older than me. It's only a problem of either of you have a problem with it. You you are both cool with it. Then there you go.
emu314159127001
Still both in your 30s. Age differences change to life stage differences, and you seem to be in the life stage of dating other people.
TurnsOut42WasASlightMiscalculation
At your ages, the difference is not a big deal. Just get to know her (chat, date, etc) and you'll find out if you mesh or not. The fact you think she's really cool is a plus - and since you matched there's a decent chance she thinks the same of you. Don't get your expectations too high, be open to it working out or not. Be curious about her. And as another commenter said - be straightforward about what your autism means for you. But maybe don't lead with that
wasiteverreal
Don’t think too much. FaceTime to say hi. And then ask her out tomorrow
RocMage
This is also a great suggestion. I spent a lot of time talking to people on apps with not much else happening, then I matched with a girl who responded "Let's meet. Tomorrow. Here." and I was impressed. So I went and met her and she was a total trainwreck BUT I had learned a new trick and the next time I matched up with someone I really liked I said "Let's meet. Tomorrow. Here." and she was impressed and we did. Together 6 years since then.
evildadunit
show up
brush you teeth
InfocalypseRising
Rizz'em with the 'tism
peterbozeman
Hell's yeah!
MrFancyPanzer
joepineapplesindrag
Like, what kind of car she got? Is it a 1976 Datsun 180B SSS Coupe?
MrFancyPanzer
2nd gen Mitsubishi 3000GT
DutchBoeremeisie
The *when* will depend on how comfortable you feel around her, but please, if this has a chance at success, tell her you're autistic and *what that means for you* (it's a bit different for everyone). Just a "for instance" (based on my own relationship with autistic men): tell her "if I do something that you don't like or don't do something that you would, just tell me". Basically: just communicate about expectations, desires and needs. Not all the fricking time, but as applicable.
Good luck ♥
MrFancyPanzer
Thanks fam!
1potsie
When she's 69, you will be 61. You're welcome!
MrFancyPanzer
Nice
Gelaticat
Real advice: 1) You’re gonna fuck it up. Embrace that fact. 2) Figure out what you actually want from the relationship asap, and let her know what that is asap. 3) Don’t compromise your core values and desires to conform to what you think she wants. You are who you are, and deserve to be with someone who accepts you. And so does she.
PutItInNeutral
I dated a 50 year old woman when I was 32. Do what makes you happy.
n3ckr0mantic
Be yourself, be honest with what yoy want
NorrinxRadd
What kind of car does she have?
MrFancyPanzer
Mitsubishi 3000 GT
hadan8088
I finished Grand Turismo with the 3000 GT!
NorrinxRadd
Marry her
Penth13f
I would aim to make a friend. Having/being a friend is great and anything more is a bonus!
Eyeetsass
Don’t make other people’s decisions for them. They’re also on a dating site. Nothing has to be together, or in order. Most people are fucking messes. Most of us don’t have shit together.
AdelineThatsMeYo
tell her you like her whispering eye
ChainChompsky
GussDeBlod
what car does she have ?
MrFancyPanzer
Mitsubishi 3000GT
GussDeBlod
That's a nice underrated car!
MrFancyPanzer
Indeed, really the main reason I liked her back, it shows she's a woman of culture.
tallyhoho
Do something fun and don't invite your friends. Be authentic, be yourself and make her laugh you'll do great. If you need help with wardrobe hollah
MrFancyPanzer
Is a tuxedo too much on a first date?
tallyhoho
For a masquerade, no. For Dave and busters, yes
MrFancyPanzer
I'm also considering a sequin suit.
BrdCdn
Have some class. At least put on your JNCOs.
ThisUsernameIsTaken123
Give them the old razzle dazzle
Sooner70
So she's 38? Let's see.... Divide by two and add seven.... 38/2 + 7 = 26. Conclusion? Not weird. Fuck her brains out (if she's so inclined)!
zombiejedediah
Whoops. I just remembered a few dates I had at 23
MrFancyPanzer
I'm not really bothered by the age gap, in fact I quite like older women, I'm just a bit worried if we are in different stages of life.
Sooner70
I bet you're real fun at parties (that was sarcasm). "Stages in life" is something to worry about a few years down the road. Stop overthinking life.
MrFancyPanzer
Stop overthinking? How much am I not supposed to overthink, is it ok to do it on the weekend? Or is it a bimonthly business?
