nutellanipplelicks
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For anyone not from Australia it is a Blue ringed Octopus, it is extremely deadly with a highly toxic venom. You are taught in primary school just how fucking crazy dangerous it is to touch one of these.
ObligatoryGitGud
Respiratory failure imminent.
TysonCable
Enough to kill 10 adult humans
RedMedal001
(Being the boring guy) This photoshoped, the real is the one with the Red octopus. But i don't doubt someone would touch a blue ringed one.
IcommentMostlyWithGifs
"Butt slowly unclenching"
Meggr0nTheDestruct0r
GnomeAndGarden
I lost count of the number of redundancies there. deadly...highly toxic venom...crazy dangerous...Australian...
wizzle
"No antidote"
EelBowelProbing
Austrian school: "Look outside kids. Take a good hard look. It's all trying to kill you. Everything. Even your pet box jelly. Trust nothing"
EelBowelProbing
*IDIOT ALERT* australian
Cobaltios
As someone who read up about a lot of different animals... oh yeah, I know of this guy... it's always the small ones who are the nasties.
Mystakaphoros
Well good thing, because I have some cigars that need cutting.
Sean5
I'm not falling for that one again.
Chebear101
Even the Octopus is pretty sure this is an American.
zeusdemigod131
I'm American and I knew these things could kill me when I was 6... granted I mainly watched Animal Planet back then
GadenKerensky
PUT THAT THING BACK WHERE IT CAME FROM OR SO HELP ME!
andtheseashalltell
Are they touchy-venomous, bitey venomous, eaty poisonous, stingey venomous, or yes?
bluetractor
Yes.
GadenKerensky
They're Fuck-you poisonous/venomous.
jmacg
They're carry-enough-venom-to-kill-26-people bitey venomous.
possiblyahuman
Yes.
nutellanipplelicks
The venom is located in their saliva and transferred through a bite but there are now questions as to whether it can be via skin contact
andtheseashalltell
Fun times. Well...play stupid games, win stupid prizes.
ohitsonlyoli
If it's through skin contact, that would make them poisonous, no? Being both Venomous and poisonous would be badass.
nutellanipplelicks
It's confirmed they are venomous, there is current research into if it can penetrate skin
JustANoobOnImgurWithOneCat
If it's dangerous to touch these, how is this guy doing it?
nutellanipplelicks
It sounds like a tourist who wasn't aware of what this is, it's really common and a big problem on the east coast for hospitals
KentuckyFriedChildren
So did the stupid tourist in this pic take a dirt nap? I'd assume so.
nutellanipplelicks
I don't know what happened to them, but I'm assuming so
WhenWillPeopleLearnThatTheseAreWEBMsAndNotGifsQuestionmark
Saw this same post many months ago. Also then, someone pointed out that it is "mad" as seen by the blue rings. Also, it's photoshopped.
whyiseverythingupsidedown
Yeah, the venom will disable your respiratory muscles within minutes.
governmentgavemeagun
You can save a life by artificial respiration (breathing for them) until the medics arrive. They'll be ok in 24 hours if they get air.
nutellanipplelicks
Worst part is you almost never know you've been bitten so drs often don't know what's going on
governmentgavemeagun
"Enough venom to kill twenty-six adult humans within minutes"... (wikipedia)
ekzeko
Again if they all got on a respirator they would all survive, it's a really vicious toxin.
Emangelo
Anyone know what happened to this person?
IcommentMostlyWithGifs
It's fake. Photoshoped.
StonerCommando
I had a book on dangerous creatures when I was young, and this minuscule hell beast had a whole page of telling me to run.
BookGoblinz
I used to catch these fellas by hand as a kid & along with other venomous creatures - Surprised I'm still alive now in retrospect lol.
tarrbot
Don't look up Shelob's little cousin, the Sydney funnel web spider.
bluetractor
I didn't listen. I looked them up :( Probably the world's biggest arachnophobe. Gonna have the heebie jeebies all day!
tarrbot
I should've warned better. I won't tell you about any others just in case you don't listen...
bluetractor
I definitely wont!
nutellanipplelicks
I'm literally never moving to Sydney for that reason
GadenKerensky
Venom tailored specifically for killing insects and apes, so your dog or cat will be right as rain. But you? You're fucking fucked, cunt.
tarrbot
They are terrifying to even look at. Aggressive house squatters. I don't even want to visit because of them. Not even the same hemisphere.
