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Oct 21, 2014 5:56 PM
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shamallamad27
Just this past weekend, my dad gave the lady cash at the toll booth and said "Merry Christmas" as we drove away.
jemunford4352
My dad always said, "thank you for letting me drive on your road" after he gave money to the toll booth person.
evanessism
I said I was cold, so he lifted me above his head and said "Heat rises, you'll be much better up there!". It only put me closer to the AC.
schnarfhead
My dad once pretended to jump off a cliff. He stepped down onto a ledge & crouched down while everyone freaked out. He's still laughing.
WoahShocksMyBrain
HAHAHA my dad tried to do this once and tripped and broke his ankle. Good times at Waimea Falls, renamed to John Falls.
akaFirmHandshake
grand canyon? thats where my dad did this
AirshipsandDreadnaughts
Mine too!
testingonetwothreetesting
"Do you own stock in the gas company" - I can feel the dad sass from here
cmc8290
"put some socks on" is my dad's go-to for that one... as he slyly turns the thermostat back to 68.
BreadyStinellis
Why is every light in this house on?
DoorToDoorWikipediaSalesman
Reminds me of my father questioning the pain of my ouchies. "Are you bleeding?" If not, there was no reason to cry. Abrasions hurt, ya know!
EnderXVI
...This is me now...with my roomates! Course I put a lock on the thermostat, so I took care of that issue.
CaptainObvious313
My dad works on the production end of a power company. He used to b go into deep explanations about what it takes to create the heat.
PassThePinotPlz
And when you let the heat out by leaving a door open... "Were you born in a barn?"
geonerd
As a dad....*furiously taking notes*.
Locaha
As someone who hopes to be a dad one day... Can I get a copy of those notes?
jimmythedove
I'm not a dad but I just favorited this to look at when I am one
JalapenYoBizness
This is all excellent material.
MoThErFuCkInGmIrAcIeS
As a mother *also taking notes* Though I've already done some of these... I'm well on my way to becoming a full dad.
geonerd
Don't worry, if we dads recognize that someone has not heard these jokes, we give them an immediate overdose.
Katheebs
As a single mom.... I have done a couple of these, and other dad jokes. Kid can't be left out.
geonerd
Don't worry, if we dads recognize that someone has not heard these jokes, we give them an immediate overdose.
anthaneezy
It comes naturally, trust me. Someone, someday, will write these about you.
geonerd
My kids groan and roll their eyes often. "What do you want for breakfast?", "I don't know.", "Let me check if we have that..", "Daaaddddy!"
iSargasm
My dad has a collection of sarcastic/political/satirical coffee mugs. My favorite: Exaggerators Anonymous, A Trillion Strong and Growing.
iSargasm
I'm going to have to let my dad know that he earned me a bunch of worthless Internet points.
SellaTheChair
I want that as a poster. For my backpack. I don't know what I want.
JarlUlfricStormcloak
My mom has a mug that says "Cup of Joe" with a picture of Joe Biden's gave on it.
kerbie
Face? Grave? What are you trying to say
JarlUlfricStormcloak
I was trying to face.
BrotherhoodOfTheTaco
My dad has a big mug that reads "giant cup of shut the fuck up" in big bold letters.
agoraphobiotch
My dad has a coffee cup with the urban dic def of "a whole nother" he hates the saying and I bought it for him. He says it all the time now
AoifeC
My granddad's donkey died 14 years ago and my dad still brags about burying his father-in-law's ass.
JalapenYoBizness
I was laughing so hard at this one that I kept missing the upvote...
craz3d
I slapped my knee. Please shake your father's hand for me. It should be a strong grip and look in his eyes. That's a handshake dad's like
AoifeC
Well I'm currently in a different country to him but I'll try and remember for the next time I see him!
truth71
There are a couple more levels to this story.
AoifeC
Such as?
pyrodice
My folks have a donkey who wandered in out of the desert when young. I still joke about pictures of my mom's 400 lb naked ass on the net.
AoifeC
But are you a dad??
thecreepingchaosinmymind
After getting in trouble at school, he made good on his threats to pick us up from the bus in purple sweatpants pulled up to his arm pits
LordFancypantsicus
Either your dad got in trouble at your school, or that's what we call a dangling participle.
thecreepingchaosinmymind
Oh, how embarrassing. I knew I felt a slight breeze.
