TheNortherner
214760
8925
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Since i was a young boy my father has imposed his religion onto me. I was home schooled because we live in the west and my father wanted me in an environment that was free from anything Haram. I couldn't associate with Jews or Christians, anyone who ate unclean animals, or any girl. As a teenage guy going through puberty this was naturally a living nightmare. After years of begging from me and pressure from his colleagues, i was finally allowed to attend a very nice coed high school. The only rule was that i had to keep avoiding anything Haram. Being free for the first time i started to celebrate. Ate bacon my first day, had Christian friends in a week, and within the month i had even met a girl. I was shy and awkward as i could possibly be but she liked me and thought i was funny. She was a little too hipster punk for me, listing to music i've never heard and using words like tubular and bae, but i loved it. Within two months we were dating. It was going great until my father heard about it. The Christians and bacon he could overlook, but the women to him were really wrong. To him this was too much and he even claimed me of having sex with her. As if it couldn't get any weirder he actually demanded i show him my penis to prove i haven't been having sex. I had to ask him twice to make sure i heard him right. It was awkward but living under his roof i had to do as he commands. I started to go out with her on dates and every time i came home i had to whip it out for dad. It might be insane, but i actually am ok with dicks out for haram bae.
derschweiz
This is fucking gold.
TheMentelgen
You played me like a damn fiddle and I'm not even mad. Well done @OP
Yasb77
As a Muslim i was sweating bullets while reading this, thank god for harambe lol
IMayOrMayNotHaveTroubleFindingAndOrChoosingAUsername
Hints: Haram is an Arabic term meaning "forbidden". Bae = babe. Haram bae = Harambe. "Dicks out for Harambe". Solid post @OP! +1
nonIONizing
My god.
Peeweeviolinist
exponentiallymusical
FUCK OFF I SCROLLED TO THE END LOOKING FOR TREE FIDDY AND THOUGHT IT WAS SAFE. +1
KenanAndKelThuzad
I hope his gorilla ghost haunts the fuck out of you OP
InformalProof
When he started saying his dad was cool with the bacon and christians i knew this roller coaster ride was peaking over the top
scroggs
Way to M. Knight Shyamalan that shit. #dicksout
HarryDonger
I'm an exmuslim I was reading it like "damn I was in a similar situation." But I legit laughed at the end. +1 OP.
MayThePunsBeWithYou
...go on....
TheDudeSkywalker
wiredcoat
This.. Was very well done. I even checked the end for tree fiddy and Cena. Bravo.
Stephie0020
KnightSlayerTsorig
This post is
FallingUp236
click show bad comments to see the people with slow reflexes
aggresivesnuggler
Fuck you +1
RubberChickenGoD
MarkyoftheDead
Halal on the streets Haram in the sheets
BaboonBalloon
Hahahaha. Gold
TheNortherner
Haram bae in the sheets*
MosEisleyPhotography
Expected tree fiddy. Got the fucking Gorilla.
TheGodsMustBeCrazy
So did I....
Potentiate
It's a dicks out for harambe post
NoIdidntsayAbeLincolnIsaidHeyBlinkin
I missed the part where that was a thing
Potentiate
Turns out, it's a thing.
Cassandralala
I skipped to the last sentence expecting tree fiddy. Was not disappointed.
EatFireSpring
Same.
AutismDoesNotSpeak
Jakamo
If you're gonna start a story with "since I was a young boy" I'm just gonna assume you're an avid pinball player who's deaf dumb and blind.
Jake5713
Tommy, right?
FlappinBurgers
I ain't seen nothing like him, in any amusement hall
TimeFoDat
First of all I get the joke, I do. But I still am curious, how could you just look at a dick and tell if it was involved in sex recently?
Brosius
SuperPickle17
Well, if you have blue balls...
ThisWasATriumph
if you have blue balls you were doing the sex thing wrong
SuperPickle17
Exactly why the dad wants to know! He wants to make sure he's not doing it wrong.