nutellanipplelicks
They can also live under water for up to 30 hours.....
tarrbot
I had heard two weeks. I might be wrong though.
nutellanipplelicks
They still breath air so it's not that long, but 24 hours is still a long fucking time
BlurpBleepBoopERRORERROR
WARNING: IF YOU ARE IN AUSTRALIA, DON'T TOUCH ANYTHING, ESPECIALLY AUSTRALIA!!
darearkin
Isn't that -the- most deadly octopus on earth?
ekzeko
Not deadly per se but it paralyses everything down to your diaphragm. You need someone else to manually make you breath while the toxin runs
darearkin
(I'd call that pretty fuckin' deadly.)
ekzeko
I usually use deadly when the toxin is the direct cause of cardiac arrest.
nutellanipplelicks
Out of the top 30 deadliest animals in Australia it's about 8 - 7/10 deadliness
darearkin
Jesus shit. What's higher? That shelled snail that fires shitloads of poison? Box Jellyfish?
nutellanipplelicks
Box jellyfish is the deadliest animal in Aus, then you have bull sharks, salties, eastern brown snake, funnel web spider
darearkin
What's that one shelled thing that if you step on it it forcefully injects a shitload of poison? Aquatic, I THINK it's a snail...
nutellanipplelicks
Yeah cone snails, about the same as a blue ringed octopus but it's much less potent as far as I'm aware
cryborg
@TinyOctopus
TinyOctopus
Yeah, that's a tiny octopus that even tiny hippo doesn't fuck with.
Greyz
Nah, I'm not worried. If there isn't an ambulance within 1km, that person's already dead.
TinyOctopus
Tiny Octopus notes that given how bright the blue rings are, that little guy/lady is pissed, and not in the Australian manner either.
20060578
That's actually a beautiful description of what's going on here.
JesusAssCrackers
FrozenFoodGuy
Cute
MySpiritAnimalIsTheUnpopularOpinionPuffin
I'd be pissed too if I couldn't breathe.
SmellOfMonkey
I think taking it out of the water for a photo op is probably a contributing factor
KomodoKill
I love you tinyoctopus
ChefTrashCan
Is tiny octopus not frightened to see one of his friends get trapped?
silentbob7
TinyOctopus knows when friend is mad and TinyOctopus knows not to mess with blue rings I'm guessing
ChefTrashCan
Blues must be bad news, then.
nman10000
From what I've heard, they're so potent someone has to breathe for you or get you on a ventilator, or you'll die.
TheMajesticHarpyEagle
Extremely. No antidote. Near certainty of death without medical care.
Smallbrownrabbit
Correct. Found one once at a local beach. Blue rings mean 'I'm upset'
onegrumpyboy
Better to be pissed off than pissed on
ReleaseTheKracken
My grandpa always said that :) +1
MaladaptedMedic
*then
onegrumpyboy
...so you want to be pissed off then pissed on....
SpecimenSpiff
That's probably the joke.
madguy50
Well, the fucker holding this has already got his pinky folding in on itself from the venom it seems.[pls translate to Australian]
IcommentMostlyWithGifs
Krikey
BanadecCamberbootch
In all seriousness it's probably just Clinodactyly; my youngest daughter has a slight offset to her pinkies.
nokittythatsabadkitty
This cunt's fucked ay
KentuckyFriedChildren
Found the Aussie
hateyouall
translation = that dumb cunts already fucked
abundantbadgers
Nah he's just got bonitis
LanaDelReyy
I was really hoping your pic would be a block of cheese.
IcommentMostlyWithGifs
Mate, this cunt is a few sangas short of a picnic, ayyy.
Fyrmedic128
I learned about these in paramedic school. The instructor felt it was essential information...We are in the middle of Texas.
gamlingcs
DFW aquarium has some toxic octopus exhibits I think.
blitherypoop
People might be nuts enough to try to keep one in a fishtank.
governmentgavemeagun
Tetradotoxin, same as puffer fish, respiratory paralysis up to 24 hours, you can save a life by forced respiration (breathing for them).
governmentgavemeagun
Maybe collectors have these and/or puffer fish in tanks??
GadenKerensky
I live only a few hours from Texas. I live in Queensland. :3
nutellanipplelicks
Probably because if you came to Australia it is something you HAVE to know about and recognise early, people can die within an hour
tomatophage
Did you go to TCC by any chance?
Fyrmedic128
He had a degree in marine biology. The ocean is 6 hours away from where I live. the worst we get are jelly fish.