LordFancypantsicus
Best possible response, +1!
thecreepingchaosinmymind
(3) I can't for the life remember what it was we did (I was 12 so this was 17 years ago), but I know we never did it again.
WKBetafiggit
so it worked, good for him
DarthFirebolt
this is fucking awesome. gat dam.
navifrog
Omfg is this a common dad thing? Mine never followed through but threatened almost every day after he took off his work clothes.
SellaTheChair
If I were a guy, I would aspire to be that kind of dad when I was older
IHateYouSomeDays
My brother was really preppy in high school and was too cool to be seen with our mother. She would limp, drool, and pretend to be mentally--
IHateYouSomeDays
handicapped yelling his name. When he would blush and walk further away she would call him out on it and, still in character, talk about--
IHateYouSomeDays
he clearly didn't love her since her accident and she couldn't help how she was. And ask for help wiping her drool. He was always mortified.
mijaelo
Just do it as a mother. It will surely work. What could go wrong?
LidellFrasier
Like this? http://imgur.com/x0E4Ib2
thecreepingchaosinmymind
kinda. Only no shirt. ): the embarrassment was complete.
thecreepingchaosinmymind
he also wore ratty house slippers and had a mullet at the time. He pretended to be mentally handicapped ): he even drooled. (2)
DireSnails
Sweet Lord, that is some talent.
dreadpiratekhan
Holy shit, that is committing to the role.
brenajude
my dad would act mentally handicapped and pull his arms in and walk with a limp and yell my name so loud everyone would stare at us. -.-
thecreepingchaosinmymind
My dad did the same. He even dressed up like a big baby for halloween and kept ripping some really noxious gasses.
brenajude
he also "exploded" whenever he stepped on the parking lines in parking lots. He would run around as if he was on fire.
ienjoydrinkingbeer
Compliments the waiter/waitress for being a good cook when out for dinner. EVERY TIME MALLORY.
alticaarden
We must have the same dad
kittenkisses
When the server looks at my dad's clean plate and asks "finished?" his reply, "no I'm Swedish but thanks for asking." Every. Damn. Time.
PassThePinotPlz
Can I get you anything else? "Someone to pay the bill ha ha ha" EVERY TIME
ilovebubbles
"A handgun" - my husband's response *every* time someone asks him that question.
blairtexasranger
My dad loved to call himself "boss man"? And knock koce joke himself when he came home. "Knock knock, who's there? IT'S BOSS MAN"
blairtexasranger
Just in case we didn't hear him, or if we didn't answer, he would cheer, whistle and clap for himself and say "DID YOU HEAR THAT?!?! YEAH!!"
zeebuttons
Ok literally what my dad does.
blairtexasranger
i can't believe how many people are saying their dad did it too. my dad used to whistle and cheer for himself too when he said it.
PennyWiseInDisguise
I think.... we may have the same dad :O
blairtexasranger
he has somehow Incorporated BOSSMAN into every aspect of his life. t shirts, bumper stickers, email addresses...
Idioteque222
My dad also did this!!
blairtexasranger
I can't believe how many people are saying their dad did this also! haha now i don't feel so bad!
atomrameau
What the fuck? Hahaha "Its Boss Man!" That's so epic!! xD
blairtexasranger
his email is even bossman56
ausus
Twist: he calls himself boss man because no one else ever will. Double twist: because he's self employed.
blairtexasranger
he was self employed! my dad ran his own company
TwistedNerve08
My dad also call himself "the boss"
Rebecs
Brother?
blairtexasranger
not just the boss, Boss MAN
jakeb222
I can't stop laughing at this
caladhielguar
Every time my mum called "dinner's on the table!" he'd shout back "can't I have it on a plate?"
thefirstcloudmaker
EVERY TIME EVERY TIME MALLORY
AndritosRetardos
MOLLARYYYY!
meowrsik
MALROY!!!!
