SSMorePowerfulThanSupermanBatmanSpiderManandtheIncredibleHulk
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Hi I'm Brenda, I'm a stay-at-home mom to 5 beautiful children and I like to consider myself a professional shopper.
Employees like to show off how much they know about their jobs by looking as busy as possible. Be sure to find the one who looks the most busy when you have simple questions to ask such as "where is the milk?" or "do you work here?"
My 5 beautiful children are very boisterous and like to scream at the top of their lungs and throw things around that don't belong to them. I'm not sure why they love it but I know it's not because they're autistic. They can't be, because they're not vaccinated. They're so precious to me.
This was one of the worst experiences I had with another shopper. How dare she try to go ahead of me. If she wanted to be first in line she would have been faster. I almost asked to speak to the manager right then and there to have her removed from the store.
My best friend Sharon called me while I was in the process of checking out. At the same time, the cashier smiled at me and began speaking. How rude do you have to be to talk to someone while they're on the phone? It took everything in my power not to ask to speak to a manager right then and there. I was livid.
After ringing out my whole order while my precious bundles of joy screamed and threw the cashier's dividers around, I handed him my crumpled up handful of coupons that I found at the bottom of my purse. I told him I got them just a couple of days ago but that wasn't good enough. He told me that they expired months ago. I couldn't believe he would tell me such a thing. I was at my limit, I asked to speak to the manager.
As soon as I did he smiled. I couldn't understand why. I instantly felt a sharp pain in the pit of my stomach. He let out a low snicker and the entire grocery store began to darken. Lights shattered and I was surrounded by a shroud of pitch darkness. There was no escape from the hell that became my life as he began to speak the dreaded words I wish I never heard.. "I am the manager."
Drudrite
A+
ThatDawg
hey, professional shopper
bluesmcgroove
It's actually a psychological thing that people tend toward employees who look like they're actually working then those that aren't
downvoteacct
Did I mention my kids are wonderful, I'm such a good mom.
MrDuckie
My 10 years of customers service and all this....spot on!
AlkeneThiol
The amount of people admitting they didn't immediately realize this was satire, and those who don't realize it still, concern me.
SeeMyVests
I don't miss being a cashier for exactly these reasons. Still retail though so some still hit uncomfortably close to home
falkon53
I have only one upvote to give...
muffygraves
As a long time retail worker!!! I needed the laugh... I wonder if it's actually what goes through their heads...?
MyCrayonz
Confirmed satire
twoguns1994
Don't forget to walk very slowly with all 5 children side by side, blocking the entire fucking aisle so nobody can get past
Flexiblewarmth
Can do you one about driving and parking to drop the kids off at school, and how your day so was hectic, it justifies parking illegally?
ProphetTenebrae
The jokes are strong with this one.
definitelynotaspider
As a retail employee I find this to be painfully true, fuck you OP +1
SirGrumps
I've been thinking about applying to Target... maybe not. Although I'd just be in tech area or logistics, so it couldn't be too bad.
MongrelArchitect
I feel like those shoppers have never worked a service job in their lives. Crazy high expectations.
TheRelaxer
Why are you saying that? Do you not realise it's a satirical piece? Oh I guess not. That's probably why you work in retail.
Swooper33
Funny how you dont realize what he's saying is satircal as well, n1
StandingMan
whoosh
Mooseman1991
Hey look, one of her kids grew up.
SophisticatedPhallus
If I have a huge load of groceries I will for sure let a person with just a couple things go in front of me. Why make them wait for you?
SaraSlaughter
I do that every single time I'm in the store... but I go to Aldi, where there is always just one register open. Still, it's second nature.
killingmesoftly
Do you work here? YES. Can I ask a question? YES OF COURSE. You sell these red things, right? RED THINGS? You know, the red things.
GiggafreezeIcesprocket
As a Grocery Store Manager I feel like you may be a fellow employee.
Sugarcrotch
10/10 worth the read
TINYRIIIIICK
I love this but i hate you
HPTradecraft
Classic Brenda
Iamanotherpersonherelurking
I was getting angrier and angrier and then i was so happy I realized this was one of those make fun of these kinds of people thing
SSMorePowerfulThanSupermanBatmanSpiderManandtheIncredibleHulk
This may or may not have been made by a frustrated grocery store employee.
YourBuddyBill
I may have a grocery store job soon, having never had a job before. Any tips?
PlesiosaurWithElementsOfAnIdeaOfTheLochNessMonsterBoy
Smile, be polite, invest in violent video games to take out the stress.
Smidge204
Passive-aggressive "job stories" needs to be a thing.
trujello2013
Agreed
GeraldsNinjaStar
Retail workers will give you plenty of joy in that regard
ravnicrasol
Careful what you wish for, opening the gates could mean a flood or unending sarcasm and anger.
