280z
308511
9258
226
We were both completely naked.
He did this every time.
Also applied to alcohol, ramen, and one time even vomit.
IT WAS ONE FUCKING STAPLE
He of course did all this without asking.
He did this about once a week.
Most of the time it would be 1-3 songs on repeat, and when I touched his computer he would freak out.
$3000 medicine
"I didn't want her nasty ass on my bed"
He would even unplug my phone if it was charging.
I was sick for the next week.
I went to class and came back to get my laptop only to find that he had barricaded himself in the room.
I almost submitted a Research paper with Weiner, I.C. www.lemonparty.org as a reference.
Makes up for everything
after about the first month of school we started hooking up on a regular basis.
bensawn
I AM HAVING SO MANY ANGRY FLASHBACKS
WigglyWalrus
How did he find out you were using his stapler? Fingerprint analysis?
AndIHaveNoIdeaWhatToPutHere
http://imgur.com/xdCsVvS
FlurfMacGurf
Maybe I've been watching too much Ceasar Millan but I have some ideas for sorting out his behavior.
Probablylucy
I am SO GLAD to live in a country where having a room mate at college isn't socially acceptable. God saver the queen.
Ninjinister
Is that Johnny Quest in the background?
popculturella
Is...is that a Real Adventures of Jonny Quest poster behind him?
Opportunist
Do believe it is.
Taskum
(1/2) I thought the first one was harsh at first, my old roomie would often bring guys over on week nights and expect me to find another
Taskum
(2/2) place to stay for the night, which I thought was really annoying. But god, your doormmate really does sound like a total dick!
DanteRu
As a violent person, I would never have this problem.
outdoorsman
agreed
bentwrenches
Yep. I woulda beat his ass after 2-3, I mean, you gotta give em a chance.
wtfox182
I see why you had ulcers.
completelyunfiltered
So after 1 month you started banging his GF? How much of his douche bagery is because of this? Or did every bad thing happen in that month
backwoodsbarbie
Exactly. Is some of this payback for banging his GF?
completelyunfiltered
Did he fuck the craigslist girl in your bed because you fucked his gf? Two sides to every story.
whollyrustedmedalbatman
1. Vomit INSIDE his pillow case 2. Make pot of coffee w/Ex-lax, leave it 3. Buy non-perishable food & leave it in your trunk-- COME ON GUYS!
Bamboucha
Here's what you do: Get some food that he absolutely loves and put some abstergent agent in it.
TheMerovingian408
A lesson must be learned. This is how Hitler(s) are born. Stand up to him.
Bamboucha
Seriously, why dont you move out?
IAmAtWorkRightNow
Grow a fucking spine, OP, I have no sympathy for people who LET douche bags walk all over them.
beh2omyfriend
Dan?
SolidSanders
so, does that make OP Pedro or....?
Snoweh
As someone with a douchebag housemate called Dan, I approve. Very much so.
SocietyOfSensation
Dan: The college years.
beh2omyfriend
we should make a sequel! Danman - The biography of a fucktard
SocietyOfSensation
"Dans first job" followed by "Dan becomes a dad" followed by "Dan gets a divorce, loses custody and becomes an alcoholic"
beh2omyfriend
and then we go for "Dan in kindergarden or who put nails on everybodys chairs" "Dan in elementary - The evil years" star wars style
Audiophish
I was about to scold you, but everything made sense in the end.
Cheeeeeeeeeeeeeeet
e get his karma
Rocap
You weren't set up for this.
ILostIt
i was about to say "something something 'passive aggressive' something something 'quit bitching' " but i liked the end
hakunamatatas
"Wait, I have to do my own laundry AND ask permission to use things that aren't mine? My mom used to do both those for me."
CyanideSweetToothSuicide
Do you have any idea how many parents call university housing offices on behalf of their grown kids? Way too many.
thepigeonman
i work in resident life housing, and parents always wonder why we don't give them any info about the kid cause "they did everything"
CyanideSweetToothSuicide
I hear you loud and clear!
