sweet0and0salty0dreams
295339
8684
282
Mulan mirin
srslydude
For real guys, it wasn't 42 children killed, it was 42 young men mauled. Y'know, young guys do stupid stuff like mocking pple they shouldn't
purplepuffins
I wasn't going to upvote this but... shit happens. I wasn't going to comment but... shit happens.
masterli
Maybe they wear gloves because it's COLD AF
birencall
#socks
GrateLordCheesus
Proof that Mickey is hiding shit: http://38.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_ln6snhraqF1qludboo1_500.gif
samsonguy920
Beepity
Hans was wearing gloves because it's what you did if you were the aristocracy of that time period and were dressed for a fancy dress ball.
gamer2k4
"Because it's a big secret I have a bra." Terrible logic. It's no secret you have breasts, but you still wear a shirt, right?
IMakeLotsOfReferencesAndRemakes
I point it out it's because almost every girl I know would rather not advertise what color their underwear is and I am just trying to help.
Marciluphigus
Grandma and the Pride Parade, I'm die-yn...
Isorikk
Do people just highlight random lines on tumblr or do those have some kind of higher meaning?
SlightlyInnovated
Highlighted parts are just the most relevant details. That way you could still understand what is going on without actually reading the text
Kysthei
That story about what happens after death is called "The Egg" and it was written by Andy Weir.
[deleted]
[deleted]
KrombopulusMichaelKiIls
I'd never seen it
SumYungHo
Hey he's the guy that wrote the book The Martian
vadrin
He also worked on Warcraft 2, of all things :)
aravinglunatic
See mom i am successfull!!! I'm the Rock, Stone Cold AND Oprah... and you
ThatGuyWithTheTopHat
When I accidently type fisbahzuxkdjebah instead that's awesome
KneeD6D9
When the guy gets reincarnated to the little asian girl, might he say.... "Horrryy Sheet?"
thedisneylife
So fun fact. The Hercules pic is actually my OC that I posted on FB to be nostalgic with my cousin. This was our favorite part. /2
logant
Runway1R
Bras are a type of undergarment though. Yes, (most) everyone wears underwear, but nobody wants to see it unless it's in the bedroom.
TownsendV228
#5 No-one is going to comment on "heterosexual or straight"?
orangeman10987
Maybe the author of the form wasn't sure if "heterosexual" was too big a word for their audience, so they threw in straight just to be sure
StonesOnTheHill
Possible that someone hasn't heard one of the alternatives before. Non-native speakers, for example, may not have heard the term "straight."
DavidBowiesCodpiece
That Disney one about the men oogling the women is shit. Ariel oogles Eric, Rapunzel stares at Eugene, Anna has an 'aw' moment with Hans.
hideme555
LiTMac
I am immune to petty mortal diseases.
ShadowWolfz
I haven't yet
sweet0and0salty0dreams
Apparently, most cookie doughs are made from pasteurized eggs mean at the risk of salmonella almost non-existent. (-thelimpinbiscuit)
scobeymeister
I actually have. Worth it though.
hideme555
dough*
Mobileuserwholikestoberandom
[deleted]
[deleted]
Mobileuserwholikestoberandom
PhoenixQueenAzula
Beepity
Not for the camera guy.
Mobileuserwholikestoberandom
Really? Would you rather be dead or be the next Jared?
Beepity
...Can I pick neither?
Mobileuserwholikestoberandom
Nope
Beepity
:(
StonesOnTheHill
#7 If tv has taught me anything, the gay husband is the one with the angled wrist and fashionable jeans, not the slob in cargo shorts.
CtrlAltDeliver
I literally thought that said "hashtag 7."
ThisNameDoesntMatter
Those aren't cargo shorts.
puerility
if you think those jeans are fashionable, I have some hard truths for you
StonesOnTheHill
Compared to cargo shorts? Perhaps stylish, is a better word. From what little I see, they fit well, and go with the rest of his outfit.
FuckTheUSCjrShamecocks
Dudes a slob because he's in cargo shorts yet the guy with awkwardly fitting sweatpant jeans/shorts is fashionable? Ok
StonesOnTheHill
I see a pair of well fitting jeans. And it's okay for me to say it, I'm a slob myself. I own two pair of cargo shorts, wear them regularly.
