Punkereaux
81506
2275
72
Aug 14, 2019 9:53 PM
Punkereaux
81506
2275
72
PyllyNalleMissionaries
I feel like i dont have any personality under all this
SithElephant
Got ill at 12. (Not depression). Now middle age is passing me by. Trying to have a personality other than ill is hard.
Kruess
I have vague recollections of being much more inspired, energetic, ambitious, and so on. I still feel like that might have been a lie.
tibris
I had this worry when I was about to start taking antidepressants, and asked a good friend of mine "what if I turn out to be an asshole?"(1)
tibris
(2) it took her about 2 seconds to reply "What do you mean, if?"
Deepdeepwell
Personality is dynamic, be the person you want to be not the person you were. Inspire yourself and learn to like the new you
TheAlbatrossFromTheMoon
I had this. Became after that a complete new person and developed a new personality that would fit my soul
OriginalKatena
I tried telling my family and friends this, but they didn’t really understand (almost seemed upset)
dudeandthecatastrophe
Jokes on you, I've never had a sense of self. I've only ever reflected what the people around me expected or needed. I barely exist.
Gillythemusicdude7
I can remember when I first experienced depression at age 8. Soon after, I started getting the "you're so mature for your age" comments.
INeverCheckTheUserNames
This also happens when you have kids. Years pass and one day you try to remember who you were before. You can get lost in parenthood...
givenher
The first time I've had the way I feel explained so clearly.
ImKimJongUnAndEverythingIsFine
You have a personality. Everyone does. It might just be “that super depressed guy that listens to Morisey and talks about death” but its you
PrisonMichaelScott
I'm working though this now. Found out I dont have hobbies anymore. Literally all I've been doing is wallowing and drinking.
ajdender8
This is me. Depression is much better, but it killed all the hobbies I had except computer games, which I used to escape reality.
PrisonMichaelScott
See I liked playing video games before depression, now I have absolutely no interest. Feel like I'm wasting time.
MrPhukett
Not just “hobbies” but also things that were important like washing, walking dog, housework, brushing hair to go to shops, everyday stuff...
PrisonMichaelScott
Yes, this too. It's like learning to live a normal life all over.
MrPhukett
Absolutely.
RodehardPutawaywet
Man yeah I was reading thru old diaries from when I was a kid... Severely depressed. Anxious. Hopeless. I remember my freshman English teach
RodehardPutawaywet
talking to me about some stuff I wrote and expressing her concern. I just stopped writing what I really felt after that to avoid it
ShamanOfHigh
Your brain automatically adjusts your past memories to be favorable. Kinda known fact about psychological bias. This is just that happening.
millenniumf
Basically where I am now. I remember a time when I wasn't depressed, but I can only recall it in the vaguest of terms.
Saddamhuss
I've been depressed most of my childhood so there was no "real personality" I made my own and I kinda like it now.
NauticalRimJob
I'm happy for you you but the same thing happened to me any honestly I hide it from everyone but I'm pretty much garbage. What do I do?
UndeadLahmacun
This is actually a bit motivating.
JudgeNotByTheColorOfOnesSkinButByTheContentsOfOnesDumps
Yep. I call it a chameleon complex. I can literally blend into any given environment and have no discernable personality characteristics
JudgeNotByTheColorOfOnesSkinButByTheContentsOfOnesDumps
Sorry not *literally* I should have omitted that. Trying to break that habit.
invisibulman
Hit me in third grade. Didn't start to discover who am was without until my late 20s. Feel like I lost a big chunk of my life.
Proxxy0
Hi, 19 yo here whose earliest memory of depression I can think of is being 6 years old and hiding under a bed praying for death.
thornmallow
I had a really weird struggle with this, and if I could find a counselor to talk to, I'd really like to explore this.
IndecisivePixel
It’s also hard worrying if people liked the fake you who covered up for the depression more than the real you.
MeatPosicleIsDead
Scarier yet is the prospect of who you could become if you were actually willing and able to put in the effort.
