yougavemehogwarts
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Thought you guys might like this.
Spoonland
http://www3.pictures.zimbio.com/mp/mA5SbP1W53Ex.gif
GwenShepard
You touch the dispenser BEFORE Washing your hands with the soap tho...
NotTheUserNameWeWantButTheUserNameWeDeserve
Apparently OP does not know the insects in Australia, that'll scare any person mate...
HeikkiKikkelsson
For some reason, Jimmy Carr read all of those for me in my mind.
RedJeepGal
No way, my fiancé loves when I've earned the toilet seat for him.
RedJeepGal
Warmed, damn auto correct.
loislolane
I'm picturing contagious farts and laughing way too hard
SirScarface69
In my family they are contagious.
DancingPanther
It's like how grape flavored things don't all taste like grape. They all taste like "grape" flavoring.
jrau18
This is why American products say "Natural and Artificial Flavors." It isn't because of the ingredients, it's the actual flavor that's fake.
Penguinofmyspirit
Banana flavoring is based on an extinct variety popular in the 50's. Maybe this is similar
ExtremeAndViolentButtFun
I wish farting was contagious. That would just be hilarious.
rahdarahda
A mole is a 3D freckle..
halfsquatch
Male and female skulls are definitely difference. Sauce: university level anatomy
mrguyperson
There's actually two times that I wash my skeleton. The second is when I'm washing my bone in OPs mom.
schmassbinder123
it will only come out dirtier
Southpaw86
Aloe Vera, apply directly to the burn.
Whythingsareseen
@panzermoosen
ShitSampleFiend
This is by far the best shower thoughts post I have seen. Now I wont need to shower for a week!
fnordy
I don't get the last two. Don't you need touch-free since your hands are dirty before the soap? And why won't they notice the farts?
paynomind
The farting poker players is a play on having a good "poker face," meaning you can keep a secret.
fnordy
I thought it might be something like that but knowing as little as I do about poker...
OneColdGorilla
"The future is stupid." lmao
Iaimtomisbehave
And so dangerous for women: http://imgur.com/R36cS . (And pointy.)
OneColdGorilla
80s Madonna cosplay is huge after space exploration picks up.
heimeyer72
Where did you find all these? Are there more?? (Of these Images!)
Iaimtomisbehave
Just google "golden age pulp fiction book covers" and click on the row of images,
heimeyer72
Thx!
FogTheMist
What time is it in space?
CompanysOkay
I want a lethal dose of coupons please
basicwhitelich
As an anatomist, I clean my skeletons fairly regularly.
Captain4merica
Teeth aren't bones
TheRealEdwardRooney
Reading these with Mitch Hedberg's voice makes them 100x funner
goodguyC
I wish I could upvote you more than once! You turned a mediocre post into pure brilliance!
TheRealEdwardRooney
You could make an entire Shower Thoughts album with just material from Mitch's stand-up
ItalianGuy235
you are a brilliant person
CarrionDoll
Agreed
touchitbringitpayitwatchitturnitleaveitstartformatit
It sounds to me like a camera is the worst thing to have when encountering a Sasquatch, no one survives...
[deleted]
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touchitbringitpayitwatchitturnitleaveitstartformatit
If someone had a camera and found a Sasquatch we don't know about it, which means the Sasquatch killed them. Does that kinda make sense?
heimeyer72
And vanished with the camera and the body. And then killed everybody who knew about the person... I dunno. Maybe a little bit. Not sure ...
RamLama
If the person with the camera survived, we'd be able to see their footage. No footage, ergo no survivors.
touchitbringitpayitwatchitturnitleaveitstartformatit
Explained much better ^^
flannelCamel
Where the hell did my comment go?!
touchitbringitpayitwatchitturnitleaveitstartformatit
What the hell there was nothing wrong with your comment?
cloudsforbrains
Mine have been mysteriously disappearing, too! I thought Imgur was targeting me. :[
heimeyer72
Did it have a camera on it?
motzgogh
Shower thought: The second-hand of a clock is the third hand.
krytenofsmeg
This. A clock's second hand rotates at 60rpm.
heimeyer72
Showerthought reader's though: What if I buy a second hand clock?
mellowdrama
This is brilliant. Original or stolen joke?
heimeyer72
Thank you. Original - just had it half a minute before I wrote it. ("though" should read "thought") Once in a week I can be good :D
mellowdrama
I'm imagining this joke in a stand-up routine... can't think of his name, young, deadpan style.
myr14d
#3: But I have lots of skeletons in my basement that I clean all the time?