KFizzle
I've seen enough Sherlock episodes look again friend, body language of the man in green means his shoulders and feet are pointed towards 1/4
KFizzle
The man in Jeans (dramatic pause), which indicates he is likely more engrossed in their short albeit brief conversation than the other 2/4
KFizzle
67% of heterosexual couples tend to cordinate their outfit colours subsconsicouly, and whilst this may not be a clear proven science 3/4
KFizzle
..Only one husband has two drinks visible on the counter & though I thought I had this, don't know what the Fuck i'm talking about brah. 4/4
thejollymolly
Brilliant. Like watching a car crash in slow motion.
andenayu
… but did you die?
Mobileuserwholikestoberandom
Yup
redbeard623
Twice!
funkhomie
#SOCKS
BlaneStrickland
espanyolo
whatismynameagain
Can we bring this back?
rogue1
It's been a while. Not sure there are many left that remember...
PleaseDontRespondToMySarcasticCommentsWithASeriousReply
Plugged it in to Google Translate, literally translates to "Now That's"
Pixlization
I prefer "Que sera, sera"
shiftingillusion
Que sera, serapls
FreddieBW
'It is what it is' were my grandpa's last words :(
FreddieBW
He was a great guy
JustLivin
Honestly, those are awesome last words. I feel like it says a lot about his character.
meowman
Your grandfather sounds like he was pretty bad ass.
lemonbalm
As a Spanish speaker this is fucking annoying
AmArschdieRaeuber
It sounds so wrong!
stefki
Yes. Especially the "Que" part, because an American would pronounce it "Kay"
funkhomie
How would an Asian person pronounce it?
Peanutmm
... You mean spanish?
funkhomie
"Que" specifically, if Americans pronounce it Kay. Apparently pronunciation has to do with location instead of fluency.
DieBySnuSnu
That cracked egg one has been in the fp 87 times in the last month and I've never read it cuz it's too long and I'm lazy.
KizzleTizzle
TL;DR=. Every person on earth is yourself reincarnated back and forth thru time .
PuellaSilentii
Ah men.
OddOod
Meh, good read, silly idea
KizzleTizzle
TL;DR=. Every person on earth is yourself reincarnated back and forth thru time .
vistascan
That's fucking dumb
BrandonianFlynnigan
Noooo don't tell them that, it's not nearly as good without context
InboxMeYourMaineCoons
I know where I came from—but where did all you zombies come from?
Civikjm
Who lives in a pineapple under the sea...
ALovelyBloke
My vir-gin-ity!
Mobileuserwholikestoberandom
I, I was all set to continue the song until I saw that... I don't know what to do now.
herc18
I think @insultingapples has you covered.
watercolortitties
Still lonely and harboring intact hymen is she.
AnaFin
If someone could find out about that cookie dough one and report back that would be stellar.
ZOMGNO
Someone recently died from it. Salmonella and E.Coli are both risks. But the likelihood is hella low.
IamtheGreatQueenSnugglewombs
You can make cookie dough without the egg so that you can eat it raw.
Iloveanonymityandilovebeingnoticed
Or make it with eggbeaters...
SSJacobs
I just make a bowl of dough without the eggs if I'm making it specifically to eat raw.
Iloveanonymityandilovebeingnoticed
I make it with eggbeaters.
NonConformistFlamingo
I've eaten raw cookie dough, cake batter, and brownie mix all my life and have never gotten salmonella. I say it's a lie.
Misora
Rare but yes. Google Linda Rivera who got ecoli from a batch of Tollhouse cookie dough that she ate a few bites of raw.Died of organ failure
eightcastles
A couple of months ago, one of my friends ate a shit ton of raw cookie dough and then got salmonella. It's not confirmed causation, (1/2)
eightcastles
but i haven't eaten any cookie dough since i found out :( (2/2)
byerss
Alton Brown: "Yes [we eat raw cookie dough in this house] it even though it contains raw eggs. Life is full of risks."
dangerousDoc
It used to be an issue a few years ago but now a few companies actually make cookie dough for consumption
iputmittensonmykittens
I've had the "Cookie dough café" kind and that shit is tight
MisterJP
It also depends on how fresh the eggs are. If you get fresh eggs from your own chicken you're good.
