I am Muggsy Bogues

Hello Imgur, I am Muggsy Bogues. I have enjoyed your funny pictures for a long time now, and decided to come out of the shadows. Here’s some things about me and what I remember about my time in the NBA.

Most people know me as the shortest basketball player ever, but that’s not entirely true. Sometimes there is midget basketball and donkey basketball, but donkey basketball doesn’t count because donkeys are horses and not basketball people.

Also there is wheelchair basketball, and while I am taller than wheelchair people, I think wheelchair people can be taller if they aren’t in a chair. Like if you prop them against a wall, they will be taller than me. That is why wheelchair basketball does not count in my opinion.

I played for a basketball team called the Charlotte Hornets. This was fun for me, but I wanted to change the name of the team because I thought it would attract real hornets who would be mad that we were lying because we were human men and not hornets. A doctor told me hornets could not read, so I felt better.

One time Julius “Dr. J” Erving tried to eat me because he thought I was a baby pretending to be a basketball man. “Hey, baby,” I remembered him screaming at me in a parking lot, “Basketball is for human men and not for a baby. Stay where you are standing and I will eat you.”

Lucky for me my skin emits a foul tasting oil that discourages larger predators who mistake me for a baby and attempt to consume me. This also came in handy when I met Garth Brooks and Steven Soderbergh.

The real secret to basketball is not to be tall or have fingers that resemble five Gogurts. The real secret of basketball is that the ball is an egg and its mothers are the nets. They do not want their baby anymore, so every night we try to give back the ball to its mothers. They offer us between two and three points to take the ball away, but we persist.

This is a difficult task, but it must be done, because when the egg hatches, it will die without a mother’s love and also it refuses to eat any other milk than from its mother’s teat. One time Charles Barkley tried to feed a baby basket with his own milk, but the basket cried because Charles Barkley’s milk tastes very sour.

I eat lunch three times a day and my food to eat is the grapes and a spaghetti.

The grapes and a spaghetti is the reason “We Bought a Zoo” is my favorite movie.

Penny Hardaway and Chris Mullen stole me from inside a Togo’s sandwich shop and made me sit on cakes to find out what cake was the most tender to eat. A chocolate cake had a tooth in it and a red velvet cake was very dry and stale.

The carrot cake was very comfortable because it was moist and its cakemeat was the most tenderest of all cakemeats, so Penny Hardaway and Chris Mullen ate my carrot cake but it was ok because I only sat on part of it.

In conclusion, basketball is fun and I am glad.