chittyb
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It's like gripping a handful of soft noodles. Holy crap.
It's not difficult. Maintain eye contact. Firm handshake, give a nod.
I don't care if your a man, woman, pickle, giant purple people eater... You give a goddamned proper handshake.
cassiopeia13372
you're
Swedash
How bad is it to actually miss the hand you're aiming for completely? I do that quite a lot towards the end of my day.
kinnie101
But I don't like touching people..
jamesaps
I don't even want to touch strangers' hands.
ReposterCallerOuterMan
as someone with aspergers, since high school, i've been trying to get this right. I'm still looking at their hand and not grasping right :(
framingplant
ThePrimrose
As a very not social woman, I dont shake hands often, so Im usually putting my hand out and about to get it squeezed too early and too firm.
DaemonAldent
My grandpa taught me this when I was super young... But it stuck and I always think of him when I handshake. He has dementia now. :(
smaybear
Epinephilim
There are valid excuses like arthritis, but most peeps can manage a good solid handshake if they stop being such giant scaredycats.
smaybear
LifeHasManyDoorsEddBoy
Giant, purple, people eater! He was a one-eyed, one horned, giant, purple people eater, he was a one-eyed, one horned, giant purple people1/
LifeHasManyDoorsEddBoy
Eater; please don't eat me!
cvnk
I like to use my fingers to tickle the other person's palm mid-shake. While leering.
Senorquesoballs
Also get real puffy and chirp
KenGiffeyJr
smaybear
jake96
This is a good point OP because without rules,
BlackSiren32
limp handshakes are for weak men and communists
pineapplesaremything
On the flip side, if you jerk my hand off with a deathgrip, I automatically assume you have a small dick.
PloppyTheSlopper
Oh yes, I've been on the receiving end of a ridiculous vice like grip before, usually from upper management, and just thought "What a cunt".
KillingMeDjently
For those guys I tickle the inside of their wrist with my pointer finger.
Diego2Fuego
These are the same people who put all their strength into a high five
pineapplesaremything
Sometimes I'll miss the high five on purpose. They launch themselves
MungoVitoGotHellaCats
Make sure you're timing the squeeze right though. I've got a slower handshake so it's gotta be palm to palm then squeeze.
jake96
jake96
sauce https://youtu.be/rWjuiAPkEAw
FreeGravy
http://cdn.smosh.com/sites/default/files/2015/03/awkward-handshake-world-leader.gif
SATANSTOPSCREAMING
"come back here im giving u a handjob"
chittyb
At least he was dedicated to the firmness, failed on the eye contact though.
dreadlock
Lol, I just googled 'disgust gif' and this was one of the images I was choosing between lol
Cantelopes
Usually happened to me after I beat my opponent in a tennis match. That was always the first sign of a sore loser.
nibcabcabnib311
How about you don't touch me.
JohannesFit
Handshakes are a sign of respect. It's just a shitty feeling when someone gives you a bad handshake because then it feels disrespectful
tangybreath
I have hyperhidrosis. I hate shaking hands as a result. I'm sure they are thinking 'ew' when they shake my hand. How about you dont then
WeatherWiz
I hate the deadfish!!
jhawker27
I dunno, a little pepper, little lemon juice, could turn out alright.
jbrightmans
Web to web, firm grasp, one or two shakes.
chittyb
My wife and I just spent 5 minutes looking disgusted at each other after 'the incident.' ugh.
ShadeEmberi
you and your wife shake hands? >_>
WeatherWiz
I'm so sorry for that incident
PoopFrosting
thank you for acknowledging the pickles in the audience, we're very thankful for your support
chittyb
I got you.
WeatherWiz
RoseFaery
I want to see a mash up of this & The Gif™
TheDreaded1
II have bear paws. I give a firm, respectful handshake (no Trump), but I almost feel disrespected when people limp-noodle the exchange.
JHawke
That is a bit like feeling disrespected because the other party wears shorts. Or glasses, or likes the colour blue.
TheDreaded1
It's different. I respect if one doesn't shake; but if after meeting or spending time/ money I'm met with an unenthused hand... (1/2)
TheDreaded1
...by someone perfectly capable of doing otherwise conveys a lack of concern or confidence in both myself and the dealings. (2/2)
JHawke
Or a difference in opinion about how important such a non-sensical gesture is.
Arksstuff
I have to admit, this really doesn't bother me, just seems like something really petty to feel superior to others about
chicagochick
i dont feel superior, i think its an observation that maybe no one emphasized the importance of a confident handshake like awkward weak hugs
InternationalPhoneticAlphabet
it just feels gross, dude.
PreciousPotato
It's not about superiority, but it does leave a bad first impression, subconsciously. It's part of the whole body language- package. At /1
PreciousPotato
other end of the spectrum would be Trump's old "grab&pull", which comes across as overly aggressive and domineering. A limp handshake /2
PreciousPotato
gives the impression of someone who's not interested and building rapport with you and/or not confident, depending on the rest of the BL, /3
PreciousPotato
like posture, eye contact etc. Never underestimate the power and importance of non-verbal communication, voice included.
Terwin94
I got small hands, please wait until my hand is actually in yours before you squeeze so you aren't breaking fingers kthx
bringbakfirefly
I'm going for dominance. Shape up, peaches.
crispyfive
My rule is wait until the web between my thumb and finger touches theirs. Don't premature squeeze before then or everyone loses.
TwoCheese
I do it real slow like..
zanefree60
One of my bosses told me if this happens to you, smile, embrace the pain, maintain eye contact and compliment the squeeze.
Anhor
The "too early" grabbers are the worst. Limp handshakes are okaish. But if you close your hand before our thumbs lock we'll redo!
Sinjai
This.
wurdtoyer
This is just how douchebags artificially force a firm/dominant handshake.
wegotabadassoverhere
Sure, Trump
happychef86
I have massive hands so this is important. Thanks man, I had no idea.
triedtothinkofausernamethatwasntalreadytaken
I don't want to squeeze too hard and look like a douche
Koshunae
You shouldnt have to. A proper handshake is a quick squeeze, just enough to make your hand tense and firm. -
Koshunae
However I would take an overly firm handshake over a limp dick one. When you put no effort into it, it makes me feel you have no respect. -
Koshunae
Or that you think youre better than me. Dickhead.