HotNSpicyColdNIcy
DID YOU HEAR THAT CORL?! EVERY TIME
microbandita
As an audiologist, I hear this EVERY TIME. EVERY DAY. ALL DAY.
somejunkandstuff
My dad does that, too. EVERY TIME EVERY TIME LOUISIANABALL.
beereeahnaw
Everytime a feminine hygiene ad comes on tv he turns to us and says "thats my favorite type, whats yours?"
HateWinslet
My friend's Dad calls tampons "mice".
itsahollyday2
My dad calls them "spark plugs".
toasterfetus
"Hey dad, can I borrow the car" "I don't know.. CAN you?" "ugh.. okay. .. MAY I borrow the car?" "That's better. No."
cerbrewer
Anytime someone says "for gods sake!" He quickly pipes up - "You called?". The furthest distance between him and the person has been 20ft.
brobocop187
Hahaha im dying. And some tears came out. Amazing.
beereeahnaw
He used to wear our headbands and join us for "girl talk" when I would have friends over.
keyqueen
I like him
Eptin
Ew! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HOK4aBYNh3s
peaceandpenguins
My thoughts exactly.
kittymack
hahahahah this is by far my favourite - what an awesome Dad!
PennnnnyLane
Thanks, I just dribbled coffee out of my mouth onto my shirt laughing at this.
BirdAndBearAndHareAndFish
Aww. For some reason that sounds so endearing.
TangyTerror
I can tell you it was super not endearing at the time. My dad also used stick-on earrings and nail polish. Now it's endearing.
CoolHandRK
I am a 34 year old straight male with no kids or sisters, and I am in tears right now.
DameDerp
....Why?
ZebraCockSandwich
thats adorable. my dad used to play My little ponies with me
TheAnswerWasAlwaysMoreLube
Somehow I think that is more common these days.
ZebraCockSandwich
HA no kidding. I was kid when the original show was on TV, not quite as common back then lmao
LordGalen
Plot Twist: He was trying to bang your friends.
Flyndaran
"So, don't you think much older guys are the bestest?"
LordGalen
HAHAHAHA sometimes comments like that get upvoted to infinity, but sometimes they don't. I gambled and it's still funny, no matter what.
crazychicken8806
I asked him to cook me a grilled cheese and minutes later he handed me a plate with just a slice of melted cheese
icantevenpasscollegealgebra
I'd be pissed..
crazychicken8806
Nahh he's always like that, he's the best
Karuuv
....I don't feel like I would find this disappointing.
crazychicken8806
Haha it wasn't I just laughed
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Grill me a cheese!
magicalmysterytour
dad would listen to 'Mambo No 5' about 10x straight at a time. When i would play another song from the cd he'd always ask who the artist was
CandyCriminal
I think we might have the same dad. Mine even has it as his ring tone and as his alarm clock.
BreadyStinellis
Chumbawumba tudthumping. He heard it at a packers game about 15yrs too late and came home to tell me about it like I'd never heard it before
blahblah1994
My dad did this with who let the dogs out...
disruptedvice
What a country.
pmmeyourtitsforpuns
I don't get that one?
disruptedvice
It's not exactly a joke. It's just something weird their dad says when he thinks he's alone.
lethimroll
Hank Hill.
oquelachingada
That seriously got to me. ..
TwistedNerve08
My dad makes a "gun" with his finger and thumb, points it at someone "pulls" the trigger... then farts.
coinlaundry
HAIL GUNFART
YouCantKeepJetpackingAwayFromYourProblemsBrian
Off-topic but your user name gave me nostalgia.
TwistedNerve08
:)
doodlesdork
My dad did this too, along with the good old "pull my finger"
shaffeybaby
my dad does the classic "pull my finger". he doesn't say it to me anymore, he just sticks his index finger in my face. it works EVERY TIME
celebtathar
everytime my dad has to fart, no matter where we are, he'll say "wait, listen!"....and then fart.
TwistedNerve08
The best part about it is that he is so casual about it. And he has been doing this since I can remember (I am in my mid 20's)
TheThingNoNotThatOne
Looks like I found what I'm doing when I fart
BradolfPitler45
My ribs cramped, how the fuck does that happen. +1
feeblesmisadventures
Where there's another string for my bow. My butt bow
youenteredthesecuritycodewrong
Your dad is a great man
DarthWolverine
this, and then my dad says "right between the eyes," and then proceeds to blow the smoke form his finger gun
TurdsOfWisdom
Yessssssss
IfYouSeeThisIWavedAtYou
That is god damn hillarious.
thenotsomightyThor
Do you realize what you have just done?
