I've carried men, women, and yes, unfortunately minors onto transit from a bar. I always made sure to hear them say their stop. I was also always scared of the demeanor of the one that answered the door.
Living in a big city in PNW has its advantages, most people look out for each other. Now that I'm living in a smaller city that suffers from urban sprawl and not great transit options, I drive a LOT more than I'd like. The people out drinking here just don't care if they drive after 4 pints.
remenber carrying my ex from the out on the big town, and once our train arrived to our stop i realized she was a sleep, o had to fireman carry a 150cm girl in full cybergoth getup. for 5 kilometers in early winter in the middle of the night. it would have looked very sus
My ex bff left a concert without me and I had to find my way to her bf's workplace, which I had never visited before, in the dark. I had gotten sexually harassed at the concert, and she fucking saw it and wouldn't help me. A bit over a year later we had an argument because she thinks that sexual harassment isn't real. I haven't talked to her ever since and apparently she's telling our mutual friends that I'm being unreasonable. When they hear the full story they're stunned.
Plot twist: she’s carrying her drugged, next victim and pretending she’s her friend. Could probably take her to a basement somewhere with no questions asked.
In this situation, I think just asking to help, and then if she says no, just back off. 20 years ago, I'd say offer to call someone for her, but she's got a cell phone, if she's got someone to call she can call them. It's maybe not a bad idea to put the thought in her head, but that's a judgement call.
The most important thing is, don't push. Don't become another burden she's got to deal with.
Talk to her exactly as you would a bloke in the same position. "Hey mate - you alright with that or do you need a hand?" Is going to be less scary than "hey beautiful lady, can I carry your friend?"
I always help people out. Had a run one year where I reckon I changed 30 tyres. A pregnant lady told me I was a sexist asshole for thinking she couldn't do it herself, but she did so after I finished. I just laughed
I might imagine the best way would be simply to say, "Is there anything I can do to help?" and then follow their lead. Chances are, they'll simply say "No," and if so, let that be the end of it.
But I'm a nice guy! Seriously, I just want to help. Why wouldn't they let me help? They don't know the dangers out there, and should trust that I'm not one because I said I'm nice... /s
Only thing I can think of is explaining you want to help, showing your ID, and inviting them to write your name down or photograph it and send it to someone so they’ll know who they were with. Even that may come off as creepy, though, but I’m older and could show pictures of my daughter so maybe that would help. Plus limits, don’t approach their building’s door, or just get them into a taxi, maybe.
When I was in college one of my best friends was a girl. One night some bar wouldn't let us in because she was too drunk, which was fair. On the corner was a taxi stand and in between the bar and taxi stand she fell down. So I picked her up and put her in the cab, got in and told the driver my address....The point of my story, NO ONE questioned me. I could totally have been kidnapping some drunk chick.
Yeah, right there with you. Strong "dad instinct" to help, but I want to make sure it comes across as "helpful dad" and not "creepy old man". I've got two boys, but two of my buddies have daughters and I've watched them grow up with my sons.
Yeah I saw a drunk girl trying to drive once in a college town. She pulled into a closed gas station parking lot and I asked if I could help call a taxi or something. She told me to f*ck off and she drove away weaving in and out of traffic, so I called the police to deal with her. She could have killed someone.
Honestly I don't know that I would let them get back in the car. Drunk driving is the kinda thing that hurts other more than the driver. I would ask nicely then stop them and call the cops. But not everyone has the benefits from my personal experience with drunk people and the police.
I tried this one night and the girls were super creeped out and one of them was sure I was going to kill them. So Ill tell you what not to do. Dont be old (40s), dont be bald, dont be unattractive. I have a feeling they would have gone home with any 20 year old guy with an updo, I was just trying to help them stagger to their place.
Honestly, I also realized the only way to help in that situation would probably be to offer some cash to pay for a cab/Uber, but who even has the money to help anymore? *sigh*
If you've got time, you've got money, you've just forgotten that there's a relationship between them. You make 50K/yr your time is just about worth $25/hr
Exactly. Make a polite offer, from a suitable distance if necessary, and then accept their answer. This thread smacks of the exact “woe is me” mentality that DOESN’T help solve anything. Men, you ARE a (potential) THREAT, and women shouldn’t have to be polite to you to cushion your ego ffs.
