HeyILikeDogs
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I'm 34. I'm not super old but I'm certainly too old to play these bullshit games. You're worth more than that person is treating you. EDIT: Credit: blcksmth on Instagram. He's made quite a few other ones that I'm fond of. Check him out!
ZetallicA
Without a context, you're sending mixed signals. So... no
C137geek
Same age. Possibly similar situations. Thanks @op. I needed the reminder.
dakkaffex
You guys are getting signals ?
AstronglywordedEmail
You guys are getting signals?
YoloMcSwagginsteinDaFith
The message is great and all, but why// how does this picture have such depth and vividity? Is visually perplexing
cirunz
Ditto
ruferto
if i care i'll say something. if i don't i'm gone
DamnMustardTiger
I'm 34 and can relate.
barbqspareribs
Damn man, I honestly didn’t realize how much I needed to see this til I saw it. I deserve more. Thank you @HeyILikeDogs
2sips
I read it as mixed singles and wondered what playing tennis had to do with dating.
HeyILikeDogs
Metaphorically?
Cornchip2000
Mixed signals can also mean the woman is trying to figure out your intentions. Saying men only want one thing demeans both people.
EricPisch
All signals are a no, can’t go wrong then
ZetallicA
If receiver is not ready to exchange, then the sender's signaling is ambiguous. You ll say yes when you're ready
andachairaswell
Why do people keep trying? Like fuck. Nooooo one is worth my time to fuck around like that.
jelly117
So true, that temptation to wait it out on has an opportunity cost. Who knows what happiness you'd have found if you kept looking.
Assassine
I just wish I'd have someone to talk to in the first place.
HadToRegisterForThis
Video tutorial on whether she's into you: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xa-4IAR_9Yw
brdmuffinman
This was amazing :-)
michBeast
So you say there is hope?
HeyILikeDogs
More or less. I can never say forsure. I'm 34 and single so I might not be the authority on finding a healthy long term relationship.
ZetallicA
I think it is good to keep this mindset in mind. Yet, people should go for what they want, instead of focusing on what's wrong
Zaaaaaaaaahn
Do yourself a favor and be your own savior.
Cornchip2000
How flattered would you be to be hit on by a sexual roomba- someone who mindlessly bonks around life, sucking the whole time.
CoarseAndSalty
How delightful would it be if someone told you that rather than taking up your battery and showing no indication they don't want vacuuming.
sheanar
Best advice article I ever read (and it was about business culture) said: Anything that isn't a absolutely a yes means "no".
betterave
Author is blcksmth on Instagram. Give him a credit edit, @OP.
HeyILikeDogs
Good call. Thank you for letting me know!
betterave
Thank you for the sauce !
CouldntCakeLess
sha13
The dude at the bottom left didn't even flinch
HeyILikeDogs
PERFECT. Get yourself into some shit, but you shake it off and roll out like it wasn't a damn issue at all.
definitelyarealdoctor
How about instead of getting up and walking away you reflect on what you did and take ownership of it so that you can fix it.
BallsDeepinaDragonscloaca
I'm 30. I've already resigned myself to dying alone.
Niagaran
Hey, love will come along and then end and *then* you'll die alone.
Veraatje01
People find love at 70, mate. Don't give up on yourself if romance is something you want in your life.
BallsDeepinaDragonscloaca
Maybe? I dunno. I can't even properly take care of myself yet.
Veraatje01
Perhaps, but 30 is still very young and you're never too old to learn. It might not be going as planned but that don't make it impossible!
sweetandsmokey
A lot of guys are commenting but this goes both ways! Some guys are not upfront ....specifically if they absolutely 200% don’t want kids.1/2
sweetandsmokey
2/2 if you want a hookup fucking say it and don’t waist my time. This is a weak way to get laid to pretend you are here for more. Speak up!
Silent1fd
"Hi my names Ted, lets make a baby!?"
aesthesia1
Where tf u finding all these men who dont want kids. I keep fucking getting future-mother-of-my-kids zoned
coffeebaby
Maybe the signals aren't mixed. Maybe you just aren't good at reading the signals.
Atharaenea
Yeah, a lot of guys interpret friendly interactions as being mixed signals.
Imadethisaccountforconfessionbearandshit
Well the way I interpret mixed signals is she says "you're the man of my dreams" one day and the next acts like she doesn't know me
coffeebaby
That just sounds like she lost interest and it's time to move on.
HeyILikeDogs
Very possible, but I'd rather err on that side than think there's something when there's not. I don't want to be putting pressure on anyone
coffeebaby
I meant maybe you are misinterpreting kindness for romantic attraction. Sometimes you have to look inward to solve a problem.
DanielSkov
If they can't even communicate their feelings in a clear way then those feelings probably aren't there.
swagb98623
Maybe signals are an ineffective way to communicate, maybe I don't want Dominos to guess my order, maybe a hot sausage & Netflix are enough.
Exoch
I always default to no. Every once in a while I find out they were really into me and I missed out... still better than being an asshole.