GeraldsNinjaStar
I know. I managed retail for years
NuclearBoxcutter
Someone needs to do call center.
fuujewufbhdbwaybde
/r/talesfromretail and /r/talesfromtechsupport are good for this.
WhyDoesEveryoneHaveSuchLongNames
.
brothercaptain
it's pretty much a standard of any workplace gathering.
MrTay
My favorite response is, yes, then I just sit there and say, you had a question? I'm one of the owners but I'm young no one expects it.
BreadyStinellis
Hairstylist here. People just walk in and say "haircut" no hi, nothing. I just stare and after a while, it is shocking how long it can take,
BreadyStinellis
Say "I'm familiar with them." I mean, really, how fucking rude.
MrTay
Your comment is confusing. I do it because of hours after working with people and giving them a good price, they ask for a manager to get
MrTay
A better price... Our sales are pretty large on average 1k-10k for an residential project. Most the time Ive already shaved 30-40% off.
MrTay
It's Incredibly rude to work with someone for hours and watch them give you discount after discount. Then ask for a manager to get more.
BreadyStinellis
Oh, I was just commenting on the rudeness of customers. Return the greeting before demanding something of someone.
bilbo
Oh man that stupid "Do you work here?" Finally I broke, said to some idiot, "No, I just dress like this cause I like it." He was dumbfounded
Sylviastout
I once wore khakis w/ a red top to target & helped an older lady find a product. She noticed i didnt have a name tag & apologized. Funny.
elethomel
haha no i do not work here. i brought these cases of orange juice from home and am putting them on the shelf bc the store was running low
callmethelizardqueen
My nerdy son wore a blue Polo to Best Buy once. He made 4 sales and fixed a laptop.
spiderqueendemon
Sometimes I wear a navy blue dress shirt and khakis to Walmart, purely to throw people out for being rude to cashiers.
NekoMiko06
https://youtu.be/KgUIbPfhSuo
NationalistCanadianMooseWarrior
No, the bright blue shirt with a 6"x12" company logo spanned across the back, steel toes, tape on my belt, and a door slung over my (1
NationalistCanadianMooseWarrior
Shoulder are just for show. Also I just priced all those items because customers can do that.
zeethenomad
No, I made the mistake of wearing a red shirt to target the other day. Got asked multiple times where stuff was.
Krombeaupolis
I spend my Saturday's at target wearing a red shirt and khakis and telling people I don't fucking know when they ask me stuff
AbominableToaster
I work at target. Couple kids did that today. Chased them out of the store
MyCatLikesToFruitcake
"Gee, I only have a $140 budget. Here is my cart of $400 of groceries. Don't let me go over! Hehe!"
ugotnojams
1/2 I had someone do this to me, but on Xmas Eve, and she had two orders. First one she only had $300 for, but made me ring up over 1000
BunnyTheSlayer
Oh my God do people really do that?
MyCatLikesToFruitcake
Usually assholes who like putting their irresponsibility on others and trash types.
ugotnojams
2/2 of stuff before deciding, she put it through as debit, wanted credit, then got mad at me and told me not to touch anything for the 2nd
MyCatLikesToFruitcake
Elaborate on the 2nd part?
ugotnojams
2 orders, you have to select credit, but she put in her pin #, blamed me, then when paying for the 2nd, ordered me not to touch anything 1/2
ugotnojams
2/2 put in her pin again, went through as debit, then I got the joy of telling her it was her fault.
NationalistCanadianMooseWarrior
Yeah, no. me: "these items are all priced. It is not my job to budget for you."
MyCatLikesToFruitcake
Wouldn't that be grand? Most places would fire you over saying that.
TheAwkwardStoner
"I'll need a total after every item, and then for you to remove the milk and eggs so I have money for my pile of chips and ice cream."
MyCatLikesToFruitcake
No freaking joke.
Voodoomancer
Do people actually... how does that even work, they just ask "hey can you just not charge me for that item?" That's not how shops work.
MyCatLikesToFruitcake
Oh and they'll stuff their regret items in the magazine rack 4 feet away from you , never tell you about it, then it spoils.
callmethelizardqueen
They ask to have it taken off, they just don't buy it at all.
lyricallove
Sometimes you have to have a manager come and authorize taking the items off.
ugotnojams
and then you are left with a pile of crap to deal with
Kyrzar
I hated every word of this, but I assume it was on purpose... +1.
litgeek306
As a supervisor in a grocery store, this person managed to create the absolute nightmare customer I never want to see.
Improbabilitydrive42
As a prior cashier, I've met them all! One woman got pissed at me for being POLITE!
litgeek306
Just today I had a guy get upset because I didn't triple-count his change out-loud.