ImalwayslatetotheStephenKingreferences
This is honestly without exaggeration the hardest i've laughed at a comment. My chest is actually sore.
thecheesecakemancan
I do that. (I am a mom) my kids hate it
lolotter
My dad does the exact same thing when he burps lol
010100100100010101000100010100100101010101001101
When my kids got bored of that one, I made the sound of a grenade pin being removed and held it get a few seconds then let rip
lazymarathoner
WINNER!!!
HeyGafilimore
This brought me to tears laughing,
iwanttobealurkerbutcant
I do this too. Along with burping. I'm a married 35 yo female and my husband hates it but occasionally he cracks up so I keep doing it.
Camelotterduck
No, I said DART gun not.... *groans*
jackthezipper
Son?
seastarontheseashore
Mine winds up his arm like he's going to pitch. then farts on the throw. He calls it "loading the bases" >.<
gusgus1
My dad would put both his hands in the air, fart, then yell "Powered Toast Man Awwaayyy!!" And fly around the house.
DangOlBoomhauer
Ren & Stimpy!
ralphonso
Your dad revolutionized the fart game.
Katheebs
Oh god... my dad would then blow on the tip of his finger and put it back in the pretend holster.
DrDickinbottom
Not my dad,but in middle school there was a kid in my class who would call to people and point his boner at them.Not sure why I was reminded
ninmonkey
is farting your fetish?
WasThatAFartOrAShart
With your username, I'm assuming you're remembering what *you* did in school.
notavampire
Has almost only ever referred to me as Batman. My name is Robin.
danvolodar
Why didn't he just name you Bruce?
notavampire
Probably because I am female.
danvolodar
That didn't stop Remarque's parents!
agoraphobiotch
Brucetta
YourgirlJim
Oh my god that's so cute. I'm squeeing over here.
KrispyPotato
Kind of unrelated but 20+ years later my uncle almost exclusively calls me Jonny because of an obsession with Jonny Quest...I'm a girl.
Queenlizthe1
If we ask him how something works and he doesn't know he always says "MAGIC". Every single time.
StuieG
These days if I don't know how something works I'll either Google it, or tell the kids too..
cromulon
My dad would always say 'very carefully'.
agoraphobiotch
Mine has a scientific answer for everything. He explained rain to my 8 year old at dinner tonight, she said "I didn't need to know that"
shartyturtle
Thats what I do to my kids too. Either they learn or they learn to stop asking me inane questions.
francisdolarhyde
I always say that to my preschool students. They *really* don't care how a plane works, but they would like to ask you fifteen times a day.
yabisaurusrex
mine does that too, or sometimes he'll say "watch and be amazed"
TooLazyToDoSomethingElse
SirSteamPunk
Holy GIF quality Batman!
ButBrodyquest
I do that. TIL I'm a dad
DarthVaderwithaballoon
I do that too!
BreadyStinellis
Me too. I'm Fuckin magical.
MisterPsychos
When I was 8 and watching lotr when the eye of sauron came on he leaned over and told me that's what a vagina looks like
HorseHeadMonster
Did he tell you it looked like a bulldog that got into the mayo jar?
yallneedcheesus
I love your dad
OkButWhyWereTheyFilming
And one to rule them all.
MrMaverickGuy
Get this to the top! !!
magicalmysterytour
it isnt?!
minkmankser
that's funny and i'm old
danvolodar
Well he wasn't wrong...
registeratwork
and you'll never be able to unsee that....
mellowdrama
aaaaaaaaaaand that was "The Talk". Thanks Dad.
velvetash
I actually laughed at this one
agoraphobiotch
You were EIGHT!!?? And a lord of the rings movie was out? #imold
agoraphobiotch
I had a baby the year the first one came out, I was 17 then, but still
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I also mold...
agoraphobiotch
One reason I think hashtags are dumb ;)
ThisWasATriumph
Its been 13 years...
vauhtihirmu
13 years? Sheeeeeeeet...
agoraphobiotch
I know...I'm gonna have a teenager, her birthday is on Christmas...
ilovebubbles
Aw! My 12yo daughter turns 13 on Christmas Eve this year. Christmas babies! :)
agoraphobiotch
How cool!!! I went into labor at 11:59pm on Christmas Eve 2001 :)
AngusThermopyle
I too do the back-scratching thing. Don't knock it, it works. Back scratcha!
