ChrisWise
72088
2481
101
Unrelated Story Time!
I went on a date the other day only to have this woman tell me I'm not black enough. I don't know if she expected me to roll up to the restaurant shuckin and jivin and singin negro spirituals, but I'm pretty sure I dodged a bullet on that one.
snowman520182
Did you tell her you have to keep the bass out of your voice, or else it scares the white folks?
Chipnstein
Or piss him off
Sheepyhead
Assuming guys just sit and stare at the chat window of course.
CimmieDarque
Upvoted for the unrelated story. I snort laughed.
dfortun
http://img.pandawhale.com/72899-Blazing-Saddles-punch-horse-gi-NhaB.gif
MyNameIsHughMongous
Haha doesn't work when you already have crippling depression!!
FearTheKraken
Vaninja
hahaha
CaptCutty
Because you took the bitch out without your formal durag, bro!
ChrisWise
I'm rockin the TWA; I couldn't wear a durag if I wanted hahaha
DidgeryDrew
I'm a tall, hairy, man-bear, and ladies are always like 'go lift something' or 'catch me a trout from that stream.' The struggle is real.
ChrisWise
Maybe you want them to catch the trout for once. I got you man
MrDirtyEars
Exactly how black are you?
ChrisWise
45.8%. My great great grandma was Native, so I'm not exactly half, but pretty damn close
AnnaNimitee
You seem like a funny, fun, smart, self-aware dude. In other words, a catch. You not only dodged a bullet, she missed out, big time.
icollectpogs
Requirements to be Hispanic: can jump can swim can run and has done Crack at least once
lucindamarie18
And good with a weed Wacker.
LtheGreatest
I have gotten that a few times. She did you a favor by revealing her stupidity right out of the gate!
kryoptik
I get it - people tell me all the time I'm too white bread to wear the shirts I do.
ChrisWise
I got you fam. Don't ever let people dictate your style
Danowar1990
Next time be sure to ask "can ya dig it?" after every statement
ChrisWise
I just finished Luke Cage; I'm ready to give this another go hahahah
manofice8993
Pie>cake. This is a fact
ChaMura
I don't get it either. Are you not stupid enough? Not irresponsible enough? Not 'hood' enough? I'm black, and I think it's horseshit. 1/2
ChaMura
She wants an "Ain't Shit" nigga, and is usually the first one that complains that "Niggas ain't shit." 2/2
ChrisWise
RIIIIGHT? I'm sorry I'm well read and polite, excuse me while I attempt to turn my neighborhood into a trap to impress your ass
wafflestompa
You don't have a black enough username either. Soulify yourself
ChrisWise
But it's my actual name :(
IvnWng
You obviously didn't get jiggy with it
MMPRMastodon
I was once told that I would be more attractive if I weren't black. Talked on the phone, she thought I was white she ended up a supremacist
ChrisWise
Lol, that's like "you'd be more attractive if you had a completely different face and color" hahahaha wtf?
MentalGiraffe
Not black enough? You better be more fucking black then the night sky or else she a dumb bitch.
ChrisWise
I unfortunately am a pretty light caramel, but I can grow an epic fricken Afro. Being mixed is pretty dope :)
whatabunchofaholes
I'm a Hispanic female, every guy always wants you to cook Mexican food and speak Spanish to them... I know the feel
ChrisWise
One of my best friends is a Hispanic female and lies whenever people ask her if she knows Spanish because she can only understand it :(
OmnibusLatinName
I 'prolly make better tacos than you. Better check that privilege. -_-
OdeToBouncer
Well you do have that professional Taco Bell training to back you up...
OmnibusLatinName
Well, not all of us are good enough to train at Del Taco :(
OdeToBouncer
Keep Hope Alive! And maybe... one day.. http://imgur.com/azjacH6
JustAnotherLinkInTheChain
Her reaction when:
v
preaction
He should've broke out into The Camptown Ladies
ChrisWise
Doo da, doo da...
llamalibrarian
I have a black gay friend and he's constantly told he's not black enough, not gay enough or too gay to be dateable. It's so weird
lostnortherner
My young black co-worker is a big theater nerd, loves YA books and writes fanfiction. She has ppl tell her she's not black enough constantly
ChrisWise
Hahaha, how can you be too gay? That doesn't even make sense. Tell your friend to come to Portland, and I'll wingman for him :)
ILikeCuteGifsAndICannotLie
Didn't you hear? We're at maximum capacity right now. No more people!!!