Zath
There are some really, really, REALLY weird people out there that think you can tell jack and shit like this from such. sauce; crazy aunt.
ecodude
You can't, it just adds to the joke.
TimeFoDat
Yeah I guess, for me it was an early warning that it was indeed just a joke. One of those things that just doesn't add up.
ThermiteKitten
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lgWgEoaAYDY
TimeFoDat
That's my jam, I love that song. But she's smelling the dick, not just looking at it.
lukas9356
Haram bae = harambe
TheStaffmaster
see, I'm picking that up, but not why it's funny.
eetsumkaus
it's super lame. That's why it's funny
YourBossAndLandlordLikePolitics
Dicks out for Harambe is a social movement looking to organize and communicate how much we all miss Harambe. @OP is insulting his memory.
mvp84
Haram is "bad for your soul" for muslim folks, roughly translated. Thus haram Bae, his gf. It's a pretty advanced joke
itsbre
I get it. It's just not funny.
reidft
It's a meme you dip
IgnatiusJReilly2601
What is Harambe?
DecomposingMaggotfilledAsshole
Our lord and savior
SuperEasyBarelyAnInconvenience
Do you live under a rock?
IgnatiusJReilly2601
Understanding all the childish references on this site is nothing to be proud of.
goeataflyugly
Lmao, complaining about being childish on Imgur. Funny.
rectalprolapse
You're right, Harambe is a reference exclusive to an image-sharing platform for Reddit.
ImJustQwerty
The dead gorilla
IshtiakAhmed
very dead
EClaire1073
Like, so dead
nasun
like, so so very dead
IgnatiusJReilly2601
Ok thanks. I remember the gorilla. But what's the "dicks out" part about?
ABillionDucks
In remembrance.
Chaserdoge
DICKS OUT FOR HARAMBE! We remember you our monkey lord!
IgnatiusJReilly2601
Riiight. I knew I shouldn't have asked.
duckslikedickslikeduckslikeme
Arconyte
floatationman
Schrodinger's Jimmies.
ShaitanTheUnborn
Well played @OP well played.
littlemissshutterbeer
Sigh. I was so invested.
TheNortherner
Not gonna lie. I stole it. But havent seen it on here and thought it needed to be shared with the world.
organicgmo
http://imgur.com/1KbTh2b
AJIHADISTPANCAKE
Upvotes for honesty
SombreroWieldingLawmaker
Indeed
TheRisingDemon
A lot of people didn't get it.
[deleted]
[deleted]
AcadianBacon
I went to the end to make sure it was another stupid meme story. Was not disappointed, and yet was at the same time.
jadespider
A lot of people are lucky then
birthdaybaboon
Life is too short to comprehend unformatted text
shantoloki
Is the story true or not? Fuck u OP.. twice
eetsumkaus
that's because everybody thought it was already dead, and then people brought it back to life
sexyGandalf12
Never forget
UnexpectedBrilliance
Yeah I don't get it, is it real or is OP jerking me off
Hassanian
harambe joke, the gorilla
TheRisingDemon
He's stroking slow and gripping firm....building you up until you explode in his mouth
DeutschlandLyftAlles
green-text material right there
PerfectGifComment
OP right now.
aselleus
This is it. This is the moment that I am an old. I have no idea what the joke is.
fewermelons16
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZaTiVL9zkN4
aselleus
So I just googled that shit and didn't realize harambe was the name of the gorilla that was shot. I thought it was slang for something lol
Pangs
A lot of people just thought it was stupid as fuck.
brasky456
Good on you for saying the unpopular. I got visited by the down vote ferries for saying as much somewhere far deeper in this shitpost.
YodeleheehooMotherfuckers
not only that. it's REALLY STUPID AS FUCK
disagreeable
I didn't get it... and you're right.
breezecakeyum
So, meme working as intended?
ruferto
explain please
eetsumkaus
#DicksOutForHarambe
fewermelons16
haram bae=harambe (the gorilla that got shot in the zoo) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZaTiVL9zkN4
OverpricedCrayon
Harambe the gorilla was shot and a couple months ago "justice for harambe" and "dicks out for Harambe" became memes made to mock protests (1
OverpricedCrayon
such as BLM and others about people wrongfully killed. I think, its kinda convoluted. Some use it as a racist thing to compare (2)
OverpricedCrayon
black people to gorillas, and other people just say it because they think its funny. And others say it to mock people that thought it was (3
OverpricedCrayon
wrong to kill the gorilla. (4).