MosesJackson
The alternative is asking someone else to scratch that itch. Count your blessings.
Chokfull
Huh. That's genius. I can reach my entire back, so I'll never need to do that, but I feel like it's good information to have nonetheless.
Dravit
Damn right. It's like a backgasm with intensified boogie.
thisappisajoke
My dad does this as well..
troublemutt
BUTT SCRATCHA!
younotbigshit
Cause it's the beearrrrr necessities simple bear necessities.
JustVan
My dad also does this. I've offered to scratch his back when I see him, but he prefers the door frame.
Whydopeoplekeepcallingmethat
I too bear my way to a nicely-itched back.
BornCurmudgeon
Love the screen name Mr. Thermo-pile.
OldManBOMBIN
I keep playing that scene from The Office (US) in which Michael yells I think it was "Toilet sponge!" or something like that. Needta watchit
reallyreallyrelevant
txGrizzly
http://media3.giphy.com/media/COSTJm6dl0mis/200.gif
eggmuffin
I can't really think of another way to do it, though.
danvolodar
Right, and that's the only way to massage a cramped back muscle other than asking someone for help.
gogetahaircutyadamnhippie
this is making my back itch. Think I'll go find a door frame.
merlinious0
Butt scratcha?!
ThaDoobiestOne
No Peter!
thenotsomightyThor
NO
iamthedoctorthisismytardis
Butt Scratcher!!
thenotsomightyThor
NO
ToddFromAccounts
Butt scratcher :(
IsDisassembled
Buuuuuuuuuuutt.......scratchaaaar!!!
Rastaride
Butt Scratchaaaaaaaaa?
TwistedNerve08
Oh man, my friends and I would say this to each other as we passed in the hallway in highschool. Good times.
RoboDozer
I got my big toenail ripped off when I was 7 and my dad convinced me to put it under my pillow for the Toenail Fairy. I got a dollar.
maybebutalsono
That's a lot of money! I always got shafted, and mine were for teeth!
MrBismarck
Why are you leaving teeth for the toenail fairy? No wonder you didn't get anything.
maybebutalsono
Har, har. Have a +1, Dad.
MrBismarck
Thanks! My Daughters would be so proud. They'd do their proud look. Where they scrunch up their face and look at their feet.
bringhonortousall
This grossed me out but made me laugh so hard
TheBioluminescence
That is wonderful
MrsDavidTennant
that is actually strangely adorable..
TheBeifongRunaway
"Does your face hurt?" Please, dad don- "CUZ IT'S KILLING ME!"
itsahollyday2
"Who sings this?" "Blah blah" "Let them sing it."
everythingischr0meinthefuture
Lol i use that one! I guess im a 19 yo female dad
TheBeifongRunaway
Dads come in all shapes & genders.
Perotica
EVERY GODDAMN TIME
AmberAlert1
That's my dad too!!
ForTheLoveOfTalosShutUpAndLetsGetThisOverWith
My dad always does this. I'm like "dad. no. pls dad."
CrocodileTears19
My dad says it all the time, now I say it..
Morotstomten
during midsummers eve(nordic party thing) my dad, while drunk, put on a dress and danced around the maypole singing the 90s tmnt theme
dreadpiratekhan
That's amazing.
Therealhawkguy
Dafuq did I I just read?
TacoRocket
Your dad is my favorite dad
psupride
I wanna do mid summers eve so bad. It looks awesome. Which country does it best? Any advice to plan a trip? I'm an ignorant 'murican lol
MissSpaceFace
As a Dane, you should definitely go to Sweden for that, it's sort of their thing. :)
dreadpiratekhan
Sweden's a good bet.
Tzaot
I can tell you that Germany doesn't do it and if a travel-company tells you they would while displaying happy Lederhosen-wearers... ESCAPE!
