standingidlyby
369942
11070
174
you're welcome mobile users
happykamper
Hitler who...
azazyel
http://imgur.com/yj9qAW1
ButtholeFlower
I think Tom Hanks might be River Song regenerated.
RogerSmithsAlterEgoNumber30238
When Hitler was a baby some kid tried to sneak in and kill Hitler. His orange life jacket caught someone's eye and they chased him away.
DeannaZone
First gotta take him out of the cabinet.
TorinMcQ
First thing to do - Save the books / scrolls at the Library of Alexandria.
bananatoast
Unless the baby accidentally shoots Eleanor Roosevelt
Waggy00
What if hitler didn't commit suicide and rather he was killed by time traveling assassins right before he hit the go button on Germany's 1/2
DonnaNobleHasLeftTheLibrary
Remember that time in Doctor Who when Rory punched Hitler and put him in the cupboard?
GenericActionMan
I wish OP would go back in time and change one of the lines of text to white so we know who said what without a struggle.
darkladyfunk
Best conversation I have read in a while.
AricNeo
I feel like major historical events are one of those things that shouldn't be messed with time travel unless you know *exactly* how it'll go
AricNeo
like what if you kill hitler in the early stages of power then some of his generals take over and they never open up the russia front?
TheMagicGoat
Shoot the dictator and prevent the war? But the dictator is merely the tip of the whole festering boil of social pus from which dictators1/2
TheMagicGoat
emerge; shoot him and there'll be another one along in a minute. Shoot him too? Why not shoot everyone and invade Poland? - Pterry 2/2
BoooBerry
Why the hangup with Hitler. In terms of sheer number of murdered, Stalin was actually much worse.
HistoricalContext
Hitler was out to exterminate an entire race of people. Stalin was just really, really paranoid. I'd say they're about the same.
harles2000
paranoid = psycho right? cuz he killed peasants like it was going out of style. starved an entire region because they couldn't produce enuff
Mewmus
Kill Robert Kardashian before he could make any of the clan.
alpacahunter
I would get crystal Pepsi
GavinVolure
Who is saying what
1AMTHEBATMAN
you cant hear their voices by reading the text? weird...... /s
IAmMelonLordMwahahahaha
yup, the lack of differentiation with the subtitles is driving me insane.
FutureHermit
Read Stephen Fry's 'Making History' - a novel that explores exactly this. Fascinating and funny book.
piratejenny
I couldn't remember the title, but I agree. A very interesting and readable novel.
thesplashingblumpkins
Honestly, I wouldn't go back in time and kill Hitler because I would never be born
ItsTimeForTheLurkolator
if any of us figure out time travel lets agree to travel back in time and comment on this post.
Czst
The next two weeks will be rough for you. But on the upside, your sob story makes it to the front page next Thursday.
JackieWaltjen28
That's the planned DLC expansion
spoontheory
I did it guys!!! I finished my time machine and went back and killed Raul Garshankoitz. So many lives saved! Who's Hitler?
JohnBlevins
Killing Hitler would have been bad, depending on when. At one point the Allied forces decide to NOT assassinate hitler because he was (1)
PfcTommi
Playing cards against humanity with Boba Fett and it would've been too obvious as to who the killer was (2)
JohnBlevins
I think you're missing the first half of that comment.
JohnBlevins
more detrimental to the Axis war effort than he was contributing. If you'd let the German Generals fight WWII how they wanted, it might(2)
JohnBlevins
not have gone so well for the Allies. (3)
beancrayons
Sauce: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KZa2P7XMFKU
Awhiteguy
That is some tasty sauce.
PitbullsPublicist
Davros, My name is Davros! you said you'd help me!
spacecatts
Omg that scene...I screamed
00LimaRomeo
The thing that bugs me is - why didn't Davros remember earlier? Loved the character building though.
terbril
Because Four was sent to Skaro without the Tardis, and adult Davros didn't know Four and Twelve were the same person.
terbril
Because Four was sent to Skaro without the Tardis, and adult Davros didn't know Four and Twelve were the same person.
mingotheflamingo
he did- but he basically said he was waiting for the correct Doctor to mention it
DonnaNobleHasLeftTheLibrary
Well he also said "it took me so long to realize it was you at the gates of my beginning" or some shit like that. So he didn't know at first
KingXizor
I feel the whole killing Hitler sentiment is wrong. The atrocities were terrible, yes. However, without them the Soviets would have came 1/?
