15MinutesCouldSaveYou15PercentOrMoreOnCarInsurance
2151521
15854
263
I went to the hell known as 4chan for you guys
Apr 26, 2014 4:46 AM
15MinutesCouldSaveYou15PercentOrMoreOnCarInsurance
2151521
15854
263
Catfactory
Lvl 42 Ditto... the symbolism is strong in this piece.
backtobackpanicattack
Creepy fucking effort man o_O
DoubleJameson
As a mobile user. Hello fellow squinter scroller zoom and unzoomer take a load off here in the comments.
krallisawesome
Strangely you had my sympathy when you felt bad for calling out the Beast, but lost it when you non-chalantly invaded Emily's privacy.
ColonelClegg
Went at it for 3 hours my ass
oPless
Best thing that never, ever, happened.
tlouislouis
But can he install Adobe Reader?
lokkebo
This is creepy in so many ways.
terrytoad
I feel like I've just read a Penthouse Forum letter.
Idontcondonenamecalling
let's hope the soon-to-be mrs. doesn't read imgur/4chan
TurkTurkelton
IT WAS THE BALANCE OF TERROR. KHAN NEVER SAYS THAT.
RCSlyman
THIS SO MUCH! It's only like, one of the best episodes from TOS!
fulcrume
"Super Mario World 3" They made another sequel and nobody told me?!
Hiromagi
I think he meant Super Mario 3D world for WiiU…..which might as well be it. Or he means Super Mario 3.
xristogur
no Tanooki Mario, no deal
kingofsuede
I dont believe it. No one has a level 42 Ditto. Thats a deal breaker for me.
completelyunfiltered
Too long stopped believing at the point where IT Guy doesn't lock his computer.
chocobosrcute
As an IT guy, ive been glorified by those who I work with just because I got a test page to come off of a printer they want
chocobosrcute
Believe it or not, it also got me some nice tail too ;)
getbacktoworkbiatch
TIL lie cheat and stalk = success
viperys
Being a good storyteller helps too.
rapdasian
IT guy. Lord of the MILFs. Lover of Aphrodite.
iceclimber11
Gold
ImNotBoyfriendMaterial
I know a guy at work currently doing this same exact thing. It won't end well.
bhobbit123
creeping on an employee to ask him/her out?
ImNotBoyfriendMaterial
He just found out from her Facebook that she has a boyfriend. He's feeling the feels
shinyRK9
real or not:
Rolli13
Accurate.
whatspaulplayingtoday
Quite accurate.
Izzdelp
Very
P51VoxelTanker
Uber
Socrates214
exquisitely
SilentLambs
I am proud to have fully read this wall of greentext, and I greatly appreciate your sacrifice fellow Imgurian. Handle this upvote with care.
Trubbish
You had 666 points and someone decided to ruin it..
I'm going to fix it..
BpMcKee
Same here. Great story. Just wish more happened with the milfs.
88mixy
I was dawdling while reading because I didn't want to read where it got fucked up, happily surprised
321Guesswho
agreed even though this post has more green than Fenway park
AnExpert
"uhh le guys 4chin is le scary place im scard 2 go there right? xD xppp"
CheeseSandwiches
Probably one of two things Imgur annoys me with the most. "4chan is weird and scary" and "cats are evil". Give it a rest, people.
TimmehTrun
But it really is weird. Mostly repetitive stuff nowadays. As for the scary part, PSHHHHAW.
Khanecz
Fucking this
NightsPlutonianShores
Despite the cute ending, can't get over the stalking..
FluffyBlackKitty
THANK YOU. The ending may have been sweet, but his strategy was so creepy
AutumnAtArcadeCity
Seriously, why is this not bothering more people?!
bhobbit123
It's like the opposite of Disney: instead of working hard and believing in yourself, just lie and be a stalker to live happily ever after.
bhobbit123
It made the romance creepy instead of cute!
thearenaspectacular
20 minutes later... Here's my up vote, use it well.
beemoburrito
That brought a smile to my face. I've been feeling depressed for quite some time and that helped. Thank you OP. Here's your upvote.