HotMagentaDuckFace
I hated these shoppers when I managed in college. Just add in the Rain Check Lady and Rotisserie Chicken Snatcher and you have my list.
laughatmecasey
UGH PEOPLE WHO WANT RAIN CHECKS ARE THE WWWWOOOOOOOORRRRRRRSSSSTTTT
HotMagentaDuckFace
We had a woman who would come in and specifically seek out the items she could do a rain check on so she could get them on sale when she 1/2
HotMagentaDuckFace
wanted to buy them, not when the sale was happening. She was just a jerk in general - kind of felt bad because no one in town liked her. 2/2
Kosmokat16
Rotisserie chicken snatcher? Story time buddy.
HotMagentaDuckFace
So there was an older man who looked like a sheep with this crazy grey mess of hair and glasses low on his nose. He was very quite and 1/?
HotMagentaDuckFace
came in every day. He would lay our store's flyer (the size of a magazine), open in the middle, flat on the bottom of his cart. He would 2/?
HotMagentaDuckFace
then use it as a tent to hide a rotisserie chicken under. He would pay for a couple small things then walk out with the chicken unless I 3/?
Haydanas
I squished your bread and your chips when I bagged them. Have a nice day!
elethomel
i broke some eggs while meticulously checking each one so i left them in the freezer with the ice cream i hope that is okay !
zeethenomad
I put my stuff on the belt in a weight groupings so this doesnt happen. Light stuff last so I doesnt get crushed back in the cart.
scarletcloak
I never thought of this, but I think I'll start doing it! Thanks for the tip! :)
sumowoman
This makes the cashier's life sooo easy. I wish more people would do this.
whyWontKeiraKnightleyReturnMyPhoneCalls
..... i think .... sarcasm? yes, i'm almost certain ...
JamBarn
More like role playing I think.
Danishlmgurian
Just a slight hint in the air, but it's definitively there.
Bocknoi
This is a true story.
Kylea74
Um.....duh...
JabbaTheSwampBandit
As a cashier I really hope so. Really? You hand crumpled up coupons at the bottom of ur purse and mad about a person with 2-3 items?
IReallyWonder
Good call Sheldon!
whyWontKeiraKnightleyReturnMyPhoneCalls
bazoopers
YourBuddyBill
zimbabwe
whyWontKeiraKnightleyReturnMyPhoneCalls
**five minutes of canned laughter while the cast awkwardly waits around**
DimensionMaster
I didn't think sarcasm so much as this worker's job story from the point of view of a particular customer they had. Also a reference.
lonelyfriend
There really should be a sarcasm font!!
HitlersArtCritic
@sarah we need an italics option in our font.
StillNotYouTube
This has already been decided. It's comic sans.
AlkeneThiol
This really shouldn't be that hard to realize that this is satire though.
samsonguy920
Comic Sarcs
CrashedEgo
I nominate comic sans because it's useless for everything else
NightDany
It's when you wanna make a comic. It's right in the title
saltyrabbit314
Seconded
SnarkyWondermuffin
Fun Fact: In the spanish language, one would say the word "ja" before a sentence to imply it was sarcastic.
NightDany
no
ohlordewhy
jajaja
ShiraTheKitty
Indeed, this is true xD
Wander1236
Tumblr came up with having every other letter in italics.
NightDany
I actually don't know how to write in italics. I don't know how to computer. plz halp?
Tillia
There is http://data.whicdn.com/images/137160354/large.jpg
HitlersArtCritic
You mean italics?
JamesKW1
I believe it is alternating italics.
GregoryCatullo
It is alternating between them. But question is... how would one do it on a cellphone. Rip
uhhhphrasing
We'll call it "Sarcastica"
MeanCupcake
Sarcastica Bold for when you're being *very* sarcastic.
itishim
Arj Barker, is that you?
uhhhphrasing
Apparently, yes...
itishim
I'm sure some 18th century scribe-wannabe-bard came up with it first, anyway...
Makinan
Sarcasm Sans Serif
davekingofrock
I see some other shoppers in this aisle. Better park my cart in the center of the aisle while I stand and stare at the shelves.
hoorayespy
I started standing obviously and then saying excuse me while smiling. If that doesn't work, I move their shit to the side myself. 10/10
JackHandy70
You forgot needing to be 15 feet away.
1stLtObvious
Talking to someone you know who just happened to be shopping at the same time. Better stand across the aisle instead of along one side 1/2
1stLtObvious
while we have a 40 minute conversation.
Solidblueness
The problem in tight isles isn't the people with fat bodies; it's the people with fat heads.
Neomaxizoomdweebie
THIS.
Pointlesscommentary
I just fucking move their carts with my cart lol. Get a lot of friendly looks from people that way.
prettierandyoungerbutnotanybetteroff
Busy weekend day in the store. O M G THERE'S SHARON! Let me park my cart in the middle of the busiest place to talk with her for 20 minutes!
