throwawaymycringe
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I blame the Doritos Blaze chips I had consumed like some kind of animal for breakfast...
I had just attended a lovely lunch with my best friend for her birthday and went to the mall afterwards. Checking out at H&M I noticed a twinge in my stomach. I decided to just go home. By the time I got to the car the twinge turned into “its shitting time boys”.
Do I go back in the mall or quickly drive the short distance to my house?
I choose house.
I chose wrong.
As soon as I got on the road outside of the mall my bowels turned into an angry volcano begging to release its blaze and Japanese Hibachi contents.
I was covered in sweat at this point.
No time to run into a store as I would shit myself in that time. I pull over into a fortunately empty parking lot across the street from a garage.
I get into my back seat, luckily find the old takeout styrofoam cup I left back there, pull down my shorts, put the cup to my ass and what I can only describe as a flood gate of pure liquid hate, filled up the cup.
I then wipe my ass on a Winnie the Pooh, terribly ironic, beach towel that I thankfully left on the back seat floor months ago.
I take the shit cup, filled with shame, outside and leave it by a fence.
In hindsight I should of thrown it away in the garbage but, I was so blindsided by shittting in a cup I just abandoned it for someone else to deal with, which is horrible.
I got home, took a shower, and vowed to never eat Blaze Doritos ever again.
Tl;dr: Blaze Doritos emptied out my insides while in my car. Couldn’t make it home in time.
Front page edit: So I finally made it to the glorious front page. Unfortunately, it was with my throw away account and because I shit in a cup.
A few things to add would be it was also pouring down rain during this whole event which added to the hurriedness of my cup disposal.
I’m really sorry I left it there like a dumpster baby everyone. I just had a shit incident akin to the movie Bridesmaids where someone had to shit in a sink and I was not in my best frame of mind.
I threw the towel away.
Yes, I agree it was gross I ate some chips instead of a proper breakfast. I don’t do that all the time.
I promise I’m not a total slob of a person, my car isn’t a complete dumpster heap, even though leaving the towel on the floor for that long is questionable. Thank God I did though.
ShavedMyBallz4This
Fuck that. A real man would have hung his ass out the window and shit while he drive.
Icantthinkofaname2
*should have
RedRacoon
I live in NYC. A cup is well beyond common courtesy when leaving your human shit in public
SimonMc
*Should've
AnOtterBrickInTheWall
@OP are you generally afraid that this could happen again no matter what food?
throwawaymycringe
Umm seeing as this has never happened before I’m not too worried. I’m hoping this is just a freak bowel disturbance and I can go back to
throwawaymycringe
Eating things like Indian curry without a care in the world.
IPostedWhat
throwawaymycringe
Lmfaoooo boiii
Gorperino
Man all I hear are peoples stories about shitting their pants. Either I'm too young or have iron guts because I can hold in anything so far.
throwawaymycringe
You see usually that’s me but, this. This was life changing. That’s why I tempted fate and just went home.
FraudulentPepsi
Vertemasse
Spot on.
Tendar94
BrentoBox
BlackMagic0506
MetaSomma
Jollytothegreen
There really is a gif for everything
MonkeyBoyWonder4Real
smithdogg22
DevilsArsehole
Actually I think it's impressive, I would have required several cups.
Jynxy85
Meh, working in construction I’ve shit in more makeshift containers then you’ll ever have to. Do so with a smile.
throwawaymycringe
Well I can only assume you’d just but like a bag in a bucket or something right?
Jynxy85
That was on a good day.
udontalwayshavetobenicetobeliked
Treblaine
"I blame the Doritos Blaze chips I had consumed like some kind of animal for breakfast..."
TomasA
You should feel awful if two girls find that cup
pantzequalpooped
DwightYouIdiot
LightlyFriedFishFilletsForDinner
HalTheMisinterpretivePornStar
throwawaymycringe
Hahahahaaaa yeahhhh
Bluebagger126
blackholevoid10011
mdr4118
If I could give two upvotes I would ;)
SmellOfMonkey
Only if it's by an upright piano
RootEnoch
Ziexoro
Man, I remember the first time I drove. I got in the car, just got my drivers permit and I was driving with my dad to school.
Ziexoro
I have a nervous stomach, so I started worse as the trip went on. After 10 minutes, I'm at the last light to turn in to the school (Red).
Ziexoro
I look my dad straight in the eye and said I was so sorry and proceeded to shit myself while trying not to cry. Light finally turned green.
Ziexoro
I did a U'ey instead. Never have I heard a dead silence like the trip back home. I can not overstate my embarrassment in the moment.
Ziexoro
Not to mention the dripping diarrhea going down my jeans to my leg. At least you had a cup.
throwawaymycringe
Oh Jesus I am so sorry. Sometimes I get a nervous stomach before a date or job interviews so I can relate a little.
