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Please read before you downvote, even though this is a throwaway. My wife and I have been together for 9 years and in that time she has gained like 40 lbs. the thing is, I don’t care about that one bit, I’m still madly in love with her. But she has a really poor self image right now and doesn’t “feel sexy” so she is pretty disinterested in it. Even when we do, she complains about being too fat and really kills the mood. I compliment her daily to try to help her self image but it doesn’t help. She also refuses to do anything to change it. I’ve suggested dieting and exercising together and she won’t commit and continues to eat junk and fast food almost exclusively. I just wish there was a way for me to show her I love her and get her to feel sexy again. FP Edit: wow, I honestly thought this would die quickly but the incredible outpouring of support and understanding reminded me why I love this community. You guys have given me a lot to think about. I hope that I, and anyone else in the same boat, can get it worked out. Men want to feel wanted and sexy too and it sucks when it feels like sex is a chore or an obligation.
BonyCephalopod
Time to have an affair with a skinnier woman
mrhorseman
Tell her sex burns calories
UnitConversionBot
40 lbs ≈ 18 kilograms or 2.9 stone
warmNchewey
Ah complacency. The easiest way to kill a relationship.
punkmaggit
It’s not something you can do - it’s something she will need to do herself. Happiness comes from within.
mysticalspiralcats
Have you heard about the five love languages? https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Five_Love_Languages
funkmoth
I started the keto diet and basically put my wife on it too because I was tired of her poor self image.
Negelberries
I feel this so hard.
ohthechestpain
She sounds depressed
valkyrie9
This happened to me. Hubby took a picture of me from the back and I saw how horrible I looked. Immediately decided to change. It takes a
valkyrie9
Triggering point sometimes.
zsnever
Therapy. Start by asking her to go to couples therapy to work on your sex life (there are therapists who specialize in sex). A good...
zsnever
...therapist will have you working on individual issues too. Soon you will both be happier individually and as a couple.
PhantomWolf42
My ex started on me about my weight the moment I gained a kilo (i'm tall, was about 70kgs) and he just ruined the relationship that way -
PhantomWolf42
he attacked me for it instead of supporting, pushing me away from him further into the comfort food. 7 years later I decided to lose the -
PhantomWolf42
weight for me, and it's hard. I'm hungry all the time, but portion control and daily exercise are my main 2. Also too poor for takeout now.
RedbuIIVodka
I'll get downvoted for truth but they lose the weight after you two split. Then she'll be 30 lb skinnier and land a new boyfriend. Seen it
SavageGoH
Just beat off when she's in the room.
itsimpossibletofindausernamethatisnttaken
The ol Louis CK, works like a charm
blortch
Maintain eye contact to assert dominance.
NachoPete
Ah jeez, someone's gonna post that gif of the weirdo continuing to jerk it when someone walks in.
CUNTDESTROY3R
IlikeTodoPhotoshopRequests6
She's not gonna cheat on her boyfriend with you
BryTy1990
Honestly over the course of 9 years, 40 lbs isn’t much. Seems like she has impulse control issues when it come to food. Maybe she’s possibly
BryTy1990
Depressed and needs some help
TheBeardlyOne
Yes it is. 40 lbs is a very significant amount of fat, doesn't matter if you spread it out over a decade really.
Dickslover
Seriously. I gained 40lbs from meds and worked my ass off lose it, I have scars from the gain though. 125lb to 160 and back down to 135 now.
Dickslover
My motivation was I didn't want to buy a new wardrobe lmao
MidoryMoon
Well this is when you both need to sit down and have a heart to heart and not about "You need to be thinner so I can stick my dick in it"
Bacaroni
The problem is deeper than just a food issue, talk to her, there’s something else going on.
hockeyandgolfer224
Like what?
Bacaroni
It’s hard to tell w/out talking to the person but in my experience my wife had a lot of childhood issues that have caused serious depression
Vendronica
It sounds like your wife could use some therapy ? I mean that in all seriousness
trinabeana23
She needs therapy ASAP if she's not into it then ask to go together. And then u go even if she doesn't. Hopefully u both get to the root...
trinabeana23
of problems so symptoms like over eating can be dealt with
supergalacticahole
Eating is a symptom. Not the problem. Have her go to group therapy. Let her hear some success stories and show her she’s not alone.
TheLaughingMagician
r/deadbedrooms might help. As others said this might not be simply a body image thing. I'm experiencing something similar but not the same..
funnyguy10
STINKPICKEL
This works ! My teen aged son answered the door in nothing but his tighty whiteys, invited them inside and they've avoided us ever since.
bobbynixon
Mom?
Oliviawilde
First thing First: get her to some therapy. Then take her to an abandoned lot every day to make her walk back
KeiraWalker
I shouldn't be laughing at this, but by god, it's hilarious.
HodgeNPodge
schwa0
Not what I expected to hear from Olivia Wilde lol
STINKPICKEL
Op, it could be a hormone issue, my wife refuses to see a doctor about her lack of libido.
toomuchtimeonmyhands
Find out why she gained the weight, she may be using food for comfort. If she’s not feeling “sexy” her weight may not be the issue.