Sooner70
If you're asking yourself any question that is anything "further down the road" than a first date, you're over thinking it. Think about the first date. Nothing further. Nothing more in depth.
BrokenAnimal
This. And when you go on that first date, go with NO expectations. And I do mean none, nada, nothing. Just go to see if you like each other. If you do, fine. If not, also fine. Just see what happens.
J3lek
First. Don't tell her anything you put in the description.
MrFancyPanzer
Too late, its in my bio, or mostly.
cousteau
And you still matched, so stop worrying!
J3lek
The alcohol courage part? Definitely avoid that one
MrFancyPanzer
No, beers just helped me gain the courage.
Kjasi
Nothing wrong with that, just don't admit it until the 3rd date or so.
RocMage
Back when I was dating, I tried to make a great profile to get a lot of hits, and I did and had really disappointing dates with people I didn't like very much so I scrapped that and put up Who I really was and what I really liked and matched with a girl and we've been together for 6 years. Be honest with your challenges and it'll work out eventually.
thedarkcanuck
I've tried that, I don't think girls like my real self lmao
SirBillington
Honestly, try less conventional dating methods. Endear yourself to your neighbours, maybe someone knows someone who'll like you. Check out your local kink scene and go to a munch, even if you don't think you're super into it. It's a good way to meet a bunch of non-judgemental people. Just be open minded and try without trying too hard.
CardioVascular
Well, as long as it is good self-improvement, maybe try changing some things up. Try new hobbies, different exercises, read a different genere of books, learn about emotional growth. Do it for yourself. ♡
mothergrowsbest
hi!!!!! im 38 and i usually date younger men. its all good! i wouldnt point out the autism, (i have autism and have made this mistake before) and im not saying mask. be as eccentric as you are but let them decide what to call that eccentricity. alot of times im dating younger men bc they arent afraid to be their strange selves. they havent had as many years to be conditioned away from themselves or care what people think. i think as a society we have severely overlooked (1)
mothergrowsbest
(2) how great the older woman/younger man dynamic is. I think it truly can bring out the best in both partners. (and something about it kind of says F U to the patriarchy)... im about 40, and thats still kind of in the generation that taught us that women lose value as they age and value us largely for our ability to procreate. and its funny because its old men that want us to feel that way. young men dont. and when i date women- i prefer older women. i just think older women are hot
mothergrowsbest
(3) and ill either be the older woman or date her lol really tho- be fun, be lighthearted, be energized and she will reflect that so beautifully. i just love this post bc its how i date. something about a 40w/30m just clicks. and dont try to be different or "mature". this doesnt mean we wont take you seriously, we will but we usually go for younger because we are bored with the "mature" act, we are looking for a goofy sweety to have fun with and love on!!!
mothergrowsbest
(4) and remember- if dating goes bad, its still good because it was practice! youll be closer to knowing what you like or dont like.... maybe farmers market or concert (i like raves)... less pressure than dinner bc you can talk about the environment and more to do. im socially awkward and thatll come out on a first date dinner... but if we dance, or check out art tents or a farmers market- i can make smoother conversation... "whoa look at these candles! i love blue!" or "salsa or hummus vendor?"
mothergrowsbest
(5) and then most important... focus on whether or not you like her instead of whether she will like you. be yourself, facades cant last forever and lead to heart break. have fun!!!:):)
MrFancyPanzer
Thank you :)
pickledpete1337
Meet her and just be yourself.
CrunchWrapFrappuccinoo
Basically this
1potsie
*Meat
WhatInTarnationMyDudes
https://media2.giphy.com/media/v1.Y2lkPTY1YjkxZmJldTRndDBmbWw5bHRic3dtOG1qeWUweW0wOGxiczNtZmVkODBhcm16eiZlcD12MV9naWZzX3NlYXJjaCZjdD1n/AZ1PPDF8uO9MI/giphy.mp4
ExistentialDreadlocks
Nope, what else you got?
pickledpete1337
Meatspin.
Harryteeters
MrFancyPanzer
Myself? that guy is a total nerd.
LateNightBunnyParty
Look, don't try to mold yourself to some perceived expectation or preference of someone else. Just be who you are, in all your quirks, and see if you two have chemistry. If she doesn't like what you're offering, no big. She wasn't the right person for you. Find someone else interesting and try again.
hogeyegrex
Nerds are okay for a lot of people. As long as you don’t pretend to be something you’re not, that’s fair play in dating. If you’re worried, let her know ahead of time. He’ll, she might find it charming.