GodOfTheBumbleBees
If the ocean is 6 hours away, how do you get jellyfish?
Fyrmedic128
I drive to the cost. Otherwise I never deal with them.
Zahnradfee
https://s3.amazonaws.com/static.caloriecount.about.com/images/medium/sathers-jelly-fish-candy-99834.jpg
Fyrmedic128
They are nothing like the Box Jellies that you have down under.
nutellanipplelicks
We have the deadliest jelly fish in the world in our beaches plus big sharks, angry octopuses, stone fish....remind me why I live here again
JeffJuice
The possibility to procreate with some hot women.
Fyrmedic128
We have Donald Trump and Hallary. We are willing to trade them for deadly animals.
Tzalumen
British exile of undesirables?
igobeder
Rule of nature: If it is brightly colored like that, no touch.
blessedarethecheesemakers
I touchy it?
corvandus
Rule of Australian nature: If it is, no touch.
DoctorWh0m
I think this is the mimic
DegasDancer
This is where natural selection would come into play...
patthefox
Birds seem to be the exception.
Kyuukichi
But then how are we supposed to come off as fun and gain likes on social media? :o
svyeti
... Yeah but ima touch dat fishy doe...
governmentgavemeagun
No toucha da fishy!
circlebreaker
*rolls on patch of earth covered in Yellowjacket holes like a cat in a beam of sunsine*
NiceLegsDaisyDukesMakesAMAAANOUTOFYOOOUUUU
I used to see Velvet Ants when I was a kid. Never picked them up because I just associated it with "NO".
RyanBall1
What about girls with brightly coloured hair?
Dastooooo
Like Trump..
Unbarring
Yeah I learned that the hard way with fire corals/upside down jelly fish
NotRonald
RULES OF NATURE!
orangemarmaladesky
But it looks so fuzzy! http://texasinsects.tamu.edu/images/insects/common/images/cd-43-c/img344.jpg What's the worst that could happen?
orangemarmaladesky
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EF-oSVCCqzU
teh0khardic
Alternative rule: if it's in and/or from Australia, don't touch
Letsplaygoodkittybadkitty
but iamma touch da fishy?
GenericFacebookComment
Bears aren't brightly colored. Stupid evolution.
astrangehop
Dangerous predators aren't like dangerous prey! Wow.
GeneCode
Tzalumen
explosivelyshy
That's cause predators don't want you to notice that they're dangerous, silly.
Rkhbusa
Bears don't use poison defensively
StormageddonDarkLordOfAllAKAAlfie
Rule 2: if it's in Australia, no touch.
MisterRekt
This.
cuntimus
I'm gunna lick it
Stitchikins
Actually.. liking it would be far safer than what's in the picture.. just.... don't lick the underside of it.
captainhammerpants
They didn't say anything about tasting it! Knock yourself out
HmmICantThinkOfACleverUsernameRightNow
I mean, it's still touching it, just with the tongue.
SpikeSpiegeil
*paints dick bright orange and yellow*
didsomeonesayanal
Easy there, Steve
cuntimus
Idk who Steve is. But that username doe +1
didsomeonesayanal
I meant Steve Irwin :P, but thanks :P
sirplayerone
Wait no
blkarmphoenix
.
BichesLoveMy120mmSabotPracticeRound
I was looking for this
thefishydolphin
BILLY DON'T DO IT!
StopStaringAtMyUserNameItsVeryShy
DeathDoge
Im goonna jab me thumb up its asshole
Hetuni
...Well, it's asshole is also its mouth, so have fun with that.
DeathDoge
Mmhm
luxymitt3n
WINNER
DeadPhish21
'At oughta piss 'eem off!
AGiantTransWoman
but what about calico cats please thanks
askaglassofwater
They're not always coloured like that, only when pissed off; that guy's in a world of trouble
theOkayGatsby
Uh oh. I think my parrot is extremely deadly...
McJaews
It can crack your nuts with its powerful beak.
SweetElve
Better let it go, fast!
TheMajesticHarpyEagle
Birds are iffy cause they use it for display, but for most everything else, bright colors equal toxins.
theOkayGatsby
TIL Dory and Nemo are poisonous as hell
TheMajesticHarpyEagle
Nero lives in a toxic environment and dory does actually have toxic flesh.
fishb0x
Might actually be a kind of mimicry. They pretend to be poisonous.
deimosVII
If you see any fauna in Australia, DON'T FUCKING TOUCH IT
RuinedChildHood
I live in Hawaii and i touch it. The trick is to suck it up and dont be a lil bitch xD
maclaglen
Everything in Australia wants to kill you.
chiefrunswithscissors
I would pat a quokkas cute little furry head for days mate
Nefel
If you do not know what they look like, google images "numbat" for top secret Australian animal.