RedOvermorrow
Nice depression-shaming. You one of those people who thinks all you need is to jog and you'll be cured?
Punkereaux
Willing yes, able? Eh....
Billyjimjoejohngerryjosephgeorgejames
I'm in this photo and I dont like it.
Drasham
same
joshtheperson
ifyoudontlikeitthenfuckyou
Here also. Been past the major depression state, and have been piecing it together since!
Niiorkl
Oh, you too?
CleatPeddlingMinion
^
omnipotentpasta
xbolt
iWishICouldStopSquanching
Same dude, same.
Poopoopeepeevagina
It’s like staring into my phone and having it state right back Into me
SyrenKindra
How do I retweet a comment?
allihearisnoise
Having been there twice, trust me, it does get better, time n doing things to get experience helps, see it as a chance to discover the world
Individualsocksinthewashingmachine
The fun part is trying to remember what it's like to get excited about something, and wondering if you ever will again.
MrPhukett
So true :(
rebelshadowrider
I have recently realize I identify with this. A family member showed me an old thing I wrote and I was like who is this person?
rebelshadowrider
I had dreams and shit and I can't think of myself ever trying for them after a certain point. I do remember giving up on things and running
rebelshadowrider
Away from activities I was uncomfortable. I do remember hiding in my room reading and just not interacting with people.
LurkyMcLurker
If you've never known what happy is, how do you know if you're happy?
SashayingJellyfish
I was having a moment earlier today and I realized I truly dont know HOW to be happy. So im right there with you..
howcansomeonepossiblyhavethesameweirdusernamealready
Once had a friend tell me that I'm only happy when I'm unhappy. By now, I think it's more of a comfort thing- at least it's a "known" place.
MabonFeathers
Well, for me, I had a "come to jesus" moment, so to speak. Just a "Oh. I feel something new!" And then I cried and scared my bff.
JohnBluehill
I started on antidepressants for anxiety a year ago. It took me this long to realize this is how I'm supposed to feel.
JohnBluehill
So I guess... One day, you just know.
DogmeatIsAGoodDog
It’s hard when you remember who you were but have no idea how to get back there.
TacosandTahoe
The old you is living in the past. Same as the botion that you can't go back. You can't be your own self. You gotta evolve to a charizard.
DogmeatIsAGoodDog
What a wild ride.
MrPhukett
Yep, true. The “relatively” carefree me of 7 yrs ago. God, seems so foreign now to be able to do housework and get dressed.
wanderingsibyl
I heard once from a counselor that he doesn't like the word recovery bc the old self doesn't exist anymore. Create a new self.
teoskenes
I like my old self. That is the hardest part. Letting go of what once was. I felt smarter, braver, more confident... Now... Now I'm not.
capughe
Get out of my mind
BraneDed
This so much. I miss the humorous, always-smiling person I used to be. I don't feel like I could ever be as good as he was.
DogmeatIsAGoodDog
Right? Like no matter how happy you might occasionally be, there’s a haunting feeling that you’ll never be as happy as that version of you
FreckledGalaxy
I feel the exact same way. It really does suck longing for the spirit you once was and vividly remember how it felt to turly feel happy 1/2
FreckledGalaxy
and alive, but lose hope and somewhat accept that you'll probably never feel that way again.
MrPhukett
I hear ya :(
Hakusen
You don't need to know what you were, you need to know what you'll become from now on. Once you've done that, the past won't matter anyway.
potatotheloaf
Applause, applause
confanity
Thank you for saying this.
IWouldLikeToGetOffThisRideNowPlease
Yeah, I am a completely different person than who I was before depression, but I have definitely grown and wouldn’t want to go back
CirB
I'm on the hedge. I kind of miss some of the "ignorance is bliss" aspects of pre-depression me.
MrPhukett
Fuck yes! My friend and I have said this a lot. Also, you’re on the *fence. Lol
SafarimanHubertLegrange
I like this.
