woldemort
158479
2624
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Im 29 and been an addict since I was 17. Heroin has always been my DOC but my mother has always been an addict of meth and for years that's what our relationship has always been.
After finally getting sober and leaving that toxic environment she still treats me like I don't matter. The words I hear from her make it even harder to accomplish the impossible when I have to deal with unemployment, depression, and everyday struggles. I refuse to go backwards but sometimes I just wish I had support where it matters most and it hurts the worst coming from someone you wished you had a better relationship with.
This is my first post and can die in usersub but I just needed to vent cause times are getting hard for me. I'll be 21 days on Thursday so all I'm looking forward to is staying on the right track. If anyone has dealt with something similar let me know cause days like this are the hardest.
CanuckleheadChick
She's not kind to herself. How could she possibly be kind to anyone else?
skylineqrt4
Good luck on your sobriety, hopefully your mother comes around.
elbowdeepinawhateverthatis
The worst people are the loudest. I lost my brother to an OD. He thought he had nobody, thanks to loud people near him. Makes my blood boil.
kinghupahjoop
take it one day, go to meetings, and get a sponsor. fill you free time with positive activities. don't romanticize the memories.
FishieStardust
Hurt people hurt people. I know that's really difficult. Keep going! You're doing great. The only way out is through.
RetrogradeLlama
The one thing you can't control is other people. You've taken charge of your life - stay with it.
notyoubizness
I hate to say it but you can't rely on addicts for stability, and your mom is an addict. I wish you had a mom you could rely on.
GuestChrist
You just can't expect anything from her direction. She has her own struggles. You're doing well to decrease contact somewhat.
HelaSisterOfThor
I'm proud of you!!! To stay on the right path you will need to make difficult choices and it sounds like exiting that relationship will help
HelaSisterOfThor
You stay on the right path. You got this! I believe in you!
14367
sjbrooksy7447
I'm such a square I was like who doesn't clean for 12 years? Good for you, keep at it, life is hard but worth sticking around for.
Gothish
My sister OD'd 2 nights ago... she was lucky to be bought back. I was there in the hospital the next morning. I love her so much, and always
Gothish
I'm so sorry your mother has said that to you. My family loves family even when it's hard (addiction)
ChanceVLuck
Sounds like your mother is barely strong enough to hold herself up let alone you. Find the stongest supporters around you and lean on them.
bigbigbilly
Hey fellow addict. I have my heroin addiction mostly under control, once a month or less now, if you need encouragement or just want to vent
bigbigbilly
Or chat shoot me a msg, I dont have much of a life so I am usually around! Also, congrats the first few days are fuckin hell
bigbigbilly
It's not easy what you've done, most people never accomplish it so if you use again, don't fixate on your failure, that helped me the most
Lomish
oof, that's rough, keep it up tho @op, reach out if you need someone to talk to!
woldemort
Thank you so much. I will. I have little to no support and I want to do anything I can to be able to not look back. This is why I love imgur
Lomish
The faceless masses are here for you, as long as you're not posting selfies :)
sometimesidontevenknowwhyibother
Hell, I’m proud of you @OP. You’re doing good, don’t let anyone take that away from you.
frankDark
Congrats! Find a hobby. Start reading. Anything that can busy your hands. You got this!
Redisia
I can't say i have experience with drugs, besides smoking... however I do understand struggling with severe mental health for a long time. -
Redisia
so all i can say is. Look back on every day that you stayed on the right path with pride, and give yourself a legit pad on the back. Since -
Redisia
you are worth improving yourself and dont let anyone tell you otherwise.
FoxlovesCookies
"Put your own oxygen mask on first."
VibratingNipples
*turns on the gas*
ButtsInPajamas
THIS
SerenePrincess013
You didn't come from my whoohaa, but I'm proud of you, kiddo. My own walking incubator has been on meth since the 70s. You can't save them;>
SerenePrincess013
You can only save yourself and hope they finally come out of the darkness. Stay strong, sugar; it gets easier. ?
pinkmilkyway
You know exactly what YOU have to do. Nobody can save you except for YOURSELF, if you are serious enough :)
woldemort
I can honestly say you are completely right. I just can't believe it took me so long to realize these things.
BondulanceDispatch
It doesn’t matter how long it took. Because you got here. We are proud.
