Srajo101
129269
2209
46
Mar 31, 2021 12:51 PM
Srajo101
129269
2209
46
DarthTronz
Arise chicken arise.
basicisaac
The thing that lives in the attic wants to be ignored. For non-soupy everyday meals, I use paper plates, not plastic, paper plates.
Snark42
....always more...
MisterLemons
I bought a table saw and built a potting bench...
IclaimRandomJobs
So... where did we land on the orphan blood?
PixelSprite64
UncleScarwasright
Kyle? Kyle, dear, would you help with the dishes?
UncleRat
Who can go to sleep knowing there are unwashed dishes in the sink? What are they, animals?
squreky
Are there demons that will help clean my house? Just 1 demon and some heavy metal music will do
Cryolith
That's still technically self care, since the attic creature is really just you after escaping from a future distorted voidscape.
eetsumkaus
or the attic creature is just the painting that keeps you young
The7thSpheal
Or a quasi-dimensional shadow demon. AKA Kevin.
screwdriverone
But chocolate and Netflix appeases the pants Demon..?
travellis
I agree - awakening my 15 year old from their nap to do dishes is much like summoning a demon
fiddlewheelx
Know what you mean, I've got Zagan on speed dial whenever I need a drink...
DriverIRQnotlessOrEqual
Like a good neighbor demons are there
BioGoji1989
And sometimes, self-care is just enjoying yourself while looking at porn.
IAmGodot
Your thing only demands chicken bones? Lucky.
ObliqueRay
I'm not worried about the attic, I just blow that thing away
lacedog
new name for kids: "dish demon" and "attic thing", I just have to decide which is which.
isthisevenathing
One of mine answers to gremlin, the other answers to gargoyle. I showed them what these are and they loved it. Apparently they have my humor
epicfail88
I think the generic term for either is crotch goblin.
2sips
Make them knife fight for it, winners choice.
poopjokesarefunny
These sound like cat names also
Matthewinaworldofhisown
About time somebody said it
zliabarmalay
This reminds me of the story of the guy that started making sandwiches for demons
Illithidbane
Too much time around unix. I'm wondering what the syntax is for a dishwashing daemon
Frenchgeek
Well, since they make bluetooth-enabled dishwashers nowadays... I wouldn't be surprised to see it happen.
LadyNetrex
I just did the dishes!
DinoRodeo
What is the ritual for a dish demon? I could use one of those
Fennecks
Wasn’t there a YouTube animation about a cat girl summoning a demon to do “take care of her trash” and it was just dishes?
Fennecks
The summoning- cartoon hangover. Thank me later. It’s cute
MassStorageDeviceCanNowBeSafelyRemoved
you need a lady and a magnum dong
OldWolfe
You will require a precious stone. Find a suitable host, balance yourself on one knee and utter the phrase of binding: "will you marry me?"
isthisevenathing
As a woman, this is hilarious, thake your upvote.
TheLastNalbinder
nicholcm
Take a bottle of branded dish washing liquid, draw a pentagram with it, inside place a scouring pad and say the following incantation ......
javadad60
Mecha lecha high, mecha hiney ho.
DukeDarkwood
Wish? Did someone say "wish"?
nicholcm
Shit Fuck, wrong type of scouring arrrggggghhhhhhhhh!
Malikhi
I said the incantation you suggested but i ended up with some fucked up, lumpy demon. Bears a striking resemblance to Mitch McConnell
VernonTWalldrip
Spoiler: it’s 13. 13 chicken bones.
DanJonesKing
Toad livers are easier on their tum tums. They got more vitamins too, it'll keep it from banging pipes at night.
dannosworld365
Highly sus that you're knowledgeable about such things Mr. Walldrip. Admit it, you're in an attic and this is your way of placing an order.
SmokyDoggg
Not all things that live in the attic are created equal. Time to raise awareness. One chicken bone short and it could ruin your entire day
Chillingworth
Maybe give them some orange slices if they're feeling a little angry
WhenIsItNotAGoodTime4Pie
All it wants is the leftovers from KFC, done. Maybe that’s why I don’t have issues with my attic
reavermonkey5
You can use less if they're human bones, but only if taken through suffering
PackedCatMeowingPowerDensity
Please, Hugo eats fish heads.
CptRobotNinja
Fuck me no wonder. I've been leaving 10 on the assumption it used a base 10 number system. I'm an idiot.
Imademyselfsquirtle
Not 42?
gucchan13
Shouldn't the number of bones be proportional to the size of the attic or the monster? Not like I could know/own an attic -_-
unicornscience
Fish heads work in a pinch, I find.
Fennecks
Troll fat
HelpfulCorn
Hugo? I thought he ate fish heads.
therabidferrett
No that can't be right.... there are 3 things that live in my attic.... 13 isn't divisible by 3.... they would just get angrier.
ThankYouForYourTime
It will be more than that. They will need it again and the time will shorten between each. Best to get it out all together, call the girls.
rosshell2718
Spoiler, The thing in the attic can never be appeased
javadad60
Chicken bones say, "You gonna die."
SomeScienceGuy
It’s always prime numbers, why is that?
GondwanaCraton
God is afraid of prime numbers.
DrRad
But they have to come from 3 chickens. No more. No less.
transirebenefaciendo
In equal numbers from each chicken
maskedrabbit
Well that explains it
IWasDoingFineFarting
Need to be specific bones?
Stravitch
Chicken bones. It’s right there at the end!
DrewBerg
If you cant find any chicken bones 6 goat bones will also suffice.
ActuallyLucifer
Three from a cow or horse will also work.
RealRaceRiotsAreAboutGettingBlueshelledInMarioKart
Single human skulls actually get you a favor, so... So do with that what you will
Fryfryfryfry
I had success with a skull of unknown origin
TheFleshItBurns
*6.66 goat bones
Strangedays2024
*results may vary depending on size of goat.
NorthRex
And if I get sox bones of goatee?
researchonyourown
Um.....you know what I won't judge just be careful. They don't usually understand change and don't normally except human excuses.
mrshinethediamond
Two beef bones are also acceptable, but you need to crack them open first so they can get the marrow.
andyskeels
Store bought is fine.
MasterBaconProclomation
Damnit you beat me lol
VikingLarsH
Mine hates store bought, fucker can taste it
JonnasGalgri
I heard that thaumaturgists are close to proving that that 3cc's of mouse blood, two bits of string, and a fresh egg will work instead.
ddet1207
Yeah, but that's only if you live in the southern hemisphere.
JonnasGalgri
No worries then, mate.
theshinobi23
Y'all got some expensive attic creatures. Mine is good with a dozen eyelashes.
Vercci
Y'all got some expensive attics. I've got to make due with the sewer monster down the street and we have to share them.
nihiltres
With a dozen eyelashes it can eat a nice little nugget of your soul. What is this, amateur hour?
quagma
Yeah, never allow the attic things access to your discarded parts, that's easy voodoo or contract magic right there.
theshinobi23
Who said I give it my own eyelashes? That would be plain silly.