I used to live in a college town where the dorms were at the very top of the hill, while literally everything else was at the bottom, I gave so many ladies rides up to the top of the hill since I had to go that direction, but that was before the world went idiotic.
I think just don't involve yourself unless someone else starts making people uncomfortable... then just walk through with some fries like a goddam hero
I'm talking about how being chivalrous is dangerous for men and how small acts of kindness can turn ugly very quickly. Especially when boozy young girls are involved.
It's not worth the risk for most men to help.
That's the sad truth. But y'all are gonna hate me for saying that soooooo. I guesstamate -7 in downvotes before this post gets old.
How presumptive, arrogant, and ignorant can one person be in one comment? Very, apparently.
No, I'm not. I'm repeating what many young men have told me. As a father to sons and someone who takes a keen interest in them and their friends, it's not a line, and it's not from my own experience. It's from listening to young men, their experience, and being empathetic to their troubles.
Not everyone who disagrees with you is a trolling incel who deserves your wrath. Be kind.
It’s fine so long as you immediately follow it with “BUT…and I know you think I say this to all the girls, but it’s true—you aren’t my type. Like victim type. It’s really more of a dominating middle-aged woman who reminds me of my emotionally abusive mother type scenario. I have no problem with debaucherous, party girl sinner types—like at all. I do know a guy, real loner, always wears an Army jacket, even if it is like 90 degrees, but he doesn’t hunt in this part of town, so you’re good.”
Man, I hate that that limits us. There is a very sweet like 15yo girl in our apartment building. She's super friendly and nice to my 7yo son every time we meet in tbe hallway. I drove past her walking in the rain the other day and felt so conflicted, thinking I should give her a ride and eventually deciding not to, because I didn't want to make her uncomfortable.
I think you were right not to. If she was comfortable enough with you she would ask for a ride and/or help. Also, at 15, walking in the rain probably isn't even a big deal to her. I've been caught in the rain a few times on the way back from school and it never bothered me.
Gross. She knows you. If the ride was short and not 45 minutes, you were wrong to protect yourself over her. Also, if you’re that worried, you gave a phone, video it.
They’re neighbor acquaintances, not old friends, and dude knew how creepy it would look to roll up and say “hey, girl young enough to be my kid, you’re in a vulnerable position, come get in my car”.
Dude should have been able to easily offer help, but decades of data show that the girl’s smartest play in that situation is NOT to get in the car. Dude read the situation correctly.
I don't think "I don't want to seem creepy while giving you a ride so I'm going to film you the whole time" is the solution we're looking for. Besides, assuming she doesn't have some kind of disability or something, she's not going to die from a little rain.
You realise he chose to protect her, right? He knew she'd be safe with him, but she had no way of knowing that. Often these horrific crimes are committed by someone the victim knew and trusted, including family and neighbours. It's likely she'd rather get wet than stress fearing she may be in danger.
As a big guy who once gave two 14 year old girls a lift home in the lashing rain , there's no non-creepy way to make that offer. Another example of a few making everything worse for everyone.
In all honesty, I completely understand your decision, but in the future, you can always offer her a ride and tell her to take a selphie of herself with you driving her, and then tell her to text the photo to her parents so they know she’s safe. I have always encouraged kids to report their whereabouts to their parents if they ever feel worried about their safety. I tell them they don’t need permission to take a selphie in public, and if someone else doesn’t like it, they can walk away. 1/2
But locker rooms and public bathrooms are NOT necessarily okay places to take selphies. I found myself clarifying that to a kid once, but only because of the situation.
Puppycow
Gigantic Taylor Swift.
spiritedawayse7en
She's a good friend!
trumpypumpyinyourrumpy
Never leave a wounded friend in the field. You carry that bitch to the evac point.
GreenFox
Designated driver? Na, designated piggyback.
GwyllmLlwydd
This is the Way!
glovelyday
AsABiologistWhoIsNotFunAtParties
If someone's in such a state how do you know whether they can just be taken home and put in bed vs when they might need medical attention?
StarscreamAndHutch
Strong girl, friend?
Sinlok
I've carried men, women, and yes, unfortunately minors onto transit from a bar. I always made sure to hear them say their stop. I was also always scared of the demeanor of the one that answered the door.