NicNac225
My dad farts in front of women in public, apologizes saying "I thought you were my wife," they laugh, he laughs, he laughs a lot more. ...
TheRecklessMightyB
I can see my husband doing that...
HockeyKong
the toaster laughs
MeatWadGetsTheHoneysG
He shot the toaster, It was a good day...
HeyyYouDontSayThat
My dad likes to fart in public, walk away, and then watch people walk into the "cloud." His favorite place to do this is Home Depot.
Flyndaran
It's called "crop-dusting".
leekriceball
LOL my dad does a similar thing. he'll fart, i'll make a noise of disapproval, and he'll be like "what animal did that?"
leekriceball
in vietnamese though
JohanNel
http://imgur.com/aurjJk0
seh5504
I think we have the same dad.
DeterPinklage
That's fucking hilarious.
NotHarroc
That is bloody awesome.
specvlvm
I imagined everyone laughing holding their bellies with end credits rolling in like in the 60's.
paydreaux
Read this while taking a poop now I'm sitting in the toilet with tears rolling down my face. +1
OrionsBell
My dad farts and I say "DAD!" and he goes "I don't know what that was, that was you." Never fails.
accidentalslut
My dad blames it on barking spiders... Like wtf dad
Tiannajo
We have barking spiders at my house too.
pandorafalters
My dad doesn't joke about farts, but my brother prefers to blame the "asshole always talking shit behind [his] back".
TastyButts
My dad goes grocery shopping with my mum, farts really smelly ones and then walks away so everyone thinks it was my mum. EVERY TIME.
melveys
My husband does this to me! Our friend's father will actually blame strangers if they are standing in line
Twenty13EVO
Fart humor will always be hilarious to me. Actually laughed out loud on this one.
h20son1586
My grandpa does that, farts loud in a empty aisle, waits until someone walks round the corner n says "Marcy! No wonder you have no friends!"
ImgurnariumOfDoctorGiraffus
+1 for being named Marcy, would +2 if permitted to call Marcy Fartcy
crepehemorrhage
your mom needs to wife him again
SterkOks
...what...?
wipethatfaceoffyourheadbitch
i asked him to pass the sour cream and stuck out my hand for the container. he put a giant tablespoon of it directly on my hand.
keyqueen
I laughed, but it hurt, cause I'm cramping, so I quickly switched to writhing in pain. But it was funny.
Harmonex
I wouldn't even be mad. Sour cream is the best.
itsahollyday2
Whenever someone asks for something on his side of the table, he'll pass it the long way around.
DireSnails
I put a spoonful of sour cream into my dad's beard once.
MufasahahaMufasahaha
SHEDOOO
I feel ya, man. http://24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_mcfenmm5jg1rj6pi1o1_400.gif
cherrywaves
I know that feels, too bro
enscrib
My dad made me and two of my friends sandwiches. He handed me and friend 1 ours and for some reason put friend 3s on the ground.
enscrib
He also used to call friend 3 "slapnuts". Which I found fucking hilarious.
MufasahahaMufasahaha
Sounds like he knew something about him that you didn't
RazerWolf
Was it a beef sandwich? Ground beef?
alsotinybutdangerous
look at you. dadding around all over the place.
OlRockTheGoodAg
Ground beef, Coral!
agoraphobiotch
Hahaha you are ready for fatherhood if you aren't already there
RazerWolf
Maybe as far as puns go. I'm otherwise convinced that I'm a 30-yr-old manchild that should never be allowed to control a small human's life.
agoraphobiotch
It's not so bad...I became a mom at 17, had another at 21, now I'm 30. Not having anymore though
scrubble
you should wipethatsourcreamoffyourhandbitch
wipethatfaceoffyourheadbitch
i like when OPs read and reply to their lengthy comment threads. it's like when celebrities answer their mail personally.
NonWellKnownImgurian
Right?
scrubble
ahaha i feel honored
DangOlBoomhauer
Don't be a faggit OP
TheMoistBandit
You guys gonna bang now?
wipethatfaceoffyourheadbitch
sorry, i'm married. but we can still be friends.
scrubble
depends, did she wipethatsourcreamoffherhandbitch yet?
superwife
just reading this makes me feel like I'm a part of something :)
MenstrualMonster
My dad took me to a community pool and then pretended to drown and laid on the bottom of the pool while I ran around and screamed. I was 5.