AutumnAtArcadeCity
but it's horrible and creepy and messed up
beemoburrito
It was more of ending bit about being close to marriage and a child that gave me the good feels.
CenturianImgurian
What. That story actually turned out well. That was creepy, yet beautiful.
scarabrae
Never underestimate the power of Step 1.
Apollogize
The only reason I'm pulling for anon in this story is digitizing all those files musta been some WORK....and a level 42 ditto wtf?
CharlesFuckingBronson
The lesson here is: be an asshole. It ALWAYS works!
AKUUUUUUUUUUUU
It's much more complicated than that. Be a charming asshole and grab life by the perishables.
LiterallyYourMom
Creepy, yet creepy. It's green text so I know it's fake, but anything nice is overwritten by him being a stalker with severe women issues.
TheBlastBie
I agree with creepy.
codylishush
I expected there to be a Revenge of the Beast.
FrickasaurousRex
As a guy I feel like a magical princess reading this story.
Raecracy123abc
I super glad how the story turned out because my IT guy just asked me out after replacing the old one 1/2
CharmingAndSexyGentlemanStarshipCaptain
"I will do anything for love(or get laid)" - Meatloaf
thegriffin88
I might make a comic of this, I love slice of life stories. Everyone will have to be animals though, MILFs as hens is too perfect.
TheExilez
Decided no on the comic?
thegriffin88
Heh, that was a 3 in the morning idea. I do other comics though. Other comics I should be doing now, actually....
VakariansFemshep
On a scale from 1 to Snoop Dogg, how high are you?
thegriffin88
Stan Lee Wannabee.
Stroodle
Lion
Raecracy123abc
and we just happened to have similar interest...I mean at least THIS post wasn't about me... 2/2
bhobbit123
So did you say yes? And do you suspect he's read your files like anon read Emily's?
DieselBoston
Weird no Google Ultron installations?
ianpaschal
I kept waiting for everything to go wrong. God reading green text is stressful.
upvotesforlulz
You said it. Sat here in suspense until I had read every. single. word.. Then I dared smile :P
Marsmelons
"creepy, yet beautiful" is honestly the only way to describe this. lol
LicensedAdHominem
He never forced or hurt her and the beast deserved it. Personally, if I'd be Emily and he told me, I'd be very upset, but I'd forgive him.
TheGillMachine
If I were anon, I'd take that shit to the grave.
rooble
Bahaha, yup :D
pierresito
As he should. She may forgive him, but that's a card that can be pulled out against him at any altercation.
MasterPrime
Give it a few years. Statute of limitations on the confidential files and by then she'd probably think it was cute because she knows him.
Sillychina
Statute of limitations only is in effect when the crime becomes known, not when the crime is committed.
harblhotel
Women don't work that way son.
Eljews
Dude, invading a woman's privacy like that is a huge no-no. They will NEVER think it's cute in any way.
ghostofryuchan
How did the beast deserve it? He did exactly as much work as Anon, and worked their already. Anon's the dick, but he's charming.
LicensedAdHominem
Anon managed to do the digitizing between his pokemans, and he, uh, he did help the, ummm... milfs.
astilita
He deserved it because he got caught.
DorcasAurelia
Beast actually hurt productivity by password locking the printer because anon was doing what the beast was supposed to.
Freeman720
According to the story, he didn't do as much work as anon. ALL he did was play video games. Anon played video games AND actually did the job
NexiKuro
Based on the story anon worked pretty fucking hard, digitizing their physical files wasn't even part of his job.
personguy1000
Also the Beast was a thief.
ghostofryuchan
-y. Felony.
personguy1000
Did the felony harm others?
ghostofryuchan
Beast committed a misdemeanor. Anon committed a felon.
GemsAreOutrageousTrulyTrulyTrulyOutrageous
">I am now tech God, lord of the milfs" I lost my shit right off the bat.
LordOfTheMILFs
It's an apt title.
deebr
>I am IT guy, lord of the milfs, lover of aphrodite, dad, king of the andals, first of his name, protector of the realm, the unburnt...
DanteRu
Now I want a t-shirt that says that.