KingXizor
to power without the US to be their opposite. The political landscape at that time with no third Reich may have led to something much 2/?
KingXizor
worse, not to mention no space race or checks on weaponized nuclear development. No, what Hitler caused was terrible, but I'd not be 3/?
KingXizor
willing to give up the world, and technologies we have today for a chance to redo the past. The horrible events of WW2 reshaped a large 4/?
KingXizor
portion of mankind's immediate development, and an incalculable amount of our future, our destiny. Now its time to finish my beer! Peace! /5
waityoucansayANYTHINGontheinternet
Holy shit that was long - but i hung in there and it was good
standingidlyby
Nobody cares but after 3 months of disability, sitting at home, today was my 1st day of work. Getting on the front page really made my day.
Quiteplease
Hope you doing well now @op :]
standingidlyby
much much better! thank you @praewwearp
Dalylah
Glad things are looking up for you. Also, thank you for the cute post! :)
standingidlyby
:) glad you enjoyed! And thank you.
Pierogicat
I care OP..good for you! :)
standingidlyby
<3. Thanks @pierogicat!
123456Tevin
Congrats, NOW BACK TO WORK!
standingidlyby
LOL. thanks @123456Tevin89
LoydeReed
i don't know you, but it sucks not being on your feet. kudos OP.
standingidlyby
<3 thank you @LoydeReed. It's been a rough summer. I have a newfound respect for folks who unfortunately haven't healed as fast as I have.
LoydeReed
tell me about it. i spend my summers laboring. injury means going into debt. can't tell you how many sprained ankles i've "walked off"
standingidlyby
the surgery itself was $7K which is insane. I understand the severity of the injury. but that bill is insane.
BelouBerry
Congratulations.
ImperialWatch
I CARE
standingidlyby
And I care about you too @egobot
ImperialWatch
Will you take care of my dog?
standingidlyby
for how long? I've got to go to Physical Therapy later today. unless your dog is okay with watching me flex my ankle for an hour straight
cinnamonwhirl1010
Congrats!!
BradolfPittler
Way to go OP, what happened?
standingidlyby
I got into a hit and run three months ago. Someone hit me from behind and I smashed into a tree. Shattered my heel. Been a rough summer
BradolfPittler
Damn, glad you recovered well! Hope your winter is nice and smooth.
standingidlyby
me too @BradolfPittler. me too. ironically, I'm an anti-summer, pro-winter New Yorker. So this is my favorite time of the year!
standingidlyby
Fake Internet points, I know, but thank you all anyways. Felt good to feel funny & be heard after so long of being useless.
BrentisnotRich
You're not useless OP!!!! Congratulations on your first day!!!! I'm sure you're an amazing person! Stay up!
standingidlyby
Much appreciated sir. Lol I felt useless in that I couldn't walk. I was essentially taking space.
kawaiibrah
What do you mean?
standingidlyby
I got into a hit and run 3 months ago. I shattered my heel and Achilles. Spent the last 3 months resting, healing, and in surgery.
SneakyRussains
Everybody says they would kill Hitler, but are we forgetting about the butterfly effect?
kodiakash
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Nmsek2FGFG4
truckdrivershowcase
Nah, the time machine is equipped with paradox absorbing crumple zones just like Santa's head.