ThisIsNotTheLurkerYouAreLookingFor
The distinction lies in the fact that those in thy cellar were aquired through a secondary party. "One previous owner", as it were.
VesselOfHate
fair enough, but the post was trying to say "clean your OWN skeleton"
Vulvarella
Dad?
AstralBeast808
Yes, but can you clean your skeleton???????? I THOUGHT NOT
TheCreepyManFromDownTheWay
You wouldn't clean a skeleton.
AstralBeast808
You wouldn't download a toothbrush.
NurseCAT
I mean, the ones in his basement are "his skeletons"
Blud4BludGod
When I was three I took a bad fall and peeled all the flesh off a big part of my forehead (it required extensive plastic surgery to fix...
Blud4BludGod
and I have a scar to this day). The doctors had to clean my skull for me at least a few times. This reminded me of it
Gamegeneral
Murderer or anthropology fan?
MostIndeedlySo
Are you Harry S. Plinkett?
unknovvnMike
We clean bones all the time where I work!
TheEmeraldProphylactic
Teeth are not bones
Captain4merica
Thank you
FlesHBoX
No, but they are considered to be part of the skeletal system. I looked it up because I thought the same thing, and was surprised.
AsAnItalianItsDifficultTalkingOnTheWebCauseIcantUseMyHands
when u see a skeleton it has teeth, hence u are cleaning your skeleton.
FlesHBoX
Exactly
Knillis
FEEL THAT BURNNN
CmRock136
They're both made of hydroxyapatite and the rest is a collagen mixture. The enamel is a higher density than bones. I took biomechanic engin.
HerpNDerpington
Enamel has almost no collagen and instead is built upon a matrix of mainly amelogenin which is almost entirely removed upon maturation
Redmancometh
Amelogenin just organizes the enamel rods. The enamel is still Calcium Apatite as are bones. -Redmancometh uses wikipedia, 2015
HerpNDerpington
And what is the issue here? Amelogenin, not collagen is the majority of the miniscule organic component of enamel.
Redmancometh
Why do we have to go by the organic components if it's mostly inorganic material? Not saying there isn't one I just don't know it.
spelcheak
Yes, they are.
ohmegatron
Teeth can't melt steel beams.
Rizla65
Yeah well I'm a dentist and you can all go fuck yourselves
ridetheshoopuf
Majority are teenagers here. What do you think is their favourite past time anyway?
TheAlot
The soap thing has bothered me for years! Automatic sinks and paper towel dispensers are much more important
CatsandDnD
I hate those public toilets where you have to press the faucet button every five seconds to be able to wash your hands.
[deleted]
[deleted]
TheAlot
That's about herd immunity and protecting people that can't be vaccinated for medical reasons
doihearanamen
Right, just like parents telling their kids that some kid in Africa is starving, so eat all your vegetables. Equally pointless.
Automatvapen
+ one day you'll stand there with dirty hands, and the batteries in the dispensers have ran out. Where's your God then, huh?
saganworshipper
Th door handle will give you cancer of the AIDS.
ReplyingToComeBackToThisLater
Or worse, AUUUUUUUUUUTIIIIISSMMMMMMMMMMM.
Koshunae
Or worse. It might vaccinate you.
PoundingRain
and UNLATCHED DOORS THAT OPEN OUTWARD!
LordTyranius
It isn't for you, but for people that would have to clean it
Redeyer
Auto toilets are far worse IMO.
Flurshy
They flush before you even get up...
Redeyer
Exactly! Also, your username is kirnd orf relervant
Ironicgimmickaccount
It also spits out less soap so the place doesn't have to replace it quite as much.
Flurshy
Doesn't give you enough soap to get your hands clean, so you wind up making it give you two or three squirts instead of just one.
dangerousDoc
There is auto soap dispensers, they don't change much
TheQuark
If I have gross stuff all over my hands and press the soap dispenser, then the soap dispenser gets dirty with no convenient way to clean it
Dompap
Yes but the only people who will get dirty from it are people who are gonna wash their hands right after.
[deleted]
[deleted]
Dompap
Why not? My hands will be cleaner when I'm done anyway?