Dekker3D
I want a shirt with that text. "I AM TECH GOD, LORD OF THE MILFS". Maybe with a runed ring below it and an internet cable. Fun times.
SometimesIChangeMyAccountNameJustBecauseICan
I think Adobe guy just lost his job
TheAlphaHipster
never forget Ultron!
LeQna12
Hahahahahahah
harblhotel
Can you imagine both of them working in the same department?
Nebdmmnoob252
Someone, please do it!
ireallyfreakinghatehowalloftheotherusernamesaretaken
That would be the best tv show ever
vxjedi
Next, on MILF Lords.
viiviwagner
Seems implausible due to lack of Adobe Reader installations.
[deleted]
[deleted]
Ruzzcube
Did you just?
DaveTheMurderingHippo
I can't even
McKay91
I'm cryin
Drafi
Iunderstoodthatreference.gif
energybeam
Also a lack of Google Ultron.
JustPearce
I thought he'd work to defeat the Jitterbug Gang...
bhobbit123
whatever happened to those?
januskincaid
In my mind I'm really hoping that he finished destroying that company and had to temp, starting this job...
PrestigiousWaffle
4chan has ruined me. I didn't read that for feels.
Eogos
Well then....
WhitePeoplePickles
This isn't a feels text. It is worth the read though.
15MinutesCouldSaveYou15PercentOrMoreOnCarInsurance
Sorry it's a long read, but I think it's worth it.
BrokenZen
Mobile user here. IT pro as well. Glad I read it. Great story man. And congrats on the wedding and house.
JohnnyTk64
Worth it
TheZoid
It was worth it.
Varderal
Absofuckinglutly. Don't care how old got lead here from another post. Totally work the read.
SoaringMuse
I read that entire thing and expected a bait and switch at the end, but I was glad to see it actually pan out.
Hellopotato
So many feels. I have no words.
DieselBoston
Weird no Google Ultron installations as IT guy or Adobe thats what IT is supposed to do! Haha
CryingSnake
Write a book about it. Seriously, I loved it!
RelativelyExtreme
Longest read I've had since required novels in high school. Worth it.
InfiniteSynapse
No song in the end but totally a good read. IT guy, Lord of the Milfs and Aphrodite impregnator.
iSoulend
You're a manipulator OP, it's bad. You'll need to make Aphrodite happy for life to atone for it. Also, great thing it worked out GG.
driveslow
Holy every-god-man-has-ever-worshiped that was satisfying
someyoungguy820
I always pass these as straight up invented shit but this! I want to believe its real!
JarofSpiders
Totally worth it, I was worried for a minute with all that creepy shit you pulled. Glad it all worked out.
RutBarbro
So worth it
Printerman
Sir, you are a mother fucking hero and a champion. Good on you!
rattlebone10
Best green text story I've read.
BigD5871
Easily the best greentext I've ever read. Thanks, OP I mean IT Guy, Lord of Milfs and Aprdites Baby Daddy
p3rpl3x
will you introduce her xomeday to this site and eventually show her this YOURS post? ... wat ever, great story! Please be honest to her !
SergioPena
if this is true and i want it to be. you are a god. you have transcended mortality.
Idrawbigpeepee
it....it was... it was perfect
Guod
did you ever tell her about the employee file??????????????
CriscoDiscoChan
4chan isn't even that bad, good post btw as well
RollinUpSolo
This might be the greatest story i've ever read
4chanisjustmisunderstood
I resent that title.
4chansbboard
As do I.
januskincaid
If you were really from 4chan you'd be proud of being known as hell...
ElDudeBrothers
That was beautiful
stevetehpirate
Happy ending? On 4chan? ...I think you found a unicorn.
OrangeCarrot
TL;DR: Worth the long read
whatspaulplayingtoday
Don't apologize, that was one of the most beautiful things I've read from 4Chan. Minus the stalkerism, but it worked out. +1, man. +1.
FiendishDoctorWu
I was expecting something horrible but god damn. Guy is methodical as a serial killer
FabricatiDiemPvnc
It gave me the warm fuzzies OP. Did you ever tell her about stalking her file and faking all the IT issues?