6footdildo
we should ask a butterfly to do it
WhiteLotusMantis
The new hitler probably would have been Stalin. Leading the U.S. to invade Russia ultimately losing during the winter. US. would become USSR
LeeroyTheBird
I hate Ashton Kutcher
G49pi
I mean, depending on how early you kill Hitler, it would low-key fuck a lot of things up. A lot of mankind greatest inventions came from WW2
ThaiMaiShu
I'm no history major, but i feel like you could make the argument that the U.S. wouldn't be what it is if someone killed hitler. Didn't 1/2
Tisbutafleshwound
WW II set a lot of large systems in place that have kept the world relatively stable. Without it the world might be a very very scary place.
ThaiMaiShu
WWII help us really come back from the depression? 2/2
Drewscifer
Nope because you go and kill Stalin next
themightyhelix
and then jfk
spacetimejockey
KILL EM ALL
mephitman
That's the planned DLC expansion
Drewscifer
The next one is still in design and its "what the hell to do with Japan and its powerful militaristic government"
adontchaknow
you're right. we should ask Ashton Kutcher how he would do it.
ogmudbone
He would try really hard to date Hitler and then eventually realize that there's no good time line with them together and then live nearby
TheCommentCritic
Dear Diary, Today I killed Hitler (screen gets wobbly) afterwords I did something to earn the love of my best friend's sister. AK
randawg
Did you guys not play C&C Red Alert? Einstein causes Hitler's demise and Russia just ends up taking over everything, unchallenged.
Beiki
In all fairness, Russia probably would have gone to war with at least eastern Europe and maybe part of Asia if not for Hitler. 1/
Beiki
They went to war with Finland before WWII really broke out as well and they "won" that.
Sauroctonus
What if we go back far enough to stop the Assyrians from inventing the siege ram?
randawg
Well then those blasted Babylonians wear them down sooner and Nebuchadnezzar conquers the world before his bout of insanity.
00LimaRomeo
Horsefeathers. What, so we'd go to war against one genocidal European dictator, but not another one? Balderdash and poppycock.
VenerablePotato
No we would, it's just that Russia was the largest contributor to the defeat of Nazi Germany, if the Nazis weren't there the slavs could win
Squeleton
You just really wanted to use old-fangled words to express your exasperation, didn't you.
buttshredder
Maybe time is like a river, and is self correcting. Maybe you kill Hitler and Goebbels just fills the void.
SpacemanSpiff0226
Honestly, I think Goebbels would have been equal if not worse. The man (and I use the word man loosely) was a nut.
ATimeTravellingRobotFromTheFuture
That would be terrifying since Hitler's staff were fairly competent and were basically held back by hitler's ideological stupidity.
delpharseven
This. The Germans were stacked with really good officers, generals on down. Hitler was the Wehrmacht's worst enemy.
aleister94
I have seen the face of time and I can tell you this is wrong time is an ocean in a storm you may wonder who i am and why I say this
buttshredder
Nope.
aleister94
That's from Prince of Persia
buttshredder
That Jake Gyllenhaal movie?
8bitdan
Obligatory:
TheStaleBread
The use of that line in Terminator: Genysis was very poorly placed.
TheStaleBread
The use of that line in Terminator: Genysis was very poorly placed.
FeyLily
Not technically true. Just because we make a time machine doesn't mean that it would be able to travel back to a time before it was created
spacetimejockey
We allready have timetravel, GR, only current limitation is that thrust is confined to positive integers. Cannot go back. Yet.
Yay295
and it also doesn't help much if we die before it's created.
undungubungu
Guys guys I think its a joke!
LimeMime565
Front wards time travel might be possible backwards time travel will never fucking happen
eldermidget
sometimes when you open your mind to the impossible you find the truth
thtguyjosh
why?
KansasComrade
Speed and relativity allow people moving fast to experience time at a slower rate So really if we zoomed around for 40 years it could be 300
AgentNolanNorthDakota
it's possible to travel backwards using wormholes, but that's an entire gamble that most people wouldn't take.
LimeMime565
It's impossible to have living matter survive a worm hole because of how dense it would be. You would flattened the moment you went in one
AgentNolanNorthDakota
not if you're traveling at the speed of light when you go through it, there's not enough time to be crushed
stealmydebt
If time travel is real then Hitler must have a perfect kill record from surviving all the random attacks. Not gonna risk my life trying.