Mini007
I hate this shit
elethomel
the best place for chatting is directly in front of the milk, while your cart is in front of the eggs. easy to remember what to buy that way
mushycow
When you see someone you know at the grocery store, and the last time you saw them was also at the grocery store, you're not friends
Doodleyduds
Naw, Sharon will be located right inside the cramped store entrance.
MrTrivium222
All old and fat people do this, i work at shoprite
BingleBangleBungle
This literally makes me want to murder people. Flashes. Of. Hatred.
azureraptor
I'm definitely not happy in the jungle when people are being animals in the aisle.
amop
yknow, if everyone started yelling at these people it wouldnt happen anymore. it takes a town...
forgetthisnoise
True story here. My sister and I were grocery shopping and her toddler was with us. These 2 women decided to stop and chat in the middle 1/?
forgetthisnoise
Of the aisle their two carts blocking the whole aisle. We waited, cleared throats and sighed really pointedly while glaring and 2/?
forgetthisnoise
Quietly spoke to each other about them moving out of the damn way. 2,maybe 3, year old nephew turns around in carts seat and screams 3/4
forgetthisnoise
At the top of his lungs "MOVE!" Mortifying but was incredibly effective.
1stLtObvious
At my workplace, even if I'm not in uniform, sometimes a customer will complain is I say something. Other places, I ask them to move.
jackorr
This is why I don't go to walmart...
Uhhyoulostme00
I love that everyone else gets as angry as I over stupid shit like this!!
TheGreeness
I better look at every ingredient, on every can, on every shelve of said aisle, and then consult with God for 15 minutes.
chickenoodlesoup
I add random groceries to any cart left unattended & in my way.
chelktty
I'm going to start carrying random expensive items in my cart for this purpose now. $49.99 bottle of champagne? DONE!!
CliffPant1
"They definitely need the organic $7 Mac n cheese
NotLowEnough01
Condoms and industrial strength tampons.
mkhopper
Clamato and Spam
myrealnameisginger
There's a place in hell for these people! And the people that walk in the middle of the lane in the parking lot. I want to run them over!!
pleaseadopt
Why do persons do that? I just cannot fathom. If old, I understand that their brain has given way. But if not old? Can't fathom
myrealnameisginger
I have no idea! I can forgive old people, but everyone else makes me wanna go all manslaughterey.
azureraptor
The special hell, along with those who talk in the cinema.
myrealnameisginger
Yes! Just inconsiderate people in general. I'll never understand that mentality.
azureraptor
I like you.
FapMyD420
I work a Walmart and usually when I'm stocking grocery there's at least one customer doing this in my aisle. It's so annoying.
uptaco
As a past grocery professional, I've purposefully taken out extension shelves with U-Boats to make a point.
AmissStarfish86
We call the U-boats at Kohls too!
azureraptor
Help a brother understand who's not a grocery professional?
uptaco
See my reply to Fergface
azureraptor
Thanks!
bachterman
what are uboats?
uptaco
See my reply to Fergface
bachterman
it's rather difficult to search for a comment on mobile. googled it instead: http://m.imgur.com/6gx8EBm
BreadyStinellis
I don't know what any of that means.
uptaco
The big carts we used to carry product are u-boats, based on their shape. 1/3
uptaco
Extension shelves are shelves that lock into the shelves you see every day as a shopper. Usually used to display sale items. 2/3
uptaco
I've purposefully ran said u-boats, into said shelves to shock people out of their shop-haze, when they block the entire isle. 3/3
d240vergara
Lmoa you call them u-boats too? Where did you work?
uptaco
Michigander.
d240vergara
Lol never heard of it, I work in Winn-dixie in Florida, I always thought that was an odd name that we just used, funny to learn its not
HarryPotterAndTheLordOfTheTriforce
Meijer?!
uptaco
Hiller's, then Kroger. Plum a bit, but the owners are absolutely garbage.
imshibagel
Come on. I cant be the only guy who goes "YA MIND MOVING THAT? THAAAANKS" as I go by
CanisMaximus
Fuck 'em. I don't say anything and just move it myself. What are they gonna do? Call the manager?
avyon
I've done this. People suddenly can move fast when this happens.
GTimgur
I AM the manager!
ImHotForTeacher
Oh i take it a step further, "Hi, hi there, can i get past you?" Get their attention, make them look at you.
callmethelizardqueen
Hubby did that, old guy said "be polite and wait" hubby shoved his cart thru.
pleaseadopt
Be polite and wait? No, I scream EXCUSE ME!!!!!!!!!! and push through/past, etc. Time is precious. Other person's crap? Not so much.