jenw
I once read somewhere that there is more Salmonella is on the outside of the egg than inside. Do what you want with that possibly bad info.
eightythousandandeightyfive
Possible, but extremely unlikely. Raw eggs today are usually harmless.
soupisforwinners
I get my eggs fresh out of the chicken, no bleach or pasteurizing. I don't really worry about bad bacteria because I was the shit off.
rattlesnail
It can be an issue if youre pregnant or have low immune system. You can possibly pass it on to fetus along with listeria found in BTC meat
TheLimpinBiscuit
Apparently, most cookie doughs are made from pasteurized eggs mean at the risk of salmonella almost non-existent.
buttsnbuttsnbuttsnbutts
You're actually more likely to get sick from eating the flour. Fun Fact!
AnaFin
I...I love you.
PleaseDontRespondToMySarcasticCommentsWithASeriousReply
Let's be honest, the risk of Salmonella could have been 1000% and you'd still eat raw cookie dough
AnaFin
That's true...
MisterJP
I got salmonella from cookie dough when I was 4 years old. I got lucky and got rid of it though.
IGotMilk
I wouldn't be worried. Cookie Dough Ice Cream exists and people eat it all the time.
TMILLA
You just reminded me that I have Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough Ice Cream in my freezer... Totally going to fix myself a bowl now!!
IGotMilk
Glad I could help.
Oldbirdlady
The dough in cookie dough ice cream doesn't have the eggs. They leave them out for safety. Marble Slab employee and ice cream connoisseur.
IGotMilk
Ladies and gents, a true professional on imgur. Thank you for your service. Always learn something on imgur, real or false haha.
jenw
My co-worker ended up in the hospital because the eggs he used in his cookie dough were 'questionable' according to him. He almost died.
rex314
I'm guessing it depends on the country, in some countries salmonella cases in poultry are rare or tightly controlled and eating eggs raw ->
rex314
is safe. (Finland is one, and I've heard it's common in Japan to eat raw eggs with rice, no clue about other countries)
LiterallyWorseThanHitler
Also, iirc in America, eggs are washed shortly after they are laid and that destroys some sort of protective coating and allows bacteria in
HomelyArgonianMaid
However, the eggs are also pasturized, thus killing any lurking germs.
LiterallyWorseThanHitler
True, but that does not prevent germs from getting in again after being pasteurised.
HomelyArgonianMaid
Hence why Americans refrigerate their eggs. The cold prevents growth.
AlmostCertainlyNotPickles
I've been living my life according to that egg theory for a few years now. I can't wait to be you guys so I can make you all so stupid stuff
nipplepanties
That's stupid and how stupid things start.
Kaeru34
Wanna bang? If we're all the same person it should be fine right? It's like masturbating
pluviofile
Down
Archaon6044
Joke's on you, I've already been you! I mean jok'es on me, we've already been myself.
yoshi
why not be sera so people keep yelling SERA PLS at you
Drathe
"So stupid stuff?" I think someone else on here is before you in line, and carrying out your plan on you.
ThatGuyYouMetOnTheBus
JOKES ON YOU, IM ALREADY DOING STUPID STUFF!! Wait...
Snooj
I've still never read that one no matter how many times I've seen it.
DirtyA
you can't be me, I'm way too good for you.
calyxium
It's called "The Egg" and is written by Andy Weir.
thunderplums
Thank you! I was coming down here to write this! You’re a gem!
ClockworkJohnny
Same guy who wrote the Martian.
calyxium
Yup! Awesome book. I hope he writes a sequel.
literallymike
Same guy wrote, "The Martian."
ImmortalSquid
I always feel like that reality is so incredibly lonely to think about
RingoStalin
Like mistype 'do'. Hahaha! You're so stupid!... Oh... wait... http://media.tumblr.com/tumblr_mdewwbKHE41ruhtja.jpg
desdeqado
Thanks for the laugh. Have my vote in appreciation
terribleinternetpunsfirstborn
I have that in gif form if you're interested
PopperScopper
I'm not sure how I feel about that story. It means you're you and also Hitler. Even worse, you had sex with your parents.