HeyILikeDogs
lafemmenikita
Very true. And women should also learn that being equal to men means that you should not expect men to trip hand over feet just to 'woo' you
lafemmenikita
And I say this as a woman btw
Exoch
Totally, one of the reasons I fell so hard for my wife is she showed the same interest in me that I showed for her. Positive feedback loop!
DillPixels
I try to be honest. Last few years been dealing with PTSD. So when a dude shows interest I tell them straight up I’m going through healing.
CoarseAndSalty
I don't think anyone could ask more of you.
brdmuffinman
Guys worth a shit will respect that, not pry, and maybe still want to be friends if you want to.
Exoch
Thank you for being honest and communicating.
originalcharacterdonotsteal
Be careful of predators who would take advantage of that! But good on you for honesty
maststick
The secret is that actually once you stop playing bullshit games, (nearly)everyone stops trying to play them with you
CompletelyUniqueUsername
Yep directly asked and you get a direct answer. If you aren't confident enough to ask directly they won't be interested enough to say yes.
Rayswisstxeese
Not really
gonergoner22
Yes. Sometimes honesty means people honestly don't want to be with/around you, but it's worth it for those who stick with you.
montee
Yup, this is more true than the original statement. A lot of you're experience with others is a reflection of yourself.
romagnolimike27
Not at all.
fairleenormal
This goes for friendships too.
IllegalDuckling
Feels like not being able to understand or play these games is why I don't have many friends
dj5897
You sure it’s not because of any unlawful quackers???
themuffintreekills
Quality over quantity, my friend.
Tr1gg3rH4ppy
Yeah I literally just told my last friend to fuck off because he keeps going on trumpet conspiracy theory rants. Its annoying
HeyILikeDogs
Eh, only to a medium extent. It's certainly better than before, but it's not even close to "nearly everyone". Maybe it's karma for my past.
montee
In my experience if you haven't gotten the "everyone" either you hold onto people you shouldn't, or YOUR own flaws need addressing.
maststick
You still haven’t learned your lesson then
HeyILikeDogs
Lol what a useless and myopic sentiment. Have fun on your self made high horse, champ. I wish you the best (not sarcasm, I don't wish harm)
maststick
Oh I see, people still play games with you because you’re an bell end and an idiot. Bye
HeyILikeDogs
Oh dearie dear. You poor thing! I don't know who hurt you but I hope you come back from it and are able to thrive. Bitterness isn't forever!
ThatOtherGirlYouKnow
Often what a guy reads as 'mixed signals' is a woman trying politely to say 'no', because a blunt 'no' often leads to an angry entitled guy.
CoarseAndSalty
Or, and I believe 100% equally likely it's a girl who is doing her best to put "the vibe" out there but just doesn't get it.
p7hk9
I would appreciate a clear “I’m not interested”. I’m also not a piss baby that would get their feelings hurt by a simple rejection. It’s NBD
Atharaenea
But from a woman's perspective, she doesn't know what type of guy you are. So she'll play it safe
swagb98623
And the in-often times when she doesn't say no are nuggets of hope some guys hold onto. It's not all women but enough to ruin it for all.
Mysteriouswaffle
This happened to my friend at work. A guy called her baby, and she told him don’t call me that and he got offended and kept calling her baby
Mysteriouswaffle
Basically just to prove a point of “I can do whatever I want”
WhatTheFrench
Was he a customer or a coworker? I had a coworker call me “baby” one time, told him to stop and he did. If he hadn’t my next convo was HR.
Mysteriouswaffle
A client of ours. He’s always been a slimy guy. He hired our firm for a sexual assault case. Go figure, guy doesn’t know what no means
HeyILikeDogs
Exactly. Maybe I'm too quick to see things as a no but that's better than seeing things as a yes then getting angry. That's out of line.
ThatOtherGirlYouKnow
Exactly! If you are getting mixed signals it's a 'no', trust me we'll let you know in no uncertain terms when it is a 'YES'. 1/2
ThatOtherGirlYouKnow
2/2 Example, one girlfriend (I'm lesbian) I met when she grabbed my hand and stuck it on her boob and asked me if I'd like to start dating.
MTekKnight
So you were sexually assaulted?
DanielSkov
Yeah maybe I should start taking women's hand to my crotch when I wanna make sure they know what I want.
ThatOtherGirlYouKnow
And so we have to thread the needle between 'be clear' and 'avoid potential violence'. I know... not all men ... but enough men to ruin 2/3
ThatOtherGirlYouKnow
3/3.. dating and social interactions for the rest of the guys.
henrikpetersson51
So what’s the explanation for mixed signals online, where a blunt no can literally not be met with harm?
Callynd
SWATing is a thing. Just because it's not face to face doesn't mean it's safe.
henrikpetersson51
Don’t know what SWAT means, but I still get your point — heck, the other person could be a hacker and destroy your bank account or something
Sneetsnoot
It's hard to just turn it off like that and can still be harassed online. Sometimes things change where it was a yes then turns into a no.
