Addicted2Groove
103372
3026
110
Mar 17, 2021 4:50 AM
Addicted2Groove
103372
3026
110
Lordlabuck
used to call my contacts every once in a while. But realized it is always me. So I stopped to see if I am contacted. But no. Sucks
IAmTheCandymanComingFromBountyland
I get what your saying, but everybody feels this way, now you CAN check in with them and make feel guilty for not checking in with you, win!
Spuduck
Im not good at checking in with people. I want to..but i dont want to bother them
deliciousbiscuit87
Reach out and love and expect nothing in return and I promise you will be happier. Just love and give for the sake of loving and giving
BeTheMirage
But then they could be thinking the same thing, and now you don't talk anymore. Someone has to be first, you're already thinking about it.
AdamGenesis
Everyone is self-helping right now. Depression is rampant.
Nzpagan101
Maybe they all feel the exact same way!
Waldbern
I for one only do nice things if people do them for me first.
died0
So, how are you doing?
aflarge
My childhood best friend killed himself in 2017. We hadn't talked in years. Not on purpose, we just drifted. My advice, send the message.
Bacxaber
Sorry for your loss. I'm by no means a professional, but you can talk to me if y'want.
Epaphus
Your friends are also sharing the same meme, then everyone wonders why no is checking up on them.
METROlD
OH SHIT I GOTTA CALL MY DAD
GravityOtter
I like and regret making the first move because then they want to talk and begin spilling out everything as if they thought I forgot them.
TheresASnakeInMyBoob
Imo if they start spilling shit, then they're going thru some major shit and want help from u.
FromTheBeyond
I’m always the person that checks in. With the exception of a very few people. Always found that really weird.
raspberryrach
How are you?
Paul8783
pritolus
All your friends think the same way, and now everybody's salty and nobody checks in with anyone. Everybody wins!
starhewn
I tried being the one keeping on top of staying in touch. Turns out, people just don't want to talk to me.
SubtleOrc
Be the change you want to see
AreThoseMyPants
As a reclusive introvert, "I am". I just hope they don't feel slighted by my solitude.
aiuta219
Check in. It's not a debt that's owed. You aren't weaker for sending the message. Just do it.
nanananabatmaaaaaan
:(
Semiflaccid
I have this issue with my dad. Every time I call him after not talking for 2 months hes always like "havent heard from you in forever"....
Semiflaccid
Listen here asshole, the phone works both ways. You want to talk to me, feel free to call whenever
BigMoFace
A good person would still check in with friends and family, regardless if others do or don’t check in with them first. Be the good person.
Ifacatsbuttholeisonly2inchesoffthegroundwhyisitalwaysateyelevel
My father opened up about how resentful he was that I didn't bother to call. I asked him, "when was the last time you called your Dad?"
Ifacatsbuttholeisonly2inchesoffthegroundwhyisitalwaysateyelevel
5 years.
SerenePrincess013
The last time I spoke to my "mother" on the phone, she berated me for not giving her money to go buy drugs. She's now been >>
SerenePrincess013
Put back on block, & when my new apt opens up, she will not be allowed inside. I don't care if it's -40 outside, & she'll freeze.>>
SerenePrincess013
After the way she's treated me, she can go mooch off one of her friends, or live in a shelter. I've done my time in her prison.
Happywhensad
They think the same way and realize the same thing. Be the one to close the distance
BadBunnyLadyOfRocksTreesAndDirt
I was raised in a family of "mind your own business" and "respect others' privacy", so I don't ask unless I'm genuinely interested/concerned
MonteCristo1985
So was I. You don't have to pry. Just a "Hi, what's up?" Can provide them the opportunity to share.
Aryakickass
I'm just now learning this
Andalite
Oh, so it’s not that people don’t care, it’s just that they’re not concerned or interested in me. Cool
adiving
No, now you're (likely deliberately) making it sound worse. If they're your friend they're obviously interested in YOU. Just not a random >
adiving
> topic like say, what went on in your weekend. That's something that either gets volunteered or not heard because it's private. The same >
adiving
> goes for concerned. If you're just casually not mentioning whatever ails you, it's not something to be concerned about.
limonchiki
I recently noticed this disconnect too. I also was raised like "If everything is fine and nothing is going on, there's no reason to call".