MrRandom314159
That's why you plan on only kicking him in the dick. If it works, you kicked Hitler in the dick. If it doesn't, no harm no foul.
Dakiestus
Multiverse theory
busterfixxitt
Jews perfect time travel, endless assassins fail 2 kill Hitler at any age. Hitler grows up with Jews constantly trying 2 kill him = timeloop
Ranmachan
http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/HitlersTimeTravelExemptionAct
AlwaysTrustTheManInABigWhiteVan
His KDR is pretty good
BoooBerry
Or if time travel were EVER to become real. This is how we know it will never be a thing.
Dakiestus
Multiverse theory
keioto
Actually you can't kill Hitler, he killed himself when he travelled back from 1968 to instigate the cold war instead of the nuclear apoc.
TheWombatStrikesAgain
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Assassination_attempts_on_Adolf_Hitler
shawnalulu2
This guy gets it
IsThereAirYouDontKnow
https://youtu.be/BG-l56gojjM?t=233
IsThereAirYouDontKnow
Sorry, Jump to 3:53 for the relevant bit.
diabolicaljazz
So you're saying we should travel to that time in the video?
IsThereAirYouDontKnow
Or let a you as a baby do it, that way they can't trace it back to you.
o11c
http://www.smbc-comics.com/?id=3266
EvanED
This is the comic, not the Subnormality one, that deserves top reply.
stealmydebt
Good lord that is grand. I don't know how I missed that smbc. +1 to you good sir/madam.
GrimmThistle
Unless we only /think/ they were unsuccessful. I mean, what if they just made it /look/ like suicide for timeline preservation?
LordSupergreat
Well then why would they wait until he'd already lost the war to kill him?
TotallyNotChrisHansen
Time might just be a spiral, It starts with the big bang and ends there. But goes a full circle only slightly different each time.
GarandGunner
https://xkcd.com/1063/
TotallyNotChrisHansen
Maybe hitlers death at that time prevented WWIII from starting, This is literally unknowable right now.
TotallyNotChrisHansen
Or time goes in a circle, Or its just a linear line going forward from start. Or maybe its not linear at all and we just havent figured out
CaptainYoloSwag
Or maybe its a triangle
TotallyNotChrisHansen
Maybe its maybeline.
Mostlydeadpool
"time is a flat circle" - R Cole
xaviouswolffe
Or time is all wibbly wobbly.
TheOriginalNonfiction
Well honestly you can't kill Hitler at this point without changing every single person's life in the world and the most of it for the worse
Bbbrrr000ccckkk1
Really, who had a better life because of Hitler at any age?
politelydisagreeing
Most Germans.
kittypixplz
Current Jews. Anti-semitism was common and accepted, and now it isn't.
LeeroyTheBird
If Hitler didn't exist, the Antarctic aliens would have emerged and none of us would be here. We'd all be dead.
Bbbrrr000ccckkk1
This is the kind of imgur gold I come here for.
LeeroyTheBird
Thank you
TheOriginalNonfiction
Well for starters everyone who was born because of a soldier either leaving or there fighting. Plus many medical procedures.Do some research
Bbbrrr000ccckkk1
You got me on the medical procedures but I think wiping 6 million people away kinda makes all the baby boomers a wash.
TheOriginalNonfiction
possibilities, bad and good, of things happening even if we could time travel only a couple years after the fact. And every day those (2
TheOriginalNonfiction
Well that too! What if one of them, or any of the others killed, would of had a kid worse than Hitler? The point is that there are so many(1
Bbbrrr000ccckkk1
Also one could argue the baby boomers are the biggest leech society has ever seen.
TheOriginalNonfiction
for example that we haven't had a nuclear war or worse. (4
ThatJerkYouKnow
Nah man if Hitler hadn't happened then my ancestor wouldn't have fled what WAS Yugoslavia and I would never have been born.
TheOriginalNonfiction
possibilities expand and become even more numerous. So at this point it is just safer for events to happen as they did because we know (3