Squidbinx
I’d be just as or more cautious with online interactions. Don’t really know them or what they’re capable of, never seen the person to get
Squidbinx
an instinctual feel. Are they going to find my social media accounts or physical location through my IP address? And anyone can still get
ventikona
I was accused of giving mixed signals online because I would discuss music with a man when he messaged me to talk about bands, but wouldn’t
ventikona
Date him. I never initiated a conversation or alluded to spending any time together. That was one example, but it’s happened a few times.
kaymon
If someone is sending mixed signals, they haven't learned how to communicate effectively. They're not ready for a relationship.
TallManSNV
“Do what you want”. If you ever hear this, DO NOT, I repeat, DO NOT do what you want
xyxyxyxy31
sha13
Wait... If you haven't received a clear yes then why interpret it as yes then?
eastherbunni
Wishful thinking and desperation?
padmeko
Exactly, mixed signals, gaslighting. Lousy individuals.
FezWa
Communication goes both ways; not understanding signals is just as disfunctional
LicensedAdHominem
Exactly. There are no mixed signals, there are only changing circumstances and dysfunctional people
LaronX
No there are differentially mixed signals, but there is an equal issue of people reading things wrong. Those aren't mutually exclusively
LicensedAdHominem
These aren't even related. Stupid people send nonsensical signals, not mixed, stupid people misunderstand signals, don't mix them, and ⤵
LicensedAdHominem
⤷ circumstance changes often from minute to minute, changing the signal. I've lived enough to know "mixed signals" is just an excuse.
thesmelge
Understanding signals requires learning and experience. Not everybody has that experience.
ThatOtherGirlYouKnow
Or the person receiving the 'mixed signals' is actually bad at accepting a polite 'no', but is the type who'd be offended by a plain 'no'.
pumpkinpiepatch
I feel like alot of guys take my polite no and rejections as mixed signals. Not my problem.
artifactcreature
euphoricopportunity
Or... You may have trouble accepting the possibility that anyone might be interested, so anything shy of a notarized form is mixed signals.
RoodKontjeAapje
Sounds like the best explanation to me. If you're really that into someone, you're not gonna pretend you're not interested.
illogicalphallusies
20 year olds do it all the god damn time.
kerms
Then offend them. Being too afraid to offend for the greater good is also a character flaw.
Theotokoss
Being cautious isn't a "character flaw".
kerms
Being too cautious to do what's right is absolutely a flaw.
Theotokoss
You're a dude & being willfully ignorant of the dangers women face in saying 'No'. You're WHY women are scared.
siler7
No, no, it's always the less popular person's fault.
ThatOtherGirlYouKnow
/sarcasm
simsom4343
Which probably this post also mentions, if its a mixed signal, take it as now. Chances are it is a no, or should be a no
BigFatFailureTurtle
Trouble is, many guys are afraid they'll never get a straightforward "yes", so they make the best of mixed signals.
hippocampus
Well, many goes won't get a yes until maybe 40 and then from a divorced mom. If I wouldn't have gone for mixed signals, I'd be one of them.
hippocampus
To clarify, mixed signals meant girl wasn't really sure about dating at first. When we are young we are not sure about many things.
illogicalphallusies
yeah its pretty much what under30 year olds do. i think ppl just forget how dumb they used to be looking back and expect next gen to not be
ThePunishersVengefulBrother
Also, many guys are afraid of rejection, so will never be straightforward in their approach, & instead try to "read the tea leaves"
AlexjoneswatchingTporn
Hm this one says possible rape charges
BigFatFailureTurtle
Not it doesn't, it's the opposite. Rape is a problem because it's far too presumptuous and direct. These guys are scared to even ask for a
BigFatFailureTurtle
date, taking the safer approach of making sure she's into them too before making any moves whatsoever. Trust me, my current gf
Youhavinagiraffe
I will say though that sometimes what people consider "mixed signals" is actually just a clear no while trying to not hurt someones feelings
Youhavinagiraffe
The fault for confusion can go either way and sometimes a bit of ambiguity is a learned self-defence. Some people take rejection very badly
FTRek
That is true but I would rather have my feelings hurt than not knowing for sure..
Youhavinagiraffe
That's good, but remember that they might not know that about you and could be erring on the side that causes themselves the least hassle
FTRek
I am talking to someone like that.. one day she being affectionate, flirting and another she really distances herself./1
FTRek
I ever did confess my feeling to her only to receive no clear answer which just made me even more confused./2
FTRek
Sometimes she wants to spend hours with me and sometimes doesn't even acknowledge my existence and would rather hang out with someone else/3
FTRek
Just lots of confusion. It's sucks between stuck in this limbo and having someone play with your feelings./4
FTRek
@HeyILikeDogs @BigFatFailureTurtle So basically that is very true..
DecorativeCacti
Take your affection elsewhere. Could be a ton of reasons she's doing this, but she's obviously not into or ready for what you want. 1/2