ILoveTomHiddleston
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU LIVE WITH THAT!!? I WOULD KILL HIM, really kill him!!!
zdrowko
nah, murder would probably be a violation of some college regulations or something
ILoveTomHiddleston
nobody has to know
zdrowko
all good then, carry on please
ILoveTomHiddleston
;)
antihaze
Knowing this guy, sounds like ANYONE could have had a motive to kill him.
ILoveTomHiddleston
hahahah yes....
sweatybeard
Hang on, did you just list a bunch of excuses for sleeping with his girlfriend?
backwoodsbarbie
Yeah I don't ever agree to cheating no matter what the circumstances are...
iamdefinitelynotarobot
Yeah. Just because someone deserves bad karma doesn't exonerate you from the actions you took to deliver said karma yourself.
kjhovey
Glad I'm not the only one who thinks that.
Gryphus82
Yeah, I'm glad I'm not the only one seeing this. There's no way all that stuff happened in a month... Retaliation. Two sides to every story.
Abso
The month thing stood out to me too. These events seems strung out over the semester. Don't think he's justifying, but OP's not that innocen
FranklinClinton
This is the only comment i upvoted. Feel like OP might be trying to plead a case. However, the guy spoken about sounds like a dickhole
Lefty2k59
If you decided to kill him, not a jury in the world would convict you.
TohruRokuno
As a former juror, I would not convict. If you sued the family for emotional distress, I would vote to award you ~$5 million.
BrianPeppers
Jury nullification. Look it up. It would totally happen
gudemonster
Dude, you are the biggest pushover alive. Stand up for yourself. You should be doing more than banging his gf. Bang his mom!
ThomasOrion
you ever live with a complete butthole? Even when you DO stand up for yourself they are so fucking dumb and shitty that it doesnt change
LurkersGottaLurk
OP is a new level of pushover. Like pushover^2
Equreuil
The TP thing - don't leave a roll in the bathroom. Take one in with you when you go, and otherwise keep it hidden.
backwoodsbarbie
I have to do this. I'm a chick who lives with 7 dudes, so you can just about imagine..
YUNoCallMeMaybe
in Jack Tripper's bosses voice "you live with 7 dudes?" hope you need that episode *threes company"
mmurrbles
I live with two girls and it is like this they use on avg 12 rolls a month when I had my own bathroom I might have used 1 every two months.
twosummers
Sometimes... during certain times of the month... more tissue paper is needed for cleanup.
backwoodsbarbie
Yikes. They must have high fiber diets...
KittyKanary
Universities can switch you to another room if you're roommate is really bad :) best of luck!
USAGreatestCountryInAWorld
*your
KittyKanary
ah, yes- I started to write "if you're really unhappy" and changed it~ :)
USAGreatestCountryInAWorld
ha i hate when that happens to me!
appetizingpterodactyl
Ha. Yeah. But they don't want to. Went though that last year and I had to go to several different people over a few months to make it happen
Lehrohon
As an RA, it's hard to do cuz there's no guarantee that the new roomie is gonna be better, also shit roommate's still shit and bugs new guy.
appetizingpterodactyl
The biggest thing for me was that there were a bunch of empty rooms in my building "for emergencies." My safety was threatened by my 1/2
appetizingpterodactyl
roommate, but they wouldn't move me because that wasn't enough of an emergency for them.
NachoDawg
the confession bear.... i like it
youareawonderfulperson
I don't, it's douchebaggery too
Weelildragon
Yeah. Happy ending ^_^
jbitel
I'd recommend rubbing chili on the outside of your condom packets, so if he steals anymore, he'll get some instant karma.
CyanideSweetToothSuicide
Or poke a hole in the wrappers and soak them in hot sauce.
CerebrawlHemmorage
I recommend: http://www.hotsauceworld.com/source.html
SweetMotherOfHades
You. I like where your head's at.
jbitel
I was gonna say that, but that might get the girl preggers. We want maximum roommate pain with limited collateral.
Sugarcrotch
how long do you think the girl would have sex when her crotch is burning?
wyrdreaper6
So the d-bag gets burning dick and little to no sex. Win-win?
Sugarcrotch
nvm. the roommate would prolly bust a nut in that short amount of time.
schopenhauermakesmehappy
So, he uses your condoms? Do you have a needle?....