Living in a big city in PNW has its advantages, most people look out for each other. Now that I'm living in a smaller city that suffers from urban sprawl and not great transit options, I drive a LOT more than I'd like. The people out drinking here just don't care if they drive after 4 pints.
Sinlok
I also feel creepy offering a ride to ANYONE I haven't met before.
pyr0max
The Power Of Friend Compels You!
The Power Of Friend Compels You!
The Power Of Friend Compels You!
Bugsan
Geez, reading all these comment about not helping out, THATS appalling.
ParanoidCarrot
remenber carrying my ex from the out on the big town, and once our train arrived to our stop i realized she was a sleep, o had to fireman carry a 150cm girl in full cybergoth getup. for 5 kilometers in early winter in the middle of the night. it would have looked very sus
ageek3000
That's the most aggressive compliment I've ever heard.
Lontri
My ex bff left a concert without me and I had to find my way to her bf's workplace, which I had never visited before, in the dark. I had gotten sexually harassed at the concert, and she fucking saw it and wouldn't help me. A bit over a year later we had an argument because she thinks that sexual harassment isn't real. I haven't talked to her ever since and apparently she's telling our mutual friends that I'm being unreasonable. When they hear the full story they're stunned.
andaraven
I did this for a friend one night, except I’m 5’3 and she was 5´10 plus platform boots. The power of friendship indeed!
CedricDur
How stupid must you be to drink until pass out drunk?
StuartWells
Could of been drugged by someone and passed out. Way too many creeps out there for this not to be a possibility.
redtails2649
Any male would be accused of kidnapping with a unresponsive female in tow
B2SteakSauce
LSIW?
Nanntuckett
Plot twist: she’s carrying her drugged, next victim and pretending she’s her friend. Could probably take her to a basement somewhere with no questions asked.
Lulabel73
I would have carried her over my shoulder though. That’s a lot easier. (I’m a woman just to clarify)
RetrogradeLlama
Plot Twist: The girl in red isn't a friend, she's a creepy lesbian taking advantage of a drunk girl.
PrincessWasabi
Oh I hope not, no I couldn’t imagine that. Plus she seems comfortable being recorded
ThatOtherMacAvoyWoman
Stats say prob no
userfriendly19777
Passed out drunk girls are vulnerable. She's a true hero.
FrostyLady
If your friend needs help getting home safe, help get your friend home safe.
YES.
marblemakerman
Tracy Morgan preaching!
anxiouschickennugget
I’m literally watching First Sunday right now, and I thought it was the TV. I was like “Wtf. It’s paused. Where is Tracy Morgan coming from?!”
cannonnls4
Haha I was thinking busta rhymes until he said get home safe- Tracy it is🤣
youreathing
BALL. PARK. FRANKS.
cryborg
Isn't that a song??
Dociousaliexpilisticfragicalirepus
SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS
hergurh
The Cars - Drive?
cryborg
That one too - but newer - I remembered!! https://youtu.be/Sv6dMFF_yts?si=bEIs6n28QXM75Wly
Foehammer262
morningxafter
rudy2wheels
A friend in need is a friend indeed
WhichEndDoITypeIntoAgain
A friend with weed is better
ExquisiteConundrum
A friend with breasts and all the rest,
TheStreetForce
Wearing tight black leather
ExquisiteConundrum
A friend who's dressed in leather.
poilters
I passed a test and now undressed and something something wetter...
DrDadJokes
For a good moment I thought it was an Halloween costume with a fake woman on her back
eXoRainbow
I literally thought its a prank whole time until end, when we had a better look at the other girl. She's a lucky girl to have such a good friend.
PrincessWasabi
Lucky her friend is teeny
owlcatsanctuary101
Lol! If my friend passed out we are both dead rofl! She's huge and I'm weak.
BipedalHumanoidWithSlightlyDifferentNoseRidge
A real friend stops you from getting this way (in public) in the first place..?
dualplains
It's easy to lose track of people in a club, and it's very possible that she didn't get into that state intentionally.
RickyTheDragonSteamboat
Good luck trying to do that.
BipedalHumanoidWithSlightlyDifferentNoseRidge
Have done before, will do again. 🤷♂️
Lulabel73
No, a real friend doesn’t get drunk and put their friend under this sort a pressure.
