To everyone attending Camp Imgur this weekend:

axanawe

2042

I know some Imgurians are less…adept…at all things outdoors than others. So, for those of you who have no (or limited) experience camping, I offer these simple tips to make your weekend as enjoyable (and safe) as possible.

Also, you may use these tips to impress possible mates with your new and awesome outdoor skills.

Forget your Deep Woods Off? Worry not! Look for this plant. (Rhus diversiloba). It is a highly effective insect repellent.

The people of the Muwekma Ohlone Native American Tribe have used this plant for centuries to discourage insects (especially mosquitos) from biting.

Just rub it on your exposed skin and enjoy hours of insect free partying!!!

Pro tip: Don’t neglect to rub the plant on your genital region…VIGOROUSLY.

I’m not being a creep…the genitals have massive amounts of blood flow and generate massive amounts of heat…2 things mosquitos just love. By rubbing the plant all over your genitals, you’ll essentially make yourself invisible to mosquitos (and generally less of a target to any biting insects.)

No sunscreen? I’ve got you covered! Go grab yourself a pint of beer and some pancake syrup.

Mix equal amounts of beer and syrup and stir until the syrup is mixed completely into the beer. Then slather that stuff on to any exposed skin before you head out to conquer Camp Imgur.

Bonus: Your skin will have a natural sun-kissed glow & you’ll smell awesome.

And lastly:

I'm not kidding. Bears hate the smell of bacon. (Smoked bacon, anyway.)

OK, OK, *wearing* bacon may be a bit extreme, but take a tip from long-distance hikers and keep a paper bag of the porky goodness in your tent with you. The closer the better-er.

The actual 100% true science: Mammalogists think bears are repelled by bacon because while we find the smokiness of the cured pork meat-treat so alluring, it actually smells too similar to a forest fire to a bear's sensitive snoot. Bears hate fire.

When they pick up on the smell, they will head in the opposite direction to avoid the perceived hazard.

I hope you guys have an awesome time out there!

Cat Tax:

Also - please, please, please don't do any of this. You'll die and I'll be sad.

i_am_a_damn_liar

camp_imgur

2shy4you

10 years ago |

Chumleeschin

The bear one only works if it's smoked bacon, regular bacon will actually attract them

moonsunshiny

Survival just took an odd turn...

FartBoner69

I stood near that plant to fetch a ball. Haven't gotten bitten once.

ioota

Can confirm, am boy scout

Yojamie1234

I...I definitely didn't fall for any of that

SuperSaucySauce

Bear hates smoke and fire, I do not know about bacon

ChristIHateThisWebsite

I stood near that ball to fetch a plant. Haven't gotten bitten once.

cattriona

The true Latin name is Toxicodendron diversiloba. The genus Rhus is no longer used for "poison" plants. Source: my botany degree.

Well, since I am not a botanist, I defer to you. Cheers!

mex1man900

everyone is having fun camping, and here i am, terminated from my job and super depressed.

That's tough, @mex1man900. Good luck, hopefully you'll find something else soon. I'm not camping either. I'm sick w/ an awful cold. Cheers.

xXmlgproswagmaster691337h4x0r420n0sc0pesXx

As someone who lives in CA, that plant looks like poison oak

You're not wrong. This was an attempt at satire. I disclaimed it at the end. Please don't rub poison oak on your genitals. Cheers.

thefurredreich

dude what the hell, i did all of this as i read along, only to get to the end after having done everything >=( now there's a bear tryi.. aah

rezpawner

You kinda fucked it up by adding that last one.

Maybe I did, but I felt a strong need to put a disclaimer on this post. Cheers.

NotSureWhatUsernameToUse

that was kind of you, anyone who hadn't worked it out from the first tip might've deserved it (except a bear mauling, that might be too far)

Why? It's nature! Let nature take its course :)

You are so fucking kind, watching out for imgurians like that! Can you imagine what would've happened to them all without your awesome tips?

I know. I am a fucking kind person, aren't I? Cheers.

yes you fucking are! You should get an imgurian special award, kinda like the purple heart or something (Maybe the caring Giraffe?)

I fucking love Giraffes. Have a great night.

thank you OP, you too, you certainly deserve it after this awesome caring OC watching out for imgurians, you rock!