NormanReedusLooksLikeHeWouldBeGoodInBed
I heard of poking holes in the packets and leaving them soak in some sort of chilli then drying them out which results in intense burning
ReptilianOverlord
Like that'll effect an asshole like him. "Not my uterus, not my problem".
LupusYonderboy
Yeah - "Bitch, that ain't mine, you saw me put on a condom!"
Jadsia
Yeah but the child that might result... I feel sorry for it.
SeriouslyILoveCake
That doesn't punish him, that punishes the poor girl who made the mistake of screwing him and worse for the kid who has to call him dad. :/
9thDr
Wait- I feel like it's good that he's not reproducing.
spookyjuls
Shittier for the girl...
SporkWitch
Do you really want to go near anything he put his probably-thoroughly-diseased dick into?
cnsmith
That was my first thought at the last one lol
MetaphoricalFox
I'd vomit to the idea...
whipstitch
Solid point.
SolidSanders
!
whollyrustedmedalbatman
Only use the back door. ;-)
forthispost
that wouldnt protect anyone from anything?
PinkDalek
I don't think you can get pregnant that way. I'm no doctor though...
forthispost
yes i mean diseases, illnesses and stuff
TheLovelyMissBeans
I know, right!?!?!
LokiKingOfJotunheim
If he were my roommate and pulled that shit, he would not be getting laid much. MRW he thinks he could
SerialKitten666
Seriously, the roommate sounds like a douche, no way a nice, awesome chick is dating him. Wtf, he's licking the roommates leftovers-ew
captainhowel
Plenty of very likeable girls end up with douches. No, I haven't been friendzoned, I'm just saying it happens sometimes.
SerialKitten666
While I don't disagree, this is a girl who is cheating on her boyriend with his roommate, how nice do you think she is? Not very...
aveykin
She could be perfectly nice and just have horribly low self esteem. Plenty of people make bad relationship choices from that.
SerialKitten666
Yeah, gonna go ahead and say "low self esteem" is not a good enough reason to be a cheating whore.
SerialKitten666
Though, I'm sure, in this scenario, her bf is cheating on her as well, but no, cheating is rarely excusable.
captainhowel
I'll give you that. I'm just saying, her dating a douchebag doesn't necessarily condemn her personality. Her choices, though...
SerialKitten666
You dislike your roommate? Switch rooms, most schools have extra space!
SerialKitten666
Her actions condemn her personality. She sounds just as trashy as her boyfriend. Everyone deserves each other in this situation
Nomnaut
Yeah, you two are still not even.
ninjoriousbasterd
It's not about the severity of the tat, it's the reaction you get. I'm guessing when he finds out he is gonna freak balls.
Diax1324
I'd shit in his bed, and probably make chloramine vapor in the bathroom for his morning.
quilltastic
I will approve of this! Fuck his shit UP!
benejoshbene
Then was your roommate cheating on his gf with a craigslist girl?
HenryGR
I agree.
TohruRokuno
Get his girlfriend pregnant and convince him that he's the daddy.
VneckandsomeCargoShorts
I saw this comment before I opened the rest of the pictures and got really excited for what was to come.
DeadlyRicochet
I'll find so many ways to screw with this roommate. OP is decent.
Verelse
Anal...on his bed. Might make a dent in the debt ratio.
HYDROFRACKER
This guy need his ass beat.
SirReginaldXII
Is it really appropriate for revenge at all? You can file complaints and get him kicked out. At LEAST try that first before retaliating.
Pulochilastra
thats kinda harsh...
Pulochilastra
brah, thats not cool brah
WardSharlow
Not even close.
wildgoldfishaway
Not even even. Wait...
SirHakase
Should he beat him ? He should beat him. With a switch. To a fucking pulp.
TheMungoman
I'd replace the switch with a monkey wrench.
SirHakase
Too strong the weapon, spoils the fun !
TheMungoman
So apply it to... non-lethal spots >:)
thekohr
I am 100% for this solution. I will find a switch
kapteinsabeltann
I honestly would rather have had all of that shit done to me than someone fucking my girlfriend.
aveykin
I just hope he treats her better than the douche probably does, and that they're happy. I never wish ill on people.
