Doctor Whore: An SFW Review

Doctor Whore XXX: An SFW Review

From Woodrocket.com, the same studio which brought us "Porks & Recreation," "Game of Bones," and the unasked for "Weird Al's UHF" porn parody photoshoot comes another great porn parody in the form of Doctor Whore XXX. Let's see how it holds up!

On the door of the "Please Her Box"

We're off to a great start with this opening shot of the production values we can expect for the rest of the film.

The Premise

The eleventh Doctor, a Sex Lord, finds himself cornered by CyberSeMen, whose costumes somehow still look better than the canon cybermen did back in the 70's. They exposit a bit about their plan to upgrade the genitals of everyone on Earth, and reveal that they've been aided by none other than The Doctor!

Meanwhile, in the past...

Apparently, being a male nurse doesn't pay all the bills, and Amy is going back to her old job as a kissogram. Woodrocket does put in the work on casting their actresses, as well as on the makeup and costuming. Just like in Game of Bones, the female parody characters look halfway convincing.

Not the porn parodies!

Amy's not just going to be a kissogram, she's going to be a fuckogram! Rory can't handle it, and suggests he can just sell off his favorite porn parody DVDs. Looks like they aren't worth much, though, so he just has to swallow his pride.

He's not the only one swallowing.

Porn parodies are where bad puns go to die.
"Make my angel weep on your face."
"Let's start with a little Ball-lek."
"Ex-sperminate! Ex-sperminate!"

And then they fuck. The sex scenes are poorly directed, and we'll be skipping them to keep things SFW. (You'll thank me later.)

Shortly afterwards...

Apparently the Doctor was watching the whole time. Amy's just a little too optimistic for Rory's comfort.
The Doctor explains that something Bad is going to happen, and he needs their help.

Fish Fingers and Custard

While Rory and Amy leave to dress for adventure, the Doctor reveals that "Eleven" refers to his mental age, as he acts out his seduction of "mysterious alien woman" with a pair of fish fingers.

Still infinitely better than the Cyber-Woman.

Rory and Amy are upgraded into CyberSeMen, and the Doctor must escape!

Hello, Sweetie.

It's Professor River Dong, the Doctor's sometime lover, and she's here to help... somehow. Spoilers.

Eleven = Mental Age

River lays out increasingly strained innuendos and bad puns before the Doctor understand what she's trying to say.
"We've got a long trip to the end of the universe."
"Then let's do something FUN!"
"Great idea! I'll make the custard and put the fish fingers in--"
She interrupts him and pulls him in for a kiss.

And then they fuck.

TRANSITION

This is an organic scene shift.

Ten and Rose

The Doctor has taken Rose to see the final queef of Planet Queef before it goes nova. The puns are about as bad as you'd expect. It's a nice direct parody of The End of the World, although the more particular nerds will point out that it was Nine who took Rose to see the Earth's end, not Ten.

The Ambassador of Queef

No, I'm not sure why this was included. Rose struggles to communicate in another callback to The End of the World, exchanging lung-air with the Moxx of Balhoon.

The ambassador leaves, and the Doctor tells Rose that supernovas always rumble his space genitals.

And then they fuck.

Meanwhile, back in the future...

The Doctor is still cornered by the CyberSeMen, who tell him they've got his companions as prisoners.

Enter Dr Jones

Martha's doppelganger is astonishingly well-cast. Her voice in particular is a dead ringer for Freema Agyeman's distinctive alto.
Despite her imprisonment, she has faith she'll be rescued.

But not by the man she expects!

Captain Jack bursts in firing his pistol, and helps Martha escape the cell.

The Doctor finds an unlikely savior!

Himself! Ten bursts in, giving us a reason for that scene with him and Rose other than satisfying the fanboys who wouldn't accept a Who porn parody without one.
How can they be in the same room at the same time? "Sex Lords know a bit about time travel, too."

Things look grim...

Before being deactivated, a CyberSeMan manages to end Ten's life prematurely. At least he doesn't say he isn't ready.

Moments too late!

Jack and Martha burst in, but cannot stop the CyberSeMen Controller before he fatally shoots the Doctor in the chest.

Believing the Doctor dead and without further regenerations, they return to the TARDIS.

"He's not coming back." "I don't think he'll be coming anywhere ever again."

Jack and Martha are despondent at the loss of their mutual crush. Martha recalls the old hand of the Doctor that Jack used to own, but Jack admits he pretty much wore it out.

"A she!?"

The Doctor isn't gone after all, and joins Jack and Martha in the TARDIS in her new body, the great April O'Neil. Why not?

Self-Discovery

"I've got breasts! And nipples now, I've got nipples. That's a nice touch."

"What did you expect, an old man?"

"Why would they pass up the opportunity to cast a woman or minority as one of the world's most--"

"Oh,"

"Oh, they went that route, did they? Well, that doesn't mean we have to."

"Does regenerating make anyone else horny?"

I can't help but feel that putting Captain Jack in a threesome with two women is wasting the character's porn parody potential, somehow.

And then they fuck.

Be sure to support Woodrocket if you want to see more of their style of porn.