TheCouldHaveBeenKing
snufflewuffle little turds
4i6o2k
Seriously. its nailed into us as children that "If it breathes, bleeds, or lives, DONT TOUCH IT"
DrDoomRoom
Just dont touch Australia.
popejubal
Except for drop bears. Might as well pet them because if you are close enough to pet it, then you're already going to die, so might as well
TheresAGermanWordForThat
Including Sheilas?
inmate4859
I never learned this shit in primary school...
iIikewaffles
I'm fauna touch it anyway.
oryngton
You can touch the opossums.
YouJustSayBingo
We don't have opossums. They're called possums and are a bit different
Mondasin
The possums aren't that bad.
nospambox0
I worked as a dive master for years, I couldn't count how many times I had to keep telling Americans not to touch everything.
nospambox0
The best was the girl who touched a jellyfish because she wanted to see what it felt like. (it felt like searing pain)
whitevfute
Yeah just run. Fast, and duck. And weave, but also jump
mursepatten
Apart from trouser snakes.
dunfiriel
and I'm guessing flora is out of the question as well.
Hypermlems
EVEN THE NON-POISONOUS LIZARDS CAN BITE YOUR FINGERS OFF
ThatInnocentChild
Don't even breath
Tschloken
Unless its a kangaroo. In which case you should slap that bitch
whyiseverythingupsidedown
If it isn't man-made, stay the fuck away. And if it is man-made, approach with caution.
borgmaster
swoopers might be using it as a nest.
whyiseverythingupsidedown
Fucking magpies.
cyrilzeta
I am not here to fuck spiders.
whyiseverythingupsidedown
Gotta make it more Australian - "Ain't here ta fuck spiders, mate"
soMuchHappy
Especially the Sheilas
subiexx
We arent all crazy ????
deimosVII
I touched one once and contracted an incurable case of matrimony
missthenutt
Especially if it has pretty colours!!
Corgilicioussterlingarcher
Don't go to Australia
Machi4vel
Djokovic was warned early enough, thank you!
MrPokination
Why? You seem suspiciously scared of crocs for someone who isn't sterling archer
Corgilicioussterlingarcher
Well maybe i am sterling archer and i am undercover
ohwaitwassheagreatbigfatperson
Confirmed... I've been there 3 times. An emu pecked me, giant flies attacked me, and a huge fish tried to see how I tasted.
Giacomo3142
I have lived my whole life in australia and not one of the things you described have i been through
ohwaitwassheagreatbigfatperson
And, to top it all off, my hotel caught fire.
MrPokination
That's exactly what daily life here is like, just with more FUCKING KOOKABURRAS.
DancingBlibo
wtf I live here and it's not even that bad. Sure you went to the right straya?
Thispostisaboutacat
Or flora, Dendrocnide moroides. Google that shit and plan your vacation there.
Giordino
I think I'll just stay at home
KentuckyFriedChildren
That one is supposed to be insanely painful, but the Manchineel tree has similar blistering properties, the apples are fatal, and if you 1/2
KentuckyFriedChildren
Burn it, the smoke can cause permanent blindness. Basically the king asshole of the plant world 2/2
KentuckyFriedChildren
If you want to learn more: http://sploid.gizmodo.com/this-tree-can-kill-you-1505763900
tomhanksgetyourhandoutofthepicklejar
Anything, dont touch anything!
MindlessChaos
Not even Australians!
DumpITtoKrumpit
Naw, they don't mind being touched down under.
TheBIFFALLO87
*wraps entire body in cling wrap and lays on hotel bed* what a great vacation
TheSmitty17
Don't even breathe
MrPokination
The air is poisonous
PyroDragon
Don't Blink.
ameliablackwing
Blink and you're dead
AuraArondight
They are fast-faster than you could possibly imagine!
slurpnutcuz
Dont
FrulletNT
Sex is just as bad they have teeth down under
Cheerfulinsanity
They move when you close your eyes
BarfTittiesGalore
You sleep, you die.
SlightlyRelatedToThePost
At first thought this was an SCP reference, but no, dr who. *Sigh*
tortillaboy