LordofHeart
I don't think the OP is IT Guy. OP went into 4Chan and found this, the title clearly states that.
LeQna12
Worth+1
azurepenguin
I just read my favourite green text +1
godzillasgreatleader
Bravo, bravo! Now post that family pic to give us anons hope!
BeingaLawyerHadBetterBeAw3some
well worth it! Thankfully there wasn't any plot twist!
Tomson
Enjoyed ever part of it!
InsertTrollHere
Read it on mobile. Worth.
BrommerSAURUStheREX
Same
xrkyle
Sometimes i lose my place reading 4chan stories but its still worth
brizzleyournizzle
Same. So much 2 finger zoom ugh
Robvp
As a mobile user, was hesitant, minutes later and some eye sore, totally worth it
Lv99pocketmonster
As a mobile, 10/10 agree
IamaMurse
Note 3. Not too bad.
one1deuce
Mine comes in tomorrow. Wait, your comment is fresh. We must have just taken the same route.
okbluejays
Really? I'm not going for it
CharlesFinley
Totally worth it. My eyes are a bit sore but it was totally worth it.
kapteinsabeltann
Wooooooorth it.
ishouldbedoinghw
It was awesome thanks for going into 4chan hell for us!
OGdaddyswag
It's a repost
FatLobyte
It's not hell, it's chaos. And although everyone is anonymous and many stories are made up, it's probably the most honest place on the web.
Thatusernamehasalreadybeenchosenandisnolongeractive
Reads like the last IT guy green text.
IstoppedlikingmyusernameSoIchangedIt
I think this was related to it.... Am guessing the beast is our a IT guy now!
Thatusernamehasalreadybeenchosenandisnolongeractive
Thought so, also
DanteRu
If its the same guy, he should write a book I'd buy it.
eddiewardo
I really want to know what happened to him. I liked him
bensanity
Jitter bug gang probably got him.
Takila
I imagined the power of adobe reader finally corrupted the other IT anon and he became the beast.
Thatusernamehasalreadybeenchosenandisnolongeractive
Yeah, kinda think it was some fab fiction, but yeah
eddiewardo
I like fiction. Fuck, i dont care if its real or not, if i believe its real, its fucking real (like santa clause or the moon landing)
Thatusernamehasalreadybeenchosenandisnolongeractive
I hear you du... Wait... Santa isn't.. The moon... Nooooo, I'm a 9 year old. WHY?
eddiewardo
Uh.....go ask your mom or dad.
Thatusernamehasalreadybeenchosenandisnolongeractive
Ha, ha, fiction
eddiewardo
"fiction"
QuoteTheImgurianLurkSomeMore
Anon is a creepy mother fucker.
chocobosrcute
Still worked out well for him though
NoIdidntsayAbeLincolnIsaidHeyBlinkin
Thank you. I agree. What a creepy violation of privacy he used to make the initial "connection" with her
legolass
These happy comments are kinda upsetting. He spied on her, hacked her facebook, monitored her activity... No thank you Edward Cullen.
AKUUUUUUUUUUUU
I'm with you there, but if I had all that information about my crush? Damn straight, I'd do the same.
MetaphoricalFox
Yep.
TanstaaflTovarisch
Right? Someone should tell Emily.
Monarchist
I would think she might know by now considering they are getting married.
Counterfit
Part of me wants to believe that anon told Emily before deciding on their future together.
xkr73
Why?
FFKonoko
Because for all the talk of /b/ being an internet hate machine, the real machine of hatred is envy in the heart of men.
AlisherUsmanovsLoveChild
That was deep.
FFKonoko
Thank you. Just calling it how I see it, but in an eloquent way.
piratica108
It really does sound insane how much research he put in, but then I realized what it feels like to fall in love.It makes you kinda obsessive
xkr73
Ah, this is anon being sentimental. Anon being creepy is... terrifying.
TheAlphaHipster
"this is my NEET friend, I have been forcefeeding him female hormones for the past few months, and have kept him locked in the dog cage"?
MongoBro
Thats mild