LordoftheHildago
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Feb 28, 2026 1:06 PM
LordoftheHildago
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polepolekaz
Neither Alien files nor Iran strikes will distract us from Epstein.
Rangar
This just feels like a legitimate headline you'd read in any article.
Silec
imgomg10
DaisyfromDownunder
Great work by the Bored of Peace of Shit.
evildadunit
hang him with the pedophiles
Zixtank
Onion, please. We've been through this. Ypu post satire, not facts.
sadurdaynight
Trump's trying to follow the same playbook as Putin and Netanyahu. Just create endless war, and say it's necessary to suspend elections and social programs while spending everything on war or local enforcement. Also, pump up the draft to force young poors to go die for you. Can't have a young gen voting against you if they go die in a war. Keep the women at home, so the old rich farts and start harems and breed.
Garwoodxx
Both Trump and Netanyahu will do anything to stay in power and not go to trial for their previous crimes. So the crimes continue to mount.
kaijuuGold
zionist making daddy adolf proud.
Miller16of16
Supposedly this is Netantahu's plane high tailing it
MrSatisify
Beardedgeek72
("Trump has promised me they will kill as many kids as possible")
Grimlinnan
Use his skull as a urinal.
MacAlba1314
thedarkcanuck
Hey shoot that guy
mmckee44
If Iran succeeds in blocking oil thru the strait, won't this cause oil prices to skyrocket on Monday?
And won't it make it harder to boycott Russian oil?
So could this attack be on orders from the oil industry and putin?
pareidoliaperson
Israel: We bombed Iran!
Dumbfuck Americans: Why would Putin do this??
Magjee
It's a round about benefit to Russia. Like the invasion of Iraq was a financial benefit for them
Beardedgeek72
Fun fact: Mainstream dems will masturbate over dead Iranians and then wonder why they lose the midterms.
LostCaterpillar
And all the "Vote Blue No Matter Who" fuckers on here will call us MAGOTs any time we say war with Iran is bad.
Magjee
Bruh, people got mad when I said it was Joever after that awful debate performance he had. Hearing bad news, doesn't mean its incorrect
Daliena06
To our resident downvoters:
Daliena06
Well, that sure pushed a couple people's buttons in under twenty minutes, pointing out that a Dem senator is deep-throating the Trump-Israel boot.
Rehanshaikh
This man is an ass hole. Full of shit and not as pretty in real life.
ArchaeoEejit
Fuck Israel
BigIrv5151
Maybe with your dick. Not mine.
FireLynxNL
What about with a long wooden stake?
Crispy4Skin
I'll do you even better: a red hot iron poker
RooGryphon
Fuck America
JarethCutestory
We have been a total dumpster fire for a while now
PaperinoVB
The Onion is struggling hard.
AwashiMaster11
Really the onion has to move toward non-dystopian topics like "They have a cure for cancer and it's free for all", or "Wages have gone up 50% for working class, making home ownership actually plausible."
Magjee
They will never top this article: https://theonion.com/bush-our-long-national-nightmare-of-peace-and-prosperi-1819565882/
NotAPervert
Fuck, it was January pre 9/11
Magjee
Yep, they nailed it.
swedeonamoose
Right before they remember that the book promised Israel parts of Iran 3000 years ago.
Sebastopol140
Huh?
DarthVaderDidNothingWrong
You take the OT, open a page, and squint. If you stare long enough, it'll emerge from scripture that god actually wants you to do this.
FiftyShadesOfCauliflower
Maybe a tiny chunk near the Tigris-Euphrates basin. This is the area that Yahweh promises to Abraham in one of the biblical fantasy tales:
Magjee
If you look at the three major Abrahamic religions, I think we can close this case
jesuisgur
Israel is the only cuntry in the world which has not defined its frontier. Convenient way to invade your neighbors and then say that's ours.
pareidoliaperson
Israel is just another word for New Zealand, Australia, America, South Africa.
DarthVaderDidNothingWrong
I'll try that with my neighbors. I'll keep you updated!
mycatsings