PinkBATMAN
Don't sweat it @OP when I was in the military I had the shots one morningbdurringba group run with battalion...started towards the front 1/2
PinkBATMAN
2/2 finished at the end with half of a pt shirt and two socks less than I had starting off. God bless OP
PinkBATMAN
throwawaymycringe
Wow did you shit while within the formation or did you make it to at least a tree??? Thanks for your service btw :)
PinkBATMAN
Made it to the tree line 4 times while in formation and luckily no one noticed until I looked assaulted by Bigfoot and thank you for support
MasturbatingGiraffe
I want "its shitting time boys" on my fucking grave, this whole story was hilarious. Thank you for sharing bud.
throwawaymycringe
You’re very welcome Masturbating Giraffe lmao
SexPiss
How did doritos mess your stomach up so much..? How white are you?
saturos01
The blaze chips are, somewhat spicy. I've gone through a bag and found them to require something to drink but no GI issues like strong spice
throwawaymycringe
Thing is I like spicy food. Eat it pretty frequently. Something about those new Blaze chips really fucked me up.
SexPiss
Odd. Maybe a particular ingredient messed you up.
igotasweetass
Yeah, I'm guessing it was the Japanese hibachi. Doritos is all just preservatives. Plus it happened right after the hibachi.
wellwellwelllookwhoscomecrawlingback
How do you know it wasn't what you ate for lunch instead? Surely you would have felt sick after the chips straight away if they caused it.
throwawaymycringe
I think it was a combination of the two seeing as my friends boyfriend had the exact same food as me and was perfectly fine.
kitchie
Who the fuck has a whole bag of Doritos for breakfast?
throwawaymycringe
It wasn’t a whole bag haha
NicoAugustusDrake
The fact that you had command of you faculties to be able to aim into a cup is impressive... I had trouble using an MRE bag. You’re tiny?
throwawaymycringe
The cup had a bigger than average opening. The fact that I didn’t still shit everywhere I believe was God just doing me a solid.
NicoAugustusDrake
It sounds as if this situation was anything but solid...
throwawaymycringe
It was like water, sorry this is gross lol
throwawaymycringe
Oh and no I’m not a petite gal. Pretty average. I guess I just really know where my asshole is at all times lmao
JHawke
It was Pais reeses cup.
guti41
Holy shit. Holy confession. Brilliant.
Cyansky
At least you didn't do it in a plastic bag like my mom did once that proceeded to leak allover the carpet behind the passenger seat.
throwawaymycringe
That’s why I figured a cup would be better than a plastic bag in the 30 seconds I had to plan out what I was going to do lol
Cyansky
Indeed. And even if that spills, I can tell you that hotel shampoo is surprisingly good at getting the residue out.
therobisaur
1 OP, 1 cup
kbkx5
Some of the comments are implying this is a guy...it’s a girl...guys don’t go to “lovely” lunches then shop at H&M. Am I right?
DancesWithPibbles
Yea, by the language I assumed female.
TotallyNotMyBad
Oh shit
sowillo
Good God.
takingupspace
Or have a Winnie the Pooh towel.
throwawaymycringe
It was a beach towel that I’d had for a long time...I threw it away when I got home. I was too depressed to wash it lol.
throwawaymycringe
Yep, I’m that bitch ;D haha but, seriously I’m a woman.
z3lfmoord
No wonder you left the cup, cunt.
throwawaymycringe
You’re the only person who actually called me something horrible. Considering this is the internet I’d say I’m pretty lucky.
z3lfmoord
If you think that is horrible, don’t come to Australia.
hellothisisjodieimsorrybutimnothome
I’m just a prom night dumpster baaaabbbyyyyyytt
angrychkn
I keep bags in my car because of things like this. Wal-Mart bags work ok if you double them up. Never be ashamed of doing what needs to be
Pcakester
Everybody poops. Its how you handle it
amagiciannamedgob
Target bags.
throwawaymycringe
Aww thanks lol. I never experienced something like this so it’s opened my eyes to the suffering of people with like IBS who may have to deal
throwawaymycringe
With incidents like this more often. Not the whole cup part but losing control of your bowels.
PepperoniNipps
Was your friend with you during all of this or did you drive separate cars?
throwawaymycringe
Separate cars but, if she was there she would of just laughed and laughed but, never held it against me. That’s my bff for you lol.
PepperoniNipps
Sounds like a good friend :)
UrbanNinja
How big was the cup? Did you at some point during your shit worry about it being too small, and that you'd have to clean your car as well?
throwawaymycringe
It was a big empty styrofoam cup that a friend had left in my back seat cup holder a few days ago. Idk how I didn’t make a mess tbh.
