I'm gonna learn you how to make a RIBEYE ROAST!

Start with the meat. You can slaughter a cow with the legendary claw hammer of Gargamal, but for all you noobs out there store bought is fine.

Half a scale thick,

And just over a full scale long.

Cut up carrots, onions, and potatoes in case a vegetarian shows up. Put them in a bowl.

Olive oil and salt and pepper because you're an adult who knows how to season. I'm looking at you Tanya, last Thanksgiving was an embarrassment.

Butter and garlic. Melt that shit.

Boom.

Stab the meat like your cheating ex-SO who took the couch but left the dog. Not quite all the way through, but pretty close.

Salt and pepper that shit.

Don't forget the sides. Pepper pepper pepper.

Coat both sides in garlic butter mixture. Push it far down, like your emotional trauma from high school.

Add any extra to vegetables.

Put the veg in a casserole dish.

Put meat in cake pan. It has to be a cake pan. No substitutions. If you don't have a cake pan stop reading.

Put in oven at 500 F for around 45 minutes. For non freedom units, consult google.

Watch a couple let's plays. Or don't, I'm a post not a cop.

45 minutes later and it's about time to pull out your meat. Heh.
Pick out your mitts.

Yellow.

OH

Oh my.

Now you eat all you can before putting it back in the oven because your mother likes it "well done".

Replace meat and reduce heat to 375 Freedoms. Think about cleaning the stovetop. Think better of it.

Watch a Disney movie. 90 minutes or so.

The veggies are done! Stir and serve to your woodland friends.

Carve the well done roast. Try not to cry. Cry a lot. Serve.