lozeldatkm
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Part 2: Commenter's Choice! http://imgur.com/gallery/LKVJz
Cowb0t
There once was a man from Peru, who fell asleep in a canoe. While dreaming of Venus he played with his penis and woke with a handful of goo.
RunsOnPizza
(1/2) A broken down harlot named Tupps, was heard to confess in her cups: "The height of my folly, was fucking a collie-
RunsOnPizza
(2/2) But I got a nice price for the pups!"
grumbleghoul
There once was a lady named Isis who' s breasts were 2 different sizes. One was so small,it was nothing at all, 1/2
grumbleghoul
2/2. But the other was HUGE and won prizes!
gribblybits
There once was a man from nantucket, who grew a venus flytrap in a bucket. he said when it grew, "now what shall I do?" (1/2)
gribblybits
"Do I keep it for breeding or fuck it?"
Pawprintjj
A horny young lady named Jill/Tried a dynamite stick for a thrill/They found her vagina/In North Carolina/And bits of her tits in Brazil
Pawprintjj
Flows much better than the one in the post.
demut
Because of the “bits/tits” rhyme, I imagine.
ZeroOne101
There was a young vampire called Mable, whose periods were very stable. (1/2)
ZeroOne101
Every full moon, she took out a spoon and drank herself under the table. (2/2)
sbbl314159
Schnorbitz
A policeman from Nottingham Junction, whose organ had long ceased to function, deceived his good wife, for the rest of his life...
Schnorbitz
...with the use of his constable's truncheon.
siberiel
+1 for the limericks, pat on the head for dirty content
PrettyCoolToo
EarthmanDan
http://ewinsidetv.files.wordpress.com/2012/03/grinch_pat_head.jpg
Insomniacbable
which head?
[deleted]
[deleted]
siberiel
as I read in noonersplms' reply/user touched SO's penis last night/& he said it was hot/but it really was not/compared to what was on nearby
ReptilianOverlord
There was an old man from Harrow, who tried to have sex with a sparrow,
ReptilianOverlord
the sparrow said “No, you can’t have a go, as the hole in my arse is too narrow."
themintypigeon
Beautiful
IJustReallyLovePingu
There was an old woman from Ealing, who had a peculiar feeling, so she lay on her back, opened her crack, and pissed all over the ceiling
CakesAndTea
That awkward moment when I live in the London borough of Ealing.
handingo92
Reminds me of Bridget Jone's Diary!
IJustReallyLovePingu
That's where I got it from! Ya!
IJustReallyLovePingu
Yeah! That's where I got it, love those films!
TheBajaBlaster
Jack and Jill went up the hill so Jack could lick her candy, but Jack got a shock and a mouthful of cock, 'cuz Jill's real name was Andy.
LikeTheGuardianButForReal
You motherfucker... +1
JhericFury
Outstanding.
randomredpanda
Can't unread
kretani
savin dis for my friend andy
Ganzkapoeri
Can these please be called "rimlicks"?
demut
Rimerlicks.
TaurusB
Rimlickers
ColdPizzaTieDyeShirtsBrokenHearts
Amazing.
MrJPancake
you are my new favourite person
FromDenmarkWithHate
There was an old man from Limerick; who was completely unaware of the short, often humorous, poems that shared the same name as his hometown
kidshady45
Tim Vine joke, I love it.
FromDenmarkWithHate
He is SO funny :D
andwhyisthecarpetallwetTodd
i read this as a limerick..... im an idiot
MisterSolares
I enjoy these limricks
JasonForge
As do I. Faved
Level30Wizard
I sang these in the tune of "I've got a dream" in tangled...It actually works...
indyrpg42
There once was a girl from Decatur who got laid by a big alligator Nobody knew the result of that screw because after he laid her he ate her
JohnnyMnemonic
+1 for sharing a Decatur limerick.
hardytardigrade
There once was a student named Nolan, whose penis was big, long, and swollen. When it slipped up his ass in the middle of class,
hardytardigrade
He got a hard-on and ripped out his colon.
edyc292
That's spectacular
themintypigeon
completely
hardytardigrade
(I made that up in high school, everyone. Thank you. No, it is not autobiographical.)
idrinkcheapbeer
I was going to write a limerick that included "imgur" but then I realized that I refuse to pronounce it "imager" and it wouldnt make sense.
Avatar720
(1/2) "On a website known here as Imgur/People's feelings some do like to injure/"
Avatar720
It should really be noted/That selfies are downvoted/Unless you're big-titted and ginger." (2/2)
statto
There once was a man from imgur, whose brain was all covered in fur. Because he was dumb, he didn't write one. (1/2)
statto
The mere thought was enough to deter (only joking idrinkcheapbeer). (2/2)
idrinkcheapbeer
No offense taken and +1 for making a limerick that rhymes with the ONLY way I will ever pronounce "imgur"
shinymetalassassin
There once was a man from Nantucket, who found a big hole in his bucket. "I guess," the man mused, "that it still could be used."...
dougche96
shinymetalassassin
So then he proceeded to fuck it.
Imeancmonhullo
There once was a man from Nantucket, I don't remember the rest of the story but your mother's a whore.
bluefacepaint
There once was a man from Nantucket, with a dick so long he could suck it. He said, with a grin, as he wiped off his chin: "If my ear was a
bertiebeetle4
was a what?
ROBOTvsMAN
puss I would fuck it.