TheQuark
Well, in the kitchen, that could end up with something growing on it :p
Unindoctrinated
If you think "A bed is a shelf for your body when you're not using it" you're not using your body, or the bed, to their full potential. ☺
jollaffle
we have to go deeper
thegr8rambino
hadakanogokiburi
At the very least it's a body-sized USB port.
Unindoctrinated
Somewhere there is a marketing idea for a pillow-case with a picture of a USB jack and "RECHARGE" on it.
deathbyskyrim
As the saying goes: let the tables break from abundance, and beds break from love!
Unindoctrinated
I can't say I've ever heard that but I do like it.
WhatzitTooya
A "shelf for your body when you're not using it"...I feel like "coffin" would fit that purpose much better, it's just not a "shelf".
ShowMeBunnies
It's a storage bin, for your relatives to pack up your body and toss it in the basement.
WilhelmvonSchlapphand
A coffin is a drawer that you store your body in until the rapture.
Simnut94
I'm using mine as a personal library.
humblegrumblebee
☺
BenderBenderBender
Wouldn't it still be a shelf for your body when you are using it?
LampshadeShoe
Perhaps you're not using your shelves to their full potential ;) shelf sex ftw!
SweetBabyJesus
right? beds are a great place for snacks & movies!
BenSnow97
You mean Netflix and chill?
Emmaniac
Now you're thinking!
beardbeardbeardbeard
That emoji smile bahaha
MehWasTooShort
Even colors!
Emmaniac
He looks so proud
Unindoctrinated
It's just Alt + NumPad 1. I always use it when I want to ensure people know I'm joking or being sarcastic, not critical or correcting.
Tycondak
( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
Meradactyle
It's just s'darn cute
beautifulpeanutbutter
As a short person, +1 for #10
JackOfAllTradesMasterOfBaters
Same
MaximumZero
+1 for short person. We gotta stick together. To keep from being trampled by giants.
VeggieNinja93
That almost happened to me once. Luckily a nice giant saved me.
ogmudbone
Men of your stature are in short supply
felikittyPGH
I liked it, but I totally expect to see that in my FB feed as a SomeECard with a sassy 50's cartoon lady, like, sipping wine or something.
phanorkner
But what if you are a tall being insulted for being tall? ):
VeggieNinja93
There is too much of you.
johnnyzcz
Nobody's pointing out that Twizzlers are cherry??? (Unless you're talking Pull-N-Peel.)
RyanDog99
I have never had cherry twizzlers. Only strawberry. And not pull and peel.
Silversmile777
Extra confusing for Brits, Twizzlers are bits of deep-fried chicken on a stick!
somethingsomethingbacon
We're a red vines family
RyanDog99
Red vines are garbage
LahSmile
Pull-N-Peel are thet only Twizzlers worth talking about
EdemahRuh
That was my thought too.
paynomind
Twizzlers are available in CHerry, Strawberry, Chocolate, and Licorice.
RyanDog99
And rainbow
Specter1125
Chocolate?......
BishopofHippo93
All taken directly from https://www.reddit.com/r/showerthoughts
XenuWorldOrder
Who gives a shit? I only care if it's funny. These people are profiting from the posts.
InboxMeYourOods
I'm fine with it. I don't go to reddit, so
GavinScreaming
Where else did anyone actually think they came from?
KrustyPartiallyGelatinatedNonDairyGumBasedBeverage
They stole the USB book/cigarette one from Twitter, swings and roundabouts
MrTurtleWrangler
Do we get the pitchforks and torches now?
mcpacey
hadakanogokiburi
(╯°□°）╯︵⎯⎯∈
icyanddicey
Pitchforks and torches are thought of as tools, unless you mention them together.
McBook
They're tools of revolution
icyanddicey
Barely relevant, the band DEVO got it's name from De-evolution, which they believed was going on when they played - since 1980
NotAnotherFuckingDalek
MOTHERFUCKINGTACOCAT
Yes, I'll assemble the angry mob
BurtMacklinYouSOB
Hey hey hey. I got another question. What if one mob gets separated from the other mob...
wererat2000
xenoraptor
"Most people"? Wait a minute...