ChrisWise
THEN HOW ARE WE SUPPOSED TO KEEP IT WEIRD!?!?!?
BipolarsaurusRx
Austin Texas is the original Keep it Weird city anyway!... I am from Portland also btw. :)
ShakeyGraves
I'm from New Orleans and white but I still be shuckin jivin and singing negro spirituals. SWIIIIIIIIING LOOOOOOOOOOW
FreeHamJobs
Wait. Is you or ain't you the real Shakey Graves?
ShakeyGraves
Is you or isn't you gonna give me free ham jobs
bearwizard
I'm white and I fucking LOVE spirituals ._. I think they're beautiful pieces of music. Also catchy :x
Mycologics
My GF and I have new orleans on our wishlist when we're going to travel. Seems like such an awesome place (were from Netherlands) any tips?
ShakeyGraves
Yeah come during Mardi Gras bro you'll never experience anything like it
ChrisWise
BEND DOWN, TURN AROUND, PICK A BALE OF COTTON...
Sephority
WWAAAAAAADE INNN THE WOOOOOAAAATEEEERRRRRRR
thisisjustmytemporaryusername
Sometimes I'll hum this to myself in the bathtub.
hellaradhellasad
JUMP DOWN, SPIN AROUND, PICK A BALE OF HAY
SparkyHooman
Holy shit I feel so bad at laughing at this.... the internet has really messed me up
ChrisWise
To be fair, that song is catchy as fuck hahahaha
Youputwhatwhere
I'm a white chick from Ohio. Why did they teach us this song in elementary school?!?!
LosPer
Cultural appropriation...lol
ShakeyGraves
Cultural appropriation is the most ignorant term
LosPer
It's an absurd term...and completely without merit. I was being sarcastic
ChrisWise
Because it's Ohio? I dunno :/
doctorhat
This is a rugby song...
ShakeyGraves
Lol no it's not it's a song slaves used to sing.
doctorhat
You're not wrong, but: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rvsFF8W3EKw
doctorhat
(btw: that's a traditional Maori war cry drowned out by a slave hymnal being sung by the English. That's weird as hell)
YellowHattedOwl
I wasn't aware there were requirements to be black. Woah, are there requirements for being white?!?!
thenotoriousginger
Act awkward and consistently deny white privilege
notactuallyadoctor
I think we are given some kind of privilege
Highlander8795
Yes, I've been told I'm too white before.
KillahQueen
Yes. Think mayo is spicy
ChrisWise
I had a girl tell me ranch was spicy once -_-
OGchumbles
if you actually ask that question, i think you pass the test
francolk
more like rules and if you break them then you become a latino, that's how México was created, by fallen white people...
OmnibusLatinName
"The line that separates right from wrong, the US/Mexico border."
MungoVitoGotHellaCats
Just make sure that when you dance you're extremely confident, but shouldn't be.
OmnibusLatinName
Except whilst drinking
ChrisWise
Sunburns -_- jk, you just have to be able to sound businesslike over the phone
thisisjustmytemporaryusername
Shit. I'm doing it all wrong (the sunburn part)
YellowHattedOwl
That's true :( being pale sucks sometimes. Can't go anywhere without applying sunblock before
SuperJere
Right? I'm so white I get a sunburn if I walk too close to a microwave! :-D
YellowHattedOwl
Omg no pale person is safe even indoors!
ChrisWise
I've seen my mom get sunburnt in under 5 minutes; and then there's me, taking carefree naps in the sun....
YellowHattedOwl
Lucky duck! I fell asleep ONCE at the beach and got a second degree sunburn.
ChrisWise
I had a very mild sunburn once: I spent 6 hrs a day, 5 days a week outside in 116 weather, and on the last day hiked a mtn shirtless at noon