8302
Agreed. Both deserve whatever bad shit happens to them.
IOnlyUpvoteSouthDakota
Agreed. These guys fucking suck I am ashamed I share the same chromosomes. - nah same species as these people.
stevetehpirate
Considering this guy goes for the craigslist hookups I don't think he's the sentimental type.
anthiggs
Girlfriend fucking someone else. The blame lies on the cheater, not the other
airen
boyfriend was cheating too
JamMasterBox
The blame can be placed on him as well, since he knew it was his roommate's girlfriend.
adeliciousporkrib
the blame lies on them both, are you kidding me?
airen
I wonder their opinion if the boyfriend cheats
airen
Which her boyfriend was cheating since he did it with a craiglist girl
deathamphetimine
We don't have a timeline here, the plot twist could be that the craiglist girl BECAME HIS GIRLFRIEND DUN DUN DUNNNNN
TheHappyCanadian
he should fuck his roommate's mom next time she comes to visit.
TheFrumpyButler
and Dad
omnipotentatus
And obviously also his roommate's sister.
BeardKhan
He should do both at the same time.
fluffypandas
WHAT KIND OF CANADIAN ARE YOU?!
fluffypandas
BUT GUYS, THIS IS THE MOST POINTS I'VE EVER GOTTEN.
fluffypandas
K THANKS BYE.
Archaicorder
We call them sleeper agents, look at this for me http://blog.softwareinsider.org/wp-content/uploads/2011/12/men-in-black-neuralizer.jpg
iamdefinitelynotarobot
Hey! We are POLITE motherfuckers. There's nothing in our reputation about our sexual habits.
aveykin
As long as he shows the guys mom a good time, I see nothing un-Canadian.
fluffypandas
Touche.+1
IHaveNipplesGregCouldYouMilkMe
The "happy" kind
fluffypandas
I knew that reply was coming.
fluffypandas
I knew that reply was coming.
Glenfiddich12YO
But did they know TWO of your replies were coming? Hm?
ap70
Fucking his girl is a good start, but this guy needs a serious beating for being such a dickhead.
ColossalTitan
I'll smash him, and all of his walls
TheDuckKnight
yeah seriously beat off his dickhead!
Secsletariat
Usually I'm fairly passive, but this dick? I'd have already bought a shovel.
philbagg
I refuse to believe that this person exists. I think I would be suicidal if I believed it.
Oinchackolp
I would've murdered him after pic 5.
Johnzuay
Yeah, what ap70 said. Beat him like your dickhead.
iLoveItWhenMyFingersSmellLikePussy
Just slip him some scopolamine.. then you can really screw him over..
whulfy
scopolamine + acid, and I'm sure he'll leave all OP's medication alone.
kungfuman
Indeed he does.
julesofthenorth
once a dickhead always a dickhead, a beating will do nothing. They heal and forget and go back to being dickheads
shadowstom1
I'll take care of it...
stevetehpirate
My thoughts exactly. I wanna ugly this kid up and I don't even know him.
crossturtle
Film it. Film it and upload it to his favorite site.
liliputian7
http://gifrific.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/04/i-volunteer.gif
dragonraven13
Yes.
hette
Yep, after the references thing I decided roommate straight-up hated OP. Not to be tolerated.
Maldraek
Remember that scene in Full Metal Jacket with the bars of soap and the socks and the sheet holding Private Pyle firmly down on the bed? That
KimfromNorway
is this guy Dan?
[deleted]
[deleted]
iliketokeepitsimplestupid
Well you'd be a bit thick not to since it's been used so much
TheCanadianNerd
This guy is the RAW ESSENCE of Dan.
Tallguy28
Fuck you, Dan.
ProjectSatan
here's a good way to start. pee in his shampoo bottle a little bit.
inarizushisama
Replace his hair cream with glue.
ProjectSatan
replace his glue with hair cream. NOTHING WOULD STICK TOGETHER!! ill go sit back down..
inarizushisama
...on a glue-covered seat!