Methamphetamines
I've learned to read the last 2 sentences of these shits, just to be safe. IT'S NOT SAFE.
Funter49
I'm sorry bro I grew up in a strict Christian home, but once I went to college he loosened up. He will chill I promise. Parents become cool
espressoandpostrock
It's so much better when you just let it happen
Diewithasmile
Damnit
MRCLOUDPISS
It had a fresh prince ring from the start but was all haram bae
PhiIIipJFry
Lets be fair though, this was clearly not safe from the start.
Blastergv9
I down vote every one of these now. It's old and annoying
asterisk09
Who the fuck thinks this shit up?
BathroomHumor
Good man.
SoupIsNotAMealVera
What did it for me was "the bacon he could overlook". That was the "sigh, this is a shitpost isn't it" moment.
RaynSideways
I wish I could find these funny. But when 80% of these posts are just shitposts, it stops being funny after a while.
mikeatike
I read the last two lines first, I see that it is a joke, but I have no idea what it is.
merus
The internet has started ironically mourning a gorilla that was shot a few months back, named Harambe.
mikeatike
Thx.
DrProfessorProfessorson
His dad checks his penis for sex...? Scrolls down. Yeah, shitpost
kanuckles
Missed it till i read this and checked them again...
Tinkerbellatrix
Me too. Sad, but that's the world we live in.
Yeahnoibet
Nah, I would take jokes like these and tree fiddy over actual sob stories any day
zap3125
To be fair at least this one wasn't another tree fiddy.
KingDingusDongus
I was expecting tree fiddy
Snotty128
I got half way through, then the use of 'tubular' rang an alarm bell
SamMcKenzie
Same
roscowheeler
It's like checking a username for Cera first now.
sneakysneakysoysauce
For... Only like...less than two weeks :(
iamkyleh
Nah, more like checking for tree fiddy
sneakysneakysoysauce
Honestly thiught that was were the story was going.
BigChunkyBubbles
Half of imgur commenting on this post like
kmikl
http://www.dailydot.com/unclick/dicks-out-for-harambe/
3141592535897932384626433832795078841941693993751058209749445
DJTrickyM
Veggisaurus
http://14871-presscdn-0-39.pagely.netdna-cdn.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/08/tumblr_na96djuya71t90ulfo2_250.gif
BeeStingsAndHoney
Have you guys listened to the Anna Faris podcast with Bautista? He's such a nice and hilarious dude. Can't wait for the sequel.
BigChunkyBubbles
I missed that ep of Unqualified, I guess. Good lookin' out, random imgurian.
BeeStingsAndHoney
Thanks jabbed!
OrangeFlavours
To be fair, the "dicks out of for harambe" shit is pretty retarded and most people haven't heard of it.
PacoShard
No need to degrade retards by comparing them to a shitty 'meme'
1234canIhavealittlemore
Yeah... I know its supposed to be a joke but I haven't got a clue what this is about.
sumothername
Explain.dalek.jpgorgif
UpsetFace
We get it you're speciesist.
Mechlai
Wait... there's a joke?
TheOneWhoKnowsNothing
Is there? I thought i was a little lost but now I'm jack lost
Mechlai
I found out what the joke was. I guess "dicks out for harambe" is a meme in of itself.
DireSickFish
I have not heard of it. Is this a joke?
YourLordCthulhu
"Dicks out for Harambe" is people still going on about that fucking gorilla in Cincinnati.
GodzillaHarddiskson
What?
goawaypleasethankyou
Harambe the gorilla that got shot because a kid climbed into his cage? Yeah it's become a bit of a meme.