AlmostCertainlyNotPickles
Kinky....and kinky
wowicanchangemyusername
Also, it is supposed to make you be good, but you could also say that if you're only hurting yourself it doesn't matter if you're an ass.
BustaCrhymes
I would never!
niakaki
That egg thing made me feel nothing. I don't understand why people like it so much. can anyone explain?
KateUptonsNipples
According to the story if i were to explain it to you id be explaining it to myself
aboxacaraflatafan
I mean, I get the point and it's not a bad point, but am I the only one that is sick of that story? Seems kind of self-congratulatory.
khtad
Fun fact: the guy that wrote The Egg also wrote The Martian and that book is OUTSTANDING.
KateUptonsNipples
If it's true you also have to undergo gruesome tortures and deaths for a few million lifetimes..
AlmostCertainlyNotPickles
You'd also get to execute gruesome tortures and executions. For every downside there's a silver lining c:
KateUptonsNipples
Eh not worth it for me
ShirleyYouCantBcereus
No one ever talks about how scary that would be. Sure, you'll live many good lives with riches and pampering, but you'll also be 1/2
ShirleyYouCantBcereus
2/2 murdered, raped, and tortured. You'll live through disembowelment thousands of times. You'll watch your children hacked to pieces.
AlmostCertainlyNotPickles
It's addressed in the story. We are Hitler. We are the millions Hitler killed.
AlmostCertainlyNotPickles
These things have happened and are happening already. Is it any different if someone with a pen says it'll all happen to you?
FoxySpirit
How can you "live life to that theory"? I mean, the obvious is don't be an ass because everyone is you... or maybe be one?
AlmostCertainlyNotPickles
The simplest message in that story is bad stuff you do will come back around. The story gets you thinking about the good and evil 1/
AlmostCertainlyNotPickles
people do to others. There are people you've never heard of hurting or loving others you've never heard of and you'll never know the details
someonelseyoumightknow
I've scrolled past that egg theory so many times my life has become a dedication to scrolling.
user101011
That thing's narcissism times 1000.
kkanne20
that egg theory is...you'd have to be high to even entertain it. haha
shiftingillusion
Or just an open-minded being.
kkanne20
ಠ_ಠ
thatclimbingguy
But srsly think about it - if you tried interacting with every person you met knowing it was you, how different would the world be.
Nitrobskt
I'd act the same because I'm an asshole, and that can be interpreted either way and still work.
exyxe
I'm always my own worst critic, though?
kreyll
I'm a Christian and don't believe in reincarnation, but I find this very helpful. It's an explicit way to imagine loving others as yourself.
SongandTam
Don't you think it also relates very closely to the idea of recognising the Jesus inside everyone else? Whatever you do to the least, etc
kreyll
I totally agree. :)
thatclimbingguy
Yeah, exactly. If nothing else, it helps putting the golden rule to use.
IOnceOwnedMoonMoonButOnceHeTriedToLickMyBallsAndRanAwayIMissHim
I know what you mean. *Get it?!* *now laugh*
thatclimbingguy
Heh. I made better jokes. GET IT?
tschick
Essen essen in Essen
Horsed
insaaanity
*In Essen Essen essen.
anthrowolfe
"Essen wir Essen im Essen" or "Essen Essen im Essen"
MMAgCh
…and yet all that went through my head was, "why have I never heard of a German town named 'Food'?"
NateChadrick
essen some dick
wealthychef
Ya! Ich schprechen zie kline Deutch! Ish soldat du Kaiserskautern! Woohoo! The Army brought me places! Bad places, mostly, but Germany too!
seridia
Rammstein AFB is where I first rode a mechanical bull. I have never been in the military.
wealthychef
Rammstein was 10 min up the road. I never knew they had a bull.
seridia
They did in 2005.
Squeezit
eating eating in eating?
TwoCatsZeroFucks
S.S. Essess
Froglip
Love Hotshots! Have my +1
BlunderbussVigilante
Na danke, jetzt hab ich Hunger.
Lynalyth
Essen, Pforzheim, Darmstadt Hihi
ThishasbeenmyTedTok
Whoa, my last name almost got relevant for a moment there
theoldlickaroo
Essen Essen in Essen*
thejollymolly
Not sure why you were downvoted, this is correct...