CountessVonFingerbang
There once was a man from nantucket, who told his wife to suck it. She said "No" and he said "Go" and now her head's in a bucket.
clovebird
The rhythm's wrong.
saxdiver
There once wasa man from Nantucket who's dick was so long he could suck it. He said with a grin, as he wiped off his chin,
MrPredator
There was a man from lass with balls of fine brass. He sailed in stormy weather, his balls clanged together. And sparks flew out of his ass
obscureallusion
There once was a man from Madras/ whose balls were made of fine brass/ in stormy weather they clanged together/ and sparks flew out etc
GadgetBoy
Being English, the penultimate one sounds like "Irack", "cock", and "Baahh"... Ain't no rymin there!
robemmy
There was a man from Dundee, Whos limericks ended on line 3, And didn't rhyme.
earthvexingovaries
this one wins.
HowDoIInternet
You dirty bastard.
IgnisErus
there once was a man from the styx, who liked to compose limericks, but he failed at the sport for he write them to short
HowDoIInternet
*too
demut
*wrote
IgnisErus
mi mistake sir
demut
No problemo.
clovebird
Alternately, *he'd.
CarolOrCheryl
There once was a man from Peru, who dreamed he was eating his shoe, he woke with a fright in the middle of the night to find that his dream
CarolOrCheryl
Had come true.
andwhyisthecarpetallwetTodd
GARY
Weeabooninja
There was a young plumber named Lee
Weeabooninja
Who was plumbing a girl by the sea
Weeabooninja
Said the girl, cease your plumbing
Weeabooninja
I hear somebody coming
Weeabooninja
Said the plumber still plumbing, "It was me"
TroyAndAbedInTheComments
There once was a man from Nantucket, Whose dick was so long he could suck it. He said with a grin, as he wiped off his chin,...(1/2)
TroyAndAbedInTheComments
"If my ear was a pussy I'd fuck it!"
zxms
There was a man from Bel-air, who was doing his wife on the stair. The banister broke so he doubled his stroke, & finished her off in midair
JohnnyMnemonic
Beat me to it, you did.
lozeldatkm
I debated using this one +1
FemaleINTJ
You should have, I lol'd.
andwhyisthecarpetallwetTodd
Was it Will Smith?
chemistrytyrant
brilliant
AnaphylacticShark
Fucking magnificent.
AnaphylacticShark
Or magnificent fucking.. Both work.
RedHaze
Was expecting fresh prince. Needs to be done, now.
RunsOnPizza
(1/2) "Great God!" wailed Peter McGuff, what he devil is all of this stuff! She twiddles my prick, gets it stiff as a stick,
edyc292
This one has a original beginning. The exclamatory dialogue kind of surprised me actually.
RunsOnPizza
2/2) and denies me the use of her muff!
moribundii
There was once an old lady from Heath, who circumcised men with her teeth...
moribundii
It wasn't the skin she was interested in, but the cheese that lied beneath!
jerseytom
Oiii...
ReptilianOverlord
http://img.pandawhale.com/post-15777-Tuxedo-Cat-gag-gif-R1Wg.gif
shimmeries
oh my god why
loveallthebunnies
Omg, unread! Unread!
SpikeCanKickLestatsAss
BRAIN BLEACH! I NEED IT.
Kangaroo1696
SMEGMA!
flounderflound
9/10 dentists just threw up in their mouths.
imalittledroidyshortandstout
Thaaaaaat's naaaaaaaasty...
maves
FOREVER UNCLEAN!
ImOblivious
I feel sick now, thanks you disgusting asshole. +1
SnowTheWarrior
Painful read
iamagrocerybag
Should be, "the smegma that lay underneath" imo
moribundii
No no, cheese. it has to be cheese.
privatedick
So, "...but the cheese that she found underneath" for best fit
kcloud
I always knew cock and Iraq rhymed.
squiddylumpkins
Seriously, as someone from Texas who had an Iranian boyfriend..."ih-rahn", not "eye-ran"
privatedick
It's a variation of the "nucular" weapons rule: "When you're bombing the shit out of someone (with one), you cn pronounce it any way u like
iamagrocerybag
I spent ages saying cock in different accents to try and make it rhyme
flandered
In my best Hermione impression...it's pronounced"ih-rahq" not "eye-rack"
blha303
So you pronounce cock "cahk"?
flandered
I'm not good at spelling phonetically, but just go with me, when pronouncing Iraq properly they rhyme..
indyrpg42
There once was a man named Dave, who found a dead whore in a cave. Ugly as shit and missing one tit, but look at the money he saved.
gekohayate
we have a winner!
JohnEdwa
There once was a man named Dave, who kept a dead whore in a cave. He had to admit, it smelled like shit, but think of all the money he saved
mellowcreme
Good god man.
chandlersthirdnipple
My uncle taught me that one when I was ten, so very inappropriate, good stuff!
DAVESM1TH
I gotta save a few bucks here and there
shakeyhands
My grandpa told me this exact limerick when I was a child... I've never loved a poem so vehemently.
Evadare
Goddammit, where's the favorite button for comments???
SnowTheWarrior
Nice addition
noonerspisms
When Dave is your fathers name it's just too hard to read this...
Kopar
You're a genius.
troublemutt
just...wow
DrunkenDaveIsDrunk
Who told you?! I swear no one can keep a secret anymore...
biscuits0
Haha brilliant.
whitechocolatethunda
They don't call me brave for nothing.
ImaSwiffernotamop
I just died...HAHAHA
Magnivore
RIP in peace
ReadingRainbow
Here comes Dave.....
TheBreaux
When they're dead, they're just hookers!
lozeldatkm
I love this one. May have to drop this on people at renfaire this year.
themintypigeon
Do a collection of limericks found in the comments! Pleeeaaasssseee
[deleted]
[deleted]
themintypigeon
I can't believe you remembered this comment! yeaahh!
maximsk
Not only did you upload this selection to the gallery, but you followed up on this too? You're the delivery king.
lozeldatkm
I just may. Give me some time on that.
Ganzkapoeri
Have you had enough time?
lozeldatkm
I've actually completely forgotten. Maybe this weekend.