NonExistingWisper
Yup, same here.
maelennfromterokkareu
I told what's left of my family I got cancer last November. No one even bothered to call and see if I am still alive. Chemo hurt less.
pklosterman73
If I could give you a huge hug I would. I went to every one of my moms chemo treatments for 22 months. Ovarian cancer… Died at 62 HUG!!
SerenePrincess013
I'm glad you made it. Cancer sucks.
ElbowDeepInAHorse
I'm so sorry it's like that for you. I'm glad you're here at least, chatting with us goofballs.
maelennfromterokkareu
I remember the waiting room for radiation treatment. Scared, ill, impatient. Then I read some goofy comment here and laughed the stress off.
FeralBurnett
Yup. My oldest sister just died on 3/5. Her mental and physical health had deteriorated... and we didn’t know. We should’ve been 1/
FeralBurnett
calling & checking in on her! But we didn’t. I feel so ashamed we weren’t there for her. ? Don’t have regrets like I do. Call. Visit. Love.
Bunniesarefuckinggreat
That must be super tough to go through
FeralBurnett
It’s terrible. I feel bad. She died alone & isolated. ?
Bunniesarefuckinggreat
I'm so sorry. This is such painful stuff.
slinkhi
I get what you're saying, but I counter that with other peoples' behavior does not justify your own.
[deleted]
[deleted]
GrumpyOldMillennial
Cool cool cool. Had a few relationships like that. I'm expecting something good to come back from them. Aaaaaany day now.
KingBanana8008
BladeTurMoiL
But i counter counter with, people who don’t think of you are not worth thinking about?
Richardza
I just don't expect anything from anyone. Couldn't be happier
GrumpyOldMillennial
I expect nothing, and yet I am still disappointed.
gwaur
Doesn't that work both ways as well? My behavior doesn't justify others' behavior?
SomeScienceGuy
I struggle with OPs problem sometimes and usually come to this conclusion. Be the change the change you want to see in others
65454685132465846865163
yes it does
tanman729
For me i don't see it as a 'fuck those guys' thing but a 'neither of us need to feel bad about, i still love ya' thing
theoshadowfang
no but you don't have to feel bad about giving the same level of investment you're getting
DanielPucci0
I owe some phone calls and breathed a sigh of relief reading this post until I read this comment. Thanks. I’m making the calls today!
Hoogemast
Also reaching out can be hard. While replying to someone asking how you doing can get something flowing. Still if you need help reach out!!!
Hoogemast
You are not a burden.
kbing
I counter that with-" don't shoulder everyone's short comings and end up in the grave early."
Redfive05
I have a relative that keeps giving me a hard time for not calling them enough through the pandemic.. Not once have they called me.
HedonistBeard
Right, but other's behavior is a symptom. A flag you could call it. Then you need to find out if the flag is red or white before deciding.
Icantgoogle
I've accepted that it's on me to keep friendships alive. I need friends for my own health, so I see it as the price of sanity.
sassort5
Relationships need work though. If one isnt first interested in the other, then the other wont have a reason to be interested back.
sassort5
And immediately assuming the other one doesnt want you if they dont message at even intervals will leave everyone bitter and reciprocative.
sassort5
Then on the other end are the relationships where giving happens in one direction. So it really takes time to learn these things
StarkRG
On the other hand, I am on the autism spectrum and they don't have that excuse.
dart223
This
dart223
Its an explanation though not an excuse. Try anyways
StarkRG
Believe me, I do, but I'm almost always the one initiating contact. If I'm having a bad mental health day or week, I get nothing.
dart223
Here too
UmamiMama
Exactly. Do things from the heart and not expect return. You do you. Because they are
Simrik
Funny how one might be good at some empathetic behaviour, but bad at others.
UmamiMama
It's about self care
Rantaf
Are you slut shaming me?! /s
LiarLiarPantsUntier
Yes. /ns
UmamiMama
No way! Power to the pussy!
Jordinatinglybeautiful
You know that friend who gets in touch and initiates stuff far more than you? They’re good people. Be like them. Don’t get all tit-for-tat.
WithCheese
no, where does one find friends like this?
LifesLittleLunatic
Point agreed but the post is a good reminder of who are the fairweather friend/family groups and focus on the real friends/family
Jordinatinglybeautiful
They can be real friends and family AND have different expectations for the level and frequency of contact though
Mandaglorian
Relationships have to be reciprocal.
zeroofshadow
not everyone is the same level of social as you are, however, some people are content in contact only when needed, not randomly
Mandaglorian
I said reciprocal, not equal. Everyone has something to offer.