GorillaStark
The old you doesn't exist, learn from life and grow
ReportedNutCase
I really needed to read this. Thank you.
MrPhukett
Nice, but that’s quite a simplified or even naive view if your personality/brain was changed by childhood abuse. I mourn that child and ..1/
MrPhukett
..2/ I’m fucking enraged and heartbroken that me and my kids didn’t get the real me. “I” was stolen and destroyed.
Beepbopbadop
I had that realisation for the first time last night. First time in a long time I actually felt proud of myself.
spyjane
What if I like who I was before depression more than who I am now? :(
MrPhukett
Yep, exactly. Depression can FUCK U UP.
louster
What does that even mean? I can't imagine having any kind of future, I have no idea what I could become other than dead.
TacosandTahoe
Life is about overcoming adversity. Think mario going from castle to castle. The journey made him stronger, not rescuing Peach
louster
I've spent more than a decade trying different drugs and therapies. I can't imagine things being better. How can I know what's possible?
sysaphiswaits
Yep.
MrPhukett
I’m with you. But frustratingly, I keep telling myself “this is what I’m gonna do” or “This is the small step I’m gonna take .....1/
MrPhukett
...2/ tomorrow” but it never happens and then I loath myself even more. Vicious circle despite therapy, meds, begging 4help, psych hosp ...
Facelurk
The solution I eventually came to was that even if I am not happy whith who I am, I have this vision of the person I want to be, and as 1/2
Facelurk
2/2 long as i make at least one step towards that person every day, it doesn't matter how small, when I die I will be a better person than I
Facelurk
Am now. And that is good enough
albalass
Why have a personality when I can cover up my problems with self deprecating humor?
UnpopularOpinionsGuy
Self-deprecating humor? Ha! I have to have something worth deprecating first, am I right? Guys? No? Okay.
Imakesandwiches
Same
MrPhukett
After alcohol rehab age 42 self-dep humour helped my kids and others know it was ok to talk about it, not taboo.
cryogenian
I do that all the time.
PyllyNalleMissionaries
Thats me
HydrochloricKitten
That's some serious accuracy for shooting from the hip like that.
LjubljanaJeNajlepseMestoNaSvetu
And edgy politicalnincorectness
Billyjets3
This guy gets it
DarkChaos121
I just use alchohol and dark humor as my stand in personality
Navrodel
*Sips Self-consciously*
noneweregiven
Welcome to the party, there are chips on the table in the corner, and schnapps on the counter.
Lethalbleedings
Because you deserve better than that. Or something idk
Alpine262
Everyone hates me for belittling myself so much.
[deleted]
[deleted]
MrPhukett
I have no use for you any more since I stopped interacting with humans.
MrPhukett
I’ve been waiting for you all my life, what u talkin bout?
albalass
I just want to let you know I appreciate the solid use of your username here.
MoxieCat17
I've always done well with self-deprecating humor. But the guy I'm seeing now *hates* when I say stuff like that and that's a new feeling.
MoxieCat17
Don't know how to operate now.
TeamRocketHR
I totally get this. Instead of a comeback, it's silence in your head that just feels a little off.
dovebair
You mean like, instead of a deflection from your brain, you allow yourself to accept the respect and brain's just quiet?
TeamRocketHR
Yes; respect doesn't take up as much space as sarcasm, I think. So it's like an empty room where stuff once was, and you miss the clutter.
MoxieCat17
Hmmm can you explain that a little more?
TeamRocketHR
Instead of the put-downs and sarcasm to yourself ("Hey, asshole, good job doing that!"), it's just quiet. Which is healthier (1/2)
dovebair
The words that you use, even in catharsis, reinforce how you think. If you're talking shit about the one that he likes (you!) Why would he
dovebair
Let you do that?! It's good that you have somebody who will stand up for you, even to you! Respect that, reflect that :)
MrPhukett
You are so right. Wish I had someone like that.
MoxieCat17
Thanks! It's such a weird new world :P