Snuggletummy
I was going to downvote this but... "nah"
SpecimenSpiff
Not me. I've been murderer 5-6 times. Seriously, it's getting old.
rybrows
When one of my teachers was younger her mum used to take her to the same cafe which myra hindley frequented.
howjom
*passes by* nah
yougavemehogwarts
Ditto, high 5!
badacha
I'd rate you more of a low 3.
GrowUpNao
Can I hight 5 too?
wererat2000
...nah.
yougavemehogwarts
...nah
ImanerdDontjudgeme
na
ImanerdDontjudgeme
na...
squarrel
Story time: I babysat for a woman who was later murdered in her bed by the guy she went on the date with that night. I shook his hand, too.
ActuallyAmTheD
Yeesh! That must've hurt business, eh?
Redeyer
TELL US MORE. Make a post!
squarrel
It's not super exciting but it is a sad story.
squarrel
Holy crap I found it: http://articles.baltimoresun.com/1998-07-19/news/1998200070_1_kasten-nancy-and-mike-master-bedroom
Redeyer
That's so sad :(
squarrel
It really was. She was so excited telling me about how the divorce was finally final and was happy to be dating again. :(
helpnonamesareleft
What happened to the kid?
squarrel
I'm not sure. She was recently divorced from the dad (alcoholic) and was finally dating again. She was giddy telling me about it while 1
squarrel
taking me home that night. http://articles.baltimoresun.com/1998-07-19/news/1998200070_1_kasten-nancy-and-mike-master-bedroom 2/2
helpnonamesareleft
Wow. That's sad. :( I hope the kid's doing okay somewhere.
Lizena
At least for me vomiting is contagious
kaijukiller
I second this. +1
0100000101001101
That was my first thought at that one as well.
PhilipKDickbutt
NASA calls this phenomenon "inspirational vomiting".
blitherypoop
It's not just you. Even just the smell gets me sometimes.
noonerspisms
Could you imagine facts tho...
noonerspisms
farts*
RichardAdrian
Yeah me too. I am sadly a sympathy puker.
NeckPlant
In preschool this indian kid got some weird lunch from his mom and he didnt like it at all and threw up. A chain reaction ensued...
iamthemachine
Soggy bread?
TabCapslock
"Technicolor yawn"
MrMcGeeIn3D
Sympathetic vomiting?
Leithreas
You know that's right.
Quoob
SYMPATHETIC VOMITING
schmassbinder123
http://www.reactiongifs.us/wp-content/uploads/2013/02/family_guy_barfing.gif
SirScarface69
Now reverse it.
Splodgey
Get this crap out my sight
lolalupe
I'm a sympathy puker. I also work in a daycare. When someone gets a bug, i have to leave the room. :(
0100000101001101
Possibly the worst place to work if that is true for you. Sympathy upvote.
inspiringandfunnyusernamecoolheh
+1 for sympathy puker, can not even start to imagine, when a kid misses mommy cries, caughs and vomits, all of a sudden you do too.
ThatMomentWhenImgurJokesAreOnlyFunnyToImgurians
I guess I'm that way? also afraid of throw up/get like a mini panic attack whe nI hear about it or it happends near me.
Pieala
I think having 1 kid, 6 dogs and 2 cats sort of got me over sympathy puking.
JaimeFookinLannister
That's one of the main reasons I aim to never have kids or have any job that's likely to involve frequently being around kids.
JaimeFookinLannister
I've not yet actually puked after seeing someone puke, but it always leaves me feeling all mentally fucked up for the rest of the day.
tygerpsimatrix
Similar reflex only to defend us against communal poisoning.
Magster2004
Huh. Never thought of it that way.
GrandPoobahDeDoinkOfAllOfThisAndThat
I would be dead, so long as none touched me or my food and i didn't smell it i could even continue eating while watching someone puke.
technetium99m
Best TIL fact in a long time!
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tygerpsimatrix
"Hey, hey, remember that embarassing thing you did years ago?" - http://theoatmeal.com/comics/brain
dangerousDoc
To be fair that does sound like the brain
Tigergurke
I never thought about it like that... sounds plausible. Though by now it's another relatively useless function in a lot of cases I guess.
Pieala
Well, if 50 of you are at a park barbecuing for a family reunion and someone brought contaminated food, a communal puke'd work well.
WilhelmvonSchlapphand
Someone's never ate gas station sushi with a friend...
balthane
Friends don't let friends gas-sushi.
UnnecessaryAnswerMan
Because some of us have an instinct for self-preservation.