UrbanNinja
Pretty impressive that you didn't! Well done!
throwawaymycringe
Thank you kind internet stranger. Thank you very much.
ToldUsingMyRealNameIsBad
Send your friend a thank you note.
LadyWidebottom
It's a shame there's no Hallmark card for "thanks for leaving a cup in my car so I could shit in it". They should get onto that.
ToldUsingMyRealNameIsBad
Someecards.com
throwawaymycringe
By far my favorite comment hahaha
DancesWithHippos
I think the real confession here is that you left the cup. That is nasty.
wildfrontierking
THAT'S what that was by the fence... Thanks a LOT!
ElecTech
DustyGryffon
But what happened to the towel?
throwawaymycringe
It smelled so bad and I was half panicked that I almost shit myself. I still feel really bad about ditching it like that though. Haha ://
silvia357
Holy hell
Vortain
I get the panick and measures you had to resort to. I deal with it hourly due to Chrons. But now, figure out a way to get rid of the cup.
GradientApollo
Same. Sometimes you have to go, and it doesn't matter where you are.
Martellus
How big was the cup? Surprised it didn’t overfill
tatches
I often wonder where weird bullshit like that comes from when I'm out in the world. Now I know it can be from anybody. Somebody like you.
ThatJerkYouKnow
I mean you did better than me, I just woulda shat on the ground. Rain’ll take care of that.
thyfartismurder
How the fuck did you shit with out having to pee?
doubledoubleanimalstyle
OP is a woman so a little easier if the cup was big enough.
thyfartismurder
I mean same thing similar happened to me whilst crossing the boeder. I used a bucket tho
MsSchadenfraulein
Well there is an easy solution here...GO BACK AND CLEAN IT UP! Don’t leave your literal shit for someone else to clean up. That is awful!
MsSchadenfraulein
So it now. Not ten minutes from now or tomorrow but right god damn now!
casuallyalive
I am laughing so hard.
DancesWithHippos
But you did shit yourself, right?
throwawaymycringe
No, I went completely in the cup. Not all over the car or in my pants lol. It was a honest to God miracle.
complainsabouteverythingpmuch
There's no way you could wipe all of it away.
qweds
How much toilet paper do you use lol
TheBestThereEverWas
Dont listen to these snobbish dickheads op. You're only human and you even admit to feeling bad. Personally i think its hilarious
Vortain
If I left a cup of crap in your yard, would you be okay with that?
TheBestThereEverWas
In the likely case I wouldnt know who you are, Id throw on some gloves and a mask and toss it.
Vortain
Exactly. While it's not a residence per say, some poor soul is going to have to deal with it and may not know what it is until it's too late
Vortain
(2) we ain't hating on the girl, shit very literally happens. But she should make a plan and take care of it.
JeremyPeevin
Whoever finds that cup is going to change their whole world view. People shit in cups and leave it by fences now. This is the world we're in
FleebCollector
On a recent road trip, stopped at a scenic view pull out. There was a turd with a bit of TP stuck to it in the parking lot.
madmatt2024
People already pee and spit dip in soda bottles and toss them on the side of the road.
libaf
With a bit of luck, his life was ruined forever. Always thinking that just next to a fence in all of his favorite parking lots, 1/2
libaf
men in red woolen shirts are shitting into cups. 2/2
JeremyPeevin
You knew exactly what I was going for.
Pcakester
People regularly shit/piss in handbags in dressing rooms and put them back on the shelves
ImNotTaylorSwift
Wait. Is that not ok?
Vortain
Regularly? How do you know this?
Pcakester
Look on pornhub. And because my friends hate me and love sending me this bullshit lol.
sernik
I worked some years ago in a store and found a plastic bag full of piss in the dressing room ...
Treblaine
zoomzoom1618
Even more incentive not to buy handbags. I can't imagine how I'd react if I found one of these
Pcakester
Just check it first. "HEY THIS ONE HAS PISS IN IT"
throwawaymycringe
Admittedly that was a really fucked up thing to do but I was freaking out and left it. I live on a military base so I would of had to of
throwawaymycringe
Taken the shit through the security gate and I didn’t want to potentially ruin someone’s garbage can. Idk I fucked up haha :/
KnowmSaying
Honestly dont feel bad. All these people on their high horses would of done the exact same. I know I would of in that situation
YouCantUnsuckADick
I just run into the woods, let Mount Saint Helens erupt, then clean up with socks/underwear.
biblioteker
"Would HAVE done". Geez, people, learn the language. "Would've" is the proper contraction that SOUNDS like "would of".
KnowmSaying
objectreborn
Thank you.
Bot17629A98001
Who cares.
Darkspire
Someone's getting shit in a cup next to their fence.
Vortain
I get the panick, but now, if there is something that can be done, it should be. If you stumbled on that cup you'd feel differently.