BipedalHumanoidWithSlightlyDifferentNoseRidge
mmm, I don't think the person drinking intends it to happen...
I think you're Aussie too, so know how it is.
Lulabel73
You think I’m Aussie? It’s in my profile. And being Aussie I can tell you people definitely plan on getting shit faced.
BipedalHumanoidWithSlightlyDifferentNoseRidge
I didn't need to check, I remember your username. We've conversed before about the joys of living in (Western) Australia.
Lulabel73
You must have a good memory!
Whatwhatsomethingbutt
Being American I can tell you this is a thing that people in the States do too.
azazyel
That's a ride or die bitch if I've ever seen one
littlecoatfatguy
I mean it’s literally “get on my back and ride me or you’ll die”
didgeboy287
ride on*
Hypothesist
she choose ride
LegosBearsAndSex
Loled +2
livurz
I feel like I would try to help, but as a cis, white male, I don't know how to do it without looking creepy...
IAmTheBadW01f
As a dad I have a bit of a hack for someone with a kid, "do you need a ride? I have a carseat in the back."
It lets me tell them "hey, I've got a kid of my own" without actually saying it in a way that may seem forced and awkward.
Outlavv
You cant. 110% safer for you to just pretend other people dont exist unless you know them
aguacatedeldiablo
In this situation, I think just asking to help, and then if she says no, just back off. 20 years ago, I'd say offer to call someone for her, but she's got a cell phone, if she's got someone to call she can call them. It's maybe not a bad idea to put the thought in her head, but that's a judgement call.
The most important thing is, don't push. Don't become another burden she's got to deal with.
IndigoThursday
Talk to her exactly as you would a bloke in the same position. "Hey mate - you alright with that or do you need a hand?" Is going to be less scary than "hey beautiful lady, can I carry your friend?"
Duckgooser
I always help people out. Had a run one year where I reckon I changed 30 tyres. A pregnant lady told me I was a sexist asshole for thinking she couldn't do it herself, but she did so after I finished. I just laughed
Nofoxlefttogive
You should have offered to change it back.
circlebreaker
Like bebe, that way it's easier to lean them away from you if/when they puke. Potato sack method get it all over the back of your pants & shoes.
stadinski
It's 2024, they're gonna find a way to see it as creepy anyway. Just help.
livurz
As I re-read this, I realize that this is most of my life anyways
andexer
Same. I've landed on: "Excuse me, can I help in any way?" And then smile and back off at "no" (or take the direction given)
ChipperCorgi
GTimgur
Sad times
SteveMND
I might imagine the best way would be simply to say, "Is there anything I can do to help?" and then follow their lead. Chances are, they'll simply say "No," and if so, let that be the end of it.
CoinedWatcher
But I'm a nice guy! Seriously, I just want to help. Why wouldn't they let me help? They don't know the dangers out there, and should trust that I'm not one because I said I'm nice... /s
bladderinfection
“I offer my services in the manner of Samwise Gamgee. Share the load?”
gemaeuer
as a black man it would be less creepy?
Imalwaysready
Only thing I can think of is explaining you want to help, showing your ID, and inviting them to write your name down or photograph it and send it to someone so they’ll know who they were with. Even that may come off as creepy, though, but I’m older and could show pictures of my daughter so maybe that would help. Plus limits, don’t approach their building’s door, or just get them into a taxi, maybe.
ButteryBiscuitBass
You could offer to pay for a taxi for them, but after that it's a bit tricky.
threepotatoesinatrenchcoat
Not gonna lie, the guy filming and talking to them also looked creepy, and he didn't even help
Cindex1337SucksBalls
When I was in college one of my best friends was a girl. One night some bar wouldn't let us in because she was too drunk, which was fair. On the corner was a taxi stand and in between the bar and taxi stand she fell down. So I picked her up and put her in the cab, got in and told the driver my address....The point of my story, NO ONE questioned me. I could totally have been kidnapping some drunk chick.
RedTwoX
Yeah, right there with you. Strong "dad instinct" to help, but I want to make sure it comes across as "helpful dad" and not "creepy old man". I've got two boys, but two of my buddies have daughters and I've watched them grow up with my sons.
BDSMThroatHugs
Would it help asking them to call you Daddy when you offer to help?
