BranDohCalrissian
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Neither of us are perfect. She and I have had our spats in the past, but nothing we couldn't work through. But things have been getting progressively worse. Our disagreements have gotten much more explosive. I would never in a million years take hands to her but I'm watching myself turn into this person I don't want to be.
Rational thought says just to end it with her, but I love my daughter so so much, and I was raised by a single mother and I don't want that for her. I am also worried that because of how spiteful things have become, she will weaponize the baby against me or use her to punish me.
It just hurts when you picture a future with someone and have to come to grips with the fact that life has other plans for you.
Thanks for listening.
Redbeard54
I hope things have gotten better for you on this front, @op
rezpup
A baby changes dynamics. Be patient. Your lives deserve way more time to balance.
Banjotron
Therapy. This is why it exists and it can help you both work through a time of crazy changes and stresses.
catstyle
First year can be upside down for many. Seek help, family counseling or whatever you can think of. But mostly turn for the better.
frankenmullet22
She just made a human with her body, you need to treat her like a princess, let her sleep, do as much as you can with the baby
Valentijn101
Just ask for help. Her hormones may be out of wack. You both have a shortage off sleep. None of you can switch off. first year is the worst
access
You've done ok being a single parent child. Lots of children living in an toxic relationship growing up haven't, give your child a chance.
BranDohCalrissian
I just cant help but think that maybe if I hadnt come from a broken home, I might have been equipped with the tools to make this work.
Dayscroller
Postpartum is a bitch.
NoPostsOnlyComments
This
Starsfreaky
Being in a toxic household is way worse for a child then having divorced parents. Besides, you're still going to be around, right?
BranDohCalrissian
Absolutely, I'm considering going ahead and looking into custody/child support lawyers.
Banjotron
Not to mention going through all the normal new parent stress during a pandemic and all the bullshit in the US If you are american. Therapy.
DarkSock
Ride it out. Sometimes bitches be tripping HARD after birth; crazy hormone secretions and what not. Post partum is real, and no fun.
gbuck55
Not to start an argument, but this is why folks should wait to have kids- to work out this shit before you bring a new life into the world.
BranDohCalrissian
Trust me, I used to say the same thing.
littlemissmixer871
Mom of 2 here postpartum is a bitch. And if it's her first it's a huge thing to adjust to and the hormones just wreck you.
bluesun68
Good luck. But split custody is better than hating life. Not like the kid won't notice that.
CoqRoq
Lots of prolifers downvoting. Why not stay together until you can't take it anymore and blow your brains out. Thats healthier for the kid.
quade
Talk to her calmly; her hormones may be out of whack post-partum, and may need medical attention. It happens more than you'd think.
Carvingmydragon
Also you may be far more tired than you realise and not being your best self
drinkingouttacups
This. Spot on.
Jumboscircus
Make sure you’re both getting enough sleep too. Sleep is a huge factor in personality changes
BranDohCalrissian
I haven't had a decent night's rest in ages.
Jumboscircus
Good luck. Find a way to catch up during the day, even if only for an hour, and see if it helps.
BranDohCalrissian
Thanks, I tried today... maybe tomorrow.
Officea6
Leave and start to develop co-parenting habits early. The child will be way better off than with a household of fights. It only gets harder
30H1PPU5
Imagine if every family who dealt with post partum issues just gave up. There wouldn’t be a single family left in the world.
Officea6
Did you hear the part where he said he was about to get violent? Those issues are running deeper than post partum.
30H1PPU5
The part where he says “I would never in a million years lay hands on her”?
Officea6
yes, that part
BranDohCalrissian
No, @30H1PPU5 was right. I wasnt very clear. The person I'm becoming isnt someone who WOULD take hands to her, but rather a spiteful, >
BranDohCalrissian
hateful, overly emotional, easily offended person.
Lemmingofdarkestnight
Time to step back and take inventory. High emotions all around. What feedback loops are in play. What reactions might be taking place. Does/
Lemmingofdarkestnight
one or both of you need help. counseling, a meal, or a good night sleep? Everything is stressful right now, and everything is stressful w/ /
Lemmingofdarkestnight
a new born. Her hormones might be out of wack, and maybe she's got some story in her head about not being able to do this. Not saying it's /
Lemmingofdarkestnight
easy, it's not. but if something's flipped a switch with her, then there's something that flipped that switch. It's not nothing.
BranDohCalrissian
I really appreciate the advice.
Lemmingofdarkestnight
Good luck man. Love your daughter. Do your best. I hope everything works out well, and if it doesn't I hope it works well enough.
dageaux
You never truly know a woman until she has you over the child support barrel
30H1PPU5
You never truly know a man until you watch him look at his own child and choose to walk out of their lives for their own convenience.
CoqRoq
Convenience or sanity? Staying in a toxic environment tends to affect kids a bit more than shared custody between two healthy people.
30H1PPU5
There have been plenty of men who’ve abandoned their kids because they don’t want the responsibility. It’s the same reason that there are
30H1PPU5
Plenty of men who refuse to pay their child support payments.
CoqRoq
Ah I see. You have a couple dead beat baby daddies in your life, so that makes this personal. That sucks. Im sorry.