WhySparkleBeast
You are doing great.
happyrabbitzz
For me it was hardest at the beginning. It does get better but it takes ongoing/repeated effort on your part. Find some supportive 1/2
happyrabbitzz
people to surround yourself with; maybe going to need to find a treatment and/or 12-step group for that. Perhaps distance yourself from 2/?
happyrabbitzz
your mother. If you are hoping for/counting on her support you are making your recovery just that much harder. She's shown you who she 3/?
happyrabbitzz
is; believer her. You can do this.
woldemort
Thank you. The only person I have for support says the same things. It's words like that that help give me the motivation I need. Thank you
TripUpStairs
Are you in a program? SMART or NA? I haven't done the SMART, but I know NA or AA can be very helpful. 21 days is awesome. *hugs*
woldemort
It's hard for me to get out in public so I try to do these things on my own. I know I can do it I just question wether anyone cares if I do
BondulanceDispatch
I care. I have tears in my eyes for you because I’m proud. Finding a meeting or a program will really help. Support form sober people is key
fartytowels
Check out if there are NA programs online. I quit booze in 2020 and online AA meetings helped me heaps in the beginning.
kittonPrincess
A lot of meetings went virtual so you can join in via zoom or telephone- just google for NA meetings online, you can meet people who
kittonPrincess
Understand what you’re going through and build the support system you need right now. Also Al- Anon sounds like it could help heaps too.
kittonPrincess
You can do it! One second at a time if that’s what it takes. And if you slip, forgive yourself and keep moving forward. Every breathe is a
kittonPrincess
New chance
Dasiana
21 days is fantastic and no one, anywhere, ever can take away your accomplishments. You're absolutely doing the right thing and I'm sending
Dasiana
long distance hugs and good vibes your way.
woldemort
Thank you. I need everything I can get. I want to do nothing more than to change this cycle.
CarpetheCarp
@OP, look at me. Im your Momma now. I am so very proud of you!!! Wear a coat, eat your veggies, and don’t forget to wash your face.
Dasiana
I've been there, not with the same drug but with something I couldn't make it one hour without and it was destroying me. The road out is
Dasiana
not easy, and the hardest is if you slip up, not just saying "well I failed" but doing Day 1 again and going forward. Life is so, so much
Dasiana
better on the other side of addiction and you can and will get there. <3 Feel free to send me a message if you ever need a friendly ear.
ProbablySmellLikeDoge
Well shit I'm proud of you. My best friend got into smoking crack by his grandma. He ended up passing away from a fentanyl OD 2 years 1/...
ProbablySmellLikeDoge
back. I miss him so much. Found out yesterday his little brother is in the hospital for an OD. Going to visit him tomorrow. I'm not 2/...
ProbablySmellLikeDoge
Religious but God speed my friend. You are on the right path now stay the course.
woldemort
This means alot. I don't ever want to be what I've been through or put my family through this again. I feel horrible for so much.
AtleastIvegotthatgoingforme0
One day at a time. You got this!
fartalert
I hope you’ll forgive yourself soon. You deserve to be happy, and shit happens man. Big hugs
Micah1966
You put your family only through what they taught you to do. Their fault, not yours. I am very very proud of you for kicking the habit and >
Micah1966
Breaking the chain. Make a new future for yourself, without your family as long as they keep using. They'll only bring you back down.>
woldemort
Thank you. I overdosed in her arms a few months ago and she hates me for it. I still wake up with nightmares from that day.
MAN9000
Often when one sobers up, others still using will try to bring the sober one back down because of their own shame and guilt.
woldemort
I feel like shit that I did that to my family. I would give anything to take it back
Pummelallthethings
Do not give that emotion permanent headspace. Mistake made. That you keep recovering is what matters. Do a penance for family, address it.
BananaSpiceOfLife
You can't change the past but you can control your choices for today. Put yourself and your recovery first. Proud of you.
Perfextion1620
Mistakes happen make good decisions moving forward and congrats on taking the first steps
ProbablySmellLikeDoge
I'm just glad youre alright man and that's how they should feel too. Mistakes are hard but it's what we do with our 2nd chances that matter.
airbreather
You take it back by becoming the person you want to be, and that they would hope for you to be on their best day.
freckledkink
As a mom, you can build a family that isn't blood related. You have to cut toxic people out of your life to be healthy. Your mom is a toxic
freckledkink
Person in your life.
LeJoop
It sounds like you are in the right path, and if your mom is still doing meth and being toxic like this, you might be better off not…
LeJoop
…having her in your life while you are fighting to stay on track and build a stable lifestyle. Keep up the good work!
AtleastIvegotthatgoingforme0
Her finger pointing is to distract from her failures. You don't need to relate to her.
MBdub210
THIS! Guilt for her own part in it and fear for you eing made her lie, but that’s still no excuse for how badly the comment hurt you, @OP.
ProbablySmellLikeDoge
It's wild how parents will berate you for the behaviors they taught you and continue to use ?