MaitreMechant
Username on point lol
cccampbell79
Yeah I saw a drunk girl trying to drive once in a college town. She pulled into a closed gas station parking lot and I asked if I could help call a taxi or something. She told me to f*ck off and she drove away weaving in and out of traffic, so I called the police to deal with her. She could have killed someone.
KellyCrazyCatLadyinTraining
Good on you. You made the right choice in that situation.
Arook1
Honestly I don't know that I would let them get back in the car. Drunk driving is the kinda thing that hurts other more than the driver. I would ask nicely then stop them and call the cops. But not everyone has the benefits from my personal experience with drunk people and the police.
theboned1
I tried this one night and the girls were super creeped out and one of them was sure I was going to kill them. So Ill tell you what not to do. Dont be old (40s), dont be bald, dont be unattractive. I have a feeling they would have gone home with any 20 year old guy with an updo, I was just trying to help them stagger to their place.
ThatOtherMacAvoyWoman
Nice job making out about you tho. Takes effort.
IndigoThursday
It's not about what you look like, it's about how you come across, and their past experiences
bitemark
"Let me pay for a taxi/Uber for you"
anabobcatz
Just ask. As long as you don't assume, we ladies are perfectly able to communicate our needs when simply asked.
ThatOtherMacAvoyWoman
Less creepy than recording and not helping.
Ivalicenyan
You will do nothing because you can do nothing
PorneliusHubertII
I would just kindly offer to play bodyguard. If they say no, maybe offer to pay for a cab.
ThatOtherMacAvoyWoman
You. I like you.
KellyCrazyCatLadyinTraining
Honestly, I also realized the only way to help in that situation would probably be to offer some cash to pay for a cab/Uber, but who even has the money to help anymore? *sigh*
shitheadtookmyname
If you've got time, you've got money, you've just forgotten that there's a relationship between them. You make 50K/yr your time is just about worth $25/hr
SirDalud
I've heard so many "NO" so I usually don't act upon unless asked to.
DemSumBigAssRidges
Just ask. I've been sneered at, jeered, etc when doing so, but I'd still rather ask if they need help than leave them needing it.
TeeweeAndSmashboy
Exactly. Make a polite offer, from a suitable distance if necessary, and then accept their answer.
This thread smacks of the exact “woe is me” mentality that DOESN’T help solve anything.
Men, you ARE a (potential) THREAT, and women shouldn’t have to be polite to you to cushion your ego ffs.
Webel
Ohh nice framing! Good on you.
TeeweeAndSmashboy
I’m 6’6 350lbs and I live in Asia. I’m used to being perceived as an absolutely terrifying monster lol I’ve learned to step lightly.
Webel
Haha I can't even imagine 😂 I'm barely 5.6 and felt like a giant in the hills of Sri Lanka, peeps weren't scared as I'm a girl.
TheMostKink
Just tell them you're not a rapist.
"Hey, is there anything I can do? I promise you I won't rape you. Haha."
Breaks the ice immediately.
FelixG
I used to live in a college town where the dorms were at the very top of the hill, while literally everything else was at the bottom, I gave so many ladies rides up to the top of the hill since I had to go that direction, but that was before the world went idiotic.
Rijtjeshuis
I think just don't involve yourself unless someone else starts making people uncomfortable... then just walk through with some fries like a goddam hero
FelixG
She literally said her legs were quivering and that she didn't know if she could do it.
livurz
Boss move... also I'm autistic enough to do this and not realize what's going on.
whatthewoda
Snackman, still a hero to this day
MrOne2
Some say he's still riding the subway, plate half full, stopping people fight. ..
GuyPilot
Cis White male??? Duh, easily solved: act gay then go in blackface -- ta-da! -- problem solved!!
HolyShitDudeCalmDown
I wouldn't go near these girls with a 4 meter stick. Chivalry is not worth the danger it presents to men.
thetinymonarch
What are you talking about
HolyShitDudeCalmDown
I'm talking about how being chivalrous is dangerous for men and how small acts of kindness can turn ugly very quickly. Especially when boozy young girls are involved.
It's not worth the risk for most men to help.
That's the sad truth. But y'all are gonna hate me for saying that soooooo. I guesstamate -7 in downvotes before this post gets old.
thetinymonarch
No it's not. Just cause you had a bad experience doesn't mean we shouldn't be kind and help.