ProjectSatan
for our senior prank, someone suggested we cover the bleachers in catfish food. to which i replied (1/2)
WhoTheFuckIsJohnGalt
*fap in his shampoo bottle
WeAreAllStoriesInTheEnd
Put Nair/Veet in his shampoo
WhoTheFuckIsJohnGalt
After googling what those things are, I conclude that you are a mastermind of crime.
WeAreAllStoriesInTheEnd
*grins* I have 8 older brothers
jsktrogdor
Or you know... if this is a dorm just go to the person in charge and tell them he's a bastard of a roommate & you want him out.
sum1else
Well, according to the title, he's just a dorm mate, not a roommate, despite saying sides of the room, so I'm confused.
TBKU
Or you know, the cops.
shadyraccoon42
Unfortunately, I have had scumbag roommates too and they only give you the option to move to a different room. You can't kick him out.
RambunctiousCrow
well who cares, its a fucking dorm room. also, why the fuck do 2 complete strangers share a room in the first place.
thedeg
and THEN beat him up! Good thinking.
Cobaltios
Or just break his legs. Either or.
SmeesNotVeryGoodTwin
OR beat him up, do the RA thing (getting priority notice since you came to blows) then beat him in an alley again next time you see him.
TardCat
I don't see how helping him Jack off, will help...
MrCIA
If you are wearing sandpaper gloves it will certainly help with someones satisfaction.
theunknownginger
I would have lost my shit on him...I actually became agitated reading the memes..
THScam2009
Same here. Let's all beat his ass!
TheSociableHermit
Reading this rustled my jimmies.
FisterMantastic
Same. I'm fuming over here... also literally fuming as I just lit a smoke to calm down from my anger while reading it.
piaculus
I read this as "I would have shit on him", which also seems like a viable option.
shanabanana
Yeah I saw this cycle start happening with my old roommate, bought a lock for my door and next day, "did you put a lock on your door?"
shanabanana
How on earth did she notice unless she was trying to get into my room. One month later, moved out.
yoanayee
same thing happened with me! only i had to curse her out and tell her to GTFO for her to leave we "were" BFF's now all i got to say is FTP!
GingerTheBeard
same here, and i would have attacked him. consequences or no.
raidleadergutts
I would have ripped his stupid fucking face off, locked him in a portable toilet in a festival and set it on fire.
wrwight
Literally. Just taken a big ol' dump on him.
Eowyneb
Seriously! I have staved people with forks for far less things then this.
youtah
wow, so I'm not the only one?
HankHillAssistantManagerStricklandPropane
Me too, im like shaki
oxZombieQueenxo
Me...too..
TheKingOfUserSub
I was about to get on to OP for being spineless but the ending made up for the majority of it. Now fuck his sister! Then you win.
DMGuy
Yeah, guy would have woken up to find all his shit thrown out the window and me wailing on him with a baseball bat.
DMGuy
Also, let's be honest here, if the guy in the pic is actually OP's roommate dude looks weedy as fuck.
TotallyNotJaimeLannister
Would he really wake up?
SeanJohnSnow
prolly sooner than NED STARK YOU BASTARD
TotallyNotJaimeLannister
LOOK WHO'S TALKING!!!!
SeanJohnSnow
I WOULD KNOW HE WAS MY DAD!
ChuckNorrisAteMySock
As a high school senior, I really hope I can get my own room.
LonLonRanchDressing
Unless you have trouble living with others, you should try to live with a roommate. My roommate and I had this awkward, I don't like you (1)
LonLonRanchDressing
but I'm too polite to say anything relationship. Its funny to look back on now and it eventually lead to me meeting my friends.
theunknownginger
I'm a a junior in college and having a dorm mate was much better than not..just my experience tho
delonwheels
I got my own room, and I regret it. Unless you have strong social skills, I suggest getting a roomie. Sometimes it works out well, too!
ChuckNorrisAteMySock
Why would strong social skills be necessary for having one's own room? It seems like it would be the other way around.
nanifatcatwhosallergictoothercats
All 3 roommates ganged up and ridiculed me behind my back cuz I was too busy working and trying to pay my rent.Get your own room!!!
delonwheels
You don't get to socialize with your roommate/their friends, and because you can hide instead of being forced out of your comfort zone.
ChuckNorrisAteMySock
Damn. Now I don't know what I'm going to do.