Moving across the country for the second time this year.

This year has been so hard, guys. Lost my health, my job, my marriage, my home and more. It just continues to get worse.

I had to fly across the country to live with the only people that could keep me off the street at the time, my father’s parents. I traded one abusive situation for another. I’m not allowed to contact my family. I’m not allowed to be in the house until 5pm every day. I’m not allowed to speak for myself. I’m not allowed to do a whole lot. At least when I was with my emotionally and physically abusive husband, I had my free agency when he wasn’t home. And not having the freedom to be an adult is a small fraction of the problem.

They don’t believe the reason for leaving my husband is valid. Apparently “marital rape” isn’t real and him sleeping with his boss isn’t that bad. They mock me regularly for my situation and I’m just constantly being shit on. The stress of not having my freedom on top of the hate from them has been unbearable. I can’t keep down the little I eat, I can’t sleep, I can’t... function. It’s too much.

So yesterday I got in touch with some family while I was out of the house and they’ve made it possible for me to leave. I can’t tell anyone until I’m gone because I’m afraid these people will keep me from leaving.

I’m so tired. I’ve spent this entire year trying to stay afloat and I’ve just sunk to the bottom. I want so badly for this year to be over.

Tl;Dr: leaving a really bad situation for what I hope to be a more bearable one. This shit is exhausting.

Edit: Thank you all for the well wishes.

I’m not sure why but some are under the impression I’ve hopped into a new relationship. Just going to stay with family. Got a job lined up there and everything. As far as the working situation here, I’m not allowed to get a job they don’t approve of. Turns out they don’t approve of much. Honestly I think they just wanted me entirely dependent on them so I can’t leave. And if you’re confused by that, don’t worry I’m pretty confused, too.

Anyway, thanks everyone for the kindness. It means a lot.

UPDATE 01/01:

I moved! I’m with my family again and in a happy home. Getting set up with therapy, already have a handful of job interviews and I’m happy. Thank you all for your kind words. All the best to you in 2019.

…..

Edit: Dec. 2021

For those of you who ever wondered what happened to me… I’m okay. MORE than okay.

I moved a couple more times. I met someone. I am madly in love. They are kind, respectful and fun. They’re a whole person who loves me for everything I am and we’ve been together for a while now.

I found a cool job.

I had a child. She’s perfect and I’m so so happy.

I would live 2019 over and over again if it meant I could have just one 2021. All of it was worth it, guys. Every single moment lead me here and I’m so happy.