Your parroting a incel line
HolyShitDudeCalmDown
* You're
How presumptive, arrogant, and ignorant can one person be in one comment? Very, apparently.
No, I'm not. I'm repeating what many young men have told me. As a father to sons and someone who takes a keen interest in them and their friends, it's not a line, and it's not from my own experience. It's from listening to young men, their experience, and being empathetic to their troubles.
Not everyone who disagrees with you is a trolling incel who deserves your wrath. Be kind.
Manusho
Well, don't lead with the fact that you're a serial killer.
PutItInNeutral
Damn. That's my go-to card.
Imalwaysready
It’s fine so long as you immediately follow it with “BUT…and I know you think I say this to all the girls, but it’s true—you aren’t my type. Like victim type. It’s really more of a dominating middle-aged woman who reminds me of my emotionally abusive mother type scenario. I have no problem with debaucherous, party girl sinner types—like at all. I do know a guy, real loner, always wears an Army jacket, even if it is like 90 degrees, but he doesn’t hunt in this part of town, so you’re good.”
voidspaceistrippy
Unless you are really charismatic and then you can lead with it and make it sound like a joke.
damienhalme
"Hi there, I'm not a serial killer, if that's what you're thinking"
drochleprechaun
Oh, oh, I'm sorry. I thought women respected honesty. You can never win, I swear...
bitemark
I always repeatedly tell people that
greenchair
Neednoggle
Yeah, save that part for later
noWhiteHorseHereJustBatturuPrinsu
Before or after you ate them?
SirRichardOfHead
They'll figure it out eventually.
Krackajak78
Like the axe....
OtterAvalanche
Man, I hate that that limits us. There is a very sweet like 15yo girl in our apartment building. She's super friendly and nice to my 7yo son every time we meet in tbe hallway. I drove past her walking in the rain the other day and felt so conflicted, thinking I should give her a ride and eventually deciding not to, because I didn't want to make her uncomfortable.
Scully1
Not limiting. You did the right thing.
storytaletime
I think you were right not to. If she was comfortable enough with you she would ask for a ride and/or help. Also, at 15, walking in the rain probably isn't even a big deal to her. I've been caught in the rain a few times on the way back from school and it never bothered me.
ThatOtherMacAvoyWoman
Gross. She knows you. If the ride was short and not 45 minutes, you were wrong to protect yourself over her. Also, if you’re that worried, you gave a phone, video it.
littlecoatfatguy
YOU’RE gross.
They’re neighbor acquaintances, not old friends, and dude knew how creepy it would look to roll up and say “hey, girl young enough to be my kid, you’re in a vulnerable position, come get in my car”.
Dude should have been able to easily offer help, but decades of data show that the girl’s smartest play in that situation is NOT to get in the car. Dude read the situation correctly.
VolcanoHerder
I don't think "I don't want to seem creepy while giving you a ride so I'm going to film you the whole time" is the solution we're looking for. Besides, assuming she doesn't have some kind of disability or something, she's not going to die from a little rain.
BigFatFailureTurtle
You realise he chose to protect her, right? He knew she'd be safe with him, but she had no way of knowing that. Often these horrific crimes are committed by someone the victim knew and trusted, including family and neighbours. It's likely she'd rather get wet than stress fearing she may be in danger.
As a big guy who once gave two 14 year old girls a lift home in the lashing rain , there's no non-creepy way to make that offer. Another example of a few making everything worse for everyone.
KellyCrazyCatLadyinTraining
In all honesty, I completely understand your decision, but in the future, you can always offer her a ride and tell her to take a selphie of herself with you driving her, and then tell her to text the photo to her parents so they know she’s safe. I have always encouraged kids to report their whereabouts to their parents if they ever feel worried about their safety. I tell them they don’t need permission to take a selphie in public, and if someone else doesn’t like it, they can walk away. 1/2
KellyCrazyCatLadyinTraining
But locker rooms and public bathrooms are NOT necessarily okay places to take selphies. I found myself clarifying that to a kid once, but only because of the situation.
Scully1
Hmm. As a parent if my kid did this I’d flip my lid. Not cool
hullabanana
Quick note, it’s selfie :)