Dovahkiink
I know I'm not supposed to be laughing it up like this. But something about the "I was 5."
JustALiar
I laughed for about 5 minutes, thank you kind Sir/Madam, you made my day.
SomeKindOfShark
LOL MY DAD WOULD DO THAT TOO! Only I knew he was faking, and he did it to freak out the life guards. He could hold is breath a long time...
Denbus26
In fact, he's still holding it
NeilHatTrickParis
As a lifeguard, pls no
bringingclawstoagunfight
My dad drove me to a cemetery at night, we both got out of the car, left me, drove away and then snuck up behind me & grabbed me by my leg.
bringingclawstoagunfight
I should also note that I was around 5/6, it was a full moon and I thought there were werewolves out.
pigeonkitty
my dad also did exactly this when i was a kid and freaked out the lifeguards.
katherinemolly26
My dad interrupted some kids at the beach seeing who could hold their breath the longest because he thought they were drowning.
AVRoe
As someone who worked in camps for a long time, it's really unfortunate that breath holding contests often look just like a dead man's float
AVRoe
I interrupted them all the time, in busy pools it's better to be safe then sued
jrwizbang
I would say it's better to be safe than sued. But that's just me, I guess you could do both.
AVRoe
ahhh no! now I will only be remembered for that one time I made a really dumb grammatical error online. I'll never be allowed here again :(
AVRoe
(and very sorry)
RageCuddles
Count yourself lucky. My dad chucked me in the deep end when I was 4 so that i'd "learn to swim". It worked I guess since I'm still here!
PrinceOfAllSaiyans
Grandfather did that to me. I TRUSTED HIM!!
AGoofyGuy
Nice.
AlmightyBlah
My dad floated face-down in the water as a joke. My sister and I laughed, but the lifeguard who jumped in to "save" him wasn't amused.
EchoMe
Mine, too! "Cept he'd do that dead floating body in the ocean" look at the beach.
JustALiar
I laughed for about 5 minutes, thank you kind Sir/Madam, you made my day.
IamAlexander
Minority Report taught him nothing!
jackasaurus32
Ugh. So sad. Thanks for the reminder.
MenstrualMonster
That's how I described it to my husband. I said basically doing what Tom Cruise was doing when he lost his kid in Minority Report.
NijorntheblackViking
My dad banged my mom. Then was never heard from again.
ImgurnariumOfDoctorGiraffus
Son...?
NijorntheblackViking
you dad-of-a-bitch! you've been on imgur this whole time and now your saying something
ImgurnariumOfDoctorGiraffus
Please, try to understand, I just meant to view one funny picture and go stuck on Award Winning Recipes & Kitten Pictures for years...
NijorntheblackViking
Thats no excuse! you left me and mom in user sub and you said you would be right back from the front after you upvote a few things
ImgurSage
I hereby dub you: moodkiller.
kindsoberandfullydressed
I don't know why I disagree with you. Maybe my sense of humor's a tad on the dark side.
NijorntheblackViking
Tis but a scratch
ILikeWalruses
He's black.. and a viking.. this is expected.
MoraRayRay
therapy?
MonsieurMustache
Therapy.
MenstrualMonster
Once he nicked himself shaving and told me he cut his nipple off. I called 911 :|
OldWiseWizard
I legit almost accidentally got my nipple cut off this summer. It was almost a sad day. Now I just have a scar across my chest
HwoThumb
Story?
OldWiseWizard
Well, it's not as epic as I want it to be. It started in the shower. I was scrubbin, you know, usual shower stuff. 1/3
sugar3
My dad did that as well.. except he stumbled in yelling help.. I cried.
TheMrFountain
More.
MenstrualMonster
chicken-like alien far from his home planet.
Dahliaisahedgehog
PLEASE make a post!
MenstrualMonster
He had like a mole/third nipple thing (see above) and he told me it was his left over skin from his true form. That he was actually a
TheMrFountain
More.
IcathianSurprise
WAIT! DON'T DO MORE! Make a post and reap in those upvotes