As4mi
Second essen is a verb, so it's lowercase
theoldlickaroo
Isn't the first one the verb??
Horsed
You can put the verb first but then you need an subject : Sie essen Essen in Essen
Horsed
Or as a command: Iss Essen in Essen.
theoldlickaroo
Thanks for the German grammar lesson y'all
HermanManly
Well, it'd be correct both ways honestly lol, but in that case you would usualy have a plural subject infront. So: Wir essen Essen in Essen
DiplMaleNurseToBe
I've been born there - the jokes are terrible.
CommasUR
Is the essence of every joke essentially Essen?
DiplMaleNurseToBe
You got the gist of it.
WishingICouldPutAnApostropheInMyUsername
Have you been born in any other interesting cities? Or just in Boring, Oregon?
DiplMaleNurseToBe
I've bee born in Food, Germany. Then I moved a bit north, there's a city which is named "Bad Food". People always thought I came from there.
meowman
I've been born in Baltimore, MD. Where else have you been born?
DiplMaleNurseToBe
Only in Essen (aka Food). Is my English so far of? What should I've written instead of "being born there"?
meowman
I was just teasing, your English is fine- it's just the way in which you worded that sentence made it seem like you could have been born 1/2
meowman
in multiple places. Saying "I was born there" or "that's where I was born" would have been best. I like your way, though! :) 2/2
AllIHaveHadTodayIsLikeSixGummyBearsAndSomeScotch
Was hat Gott gesagt als er das Rurhgebiet geschaffen hat? Essen ist fertig.
notsocrazy24
My German is just rusty enough that i may have got the joke, or I just managed to come up with a joke in English that is totally different,
AnotherLowski
Schon mal was von Asch-Affen-Burg gehört?
notsocrazy24
but contains some of the same words.
AllIHaveHadTodayIsLikeSixGummyBearsAndSomeScotch
What did god say when he created the Ruhrgebiet (area in which the city named "Food" is located)? Food is ready.
notsocrazy24
Hey I was basically right! I learned fertig as 'finished' and couldn't come up with a good English word there, but 'ready' makes sense.
IBarelyHaveEnoughSpaceToPostCommentsButCanMakeASuperLongName
Could be worse. You could've been born in Bielefeld.
DiplMaleNurseToBe
Bielefeld doesn't exist.
SamRhage
No one was born in Bielefeld.
Horsed
Wenn Robben hinter Robben robben, robben Robben Robben nach.
Yamasama
Wenn Fliegen hinter Fliegen fliegen, fliegen Fliegen Fliegen hinterher.
ElaineThreepwood
Wenn Rumkugeln in Rum rumkugeln, kugeln Rumkugeln in Rum rum.
macacococoa
Hadn't heard that one before
struuunz
This belongs here https://youtu.be/gG62zay3kck
BaronVonHawkeye
Wir essen in Essen.
CataholicsAnonymous
Wier fah'n fah'n fah'n auf ze autobahn
ChanningTastum
Wir essen die Essen in Essen
jeffyd23
SIE SIND DAS ESSEN UND WIR SIND DIE JAEGER
stardust42
Essen sie Abendessen, Mittagessen, oder Frühstück? Gibt es einige Deutschen hier? Warum nicht Morgenessen?
DontGoInTheDogPark
Du esst(?) in Essen
ZeGermanDoctor
isst*
DontGoInTheDogPark
Awww Ive always been bad at german. Thanks or the corection
ZeGermanDoctor
No problemo :D
Jacksohn
Und trinken unser Trinken während wir essen, hier, in Essen, essen.
Katedog
fucking Germans.... why do you have to be so sexy...
Jacksohn
Guys stop upvoting my comment. I don't deserve them fake internet points
ChimeraOfFury
That's amazing.
AmArschdieRaeuber
The last one is kind of wrong
Jacksohn
nvm tried to make it too fancy and failed
3MTA3
German is efficient, do not be fancy. We have no time for fancy.
Jacksohn
Yeah I should have made the last Essen with a capital letter E, too. I'm ashamed of myself
Yamasama
No, the first Essen should be capital. then it actually works in a gloriously convoluted manner.
ChanningTastum
But oh so righ~t
zackofalltrades
I'm (kinda) learning German, and you had me up until that last one.