ChelVanin
Do you want her to like you? Or you pretending to be someone else?
LeoFloof
Practice unmasking in your non-dating life (I know, it sucks, but it’s worth it).
When it comes to dating, the less you can do what you think is the right answer and the more you can respond and interact genuinely, you’ll attract people who are interested in actual you.
It’s not about learning how to socially interact the “right” way or respond with some magical “correct” mix of words. It’s about allowing yourself to interact as your genuine self.
adrianenspired
yourself! but also "not drunk" would probably work out better.
thinkybrainpains
Better to find someone you can be authentic with, or even to remain single until you do, rather than wearing a mask that’s fake for all of the time you are together. The mask-wearing will damage your mental health and self-esteem which is a high price to pay for fear of rejection.
ConfederacyOfDunces
Ask her about herself. The most flattering thing is when someone else is genuinely interested in you - so be that person. Find things y'all have in common and don't just use those as an excuse to talk about yourself - use those things to relate, and maybe uncover activities y'all can enjoy together. Do you like books? Find out if she does and which ones. Do you like board games? Find out if she does and which ones. Do you like nature? Find out if she does and plan a hike. Cooking? Music? Movies?
Warune
Dude it's 2025. There's literally so many nerd girls out there. Go meet her, at least there's a chance of a good time. If you don't you'll guarentee you won't.
Jovelana
My husband is a hilarious nerd. If you are kind, funny and respectful person then what more can a girl ask from anyone.
hotrodny
Maybe she just wants to use you for her pleasure?
ashetar
Be a total nerd in little bursts. Not all at once at first.
SirBillington
This is the fucking winning advice. Be yourself, but do try to temper it. Let her know what you're about, but not that you're only about it, even if you get excited and want to info dump for 2 hours without taking a breath. Save that for after you've gotten her naked.
allenvasher3000
& she matches with you, do the math
p7zjnq9gei9000
Never pretend to be someone you aren’t. Always be yourself. You want someone who likes you for you, and vice versa. Otherwise it’s fake. 🙂
ZeroLyfe
Show her your memes.
SirShmoopyofAwesomtown
Woah. Not trying to get her pregnant.
MrFancyPanzer
ragingzealot
What's worse, being yourself and finding out she's not into you or having to mask with your partner the rest of your life?
rdmage11
This. This. This. I told so many friends this when I was younger, and now I tell my kids the same thing.
ministryofpeace
Perfect. If she's into that, you might hit it off. If she's not, move on
Mechwarrior719
And, either way, there’s a 50/50 chance of gettin’ in like Flynn. The older birds appreciate it more, and know what they’re doing
And what they want.
Don’t drown
annonymouse211
"The older birds" wtf is wrong with you
DonkeyGoat
Did I just fart?
orangeyougladididntsaypoop
Yep. Be yourself. If they arent into you as yourself, then you dodged a bullet. All good and move on
possumattack
https://media3.giphy.com/media/v1.Y2lkPWE1NzM3M2U1azJ4YXhtNmc1ZzNuNXQ4bnIxdHZ5OG1mMThzdTJ4OWZkbjdtMm5qaCZlcD12MV9naWZzX3NlYXJjaCZjdD1n/MdXl4KwZogSzAn6Xx4/200w.webp
gilliamv
"love is like a fart. If you have to force it, there's gonna be shit"
WhiteRhino723
I'm 34 and have ADHD. I met my 38 year old girlfriend on a dating app (OKCupid). It allowed me to create a bio and so I was upfront about absolutely everything. I included the worst things about me (ADHD, lack of motivation, attention, forgetfulness etc), the best parts about me (highly empathetic, notorious problem solver and also mentioned my personal interests), lastly I included things would not tolerate (impatience, intolerance, pride, greed, vanity, lack of empathy, etc).
WhiteRhino723
The problem for most here is, you have to know yourself first. You have to know what it is about you that people might not like in general (You don't brush your teeth every single night, you don't like attention, your clothes are old, you have road rage, you drink a mix of 5 different sodas from the fountain). And to make things worse, the best way to learn this information is by going through relationships.
WhiteRhino723
Just give it a shot! It's gonna hurt. But you're both going to learn a lot and be better from it. Just get back up and try again until you're well rounded enough and have the natural confidence to go after what you'll then know you deserve out of a partner.
Whatever you do... try, try again. It's the first hurdles which are the hardest.