IWouldRatherBeInScotland
All of this
I0VE525P00GE
This
PunishMentor
Maybe shes getting older metabolism slowed and she hasn't made any changes.
[deleted]
[deleted]
fantau
You have no faith in women huh
jonestown
This is my suspicion too. Some kind of vicious cycle going on.
squreky
Become the chef of the house and only cook healthy low calorie meals. Also, do all of the grocery shopping.
PunishMentor
Haha hey doing that with someone like this. You can't "take control of the cooking and shopping." That will just drive them crazy.
pancreas
I live alone, but this is exactly why I don't buy that much junk food. I know that if I have it, I'll eat it.
TheBeardlyOne
Same. I shop healthy and try to mostly only buy stuff to actually cook and meal prep. Honestly saved me ton of money too.
AreThoseMyPants
I have a junk food budget (calories). Not super strict about it, but I've mostly managed to stay within it - nonwithstanding special events.
TheBeardlyOne
Oh I still buy the occasional bag of Doritos of box of cinnamon toast crunch, gotta have some balance :)
TheJamesBonds
I dont have any advice for you OP. I just hope it works out. Sorry for the struggle man.
Tsinis
Using "it" to call her may be a bit rude though
TheJamesBonds
Fuck man I just saw this. Damn that's funny
purpleraptor
polkadotmonkey
Fat wife here. Try asking if she needs to talk to a pro. Overeating and lack of energy/ enthusiasm are usually symptoms of underlying
chaos021
I wish I could upvote this more.
polkadotmonkey
Depression or anxiety. Just offering compliments is like pissing on a forest fire. Seems like helping, but really not; may be feeding into
MrPinkoton
Truth right here.
polkadotmonkey
Her feelings of hopelessness, worry she is letting you down and or marriage down, may add to her guilt. "Why can't I just fuck my husband?-
polkadotmonkey
He seems into it. What is wrong with me? I know this brownie is bad for me but it only a little thing and it makes me feel happy." And so on
polkadotmonkey
Food raises blood sugar and offers feel good hormones. Not the best way, but sometimes people get stuck in these feedback loops and they
polkadotmonkey
Aren't the positive fb loops. Breaking those habits/ loops may require trained therapist, CBT, a dietician, all three, or something else.
iCop
Tons of married men are grimly nodding right now...Mine was a size 2 and is now a size 14. She hates her body, but will not change it.
daathbeam
beastunleashed72whatsoever
Yeah, I once had a gf who was a bit more to love. Sze felt sexy: awesome sex. Other gf put on some weight: felt unsexy no sex or bad sex.
Digitalblade
4 to 20
Souljah42
RedbuIIVodka
Word
imdisneyprincess
My husband was barely slightly overweight. Whenever he would complain i would tell him, "It doesn't matter to me but if you hate it that 1/
imdisneyprincess
Much you should do something about it; not wait for me to say it's ok because that won't matter."
NachoPete
delilahviolet
Curious, do you hate it?
IAmLeela
0 to 6. I'm the wife.
vagpower
Wholly crap?!? That ... sucks
MrMcFartington
Dito.
hockeyandgolfer224
Mine was a size 0 and is a size 4 now and has the same issues about herself. When she says something negative about herself I say "Don't
hockeyandgolfer224
talk about my wife that way". She laughs but then does nothing to change anything and it's not even like a size 4 is all that bad.
Fahargo
Size 4 is like completely nornal.
BarryInTheStreetsOliverInTheSheets
Not by obese american standards
ICanOnlyGrowCactus
I was a 0 and am now a 4 and I'm stoked to be a "regular" size person. No one accuses me of annorexia or meth anymore, it's great.
SisterFister69Hitler
My SO and I started dating when I was 18. One thing that really helped me was that he told me I didn’t have a little girls body anymore.(1
MemeMyselfnI
May not be taking about the same thing. Curvy n zaftig v "dayum".
SisterFister69Hitler
And that I’m a woman now with womanly hips and butt. I also learned a females body naturally holds fat in the stomach to protect(2
SisterFister69Hitler
the uterus. So I felt a lot better about being a size 8 (up from a 00). That’s just me I guess (3/3).
00LimaRomeo
That is awesome advice. I'm glad you got a good one. :)
SisterFister69Hitler
I know me too. Thank you:)
IWouldDoThings
Then its mental. Not in a bad way. She needs some happiness.
MemeMyselfnI
Maybe. Or, may just be hunting for attention in the wrong way.
bobbynixon
She needs to look to the person in the mirror for that. Take ownership.
turtburgs
Absolutely true. As someone who's lost and gained weight many times. You have to do it for yourself. No one can do it for you.
IWouldDoThings
You sound super sensitive
Swansatron
If you believe one person can change another, you’re in for a life of confusion and painful relationships. No one can help us but ourselves
IWouldDoThings
Geez my 17(almost 18)yr marriage is a fluke, I guess
bobbynixon
lol not at all. Just saying we’re all responsible for our own happiness :)
IWouldDoThings
Yeah I was using sarcasm. I meant it as you sound incredibly insensitive.